Chapter IX

"Abby," Nan asks. "Can we talk?"

"Why," Abby asks. "Did I do something?"

"Well, it's the tenth time in a row you've let 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' play at top volume, so I'm assuming something's wrong," Nan replies. "So do you want to talk about it?"

"...Am I a bad person if I accidentally gave someone an erection and it's something that person really doesn't like?"

Nan stares at Abby and sits down at her desk. "What exactly happened," she asks.

"Well, uh, me and Otis were goofing off in the pool, and we started making out," Abby explains. "And it was sort of the first time we ever went that far."

"You mean you two really have been upstairs holding hands," Nan says, surprised. "I thought you were kidding."

"I mean, we kissed a little before, but not like this," Abby says. "So, um...well, he got an erection. And at first, I, you know, thought he was hurt, and I practically had to drag the truth out of him. And, well, it turns out...he can't...finish. For himself, I mean. Like, he doesn't enjoy it. And now I feel really bad because I can tell he's embarrassed, and I feel a lot worse because I don't know if what I did counts as assault or not."

"Alright, then," Nan says. "I'm not going to pretend that this isn't one of the most unusual things I've heard since I retired. But did Otis say anything that made you think he felt violated?"

"Sort of," Abby says. "He really didn't want to even try...taking care of it. I mean, I'm not sure he likes doing what he did. I mean, he kissed back, but maybe I, you know, coerced him."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I told him to call me," Abby says. "He...he really didn't want me there, I think. I thought he needed space."

"Well, then," Nan says. "Are you prepared to give him that space?"

"I don't know," Abby says. "Yes? But I...I really like him. And I don't want him to hate me. Like, if I can at least apologize, I will, but I don't know if my saying anything will just make things worse."

"Look," Nan tells her. "I really think you just have to wait and see. You can certainly apologize, but if you want to know what's going through his head, you have to wait until he tells you himself. No guessing."

"Okay," Abby says.

"Oh, dear," Nan says. "It'll be alright."

"I sure hope so," Abby says.

She goes upstairs and does her homework, trying to distract herself. Thankfully, the phone rings and Abby dives for it, hoping it's Otis. When she sees it's Adam, she's simultaneously disappointed and relieved.

"Hey, what's up," she answers.

"I lost Madam."

"What," Abby says. Madam is Maureen Groff's dog, nay, her baby. She's well aware that between his grades and the flashing incident, Adam's already in deep shit at home, but this is bad.

"Fucking Tromboner was out walking dogs or some shit, and they went off leash and chased Madam, and now I can't find her," Adam says.

"Where are you," Abby asks. "I'll meet you there."

"The park," he says. "Hurry up, No Cups."

She boards to the park, and sees Adam waiting with his arms crossed. "Jesus," Adam says. "Took you long enough."

"It's been ten minutes," Abby says. "Chill."

"I can't chill," Adam says. "My dad already wants to send me to military school. If we don't find Madam..."

"We'll find her," Abby says. "We have to." No way in hell is she letting Adam get sent off to some bootlicker academy.

They search the woods, the expanse of the park, and the route back to Adam's house, but unfortunately, the dog doesn't turn up. "When did Madam go missing," Abby asks. "Maybe she's at a shelter."

"Twenty four hours ago," Adam admits.

Abby slaps his shoulder. "Adam, why didn't you tell me earlier," she shrieks.

"Well, asking for your help was kind of my last ditch effort," he explains. "I didn't really need you calling me a dumbass yesterday."

"I don't need you calling me 'No Cups' or 'stupid hamburger' any day, and yet I still talk to you," Abby points out.

"That's different," Adam says. "Your actions don't have consequences."

"What the fuck," Abby says.

"Your parents don't give a shit what you do, so you get to be all dumb, and no one cares," Adam says. "Meanwhile, every time I fuck up, my dad takes note of it and brings it up ages later. You're so lucky, it's disgusting."

"Hey," Abby says. "Can we just agree that your dad and my dad are equally pricks, just in different ways?"

"No," Adam says. "Your dad is awesome. Remember when we needed the Talk or whatever when we were eleven, so he let us watch all the American Pie movies?"

"Yes, that was so awesome for me," Abby says. "A eleven year old straight girl who wasn't particularly into seeing Shannon Elizabeth's tits."

"We had fun," Adam points out.

"Yeah," Abby says. "So you got to see a good day. Meanwhile, I remember my seven absences from the third grade because he was too hungover to drive me to school and the time he smashed all my Britney Spears CDs because he didn't want me to grow up to be a 'pop tart'."

"It's not like you didn't have the money to buy more," Adam scoffs.

"Look," Abby says. "I'm sorry about your dad. Let's not play 'compare the emotional baggage.' Just...do you think you can try not to fuck up for the rest of the term?"

"Fuck, I don't know," Adam asks. "Can you not say something stupid for the rest of term?"

"Hey, don't snap at me," Abby protests. "I'm not letting you go to military school. So, chill."

"Abby, what the fuck are you going to do to stop my dad," Adam asks. "Throw some cash at him? Because guess what, he doesn't want your dad's money."

"I will figure something out," she says. "But you're not going."

"Like it matters if I do," Adam says. "You have Sex Kid and Cockbiter for mates now."

"You've been my best friend since we were four," Abby says. "We are going to still be best friends whether we inevitably fuck up our lives and die in our thirties or by some miracle, make it to old age."

"I have to go home," Adam says. "But, fine, No Cups. When I go to Mountview, come break me out or write me or whatever. We'll see what a great best friend you are when we're not in the same school."

"A-dumb, we've been friends when I lived in a different country," Abby says. "Besides, don't say you're going to Mountview."

"We'll see," Adam says. "I really do have to go home. Technically, I'm supposed to be grounded."

Abby groans. He's going to Mountview, she thinks.

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She waits up until one in the morning until Otis finally calls. "I'm sorry it's late," he opens. "I wanted to be sure my mum wasn't awake before we talked."

"'S fine," Abby says. "Are you okay?"

"What?"

"After what happened...are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Otis says. "You told me to call, so I did."

"I asked you to call," Abby replies. "You didn't have to."

"Did you want me to," he asks. "Or were you being sarcastic?"

"Of course I wanted you to call! Otis, I'm really, really sorry about what happened," Abby says. "I crossed a line. And I'm really glad you're still talking to me."

"It's not your fault I'm weird."

"You aren't weird," Abby says, and Otis responds with silence. "Okay, so you're a little stranger than I realized. But that isn't a bad thing. I mean, I'm not normal or anything. I'm half romantic, half violent lunatic. And I mean, for some reason, you still like me."

"You're not a violent lunatic," Otis says. "The worst thing you've done is spit a drink at a girl."

"I also was ready to break a guy's kneecaps," Abby says. "And I've threatened Adam with bodily harm multiple times, which is where the lunacy must kick in considering he could throw one punch at me and I'd be in the hospital."

Otis stays quiet, so Abby keeps talking. "Anyway, I'm a little glad you're different, if anything. I mean, I kind of thought you were nearly perfect and had all the answers."

"How exactly did you glean that from me telling you that I had a wet dream about you in an attempt to tell you how much I like you," Otis asks.

"I don't know," Abby admits. "I just...you always seem to know the right things to say and do. And I never know those things. Ever. And you're so freaking nice. And not in a boring way, or a nice-guy way. You always want to do right by everyone."

"Not always," Otis says. "I fucked things up for Jackson and Maeve today. I told him to do a grand gesture after Maeve told me she hates that kind of thing. I don't really know why. I think ever since we became friends, I've got this weird, obsessive, and extremely sexist 'must-get-all-macho-and-overprotective thing about her. And it, uh, didn't help that Jackson said stuff about you and me dating...and mums. He didn't mean anything by it, and I decided to screw him over anyway, just because I had a bad day."

"Shit," Abby says. "Do you think he's going to go through with it? Maybe he'll forget."

"He really likes Maeve," Otis says. "He's going to do it."

Abby lays on her bed silently, unsure of what to say. This is just so unlike Otis, and it feels like it's partly her fault he's done this.

"I really fucked up, didn't I," he says.

"Maybe it'll be okay," Abby says. "Since she likes him, she might forgive him. Or she won't, and it's not like he'll do anything to you if it doesn't work out. And no one else ever has to know what happened and why."

"But I'll still know," Otis mutters.

"...I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry," he asks.

"Because if I hadn't agreed with Eric's stupid idea, you wouldn't have thought about doing this," Abby says. "I know the whole thing isn't my fault, but...felt like I should say sorry anyway."

"You apologize a lot."

"I fuck up a lot. Way worse than you did. One time, in eighth grade, I liked a boy, so I made a mix tape and played it over the intercom at school," Abby says. "Even though I knew he didn't like me like that. I thought if I made a grand gesture, he might change his mind, but all I did was embarrass him in front of our whole school. People already teased me, but everyone came for him. Some people thought it was hilarious that the 'weird girl' liked him, and others thought he was a jerk for turning me down and they treated him like shit, even though he did it as nicely as possible, given the circumstances. I had to learn the hard way that I was being emotionally manipulative, and that I really made things worse for myself. I mean, at least Maeve likes Jackson. I just was so desperately into this kid I barely knew, and it was pathetic."

"You were thirteen," Otis says.

"I was a dumbass," Abby says. "I was just so used to getting my way."

"Jackson...he's a bit like that," Otis says. "He, uh, he said he never had a girl turn him down before Maeve."

"Yeah, but Jackson's played the field," Abby says. "Jackson had sex with Maeve. I got caught up in being creepily obsessed with Rod Goldfarb. I tried passing him notes every day in fourth grade until he moved desks, and then I left him alone for a bit. Then we started middle school, and I got this twisted idea in my head that I deserved to be with Rod. I wanted him so badly I just decided we had to be together, and that it would happen because the universe owed me one. I paid off the school secretary to play my whole forty-five minute mixtape at lunch, and for the rest of the year, people sang those songs at him. And why was I supposedly so deserving? Because I thought I was the main character, not the quirky comic relief. Jackson's ego problem can't have been as bad as mine, because I was detached from reality."

"You were a kid," Otis says.

"It was three years ago," Abby says. "I guess I'm doing better now, but knowing I have the ability to be that self-absorbed makes me wish I could literally have my brains' circuits rewired."

"There's a huge difference between thirteen and sixteen," Otis says. "I mean, that's basic psychological development. You're not the same person anymore."

"Shit," Abby says. "I'm here ranting about my problems and my childhood psuedo-trauma, and you're going through shit right now."

"I'm okay," Otis says.

"No, you aren't," Abby says. "Today must have really sucked for you. I just want you to know we can go back to just doing the stuff we were doing before, or even being just friends again. I-I've been trying to have my cake and eat it too, and that's not fair to you."

"It's fine, really," Otis says.

"No, it isn't," Abby says. "But I don't, you know, need you to make a decision right now. Just let me know, okay?"

"I don't want to be just friends," Otis says. "I can't just go backwards. And, you know, in spite of what happened in the pool, I was really enjoying myself."

"Do you think...you just want to keep going," Abby asks. "The way things have been? I mean, nothing has to change. Just, you know, warn me if I go too far again."

"I don't think I can keep going with the way things have been either," Otis says. "Because do you want to know what else was bothering me when I was talking to Jackson? The fact that I'm just...in limbo with you. I like you, Abby. A lot. I want to be your boyfriend. And if you're not okay with that, we are just going to have go backwards and be friends."

Abby swallows. "Can I think about it and let you know what I want later," she asks.

"Of course. Take your time. I just...need an answer."

"Okay," Abby says. They say their goodbyes and she stares up at the ceiling. What the hell should she do now?

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The next morning, Abby walks over to Aimee's locker and taps her shoulder. Aimee looks over her shoulder nervously.

"Don't worry," Abby says. "Ruby isn't around. I, uh...Maeve told me about your mind maps, and I could really use one."

"Ohmigod, what is it," Aimee says. "Are Gabriel and Roxanne thinking about another divorce and you need to decide who you'll stay with?"

"It's a little less pressing than that," Abby says. "Can we go to the bathrooms and talk about it?"

"Of course, babes," Aimee says.

They walk out of the building and into the asbestos bathroom, and sit on the sinks. Aimee pulls out her notebook. "So what is it?"

"Otis asked me to be his girlfriend," Abby says. "And I'm afraid if I say yes, I'll ruin his life. And I don't think I can say no."

"Well, what are his good bits," Aimee asks.

"Well, uh, he's, like, a good person," Abby says. "And he cares about other people. Like, he's empathetic."

"Okay," Aimee says, drawing a circle and writing 'good guy' inside it.

"I really like just, you know, being around him," Abby goes on. "Like every time we hang out, it feels really nice and easy. I always want to talk to him, even if we aren't, you know, physically doing anything. I mean, I can talk to him on the phone and usually I hate talking on the phone."

"Wow," Aimee says. "And he, like, listens? I mean, Kyle calls me sometimes, but usually it's when the footy match is on commercial, and as soon as it comes back, it's like I'm not even there."

"He does listen," Abby says. "And, uh, he's got really nice features. Like I'm always thinking about his eyes and his mouth...and his ass. I mean, I don't get how more girls at school aren't, you know, into him too."

"It's because he looks a bit like a ghost," Aimee says. "And also because he's the sex kid. But, I mean, everyone has their ting."

"And I care about him," Abby goes on. "A lot. Like he's probably my favorite person."

"So what are the bad bits," Aimee asks.

"I care about him," Abby says, "and I'm scared I might fuck his life up. I don't ever want to make things worse for him, and I'm afraid I do."

"Wow," Aimee says. "Maeve just said she didn't want a boyfriend."

"Well, I talk too much," Abby says. "So, uh, I suppose it's a bit more...sad."

"It's not," Aimee says. "Well, it is. But not because you're  sad. It just sounds like a sad situation." She looks up from her notebook.

"So what do you think you'll do," Aimee asks.

"I'm not sure," Abby says. "I think this helped, though."

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As soon as Jackson starts singing in the canteen, Abby sees Otis go pale and run out of the room. So she does the only thing she can - follows him out.

She finds him slumped by a row of lockers outside the canteen doors. He's clutching his inhaler and staring up at the ceiling. She sits on the floor next to him and take his hand.

"I guess after what happened to you," Otis says. "You don't want to be in there either."

"I don't," Abby says. "Although, I mean, Jackson has Swing Band backing him up. So it's not as bad. It's really a well-calculated risk, I think."

"I'm awful for this," Otis says. "I gave Maeve Jackson's money, because I thought that would make things better, but I didn't tell her the truth and I didn't warn her, so now in addition to lying, I'm also a coward."

"Well, I didn't tell her anything," Abby says. "So we can be cowards together."

Otis laughs dryly. "Thanks," he says.

"I thought about what you asked me, by the way," Abby says.

"Oh?"

"Yes. The answer's yes. Shitty timing, I know, but I figured, karmically, the only way I could rectify my role in this is take a risk myself. So...if you're really sure you want to date a chronic fuck-up, yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

Otis stares at her. "What?" Abby says. "Changed your mind already?"

"No," he says. "You don't have to say yes. I mean, I gave you an ultimatum. I was trying to engineer a relationship and..."

"Well, it still happened organically," Abby says. "I mean, you had to ask. And you gave me a choice. I decided not to be selfish anymore. I can't keep you in limbo. I can't stay in limbo. I...you...we deserve a chance."

As Otis leans in to kiss her, they hear cheers rise up from the cafeteria. "It sounds like things went well," Abby notes. "Maybe you did things the wrong way, but you still did the right thing. Or I guess you did the wrong thing, but it ended up well. So stop beating yourself up."

Instead of responding, Otis pulls Abby into a long kiss, and they don't notice that the canteen has students flowing out of it until they overhear a bunch of people snickering and look up.

Near the front of the crowd is an unamused Headmaster Groff. "Two in one day," he mutters, before calling out, "Move along! Back to class! Especially you two."

"I'll see you later," Abby tells Otis, and she heads back to her class skipping.