Eyes closed but so much noise
inside my mind,
I try to shut everything down,
But my inner demons are not kind...
Using my heart like a playground,
People tell me to be happy...

"Smile for a change"
"Stop being cranky"

But they don't know what I have to face every second of every day,
Having to look at my reflection and
convince myself that I will be okay.
But the truth is that I am so afraid,
Afraid to live, afraid to get hurt,
Pretending so hard to be the perfect girl that they have stupidly portrayed.
The truth is that I am scared and
I will always be this way...
but really it's okay.

I can smile, but you have no idea how much my heart has been suffering,
shattered by hatred and pain, not by other people's actions, but from my own twisted mind, leaving me gasping for air, suffocating me on my own self-demise.
I made myself drown...submerged in guilt and regret but fighting again and again for another gasp of air, because to die I don't dare, at least not yet.

Believe me when I say that
every day is a struggle,
Preaching about what I do not believe, and no matter what they say, I cannot see the damn light at the end of the tunnel, it's not real, truly it's nothing but a misbelieve.

Like that nonsense of you being someone else missing piece...
We are humans, we make mistakes,
We do have flaws and we are cruel,
Very often to one another but mostly
to ourselves.

It should be made a rule,
That is okay to not be okay,
That is okay to get it wrong,
Instead of accepting that,
I run away and pretend all day long that I am not strong enough...

Strong enough to set myself free...of all the pain that is trapping me here...

Maybe one day I won't be afraid to let you see the real me...