Is always there but no one other
than me seem to see it...

It's frightening, powerful, and
scary but only me has to face it...

It whispers scary thoughts and
tells me everything I hate about
myself every second of the day...
I don't want to listen to it...

It steals my smile,
it crushes my hopes and dreams,
it stops me from living,
my life belongs to it...

People notice,
but they don't understand,
instead, they think I'm weird, my friends
don't get it...

So I'm left with it on my own and
have to deal with it by myself,
I try to hide it the best I can,
I pretend it doesn't exist...

Sometimes I win and get out of bed
and have a good day,
sometimes I'm not strong enough
and let it win...

It makes me cry,
makes wanna hide from everyone, makes me wanna quit...

Makes me question everything,
makes me overthink every decision, makes me frightened of
every possible outcome...

I have to live with it...
won't leave me alone,
even when I beg it to stop,
it ignores my pleas,
my life it wants to take...

I end up blaming myself and
start believing that I don't
deserve a better day, a better life...
I don't deserve a thing...

And I'm done trying,
I'm done fighting it,
I'm done pretending that
I am no better than it,
I'm done pretending that
I have control over it,
I surrender to it...

So here I am,

I swear I won't scream,

I promise I won't despise you,

I will embrace you,

And let you take every little piece of me that makes me want to be alive,

I won't beg to survive,

Because

I no longer want a life,

I'm done with it...