19 years, three months and 27 days ago:

It was just after breakfast time when I heard the rap on the door. I shuffled over and opened it to see Casimir's brilliant blue eyes fastened in a piercing stare into mine. He looked just the same as he did all those years ago when we were both still childish and naive and hopelessly in love. I blinked twice to clear the tears in my eyes. What is wrong with me? And why does Casimir still have this effect on me?

"Good morning," I began cautiously.

"Amethyst. Can I speak to you?" He didn't repeat my greeting. I knew it was just a small thing, just two words of "good morning", but it still hurt a lot. Why was he that curt to me? Was that how he saw me now, just another person who he didn't want to waste his breath on?

I nodded to answer his question, not trusting myself to speak with the lump in my throat. I held the door wider for him to enter.

"In the garden."

I gave a tiny "Oh" and nodded again meekly, even though I didn't want to revisit the garden with him. There were too many sweet memories shared there. I was afraid I would break down when I remembered the way his hand felt in mine or his soothing voice pronouncing my name.

Compose yourself, Amethyst!

He didn't offer his arm, so I followed him out of my chambers. I stared at the back of his head as we walked. I still love you, Casimir. But you've forgotten a long time ago.

"Amethyst." He turned around to face me once we were in the garden, out of earshot. "How have you been?"

I flinched as he lifted his hand to graze the dark circles under my eyes. His touch was so gentle, it was comforting, like the tender kiss of warm seawater. I missed him. His touch. His gentleness. His everything. How have I been? I've been terrible. I've been heartbroken. I've been spying on your evil bride and slapping her in the face afterwards.

But of course I couldn't say that to him. "I've been fine," I lied stiffly. "And you?"

"Fine."

I shifted my head awkwardly under his penetrating gaze. What happened to the secrets we whispered under the sun? What happened to the care and affection? What happened to us?

"I forgive you." He finally said, breaking the silence.

My head snapped up. What? What was he saying? Him? Forgive me? Was that what he said or did I hear him wrong? He had to be asking for my forgiveness, right?

"I know you were upset that night. Only afterwards did I hear that your sister had recently died, and your handmaid had just had a heart attack-- at such a young age, too. Of course, you were disturbed. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. If you apologise, then I'm sure Evelyn wouldn't hold a grudge either. She's too compassionate a person." He smiled at her name, his eyes holding a faraway look.

I closed my eyes. Count to ten, Amethyst. 1, 2, 3... oh forget it. "Are you an idiot? You're the one who needs forgiving! I did nothing wrong. Evelyn is a witch, and you're under her spell. But when I try to tell you, oh no, you yell at me to leave." I took a breath. "Can't you see? Evelyn is evil. She's ruining your kingdom! The peasants are starving, people are disappearing, and right at this moment, groups are planning a rebellion. Shes poisoning your people. And she's poisoning you, Casimir."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I have complete faith and trust in Evelyn. She wouldn't do any of those things, she only does what is right. And the kingdom has flourished in the past few years. You must've seen it yourself."

"YOU'RE WRONG, LIKE YOU ALWAYS ARE!" I screamed and without thinking I shoved him, hard. He took several steps backward to steady himself. I was livid, and at the same time confused. How could he not see it? His kingdom was practically dying. Protestations have become full-blown riots already in the border villages, and they are only getting worse. Soon enough peasants will be trying to overthrow authorities, and it wasn't even their fault since nearly a quarter of them have starved to death after the taxes were raised once again last year. And he said his kingdom was flourishing?

Casimir should know how to run a kingdom. Didn't he? As the only child and heir to the throne, he had been training his whole life to be fit for his job. I had seen him in his studies, and I knew a bit about politics myself by eavesdropping on the man I used to call Father and his conversations with other dukes. He had been good at handling these affairs before his father died. So what was different?

Or maybe the right question was... who was different?

Of course. It was Evelyn. She had probably lied to him, given him false reports, heck, even manipulated laws behind his back. It was her all along.

I looked up to see Casimir with his lips parted, and a look of pure hurt in his eyes. Regret poured over me like a bucket of icy water. I shouldn't have been so hard on him. It wasn't his fault.
I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it when nothing came out.
I took a deep breath. "Casimir—"

"It's okay," He interrupted. "At least I know which side you're on, now."

"No—"

"Casimir!" I heard a squeal and we both whipped our heads to see Evelyn, peeking shyly at him from behind a rose bush. I huffed and turned back, resolving to ignore her.

Casimir wasn't looking at me. His gaze was glued to Evelyn's pink cheeks and cherry lips, her hair that spilled over her shoulders like strands of sunlight, the beam on her face as she similarly drank him in.

He was happy. It was the only thing I could see as she ran towards him, her lavender dress flying behind her like the tail of a bird. She threw herself into his arms and he twirled her around before setting her gently onto the ground. They stared into each other's eyes, both unable to stop smiling as they drowned in pure bliss.

"The healers said that I'm— I'm pregnant." She breathed without breaking her stare.

"What?" I snapped, about to charge in and break their trance when I realised.
It had been so long since I had last seen him smile like that, smiling like he had been given the world. I swallowed my frustration as his hand travelled from her spine to a rest on her stomach. It still looked flat and innocent, not at all like it housed a demon.

Casimir had found his happily ever after. It was with her. Her and her evil child. Not me.

Not me.

It was getting hard to breathe. I gulped for air, hugging my arms around myself.

Not me.

They leaned in. I didn't have the heart to break them up, to ruin what could perhaps be the happiest moment of Casimir's life. I would let him have this, even if it meant that it would only make it more painful later. I wasn't evil like that. So I squared my shoulders as he closed the space between him and her.

Not me.

I turned around and walked away so I didn't have to see the moment their lips met.

19 years, three months and 15 days ago:

I could hear all their whispering.

Unnatural.

Evil.

Wrong.

Witch.

The Queen is a witch.

I couldn't blame them, though. You only had to look at her. It had only been two weeks since the night I was watching her in the mirror and already Evelyn had a prominent bulge that forced her to lean backwards a little to keep her balance.

Casimir didn't acknowledge that anything was wrong. For two weeks he had been walking around with a wide smile on his face, without a care in the world. I hadn't worked up the resolve to tell him yet. Besides, he wouldn't believe me.

What if I didn't have to tell him? What if I could just point it to an accident, a tragedy that killed both the mother and the unborn son?

Maybe it would work. I could feel the idea already forming in my head. Evelyn and the demon would be gone, the court would go back to normal, the kingdom restored to peace, and I would never be suspected.

My happily ever after would be handed to me on a silver plate.

I started laughing. Sure, I probably sounded maniacal, but I didn't care. It was going to work. I could feel it.
It was going to work at last.

19 years, three months and 11 days ago:

I looked around the sullen alley, and then down at the directions in my hand. I think I was in the right place. I took a deep breath as a vision of blood and screaming filled my mind. You have to do this. I reminded myself. For the good of the kingdom in the long run, sacrifices will always have to be made. And if anything can make Casimir see, this will.

"I thought you'd never appear." A gruff voice sounded to my right. I whirled around to see a man who had seemingly materialised from the shadows. His tattered cloak made it hard to see his features in the darkening light. I wore a similar cloak, but a notably a more luxurious one.

"I'm not late. There's still about ten minutes until sundown. Did your mother not teach you the virtue of patience?"

"What's your name, girlie?"

"Wow, right to talking, aren't you? And don't call me that."

"Well then, you'd better tell me what to call you."

"Don't call me anything. You probably won't see me again."

He raised his arms in mock surrender. "Just trying to make conversation."

He held his hand out, but I hesitated as doubt snaked its way into me. Was I sure about this? I thought back to the exact instructions to Casimir and Evelyn's private chambers. I had specifically told them not to hurt him, but who was stopping them from doing it anyway?

"Come on, I haven't got all night."

"Again, the patience thing." I snapped at him, even though I knew I was taking too long.

I would protect Casimir. It would work out, it had to. I couldn't give up now.

My mind made, I took my letter out of my pocket and pressed it into his palm.

"Everything you need to know," I confirmed.

He folded the letter twice with remarkable precision and put it in his pocket.

"My name is Kai, by the way."
"I didn't ask, but nice knowing you." I started walking away, then I twisted around. "Oh, and Kai?"

"That's me."

"Good luck with the rebellion."