"You... you were... you were p—" he stuttered, face unreadable, though clearly going into a state of shock.

"So it wasn't something I could just text. And you not being there for me when I needed you is not something you can ever make up to me, okay?" Before I could see or hear any further reaction from him, I turned back to the door and bellowed, "Lottie! If you want me to ever see you again, open this door right now! I've told him what you wanted me to, so—"

The handle jingled, keys clearly sliding into the other side, and then my escape opened itself.

Lottie stood on the other side, apology laid thickly all over her face. Though I refused to hear it.

Pushing past her into the hallway, I ignored her pleas for forgiveness echoing the halls behind me, and I tuned out the calls from Frazer to stop so we could talk more.

I had done all my talking today.

I was done and empty and I needed to be away from the two who betrayed me.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

I had tucked myself into one of the singular study rooms on the top floor of the library. Lottie and I never went there, so it was the last place she'd look for me. Whenever we visited the third floor to find a book, we'd often be berated or glared at by those studying up there as even our footsteps were too loud for the silent zone, apparently.

Yet it was just what I needed right now.

My phone had lit up several times with texts and calls from her.

But I didn't want to speak to her.

There was only one person I wanted to talk to right now.

Opening my contacts, I was quick to call him, impatiently waiting out the rings.

"Hello hello," he greeted after seven rings.

"Dad... can you pick me up today?" I almost begged.

"I... I mean, yeah. But I've still got another job to do, so I'll still be some hours. I thought Lottie was taking you home?"

"She... there's been a change of plans."

"Okay... Can't you get another friend to take you?"

"I don't want to talk to any of them."

He went quiet for a few moments, and I could almost hear the puzzle piece falling into place. "Has something happened?"

"I... well..." I heaved a sigh then confessed, "Endeavour News had an interview with Frazer today."

"And... did this stir some repressed feelings, or—"

"He'd only do the interview if I was present. I was just meant to take pictures, but—"

"It was too much?"

"I was doing fine... Until Lottie locked me in a room alone with him."

"She what?"

"I ended up... telling him everything." I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes before they could fall as the emotions started to bubble up inside me.

"Oh... Oh, Em... Do you have any classes left today?"

"No... Not that I would go if I did."

"Well, I can be there in twenty."

"I thought you had a—"

"You can come with me. Be my helper, just like when you were little. And we can have a big chat about this all. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good," my voice cracked on the last word.

"I'll be there soon, okay? Just hang on for a bit. Where should I pick you up?"

"Outside the library."

"Righto."

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

The next day at uni, I decided to ignore Lottie, sitting elsewhere in the lecture theatre. That didn't stop her from collecting her things though and joining me in my spot up the back.

"You don't have to have to talk to me, but I'm still going to say my piece," she started as I set up my things. "I'm sorry I cornered you like that. I know it was a dick move, but I did it for you."

I turned to look at her, venom in my eyes as my mouth opened to retort.

Yet she beat me to it, "I know it seems like I did it for him, but it wasn't. I wanted you to finally have that closure you never got."

Once more, my mouth was opened to argue. Though Lottie never let me get my two cents in, already prepared with her comeback.

"You never got to tell him the truth, and I know the weight of that has hung over you. And I know, I know, you say you didn't want him to know anymore because he never picked up your calls, but a part of you craved him knowing at some point, and it was for her I did it. The past you who held on hope for two weeks that you'd get through to..." she looked around, taking stock of the proximity of others before she continued, "he who shall not be named really wanted him to know the truth despite the pushbacks... And she gave up after all her efforts failed. But... Em... I'm not taking his side here, I just really think he was a dumb fool making a dumb, young person mistake... And the look on his face after you left told me he understood how much he fucked up."

I hadn't wanted to know how Frazer was feeling. The fear that he'd still be indifferent or dismissive was too great for me to enquire. But hearing from Lottie that he was beside himself... "I can't believe you planned something like that behind my back. I feel so betrayed."

"I... didn't really plan it to be honest."

"What?" I glanced at her.

Her face scrunched with a mixture of regret and disbelief at her own actions. "I just suddenly decided to do it..."

"Lot—"

"There I was watching you shrink into yourself in front of him and then this guy absolutely melting in your presence but clearly restraining from what he wanted to do... You told me he gave up on you. But I really think there was a big miscommunication. I don't think he meant to hurt—"

"So you just thought it would be a great idea to lock me in a room with the very guy who created trauma for me without any warning? I thought I distrusted people before, but I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again after the stunt you pulled."

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Em. It was only meant to be for ten minutes."

"It was more than ten minutes. But ten minutes or ten hours, you knew I didn't want to—"

"You two clearly still have feelings for each other though."

"And what does that matter? I don't want anything to do with him anymore."

"But how are you ever going to achieve that if you don't fully let go of the past? The way I saw it, as long as you held onto that unsaid truth, the more you were going to hold onto what used to be. Do you not feel better at all after telling him?"

I wanted to retort that I didn't feel better. Not even a morsel. But the truth was... I couldn't deny a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to carry the burden of the life that was lost that he never got to mourn. That the other person who should have known of its existence knew what decision I made for the both of us. "There's some relief... But I still don't think I've reached the stage of acceptance when it comes to grieving what we lost. I don't know how to grieve losing him when the person walking around in his body is someone entirely different."

"Is he that different now?"

I paused as I thought it through. Remnants of Frazer—the one who loved me—tore through the exterior in the storage room yesterday. But the hair, the clothes, the pristine state of him was unfamiliar. He wasn't my gangly, awkward Frazer. He was tall, he was groomed, he'd built muscle, he was dressed like a superstar... He was an imposter. "I don't know... I can't even remember him. It's like everything that happened was a dream that only he and I will recall now."

She gave me my moment of silence to mull through the morose. Though before she could start a new conversation, the professor arrived and the lecture began, cutting Lottie's pleas for forgiveness short.

Though it didn't stop her trying to pick up where we left off when the lecture ended. However, I had nothing keeping me there, so I walked away from her. Then the next class she tried again... and the next... gushing new apologies and same apologies, like a scratched record.

The days went on like that, with Lottie stepping up the game each morning. On the following day, she bought me a coffee. The day after, she also arrived with breakfast. And then she had a card... Eventually I tutted at her, "You're on probation."

And she rejoiced, taking next to no time to redirect the conversation to all the goss I had missed out on in our moment of fall out.

Yet Lottie failed to brief me on the most important thing.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

Classes ended and the week came to a close, though we still had a news meeting to attend. Just wishing the weekend would begin, we reluctantly shuffled off to the designated room, all the while making plans to see a movie.

However, as we entered the newsroom, the team was in a state of uproar.

"Our interview with him did so well. We have to continue off the success of the exclusive," Jared argued to the group.

"It was a miracle we got the first interview," another said back. "There's no way we could get him to do another."

"We don't have to interview him again," Jared countered. "We can just do opinion pieces... or perhaps a Vox Pop. Or if we can start a TikTok trend to his new song, maybe we can go viral with that?"

"That could work," Felicity interjected.

As Lottie took her seat in the circle, I finally asked, "Are we seriously still talking about Apollo?"

One member of the group—Karlee, who had definitely been in the circle of fans fawning over Frazer the other week—tutted at me before saying, "How could we not talk about him? He IS news. He is the only news. This town and university is so barren of anything happenings, but—"

"There's literally houses burning down, crime increasing, arts underfunded, and many many other things than Frazer Young," I grumbled back.

"Though none of that attracts clicks like he does."

"I hate to say it, but she's got a point, Em," Jared said. "Our traffic has been amazing on our one article. We've had so many clicks to our site, new follows on social media, and many shares of the piece. You two did well with it."

I heaved a sigh and finally took my part in the group, deciding, for once, I wouldn't run from the conversation. It's not like I will have to see him again... right?

Though that hope was quickly shut down when Felicity posited, "We got him once though... We could always... try."

"Try what?" I asked, gaining some raised eyebrows from my sudden curiosity. I was sure, by this point, they noticed I often changed the topic when he was mentioned.

"Getting him to do something with us again."

"But why? What's the relevance here? Just because he's in town?"

"No," Karlee trilled with a roll of her eyes, "He's got a new song out. Gosh, Em, I love you and all, but your lack of participation in pop culture is really going to slap you in the face when you're in the real world if you don't do something about it. Places aren't going to want a journo who doesn't keep up to date with one of the biggest pop sensations Australia has to offer."

Though my heart was pounding from dread. "New song?" No... we spoke five days ago. There's no way it would be about the conversation. Surely not. I turned to Lottie for answers.

Yet, like the recidivist she was quickly becoming, she had her head tilted to her lap, a fraying thread on her skirt much more interesting than the meeting or one of her favourite musicians, apparently.

The group continued to discuss possibilities with Felicity promising to pose a proposition to Frazer again, while I kept staring Lottie down, waiting for her to confess, once again, to her sins.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

"A new song?" I demanded when we were out, a few steps away, and she didn't say anything, continuing to swim in her guilt.

"I thought it might be... too soon."

"Too soon? Says the wench who locked me in a room with him."

"You hadn't spoken to him in like eight months... That's not too soon."

"... So are you saying this song is about that conversation then?" I asked the inevitable.

"It... is."

"He's fucking unbelievable."

"He is, but... it's one of his best if I'm being honest."

"Lottie."

"You do make a wonderful muse. I get it."

"Lottie!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Switching back into friend mode... It's just that I knew you were still processing that conversation so I didn't want to lump that onto you... and it's not like you listen to his songs anyway. Almost all are about you."

"You're seriously pushing me to my limits here. I really don't know why I'm still friends with you."

I continued to storm ahead, only realising after some steps that Lottie wasn't beside me anymore.

When I turned to look at her, her face was crestfallen, staring at me in despair.

"You don't mean that," she almost asked.

"I... I don't. But you've really been letting me down."

"I'm doing my best to tow the line between doing things to push you and protect you. I'm sorry I don't always get that right."

I heaved a sigh and we continued to her car in silence for a while, our nerves calming with each step. Though when we reached the vehicle, I blurted, "Put the damn song on. I need to hear what's got everyone so riled up."

"Alright," Lottie tried to make sound reluctant, though the glee in her tone was way too evident.