So, yea, she really did kill my brother. So many thoughts were swimming through my head that I had no idea what to do. I was pissed at everyone. I was angry at Emily for killing him, I was angry at Alex for taking it so far that it brought Em far enough to kill him and I was angry at myself for not being able to stop it, for not being able to protect Alex, for not being able to protect Em, and for not being able to see it coming. I was so angry and so scared that all I could do was stand there. I saw the blood before Emily did which was why I tried to take her away. I had no idea what was coming next.

When Emily started to break down I knew that I had to be strong for her, no matter the cost. When I called the police and they came, I had to take care of everything. I saw them zip up my brother in a body bag. So, yes I was angry and scared and sad and tired. I knew that I would never be able to look in the mirror the same again. I helped Emily settle down, but I never really got my chance to have a freak out. I knew that the feelings would stuff themselves inside of me until they boiled up so much that they would burst. I knew it would happen soon after, it was just a matter of time; and I did not want to end up like Alex.

When I went to the rock, I tried to let some of those feelings go, but since Em wasn't far behind, I was barely able to let any of it out. Even though I felt like total crap I thought that it would be best to comfort her first before I took care of myself. I told her that I loved her and cared about her even though at that moment those were words that I could have needed to hear. I seemed to help her out a lot, but that left me in the same place as before. When I left I could have gone home, but I didn't. I couldn't step foot into that awful place again.

I went to look over Alex's shack instead and what I found made everything worse. His room was a mess, meals thrown everywhere, the mattress had been dragged into the center of the room and he had drawn all over the walls with red marker. As I looked closer I found that the scribbles were not drawings, but words. He had written 'Emily will pay. Austin will pay.' over and over all around the room. On every wall and even on the ceiling. He was a monster and I didn't see any of it coming. I just sat in his room and cried for hours.I knew that I wouldn't be able to face Emily for a while. I had put her safety into jeopardy.

When I had finally calmed down, even just a little, I flipped over his mattress to start cleaning up the place. Instead of the words written over the rest of the room, what I found was something that gave me hope that my brother truly was still inside of him when he died. What I found was the words 'I'm sorry' written over one hundred times. He never wanted any of this to happen and I couldn't protect him from this, any of it. I broke down again.