tw: suicide plan/attempt, depression, grief, trauma, mild language

summary: peter comes up with a way to get rid of himself without anyone knowing. tony has some other thoughts on the matter.

word count: 1,244

notes: I am so, so, so sorry for how long it's been. No one's surprised, I know, but I'm disappointed in myself regardless lol. I hope this is worth the wait.

Peter woke up at four o'clock in the morning with what seemed to him at the time to be the most brilliant idea he'd ever had.

If a drone shot him, no one would have any way of knowing he ordered it himself. Or what happened at all.

Maybe he'd be put on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

His half-asleep mind liked that idea.

So he stumbled out of bed, pulled on his suit, and grabbed EDITH's case from his dresser. He swung to the other side of town, not making any effort to wake his mind up, because he didn't want to talk himself out of this.

Instead, he played the scene that night with Happy over and over again in the back of his mind like a fever-dream, reminding himself why this was so absolutely necessary for everyone's good.

Finally, he got a good distance away and dropped down into an alley. Don't stop, don't think.

He pulled his mask off and threw it on the ground beside him. Letting Karen hear this really would be the pinnacle of his stupidity.

Come to think of it, maybe he should put a little distance between himself and her.

He swung up onto the roof of one of the buildings beside him and dropped down into the next alley.

Much better.

Then a little doubt crept into his still-tired mind. What if EDITH had protocols, too?

But EDITH had been Tony's. She wasn't made for Peter, only passed onto him.

He slid the glasses on hesitantly.

Hello, Peter, she greeted him. What can I help you with?

"Um..." He bit his lip thinking. "You said you can eliminate any target I set, right?"

That's right.

"Anyone?"

Correct.

"Okay. And, um, you don't... you don't have any Baby Gate protocols or anything, do you? Trust vs Mistrust? Anything like that?"

No, Peter. You have full access to all of my systems, just like Tony did.

"Oh, okay." He swallowed hard. "Cool."

Just do it. He just had to do it.

"Then, uh... I guess... I have a target for you?"

Sure thing. I'll fire on your command.

"Okay. The target's name is Peter Parker." That sounded better than saying just shoot me, okay? "From Queens, New York?"

Is this the target?

A picture of himself flashed in front of him.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's him. You can fire when ready."

It was so easy.

Alright. Firing at Peter Parker in 5... 4... 3...

Peter squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, shaky breath.

2... 1...

He braced himself, but for a long moment, nothing happened.

Error encountered.

Peter's eyes flew open as dread gripped his stomach.

What was he thinking? Of course this wasn't going to work.

I'm sorry, Peter, but it seems Peter Parker is an invalid target afterall. When you confirm a request to eliminate him, I have been programmed to play this video.

Then, he was staring at a recorded hologram of his mentor, not breathing, his mind still grappling with reality and wondering if all of this was just a dream.

Mr. Stark was looking right at him, deep sadness in his eyes.

"You really think that was gonna work?"

"Well..." It was so real that he felt compelled to answer, but had absolutely no idea what to say.

"You know, I'd be offended if I wasn't so goddamn worried."

Peter faltered again, swallowing hard and trying to remind himself that it was just a recording. It was just a recording.

"But did you really think that I was gonna let you use tech I gave you to get rid of yourself?" Tony pressed.

"I asked her!" he tried, but the billionaire held up his hands to forestall any more excuses.

"You know what? I don't even wanna hear it. Because knowing you, you probably weren't thinking, and if you were..." He sighed heavily. "Well, then that just means it's even worse."

Peter looked away, but the unfortunate reality of the glasses just made the video travel with his head.

There was a moment of silence, Tony's gaze seeming to see straight through him, before he spoke again, his voice softer.

"You're just like me, you know that? You would rather beat yourself black and blue, rather..." He spread his hands a little. "Show yourself the door, than accept a little help from someone who loves you a lot."

A single tear fought its way past Peter's desperate defenses.

Mr. Stark rubbed his temple a moment before looking back up at him a little helplessly. "Kid, I don't know what's going on. I don't know who you lost or what kinda hell your life is right now or how you screwed up or what memories are keeping you up at night. But I can make a pretty good guess that I know how it feels."

Peter squeezed his eyes shut as more tears stubbornly fought their way down his cheeks.

"And I sure as hell know how it feels to wanna give up, Pete, trust me, I do. But I care about you way too much to let you make that mistake."

A sob escaped him, and the strength left his legs as his knees hit the concrete beneath him.

"I know it hurts right now, but you are worth so much more than throwing your life away like this, Kiddo," he continued gently. "This is gonna get better, and until it does, you have people who are waiting for them to let you help you through it. I know you're scared to do that, and God, I know why, but what you've lost isn't your fault, Pete."

The boy's hands came up to his head, pressing like he thought he could block out the words.

"It's not your fault," Tony repeated, hesitating a moment before going on. "All I want to do right now is to hug you so tight, Kid."

That brought a fresh wave of tears to wrack his entire body.

"But I can't. So here's what you're gonna do instead."

Peter opened his eyes again, looking at his mentor desperately, waiting for him to tell him what to do, because he was just so, so lost and confused.

"You're gonna get up, and you're gonna go home, and you're gonna talk to someone." The strength and firmness in the billionaire's voice weren't easily argued with. "Happy, your aunt, Rhodes, your best friend... hell, even a helpline if that's where you need to start."

Peter opened his mouth to argue, but he just couldn't find the words to do it.

"And it's gonna be hard," his mentor went on. "And it's gonna hurt like hell. But it's gonna get better."

Mr. Stark was crying.

"And I am gonna be so, so proud of you."

The video ended. Peter was left alone, sobbing in an alley at four-thirty in the morning, a mess of a Spider-Man if ever there was one.

But he got up, because that's what Tony had told him to do, swallowing hard before saying softly, "EDITH?"

Yes, Peter?

"Don't tell Karen."

How did a computer sound amused? Sure thing.

With a deep, shuddering breath, the boy swung himself up onto the next building and back down again to collect his discarded mask.

And he didn't step off the roof when he returned to it, no matter how badly he wanted to.

Instead, he set his sights for home.

Because that's what Mr. Stark had told him to do.

I believe we're gonna have one more part and then an epilogue, and I hope to upload them a week from today and two weeks from today. Or maybe sooner, if I get some crazy motivation. But hopefully at least that soon. I don't mean to beg, but comments are everything to me and really will make it so much easier to write these next two sections, so please let me know what you think. I love you all.

- Line