If You Love Somebody Set Them Free // Sting

This should be the best night of my life. I'm sitting in a booth at my favorite burger joint, scarfing the greasiest option on the menu, and the girl I've been mooning over, because let's be honest that's what I've been doing, is right next to me. I should be freaking pumped. But something is not sitting right with me. Actually, it's April that's bothered by something and I hope to God it isn't me.

I didn't notice anything until we walked in. The ride was fine. April sat close and let me keep my arm around her shoulder with her head on mine most of the ride. Ko chattered away about the scene we'd just left, how it was just like in a movie with kids everywhere and red Solo cups littering the ground. The base was pumping, the beat surrounding you at every turn with the way the cars had lined the lot, caging in the area like a club. A few kids had thrown camping chairs in the back of their trucks and were lounging, watching the scene.

Ko bounced in her seat talking about the aura of the elite group. The kids with the money and high-end imports. The Matt's of the school, all color coordinated and homogenized. They had no individualization. Everyone followed the leader no matter where it led. And sadly, for them, their self-appointed leader was Matt. He's a parasite but no one seems to notice that he's feeding off of them.

Ko must have taken a thousand pictures in the twenty minutes we were at the lot. Matt did have a reason to be concerned about the photos. I'm sure more than one holds incriminating evidence about their underaged behavior. But like I said, who's Ko going to share them with. I'm still planning to scroll through them to find that kiss. I need the evidence that it really happened because it was such a dream I'm almost wondering if I imagined it. And if I happen to find anything to hold over Matt, all the better. The guy needs someone to answer to, otherwise who knows what he'll try to get away with.

However, my focus on the Lot, and the kiss, and anything related to Matt, immediately vanishes when we sit at this booth. April has gone stiff. Her eyes are scanning the space repeatedly, like she's keeping watch for a stalker or something. She's definitely cagy and that has me concerned.

Ko is telling us about her trip to the States so far, all of the places her group has visited. I'm nodding my head, asking questions at the appropriate time but most of my energy is directed toward April.

She's tense, quiet. Not the vixen I've been watching for weeks. Although she's sitting tucked up into me, and my arm is around her, April doesn't seem into it at all. I have to do something. Maybe I should give her some space.

I pull my arm from her shoulder and use both hands to lift my burger, taking a huge bite. I wait to see how she reacts. Will she scoot away now that she's been released from my hold? Did she feel obligated to be close to me?

The thing is, I don't think that's the problem. But I'm waiting for April to give me some hints about what it might be.

"So, school on Monday with us, right?" I ask Ko. "Do you know what classes you'll be taking?" I take another bite after posing my question to Ko, noticing that April is still pressed close to me so whatever's going on isn't related to proximity.

"Yes, Monday. Our program is to shadow with another student because I am here to improve English, not to learn American studies. I will be following April and learning what it is like to go to American high school."

April sits up straight, suddenly paying attention to the conversation.

"Um...what? Why am I always the last to know everything? Did my mom know this? Ugh!" April curls over the table and threads her fingers into her hair. Hair I haven't been able to run my fingers through, yet, but that's the plan for later. If she'll let me. God, I hope she'll let me. Or at least not punch me in the face for trying.

Ko shrugs. "No, I don't think Miss Harmony knows. It is unusual for host family to have a child in the same grade as the student, so this is not how the program runs. I think this might be the first time." She digs back into her cheeseburger, smiling.

April, meanwhile, is freaking out. I can sense it but I'm not sure what the issue is. Wouldn't it be nice to have a friend with her in all of her classes?

"April, what's up?" I ask as I rub my hand across her back. I'm not prepared for her answer.

"Oh, nothing. Just no longer in control of my life in the least little bit. Forced to walk away from all of my friends. Forced to move schools. Forced to take shop. Forced to study with you. Forced to have a roommate and a shadow and a kiss and a date and tea and..."

Shit. This girl is about to unleash six months of pent up aggression and I'm in direct line of fire. I have a different spin on all of this but choose to keep my mouth shut. I'm not feeling it will be at all productive to speak.

April looks at me. "Why did you kiss me in front of everyone. EVERYONE!"

I glance around the room to see if anyone is staring yet. So far so good, not a single pair of eyes watching us. Yet. But if her volume continues to increase the way I'm expecting...

"April," I keep my voice low and my eyes locked with hers. This is the moment it can all blow up in my face or possibly open to something new for us. "I needed to kiss you."

Her eyes narrow. "Needed to? To prove something to the asshats of the school? To that douche bag, Matt, that obviously wanted to find out if the rumors were true? Is that why you needed to, Nico?"

I raise both hands in surrender. "Not even close. I kissed you because, damn April, it's all I've wanted to do since the second I saw you step out of your Mustang right there in the parking lot." I point to the exact spot my life changed forever.

"I don't care about rumors." I keep my voice calm, much quieter than April's. "I don't care who knows I'm into you. Haven't I made that clear?" I reach up and tenderly take her face in my hands, cradling the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. "All I care about is what you think."

I don't say the words but with my eyes wide I'm telling April that this is her choice now. I'm waiting for her to take that control she feels has been stolen.

April closes her eyes, like looking into mine is too much. "I think...I'm not ready for this. It's too intense."

My heart crashes. The disappointment sits in my stomach like a brick. It's worse than I thought, more intense than just not being a concerned about public displays of affection. But she's right. This thing between us is incredibly intense and if she's not ready, I can't push it. I nod, remove my hands from her cheeks, letting my fingers brush her skin as I pull away, grab one of her hands and squeeze gently. I wink, because I can't seem to help it anymore. Then I nod in understanding, silently telling her its okay. I get it. Even though it's killing me to do it. But it's what she needs right now, and I'm not going to be like the guys that have just tried to use her.

When I turn back to my burger and ask Ko to tell us more about Death Valley, I'm surprised I don't feel the sense of relief from April that I expected. She's still radiating panic.

While Ko is talking, April breathes in and out deliberately. Trying to keep the panic at bay. Eventually she stops rubbing her hands on her legs and leans her elbows on the table.

When we finish, the three of us head back to my car but I don't try to hold April's hand. I don't walk close enough to put my arm around her shoulder. I don't expect her to sit next to me in the front bench. But just before we get in the car, April turns to me and whispers, 'thank you.' It's all I can ask for right now.

***

Last night my dreams came crashing down around me. I pulled my dad's Challenger back into its spot after dropping off April and Ko, and covered it once again with the tarp. If April's not going to be sitting next to me, then I'm not driving it. I'll stick with the truck that has no emotional ties whatsoever.

Today it's back to business. Edgar has the GTO completed so I'm sitting on a bucket in his bay staring at it. I've already looked the thing over. Of course its perfect. Garret's design rocks and the workmanship of Edgar and Brax, the contractor who does the upholstery, is outstanding. I'll get a great price for the car.

But I couldn't even give a shit today.

"Who ate all your Captain Crunch?" Edgar asks as he chomps on a toothpick. He's filling out the invoice for the paint, one that I will reimburse once the car is sold.

I scoff at his question, obviously referring to my sullen state. "No one. Just tired." I really don't want to deal with it, especially not with Edgar.

"Sure, okay. Whatever you say, Nic." He pauses to toss the masticated toothpick. "G get back to you with the schematics?" Edgar refers to the design for our next project. The one I have everyone on board for, including Brax with the interior. The one planned for April.

The brick in my stomach just got a little heavier.

"Yeah he sent them this morning." Perfect timing, too. I woke up to his emailed design and it's so freaking good I couldn't wait to show April the finished product. Then I remembered that she needs me to back off. And that sucked so bad I went back to sleep.

"When can you get the car over to me? I've got an opening in my schedule next week." Edgar is now cleaning equipment, something he does obsessively when he isn't painting a car.

"That works." I'm nearly done with the engine. I've put it back together and now I'm just working on the fine tuning. I wonder if April will still want to spend time hanging in my garage when I'm not working on her car. It's more than just wanting to kiss her again, more than wanting her close to me. I've gotten used to her comments and insults while I'm working. It will be too quiet without her there. I guess I'll have to get over it, though.

"You are sour today. That same lady giving you a run for your money?"

His radar is too strong. "Yes. But its cool. Got everything covered." I brush him off.

"No, you don't, or you wouldn't have that look on your face. Take my advice, Nico. Just show her your heart, the one that beats for her alone, and that's all you can do." He crosses his arms as though case closed.

"Yeah, tried that. She can't handle anything with me, so she bailed." That about sums it up.

"Well, that's not really what I said, now is it?" Edgar pops in a mixed tape and pushes play. "You show her your heart because she deserves to be adored. That doesn't mean she'll adore you back. But loving someone, even when that love isn't returned, is the greatest thing you can do for a soul."

A song I recognize from my time in Edgar's painting bay starts playing. Suddenly it has all new meaning for me. If you love someone, set them free.

That's what I did. I set her free. And damn if I don't already love that girl. That's got to be what this feeling is. I will continue to adore her. I will continue to support her in any way I can.

And maybe, someday, she won't be so scared of what we can be together.

Another reason I didn't want to post on Christmas...this ending. Take a deep breath and don't be too mad at April. She's working things out but it's going to take a minute. Also, BRAX!! I know he was just mentioned in this one, but he will be showing up in an upcoming chapter. I was so excited when I decided he fit into this plot! I love when an author includes other characters in their book universe, giving a peek into their life after the book is over. I GET TO DO THAT WITH BRAX and I can't wait for you to read that part.

If you don't know Brax, he is the hero of my last story, inevitable. He has a lot in common with Nico, and that was accidental as I wrote his part. But now it works so well that I'm happy I made those similarities. 

I love this song by Sting. I listened to this album a lot during college and this song is perfect for what Nico is thinking at the end here.

https://youtu.be/LSGl3d4KOMk