WTF: Volde...
Welcome back to today's episode of the broader canon transgressions of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child!
For Voldemort and Vomit
The play proposes in the "dark universe", where Harry died and Voldemort went on to be king or something, that our big bad is super chill. You can say his name now. Oh, and there's more!
DOLORES UMBRIDGE: So we can continue our work together?
SCORPIUS: We can.
She puts her hand to her heart, and touches her wrists together.
DOLORES UMBRIDGE: For Voldemort and Valor.
SCORPIUS (trying to copy): For - um - yes.
He's got a slogan AND a secret handshake! Jack Thorne, you mad genius. Y'know, I used to have these sorts of ideas. But then I had to grow up. Because I was maybe eight at the time. Let me guess... Voldemort now has the most-awesomest-ever treehouse with FULL squirt guns and a rope ladder, so he can draw it up quickly. I mean, you can't just have intruders climb up without permission. And no girls allowed!
Seriously tho, where's your brain? Voldemort won the Battle of Hogwarts and now his name is being used casually. His dedicated followers are dropping V-bombs without a care in the world.
I'm fighting back the urge to just keep the caps lock on at all times now.
Voldemort didn't want his name spoken. He took pleasure in evoking fear in others without the use of magic. They set up the taboo in Deathly Hallows so it would be easier to find the few people in the wizarding world who were foolish enough to speak that frightful name, like Harry and the other members of Dumbledore's Army.
Uhm, Mike. Maybe his followers would use his name now... Mike.
No. No, they understood better than most. Here's an example from Chapter 35 of Order of the Phoenix:
"What kind of prophecy?" repeated Bellatrix, the grin fading from her face. "You jest, Harry Potter."
"Nope, not jesting," said Harry, his eyes flicking from Death Eater to Death Eater, looking for a weak link, a space through which they could escape. "How come Voldemort wants it?"
Several of the Death Eaters let out low hisses.
"You dare speak his name?" whispered Bellatrix.
"Yeah," said Harry, maintaining his tight grip on the glass ball, expecting another attempt to bewitch it from him. "Yeah, I've got no problem with saying Vol-"
"Shut your mouth!" Bellatrix shrieked. "You dare speak his name with your unworthy lips, you dare besmirch it with your half-blood's tongue, you dare -"
If Voldemort had survived the final battle (which he didn't) because he killed Harry Potter (which he couldn't have), there's still no way he would have tolerated his name being spoken so frivolously, especially in an emotionless motto about valor. Valor? Since when did he stand for valor? I can't believe I'm asking this question, but you do know what that word means, don't you? Uh-uh, no, the Dark Lord wouldn't have wanted flags or secret handshakes if he rose to power. And that damn well includes a holiday with name integration.
Voldemort Day...
Get this rookie crap out of my fandom!
No Horcrux, Mo Problems
GINNY: Does your scar hurt?
HARRY: No. No. I'm fine. Now, Nox that and let's get some sleep.
GINNY: Harry. How long has it been since your scar hurt?
HARRY turns to GINNY, his face says it all.
HARRY: Twenty-two years.
Act One, Scene Nine ends with a mic-drop. Oh dayum... the scar hurts again! It's goin' doooowwwwn! Hermione calls a big meeting because of it, three scenes later:
HERMIONE: Fine, and - gravest of all - and this hasn't been the case since Voldemort - Harry's scar is hurting again.
And then here's Creepy Uncle Ron doing his best to explain it:
RON: The trolls could be going to a party, the giants to a wedding, you could be getting bad dreams because you're worried about Albus, and your scar could be hurting because you're getting old.
HARRY: Getting old? Thanks, mate.
RON: Honestly, every time I sit down now I make an "ooof" noise. An "ooof." And my feet - the trouble I'm having with my feet - I could write songs about the pain my feet give me - maybe your scar is like that.
Ha. Haha. Why, it's as if the person who wrote this never read the books at all! Because they also have Harry understanding and speaking Parseltongue by the end of the play. The absolute funniest part is that they actually acknowledge the ridiculousness of the whole thing, as if that makes it okay.
HARRY: That's - I'm not supposed to be understanding - that's Parseltongue.
HERMIONE: And what does it say?
HARRY: How do I...? I haven't been able to understand Parseltongue since Voldemort died.
HERMIONE: And nor has your scar hurt.
There should be no question here. They keep searching for the meaning behind his scar flaring up again. Guys! What could it mean? Bish, we already know what it means!! And it shouldn't hurt. There is nothing left in the scar to cause Harry any pain.
Here's what I gather: JKR and Co. are claiming that bad dreams and the involvement of Delphi (as the daughter of the Dark Lord) in their lives is bringing these dormant traits of Harry's to the surface. But in order for this to be possible, we would have to ignore a considerable amount of plot development from the books.
Harry's scar and his ability to speak to snakes was tied inexorably to the unintended Horcrux he received on the day his parents died and he became the Boy Who Lived.
The day that Voldemort "killed" Harry during the Battle of Hogwarts, he inadvertently destroyed that remnant of his soul within Harry. That connection between them was severed forever. Harry knows this. Hermione certainly does, as well. Why must they keep treating our characters as if they have partial amnesia?! Ron literally carried around a Horcrux for awhile. He is profoundly aware of why Harry's scar was hurting and why it stopped hurting.
Me: Here's a cheat sheet, Thorne. Horcrux destroyed = no scar pains, no mental connection, no Parseltongue.
Thorne: But Jo said it was canon.
JKR: Huh? Oh, yeah. It's canon.
Her thousands of Mini-Death Eaters: IT'S CANON!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION HER!!!!!! RACIST, TOXIC HATER!!!!!
Me (blinking): Kay. So, let's just walk through this again. Harry's scar stopped hurting and he no longer understood Parseltongue because Voldemort's Horcrux was destroyed...
Thorne, JKR, and her Mini-Death Eaters: Yes.
Me: But it also does and he can.
Thorne, JKR, and her Mini-Death Eaters: Yes.
Me: . . .
Thorne, JKR, and her Mini-Death Eaters: Anything else you wanna try?
Me: *cracks knuckles*
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