A/N: This chapter is dedicated to @1FICouldFly who keeps me motivated by looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you!

Part of this chapter makes reference to Harry and Louis' first kiss when they were baby boyfriends. It's CHAPTER SIX if you need a refresher (or if you just wanna read about them kissing).

Disclaimer: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT (I feel like this chapter might divide people, but I'll explain why I wrote it the way I did at the end.)

LOUIS

We were in Liam's neighborhood. I could tell from the rows of tidy brownstones, the prams and ice cream trucks. Not a bar in sight. What exactly was the point of living in the city if you couldn't indulge in its vices?

Niall stopped the car in the middle of the street. "You guys can catch a cab from here."

"What a gentleman," Eleanor groaned. "Can't Louis at least say goodbye to Harry?"

We'd been arguing about this the whole ride over. "Please let me come with you. I have to make sure he's okay."

"He's with family and friends. We'll take good care of him," Niall assured me.

"Don't you think he'd want to see me? Doesn't he need ALL the support he can get right now?"

Niall raised his blonde eyebrows. "If you just experienced the most humiliating moment of your life, would you want to see you?"

He had me there. I wasn't the best in a crisis, mainly because I was usually the cause of it.

As Eleanor stepped out of the car a cab happened to be driving around the corner.

"Have a good flight," Niall chirped. "I'll text you and let you know how he's doing in the morning."

Niall circled the block to find a parking spot and Eleanor loaded her giant suitcase into the trunk of the cab. She was tiny but mighty. I stopped her and grabbed her hand.

"Come on."

I dragged her onto Liam's front stoop and pressed the buzzer until a muffled voice barked through the brassy speaker. "Hello."

"It's Louis. Open up."

Eleanor pulled down her micro mini dress and tried to make herself decent.

Liam appeared. He opened the door just a crack, his tie loosened, his deep brown eyes filled with sorrow. Besides Harry, Liam had been the closest to Darby out of all of us. He was already an empathetic person but because he had been so close to them as a couple I knew he was in a lot of pain himself.

"I'm sorry, Louis. I can't let you see him."

"Liam! He's my friend as much as he is yours."

Liam looked over his shoulder. Someone was saying something to him.

"I'm sorry."

He began to shut the door and Eleanor grabbed it. "We're not going anywhere."

She pried the door open with her tiny manicured hands and we pushed our way past Liam and ran inside only to be stopped by Harry's father in the narrow Victorian corridor.

"Get out! Get the hell out of here!" His face was bright red and he was swirling a tumbler of scotch in his heavy hand.

"No! Harry's hurt and I need to see him."

"You're the one who caused this mess! You're a snake, Tomlinson! You've been poisoning my son against Darby since the minute you got here. I'm not letting you anywhere near him!"

I laughed hysterically. "You're not mad because I want to see Harry, you're mad because you know he wants to see me too!"

Des lunged at me and Liam had to physically come between us because Des was definitely about to strangle me. Soon Anne and Sophia came in and helped hold him back. I could see Gemma upstairs, leaning over the bannister. Harry was probably up there with her. I had to get upstairs somehow.

"Let him go!" Anne pleaded with her ex-husband.

I lost a button on my shirt and my tie was wrinkled but other than that I got away unscathed.

Niall came in and surveyed the scene with shock and horror.

He and Liam eventually lead me outside. I was perfectly willing to go another round with Des and claw my way up to Harry's room, but I recognized that probably wasn't fair to Liam's family, nor Harry's who were in enough pain already.

I sat with Eleanor, defeated, on the curb. She flagged the next cab that passed but I didn't get up.

"What are you doing, babe? We've got to catch the red eye."

"I can't leave him like this."

She put a hand on her hip. "Lord, I am so done right now... Don't take no for an answer. March on in there and comfort your man."

"I can't do that. Liam would have a fit and Harry's dad would murder me on the spot."

Pensively, she placed a finger on her matte red lips. "Only if you use the buzzer."

"You're suggesting I knock."

"No, you idiot. I'm suggesting you use the fire escape."

The fire escape. I kissed her. "El, you're a genius!"

I stood outside for four hours, until Des, Anne and Gemma all left to go back to their hotels. Anne looked terrible and I felt a pang of guilt. I knew she wasn't Darby's biggest fan but she had been happy for Harry and it must have killed her to see him in pain.

Climbing up a fire escape looked so much easier in movies. It only occurred to me when I snuck behind Liam's building that fire escapes were meant to escape buildings, not get inside them. Firstly, I couldn't reach the iron ladder to pull it down. I tried getting a running start at it and faceplanted into the brick wall. I found a piece of rope and tried to loop it around the bottom rung but it was too short. Fuck. I laid my suitcase down on the ground and tried to use it for leverage. The ladder was just out of my grasp. "Come on, come on," I whispered to myself.

Finally, I took my umbrella out of my bag and used the handle as a hook to pull it down. It worked! I couldn't tell which room was which. I knew the girls' bedroom was on the other side but I couldn't tell which was the master and which was the guestroom.

It was late and only one light was on. Liam, that sneaky fuck. His insomnia meant he was always up. Not like he ever went out or anything. What did he even do all night? Lurk on tumblr? Harry was the exact opposite. My sleeping beauty. He could sleep anywhere. Like, in my arms. He was impossible to wake but then again I never wanted him to. I could watch the rise and fall of his chest forever.

"Louis?"

Harry stuck his head out of the darkened room, his tangled tresses swaying in the evening breeze.

"Hi."

"What are you doing out there?"

"Trying to visit you. Can you help me up?"

I climbed up with one arm, my suitcase in the other.

I struggled to get over the window ledge so Harry took my suitcase.

"You have to be quiet," he whispered. "Everyone's asleep but Liam."

Harry had been sleeping in his clothes. The top of his shirt was unbuttoned, his pants askew on his torso.

"Why are you here?"

"To make sure you're okay."

Harry looked so frail. Just the night before his flesh was hot and supple beneath my hands and now his pallid cheek was cool to the touch. I wanted to hold him but he recoiled from me.

"Harry, I'm so sorry." Not knowing what to do with my hands I stuffed them in my pockets.

He turned and paced the room, which was stark and minimalist. Harry was the only bright spot. He looked out of place as he did in so many places because next to him the rest of the world paled in comparison.

"It was the jacket, wasn't it?"

Seven years. Seven years of keeping this secret and nobody finds out and then the night before his wedding, foiled by a vintage suede bomber. Why did this boy's taste have to be so damn precious?

Harry rubbed his eyes. "You shouldn't be here. I really don't want to talk about it, especially not to you."

It was an impossible request. I couldn't turn away from him when he was in pain.

"I thought she forgave you. What happened?" I pressed.

"Her forgiveness was conditional." His sucked in his lips the way he did when he was trying to come up with a lie.

"Just tell me."

"I had to promise her I'd never see you again."

"Oh." I wanted to understand what this meant but Harry was still so angry with me that I couldn't quite work it out. "I thought you hated me?"

"I do."

"And you love her."

"I do," he said longingly.

"You should have agreed, Harry."

"Don't you think I know that?"

He looked up. Moonlight filtered through the windowpane, illuminating his face and its sad beauty.

No matter what we did Harry and I always seemed to find ourselves back in the same place: loving each other and at the same time not knowing how. Even without Darby or Kitty or Edwin there was an invisible barrier between us. Perhaps being kept apart by Modest in so many ways broke us in the way that mattered most. Like a dog that's been chained up his whole life who can't fathom leaving the yard even when there's total freedom ahead, we were in chains, but they were of our own making now.

He hung his head and his shoulders shook as he cried. My body responded involuntarily to his grief. I pulled him in roughly by the waist to hold him, to feel the curve of his back and his chest pressed to mine, his curls against my cheek, his breath on my neck. He was so close, but so far away. Eventually his tears subsided, not because he was in less pain but because he was just exhausted.

He didn't pull away from me but his body was rigid.

"I can't forgive you, Louis. I just can't."

"I know," I said.

Harry sat down on the bed, practically catatonic with grief. It was frightening. I kneeled down and took off his shoes and socks. He let me carefully remove his ribbon tie and undo the buttons on his shirt. I pulled it off one sleeve at a time and hung it in the closet. He stood up and I undid his belt and pants. He steadied himself with one hand on my shoulder as he stepped out of each leg. I smoothed out the fabric and hung them up next to the shirt. Then I turned down the covers on the bed, which Harry hadn't bothered to do yet, and tucked him in. He peered at me from beneath the blanket. I kicked off my own shoes and got in bed next to him above the covers, fully clothed.

He stuck out his arm and I held his hand.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" Harry murmured with his eyes closed.

It had been years ago in Liam's guest bedroom. I smiled because Liam's taste hadn't changed one bit--this room looked identical to the guestroom in his London home--and because both times I was worried about Liam catching us together.

God, Harry was just a baby then. He put his heart and his body in my hands without question.

"It's one of the best memories of my life," I whispered.

"Mine too."

After some time Harry turned onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. He didn't want me to know that he was crying again, but of course I knew. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to trivialize his pain by reciting empty platitudes about how everything was going to be okay. I honestly didn't know if it would be. So, I reached out and rubbed his back until he cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, I opened my eyes and saw that the blanket had been kicked to the floor. Harry's arms were wrapped around me and mine around him, our legs entwined. I yawned and kissed the top of his head. I held him a little tighter and began to drift back to sleep, when Liam opened the bedroom door.

"Oh Lord, no."

Harry lifted his head sleepily.

"Louis, did you break into me house? How the fuck did you get in here?"

"Fire escape," I said groggily.

"You're like a bloody tomcat! Do I have to put bars on the window to keep you away from him?"

I pressed Harry against my chest possessively. "You could but honestly I'd still find a way."

Liam handed Harry a pile of fresh, neatly folded clothes. "You guys are so lucky Des isn't here yet... You have an hour, Louis. Make yourself scarce." He shook his head and left the bedroom.

The twins were squealing on the other side of the door. Niall and Sophia were chatting over breakfast. I could tell Harry didn't want to go out there. He didn't want to face the world, not even the small world of friends and family.

Harry got dressed and I tucked my shirt into my pants and put on my shoes.

"I'll book you a room at the Soho before I fly back to London." I said. "It's still your favorite, right? Stay as long as you like. Put it on my card."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." I put my jacket on and grabbed my suitcase. "Is there anything else I can do? Anything, Harry. I mean it."

He glanced at me in the mirror as he fixed his hair and examined his face, which was still puffy from crying all night.

"I need a distraction."

I nodded. "A vacation maybe."

"No. I want to work."

"I can help. Let me make a few calls to producers."

He bit his lip, unsure. "I don't want to do it alone."

"Harry, do you want me to manage you? Because I would be truly honored. You're the most gifted performer I know." I grinned and snapped on my cufflinks. "Don't tell Zayn I said that."

"No, I don't want you to manage me, I want you to... It's crazy. Never mind."

"What is it?"

He twisted a finger in his hair. "Well, I've been thinking about this for a while..."

"Yeah."

"I want you to put the band back together."

This was not at all what I was expecting him to say. I was in complete shock, one half of my brain scrambling to figure out how to make it happen and the other half saying: This is insane. You can't do this. You're not that person anymore. You've moved on. You all have. The world has. But I couldn't say no to Harry. I would have jumped in front of a bus if he asked me to.

***

Since I couldn't stay at Liam's place and risk running into Des, I invited Niall and Liam out to brunch that morning. I wasn't able to track down Zayn.

We sat down on the patio of a little French Bistro in Liam's neighborhood.

The lads weren't as excited about my proposal as I had hoped.

Niall dropped his fork. "You want us to what?"

Liam swiftly ordered another round of pints. "Look at me! I have dad bod and glitter in my beard." He gestured to his overall appearance. "Trust me, nobody wants to see this situation on stage."

"Besides," Niall added. "I'm finally taking care of myself. I get eight hours of sleep every night. I work out three times a day and surf every weekend. You think I want to go back to living on the road, consumin' nothing but Red Bull and whatever Chicken Nuggets the crowd happens to throw on stage? Nah mate."

I threw my napkin on the table and steepled my hands over my plate. "You lot are terrible friends. Where is your compassion? Harry needs us!" I chided.

Niall leaned back in his chair. "You mean you need Harry."

"Did you ever consider that Harry might not be in the best place to be making career decisions right now?" Liam lectured, dipping a crust of bread into his poached eggs.

"He says he's been thinking about this for ages, and you both know that he's been writing. He played me some of his new songs. They're good. And no, I'm not just saying that because I'm in love with him. I happen to think the chap's a talented songwriter."

"What's in it for you, Louis." Niall smirked. "You wouldn't leave your new career behind for this pipe dream. You think he'll get back with you if you do this? Be honest."

"No. There's nothing in it for me. He says he can't forgive me. I'm doing this because it's what he wants and I owe him, and because I think we all miss performing together, at least a little. I know I do... I miss all of you, not just Harry." I said with sincerity.

They were quiet for a minute.

Niall sighed. "I'm only doing this if I get my own bus."

After another hour of protesting, Liam reluctantly agreed. "I can't believe I'm actually saying yes. This is madness. MADNESS. You lot better clean your act up because I plan on bringing the twins with me on tour. That means no drugs, and no orgies. I'm looking at you Horan."

Two down, one to go.

After we finished eating and the lads left, I pulled out my iPad and reviewed Zayn's contract for his solo album. It was just as I had feared. Ironclad. There was no way he was getting out of it. According to the terms I'd negotiated with his record label, he couldn't even work on side projects. If the band were going to get back together it would have to be without Zayn.

I finally got ahold of Zayn. He was staying in New Jersey of all places with a girl he met at the wedding. He was disappointed about the reunion but gave me his blessing.

"It won't be the same without me," he warned. "Who will sing my high notes?"

"I haven't got that far. Harry maybe."

"How is he?"

"Sad."

"Be careful with him, Louis."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He's been through a lot. Give him some space."

As annoyed as I was with Zayn's sanctimonious tone, he was right.

***

It was early evening. I ran down the street to flag a cab. I had to rebook my flight, but first I had to call the Soho to arrange Harry's room: "The sheets need to be Egyptian cotton, and keep the fridge stocked with fruit. I want fresh cut flowers in every room... No, not Calla Lilies! What is this, a fucking funeral parlor! Juliet Roses... Yes, I know how bloody rare they are. I want the place filled with them... Figure it out!"

I wanted to get to the Soho before Harry to make sure everything was up to my standards, and leave before he arrived, but he got there first. The suite was smaller than what I preferred but Harry liked cozier spaces. He was standing by the window smelling the Juliet Roses. Thankfully the hotel came through with my request in time.

"These look like the broach Darby gave me," he said wistfully.

"Do they? Well, now you can enjoy the real thing."

Harry shifted in his chelsea boots. "Did you talk to the lads?"

"Liam and Niall are on board but Zayn... His new contract won't permit it, Harry. I'm sorry. We'll either have to go on as a foursome or not at all."

He nodded, like he might have already been expecting this answer. "I want to do it. Just the four of us."

I exhaled, both relieved and overwhelmed. "We have a lot of work ahead of us. A LOT. The first order of business will be to appoint a team. I assume you want to go with an American manager, so I'll have my assistant set up some meetings for next month. I'm heading back to London tonight. It will take me weeks to pass my clients onto other partners at Modest and get them up to speed."

"When will you be back?"

"I might be able to get away for a weekend or two to L.A. You and Liam should start contacting producers. Niall and I can take meetings at Sony. If we divide up the work we could be in the studio before the year is out."

"Good."

I picked up the handle of my suitcase and kissed him briskly on the cheek. "So, you have a place to stay, and you're back in a world famous pop band. Any other requests before I go?"

Harry took my hand off my suitcase. "Stay."

"Love, I can't. But don't worry, Liam will take good care of you, and you can have whatever you like, whenever you like. Just call the front desk."

He tilted his head kittenishly toward the bedroom. "You're what I like."

"Harry."

He didn't say anything more, didn't offer any further explanation, but walked into the bedroom while pulling off his shirt, expecting me to follow.

I paused. Here was an opportunity to do the right thing. Harry was emotionally fragile. He had gone through so much in the past twenty-four hours. The right thing to do was go back to London and let him heal.

"Louis," he called, breathily from the bedroom.

Be careful with him, I told myself. He's not thinking straight. He probably doesn't want this at all. He's just lonely and confused and depressed and beautiful and sexy and ... oh fuck it. If wanting Harry is wrong then I'm Satan and that's all there is to it.

I followed him, ripping off my jacket and unbuttoning my shirt, stripping down to just my boxers. Harry stood there in his boxers watching intently as I shuffled out of my clothes.

"Do you have a condom?" he asked, resting his hands on my hips.

"My suitcase," I stammered, amazed that I was able to speak.

Harry dragged the suitcase into the bedroom, opened it and pulled out three boxes of condoms and two bottles of lube. "Wow, what were you expecting to happen on this trip?"

So embarrassing.

"I like to be prepared," I said weakly.

"I think it's cute." Harry hooked a finger inside the waistband of my boxers. "Come here."

We kissed, a kiss full of want and promise. It was slow and tantalizing. We had all the time in the world. There was no wedding, no Des and no Liam to stop us.

The only thing I was worried about was coming too soon. I was already rock hard and Harry had yanked down my boxers. He tugged at me playfully, while kissing my neck, his own erection tenting his boxers. I was in no mood for teasing. I dropped to my knees, kissed his stomach, his thighs, and freed his c0ck. I took him into my mouth like I'd never been hungrier for anything in my life. I wrapped my lips around him tightly and sucked and swallowed. He tasted amazing, he felt amazing. Harry ruffled my hair and let out an airy laugh. He was so big I had to consciously remember to relax my jaw. I tilted my head and let his c0ck slide deep down my throat until my face was pushed into his pelvis. His entire body shuddered. I grabbed his arse and encouraged him to thrust into me--I couldn't resist slipping my fingers between his cheeks and stoking his rim while I was at it. I pressed my tongue flat against the bottom of his shaft as he moved in and out of my mouth. He held my hollowed cheeks in his hands and watched me with awe.

I could do this all day, I thought. Every day. Forever. I wasn't Satan, I couldn't be, I worshipped Harry and Harry was so good.

He pulled my hair and panted, "Louis, fuck, I forgot how good you are at this." I let him slide from my lips and licked and kissed his tip, gazing up at him adoringly. "Louis, stop!" he gasped. "I'm going to come on your face."

"What's wrong with that?" I winked.

But I knew he liked to come with me inside him so dutifully I stopped and reached for the condom, holding my own c0ck now, which was painfully swollen and throbbing.

Harry grabbed my wrist. "No."

My mind was cloudy. I didn't understand. "You want me to keep going?" I licked his c0ck again and he hissed with pleasure.

"No," he said again.

I was going crazy, whining on my knees. What did he want?

I stood up and kissed him, clawing desperately at his chest. Harry took the condom from my hand and pushed me onto the bed. I watched wide-eyed as he tore into the package with his teeth and rolled the condom over his own c0ck.

It wasn't like we'd never done it this way before, we had, but it was rare and Harry never initiated it. He certainly never threw me on the bed demanding to fuck me. Now that it was happening I realized just how much I needed it. He felt so good in my mouth, so huge, that I wanted him to fill me up. I wanted all of him everywhere and I wanted it now.

He climbed onto the bed and kneeled between my legs. We kissed again. We were going to do it face-to-face, which was sexy but so intimate I had to blink back tears. He took the lube from the nightstand and coated the condom around his c0ck before gently massaging some over my rim without putting even a single finger inside me. I eyed him nervously.

He leaned down and whispered into my ear, "I want to feel you stretch around me."

I fell back on the bed helpless as he wrestled my thighs further apart. Oh my God, what was he doing? Harry was so big. I would either die of pleasure or pain or both at the same time.

He sensed I was nervous and stopped.

"Relax," he purred. "It's just me. I would never hurt you."

I wasn't sure if this was a dig, a threat, or if he was actually trying to reassure me but I did relax. Harry picked up my c0ck and stroked me loosely, swirling his thumb over my slit, and then licked the precum off his finger. I was so relaxed I practically melted into the sheets.

He hovered over me, his lips bitten red, dark curls brushing my collarbone. He looked at excited as I felt. I picked up his heavy c0ck and guided it to my rim. Slowly, he began to push his tip inside of me, waiting for my body to adjust to the sensation before moving his hips. It didn't hurt but I felt an immense pressure as my muscles shifted to make room for him.

I let out a strangled cry.

"Louis," he murmured, holding my thighs apart. "You feel incredible."

I've never felt more exposed, more vulnerable, in my life. I kept waiting for him to tell me he loved me, to tell me he forgave me, that every bad thing that ever happened was behind us now, but he didn't.

As he started to press into me and I felt the delicious sensation of stretching around his shaft, I blurted out, "I love you, Harry."

He said nothing.

Harry pushed in all the way until his hips met my arse. He looked down, licked his lips, and watched as his c0ck disappeared inside me. I held his face in my hands, searching his eyes for something more than lust.

I'd never been so aroused and so sad at the same time. It was like my body and mind were being pulled in two different directions. It was torture not knowing what he was feeling. He was guarding his heart so closely now he wouldn't let me anywhere near it.

His hips snapped back and I cried out. I'd barely recovered when he began pounding me into the mattress. He was careful but he wasn't gentle.

I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. "Stay close," I whispered. "Please hold me." He pushed my knees up and kissed my inner thigh before leaning down and putting all of his weight on me. He was so strong, so sure of himself. I sobbed as he ground his hips in circles while deep inside me.

"I'm going to come," I cried, frantically kissing his face, my nails digging into his back.

He lifted and cradled the back of my head so I could watch as he thrust in and out of me. The sight was so beautiful and so obscene my vision blurred. Skin slapped loudly against skin, sweat dripped from my brow. I felt my orgasm building until warm come spilled all over my stomach. He let me go and I fell back down on the bed gasping for air.

He pulled out very slowly and waited for me to compose myself.

"Harry, Harry, I love you."

He kissed my forehead and smiled. He was going to say it now, I thought. He was going to tell me he loved me too.

Instead he flipped me over onto my stomach and sank his teeth into my arse. "Hmmm. I love this." Before I could even react he was inside me again, fucking me harder than he ever had before, fucking me harder than I had ever been fucked in my entire life.

Just when I thought he couldn't go any deeper, Harry would change position slightly and slam into me so hard I screamed into the pillow.

"Are you okay?" he breathed.

I had no idea what was happening let alone how to talk about it.

"I think so," I whimpered.

"Gonna make you come again." He licked the sweat off my neck.

What on Earth was going on here? What alternate universe did I step into where my sweet Harry wouldn't say he loved me but would fuck me unconscious?

He pulled me up onto my hands and knees. I was boneless and shaking. I wasn't sure I could support my own weight let alone withstand the force of him fucking into me. I felt his c0ck fly in and out of me faster and faster and fell forward onto my elbows. I had gotten hard again but I was still so sensitive from coming just minutes before I was afraid to be touched. He reached underneath me and took my c0ck firmly in his fist. I yelped. He didn't stroke me but used the momentum from his hips to let my c0ck slide in and out of his grip. He used his other arm to prop me up because I kept collapsing under my own pleasure.

"Come for me, Louis."

"I can't," I wailed.

"Yes you can."

He pulled me upright until we were both on our knees. He was thrusting shallowly, one hand on my chest, the other wrapped tightly around my c0ck. I writhed in his arms, somewhere between agony and ecstasy. I turned my head and his lips caught mine. I came in a short hot spurt all over his wrist. "Oh my God, Harry, that was so..." He lifted it up to his mouth and licked it clean.

Then he pushed me flat on my stomach again and straddled me. "My turn."

His turn? My body was broken and he'd barely started.

I was stretched out and his c0ck slid inside a bit easier now, but in this position my muscles suddenly seized and my rim clenched around him. "Louis!" he gasped with delight. "You're so tight. You're perfect," he babbled. "Your ass is fucking amazing." Harry rode me hard and fast, making the filthiest sounds imaginable, telling me over and over how good I felt. The pressure was so intense I couldn't speak and responded with just a few raspy moans, which only made him want me more.

When he was getting close, he lay down flat on top of my back, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His thrusts were slow but deeper now. He spread my cheeks apart with his palms, taking his time, enjoying every last inch of my body before easing into his own orgasm.

With his whole weight on my back I could feel every breath he took, every muscle he flexed. He reached up to hold my hands, which were under the pillow by my head. With two long hard thrusts he finally came. I arched my back and he growled with approval. "Yes, Louis, yes." He kissed me between my shoulder blades before resting his hot cheek there and panting.

He laid there for a while, silent, heart pounding, drenched in sweat. Gently he slid his c0ck out of me. I felt so empty I wanted him to fuck me all over again just to feel whole.

He got up and threw the condom in the rubbish bin. He held out his hand to me. "Shower?"

I wasn't sure I could get up and walk but I did. I had to. I couldn't stand to be apart from him even for a second. I found myself feeling very needy and codependent all of a sudden. I wondered if he felt as attached to me as I was to him in that moment. I hoped so.

The bathroom was bright with white tiles. I could see Harry's body with perfect clarity in this light and, even though I'd seen it a thousand times before, his beauty shocked me. Harry turned the water on as hot as it would go without scalding us. He tried to wash his hair but I wouldn't stop pestering him with kisses. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I let the heat from his body and the water soothe my aches and pains.

Then he washed the come off my chest and shampooed my hair. "Hold still." I couldn't stop pawing at him, kissing him, hugging him. "You missed your flight," he said, putting me under the water to rinse. "Thank you for staying and, like, spending time with me."

"Harry! Are you crazy? Of course I stayed! You mean absolutely everything to me," I gushed, running my hands over his chest and back. "I'm in love with you."

Harry avoided my gaze and stepped out of the shower. I stood there alone for a few minutes, wounded and confused, watching soap suds swirl down the drain.

I got out of the shower, wrapped a fluffy white towel around my waist, and went to my suitcase to fetch an aspirin. I shook two pills out onto my hand and grabbed the water bottle on the nightstand.

Harry was lying on his side, naked in bed. "Do you have a headache?"

"No," I said, trying to think of a delicate way to put it. "I'm sore."

"Oh," he blushed. "Will you be okay? I was hoping we could... spend some more time together tomorrow."

I shook out three more pills and swallowed. "I'll be good as new."

I let the towel drop to the floor and stepped over to the bed. Harry lifted the blanket and motioned for me to get in. I curled up next to him. He draped a heavy arm around me and tucked his leg between mine.

"Harry, can we talk?"

"Shhhh, sleep now."

"Okay," I said quietly. "Um, I love you. Goodnight." I squeezed my eyes shut.

After a minute in the dark, Harry took a deep breath and said, "I'm not ready."

My eyes flew open. "Ready for what?"

"To love you again."

"I understand." I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice and focus on staying in the moment. I was with Harry. I was making him feel better. That was all that mattered.

Harry nuzzled the back of my head. "But I will be."

A/N: I struggled with this chapter. At first I thought Harry would bottom in the last scene, but as I was writing it it didn't feel emotionally honest. I could have had him bottom and be sad and withdrawn but I wanted to show that he's stronger now, that he's grown and changed as a character.

On the flipside I wanted Louis to become more vulnerable. Plus I love bottom Louis! I hope you do too. (Please don't turn on me. We've come so far.)

Next week: a lot more sexy stuff (seriously, pray for me) and an appearance from Darby! CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN is the last chapter but I'll post an epilogue the week after next.

I'm excited to hear what you think about the band getting back together!

Thanks for reading!