Jack Thorne's Ron

We've already covered Ron's many levels of skeevy perversion in this play, but the fact that no one reacts poorly to his rapey gifts and vulgar comments goes a long way toward defining this as normal behavior. Oh, there Uncle Ron goes again...giving our son a magic roofie. Haha, no harm done when you encourage young boys to consider using date rape drugs to get what they want, right?

Like, we already know that Tom Riddle Sr. was raped through the use of Amortentia and that love potions are banned at Hogwarts (it's canon, and whatever), but it felt different when it was only kids using love potions. Or the Weasley twins selling them. But coming from an Uncle... Eh...

The writers increase this feeling of an oversexualized Ron by having him objectify women. In the Dark Universe, when Scorpius brings up that Ron is married, he says "I expect their mother is hot." What? Why is Ron this? WHY??!! He never showed even a hint of this behavior in the books. And "hot"? C'mon.

But, I guess that's just him.

HARRY: I think it's a joke about - I don't know what. Lily got farting gnomes, James got a comb that's made his hair turn a shade of pink. Ron - well, Ron's Ron, you know?

Mmm. No, Harry. He isn't.

Ron is unrecognizable in this play. He hardly has any lines. And when he does, the characterization is so off that it feels like we're watching a parody. Gone is the wit. Gone is the talent. They turned Ron into the bumbling sidekick who pops in to get the audience to laugh. He's not an Auror, as we were led to believe. Nope, he runs the jokeshop with his brother now! Which brother? Well, we won't say which brother, because George isn't mentioned at all!!

GINNY: You talk a lot of rubbish.

RON: I consider it my specialty. That and my range of Skiving Snackboxes.

Oh, he has a range of Skiving Snackboxes, does he? Just stop. Ron is neither Fred or George. Stop pretending that he is! Stop making him comic relief and nothing more.

But this is who he is, apparently. Because under Polyjuice, Albus convinced Hermione that he was Ron by acting like a total buffoon. Didn't raise an eyebrow, because Ron is aloof and selfish now. Like when questions were being raised about who was responsible for the mishandling of the Time-Turner, he was quick to cover his own tail while attempting to appear brave.

RON: Just to say - I didn't know about much of it so can't take responsibility - and I'm pretty sure my kids had nothing to do with it - but if this lot are standing up here then so am I.

Not Our Ron

Anything Ron had to say during Cursed Child was either stupid or unnecessary. An example of this is when they heard what happened in the alternate universe where Voldemort lived.

RON: So you're telling me that the whole of history rests on...Neville Longbottom? This is pretty wild.

Yeah, Ron. The very close childhood friend of yours that had been killed by Cedric Diggory. That deceased member of Dumbledore's Army about whom you would still be heartbroken. You ass.

Another example is when they are figuring out which one of them was going to be transfigured into Voldemort.

RON: Then I would like to - I think I should be him. I mean, it won't be - exactly nice being Voldemort - but without wishing to blow my own trumpet - I am probably the most chilled out of all of us and...so maybe transfiguring into him - into the Dark Lord - will do less damage to me than - any of you more - intense - people.

Really? "Chilled out"? Are you kidding me? He'd be super cool turning into Voldemort? This is Ron we're talking about. Spiders in the forest, Ron. I'm ditching my friends and going mental because I can't emotionally handle the Horcrux in my posession, Ron. But, no...you're right. He's "chilled out".

He's so chill, in fact, that he was drunk during their wedding! WHAT?! This was one of the strangest and most infuriating moments in the play. Ron Weasley would have NEVER been so disrespectful to Hermione. He would've never been so insensitive. He would've never been drunk at his own wedding.

How, Jo? How did you say okay to this? Thorne didn't even read the books, girl...

Incapable Ron

More frustrating still is how JKR and Co. disabled him. There's this:

RON bursts in. Covered in soot. Wearing a gravy-stained dinner napkin.

RON: Have I missed anything - I couldn't work out which Floo to travel to. Ended up in the kitchen somehow. (HERMIONE glares as he pulls the napkin off himself.) What?

And this:

ALBUS/RON: You know, he hides it well, but Uncle Ron's got a bit of a gut growing.

And then this:

RON: Snape, a royal visit, and - (he sees SCORPIUS and is immediately alarmed) what's he doing here?

He fumbles out his wand.

I'm armed and - entirely dangerous and seriously advise you -

He realizes his wand is the wrong way around and turns it right.

To be very careful -

(dramatic pause isn't dramatic enough)

He has food stains on his clothes, is shamed for being out of shape, and was so incompetent that he runs into a room holding his wand backward. He's an adult wizard, apparently the last of a resistance in the Dark Universe. This means he's seen most of his friends and allies die. And very likely his family, who would've been considered terrorists or sympathizers. He wouldn't be such a goofy little bitch. No one would be in such a scenario. Remember, there are Mudbloods screaming in the dungeons and kids with blood on their shoes... And death camps...

All of this is so damn extreme, but if it was Ron's reality, he wouldn't be holding his wand backward. Scratch that, he wouldn't be holding his wand backward in ANY reality. He's not an idiot, no matter how hard you push that narrative onto the reader.

Like the way he's acting in the Origin Universe, beating on Delphi's walls while they try to look for clues as to how she's involved.

RON (shouting as he hammers on the walls): What you hiding? What you got?

*shakes his head clean off*

*watches intently as his head rolls down the hallway*

Thanks, Jack. Jaak! Thanks, really. And Jo...honey, you're not completely innocent in this. You had Ron confunding the examiner in order to pass his Muggle driving test in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows. Mmm...I'm pretty sure he was driving at the age of twelve, gurl. He got mad skills behind the wheel.

OS-Canon Ron

So...with all that being said, should I describe to you the ACTUAL person of Mister Ronald Bilius Weasley? Well, Ron was Ron. If there was a way to put it simply. He was a true Gryffindor and a loyal friend, defending them to the last while being relatable in his insecurities. He was overzealous at times, yet brave throughout. He had his weaknesses where spiders were concerned but never turned down a challenge. He could make you laugh but was never the comedic relief. Ron Weasley was the heart of the trio, and equally important to its mission. His levity and wit balanced the severity of what his best friend had to continually endure, and was balanced by the common sense of his eventual wife. He loved Hermione because he knew Hermione. He was not just the background friend of Harry Potter. He was a vital component in Harry's effort to defeat Voldemort. And while Ron had his youthful moments of asinine behavior, he was far from stupid. Where Hermione was bookish, Ron was strategic. When he was 11 years old, Albus Dumbledore awarded him fifty house points for "the best played game of chess" that Hogwarts had seen in years. We learned from that game that Ron had a sacrificial heart, willing to put the aims of the group ahead of himself. He wasn't just a black Knight in a game of wizard chess. He was a King.

Our King.

And this play did him wrong.

Up next: Harry

That'll be the last post of the analysis, WattPotters.

Almost there.

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