Dream On // Aerosmith

It's early. I was awake before the sun came up, but that's what happens when you toss and turn all night. I wish I had heard Nico out. I was too mad, too hurt to let him say whatever he wanted to say. I don't think I could have taken his apologies, or his excuses, but maybe I should have listened. It wouldn't have changed anything. But I wouldn't have stayed awake all night running every possibility through my mind.

None of the thoughts I had, not one, was a reasonable explanation for the look in his eyes or the way he stormed away to confront Matt even after I asked him not to.

Once again, my feelings, my needs, my honor, don't matter. Nico is supposed to be different. He's supposed to be the guy that lets me shine. Turns out he's just the guy who gives me hope then lets me down.

I'm standing in the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee in my hands but not drinking it. I'm staring at the sink but I don't even see it. I just keep playing that moment over and over again. The look in Nico's eyes. The gutted feeling in my stomach. The second everything blew up.

Didn't I try to avoid this? I told Satan repeatedly, not today. I didn't want to be this girl, the one heartsick over a guy. And yet, here we are. I'm a sleepless zombie and my armor did no good.

I notice a rumble outside, sounding like an engine. A car door slams then footsteps on the front walk. A knock sounds at the door where my eyes are now focused. My heart is racing. My stomach has lost the battle with the butterflies. I'm not ready to ride to school with Nico. It's too early to leave anyway. Maybe he thinks I'll talk to him now.

Maybe I will.

I set the coffee on the counter and take the few steps from the kitchen to the door. When I swing it open, there's a scowl on my face. It morphs to a look of confusion when I see Danny standing on the front step.

"Hey, Nico wanted me to drop this off for you, but I didn't want to leave the keys out here in case you didn't see them. Sorry." Danny stands there holding a set of keys out to me.

I still don't understand what's going on until I look past him to the street. Nico's Challenger is parked on the street. Danny's giving me the keys to Nico's car.

"Why?" I whisper the word because the tension, the stress of yesterday, my lack of fucking sleep, and the nauseous pit in my stomach have all convened into one giant lump in my throat.

Danny shrugs. "Didn't say exactly. I'm thinking he wanted you to be able to get to school. And by the look on your face when you opened the door, I'm guessing you wouldn't want Nico to be the guy getting you there."

I grab the keys and mumble a thanks before closing the door. I lean against it and hold the keys to my stomach, a weak effort to calm the feelings. So many messed up feelings. I want to leave. But I want to stay. I want to fight and scream and run. But I also want to cry. I want to hide and at the same time I just want to be seen, understood. Believed.

The thought that even for one split second Nico didn't believe me might have ruined every moment that came before. I realize something holding these keys, however. Nico has feelings about this, too. He wasn't neutral about how this has hurt me. I wonder if he has a clue about how deep this all runs for me, because if he did, he would never have left me after doubting what had really happened with Matt. Even if his level of anger was as bad as he said, he wouldn't have left me without saying a word.

I didn't even realize he had left the school right at lunch until Angel and Danny showed up at the door to the shop when the bell rang, telling Ko and I they would give us a ride home. I was too strung out from stress to question them, so we jumped in their lowrider and left school. I didn't ask a single question about what happened. Neither did Ko. She sensed that I didn't want to hear it.

After I slammed the door in Nico's face last night, no one said a word. We just went back to our routine of cleaning up after dinner. Mom and Ko talked, binge watched some series and left me to my heartache, which I stuffed with make-up tutorials. I grabbed the same outfit I wore on my first day because I felt like a bad ass that day. I needed to feel like one again.

Looking at myself in the mirror today, I feel weak, nowhere near the bad ass I need to be to face Nico. To face anyone after the shit storm that went down yesterday. I apply my hot pink armor, tame my hair into sleek curls and take a deep breath. This will have to be enough.

"Oh, April! You are so dark today," Ko says as she looks me over. "Your heart is so sad."

I shrug. Yeah, it is. But I really should be used to it by now. It's been sad for so long, other than a few days with Nico when I felt like I could breathe again.

"Come on, let's go." I grab Nico's keys and my bag. Ko has her camera. She never puts that damn thing away and suddenly I'm really angry about that. "Do you have to take pictures of everything, Ko? I mean, it's kind of intrusive." My tone is pissed but I don't think I can hold it in.

Ko looks crushed for a second, but then she steps closer to me, a determined look in her eyes. "You are confused about all of this, April. If you would just look around, you would see the truth."

What? I have no idea what she's talking about and I figure she probably doesn't either. I don't bother asking. We leave and walk out to the Challenger. Ko is making a humming sound as she slides into the passenger seat.

"He is letting you drive this car?" Her smirk is so strong I can fucking hear it.

"Looks like it."

"This is the truth."

"His car? Duh, of course it's the truth. We are sitting in it. Danny dropped off the keys. I didn't steal it." I start up the ignition and pull away from the curb. It's the first time I've driven it. I feel a sense responsibility that's causing me to sweat. This car is so much more to him that just wheels and an engine. It's his soul.

He fucking handed over his soul to me.

Oh my god.

What the hell have I done?

"See. The truth." Ko is once again smirking, while I feel like throwing up.

****

The rest of the ride was silent as Ko gloated and I spiraled. I have no idea what to do. Should I hunt him down and confront him about all of this? My heart is so cracked from his lack of faith in me even though he clearly regrets that lapse. What if it happens again? Matt isn't going anywhere, and neither are his cronies. People like him never change. This isn't over. Now that someone is posting crap about me as well, it's probably here to stay. I will be known as this town's floozy no matter what the truth is.

I park his car in the back lot, now accepting my rank in this place. Plus, I have no desire to bump into Matt or anyone else on his side of the fence.

Ko and I walk straight to first period, only a few minutes early regardless of how long I've been ready for school. I don't want to be here. We slink into our backrow seats just before the bell. Class starts with one glaring difference. The glitter girls are conspicuously absent. All three of them. One absence I could understand. But all three? Something's going on. The thick silence is the same as yesterday, which I now realize was related to the social media posts about me. But this silence feels like guilt, rather than accusations.

The strained silence continues with each class. I'm getting glances now, but they seem apologetic. No one is glaring or sneering. These are shame filled flicks of acknowledgment.

Nothing makes sense until lunch. Even then, I don't know what to think. I've kept my eye out for Nico but haven't had a sighting. Not that I would under normal circumstances anyway. We rarely pass each other before lunch.

Emily is waiting for us, smirking as Ko and I walk up to her.

"He gave you his fucking ride? What the hell kind of female voodoo did you cast over him?"

"He didn't give it to me, Em. He had the keys dropped off so I could get to school. My car still isn't finished." Even I don't believe the dismissal of Nico's actions I just gave. I knew it this morning. Giving me those keys was huge.

"Whatever. Fine." Emily waves Sabrina over. Danny and Angel are standing just a few feet away, their attention on us as well.

"What's going on," I ask but I'm not sure I want to know. "Where is Nico."

"Out." Angel says from the side, causing my head to whip over to him.

"Out? Where?" Where would he go? We don't have off campus privileges for lunch and he already ditched the second half of the day yesterday.

Angel shrugs. "Had some prior commitments. He asked us to keep our eyes out for you. Just in case."

This gives me pause. "In case what?"

Angel leans closer, as if this is all a covert operation. "In case we need to kick someone's ass." He winks then stands up straight and scans the lot.

Oh Lord. I roll my eyes and look back over to Emily and Sabrina. Emily is laughing. Sabrina is scrolling on her phone. Ko is watching everything with wide eyes and I suddenly feel exhausted. I resist rubbing my hand over my face because...make up. But the need to pull at my skin is strong.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" And why does this feel like déjà vu? I was just in this position yesterday and it didn't end well.

"I'll go!" Sabrina raises her hand. She looks around at everybody. "It worked." She's smiling and then everyone else does the same.

"That tells me nothing."

"Right, ok look at this." Sabrina turns her phone to me so I can see. There's an account profile showing with the words "user no longer found." Sabrina pulls the phone back and swipes at it, then shows me another account on another app with the same notification.

"He shut them down."

"Who? Who did what?"

"Nico had us contact everyone we knew, and so on, to report these accounts on every profile we could find. Anyone who like or shared that thing was reported, and a bunch of them now have suspended accounts because their accounts had violated the acceptable use policy. I'm pretty sure some people were even suspended today."

That would explain why all three glitter girls were absent. "Matt?"

Sabrina takes a deep breath. "No. That fucker kept his accounts clean, far from whatever storm he inspired. Everyone else is taking the fall but I don't think there was any evidence against him."

I sigh. That sucks but I have to believe karma will come into play. Sooner than later I hope.

"How did he do this?" Ko's timid voice breaks through my thoughts of all the ways karma can bite Matt's ass.

Emily takes over. "Like Sabrina said, he had everyone jump on reporting the accounts. But he also filed a report. Sexual harassment."

My mouth drops open. "With who?"

"He went to the police last night. They took a report but handed it back to the school district because it's got to start there first. April, he was brilliant. Bullying is one thing, but when he added the fact that it qualified under a sexual harassment offense, that opens the district up to massive lawsuits if they do nothing about it."

The district knew about this issue. My mom took it to the board, had them move me to a different school, start over. But it continued. The principal had it out for me, even if she finally saw reality when I spoke up. The damage was already done. That has to look really bad on them.

Suddenly I have a need to see Nico so strong I'm not sure I'll be able to hold back.

"When did he do all of this?"

"Late last night, early this morning. I'm pretty sure he blew up Dr. Connors phone for the last twelve hours. Plus, the Superintendent and the board members. He was on a mission."

"I guess so." I feel a little sick, but not because of what Nico thinks of me. Not because of what people have been saying about me. But because Nico is in my corner. He's been in my corner this whole time. And I missed it. Some how I missed how in my fucking corner he's been and all I want to do is find him and beg him to forgive me.

I take two steps toward Angel. "Where is he?" I practically scream the words. Then I look at Danny. "Where is he!" I say again.

"I'll show you the way, but you have to wait. He's not ready yet." Danny and Angel are both giving me smug looks. I must look crazy, but I don't care.

"I can't wait! I have to talk to him!"

Angel shakes his head and laughs. But it's Ko who is finally able to calm me down. She puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me to face her.

"Let him make his grand gesture to win your heart, April. His love for you is so beautiful. Your tantrum will not make that go away." Her serene smile is in contrast to her jarring words.

"Tantrum? I had every right to be upset. He left me here!" And he didn't believe in me. Or so I thought. Now I have no idea.

"Aw, girl. He left so he didn't commit a murder. He went to the gym. He didn't think you'd visit him in jail." Danny laughs.

I laugh. I laugh so hard I cry. I bend over at the waist at how insane this is. It gets so bad that no sound is coming out. My stomach is clenching, and I know it will feel like I've done a hundred sit ups tomorrow. I can't stop the hysteria.

Nico has no idea what lengths I'd go to if he'd been arrested because of me. Now that I can accept my stupidity for what it was, total fear, I'm dying to have his arms around me again. But the last twenty-four hours have been intense, so this hysterical release continues.

Someone pats my back. I hear laughter around me. A few minutes pass before I can breathe again then stand up straight.

"Okay, Danny. Tell me when and where. I'll be there."

Danny nods. Ko giggles and brings her clasped hands under her chin. Angel punches Danny in the arm. Emily whacks Sabrina on the back. Sabrina coughs.

I shake my head. How did I get so damn lucky? Lucky with these friends who have stepped up for me like no one else has. No one but Nico. I'm so lucky to be the girl he loves this hard. I want to love him this much. I want to show him what he means to me. It takes me a minute, but I realize what I can do to let him know.

"Danny, depending on when and where, I might need to make a detour first."

Eyebrows raised he nods. "Whatever you say, Queen."

I spend the rest of lunch making plans. Plans I never thought I'd be making until two minutes ago. Suddenly, my old plans aren't going to cut it anymore.

It's time for a new outlook. And Nico is the guy I want to share that with.

EEEK!! Did you love it? Or meh? I kind of love April's moment of clarity...well 'moments' because it was really more than one. She had to be led there, but once she made it, BAM!

And even though Nico wasn't in this one, OMG HE WAS SO IN THIS ONE! And once you find out where he spent his day...GAH!!! Heart eyes, people! I have heart eyes for the guy!!

This song sets the perfect mood for this chapter. It is April's mindset. Even the words are pretty much spot on. That's why I used a lyric video rather than the offical. Read 'em and weep! For reals though...

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]