A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to @indiemixtape, fellow book clubber who has shown a lot of support to this story!

Harry is not wearing the "hand shirt" in this chapter, but the shirt itself comes into play toward the end. Also, that's what Harry looks like at this point in the story. We're deep into the TMH era.

Warning: smutty-ish (at the end), lots of angst.

HARRY / PAST

We had two dressing rooms but we only used one. I was lying on the couch while Louis got ready for the show. He pulled on a soft grey sweater with a scooped neck. It was a little too big for him and the sleeves pooled at his delicate wrists.

"Don't you ever get hot on stage?"

"I don't dance around like you do, love."

True, I did get kind of carried away out there. But wearing the same thin t-shirt got old after a while. "Maybe I should try wearing some sweaters next tour. Switch it up."

He stared at me in the mirror. "Harry, you need to wear less clothes not more. Your body's incredible."

I felt my ears turn pink.

I snuggled back down on the couch with my iPad. I was doing a quiz: "Does Your Boyfriend Really Love You?"

1. How much does he give you compliments?

a. Always.

I nodded.

2. How much do you know about each other?

a. Every little tidbit about him and vice versa.

I sighed happily.

"What are you so giddy about over there?" Louis asked while styling his hair.

"Nothing!"

3. How does he treat you?

a. He treats you like a princess, and wants to give you the moon and stars.

I might just get a perfect score!

4. Does he bring up your future together?

I frowned.

"Louis, what do you think we'll be doing, like, in the future?"

"Huh? You mean for dinner?"

d. He rarely talks about it.

I pouted and moved onto the next question.

5. What is his level of affection?

a. He can't keep his hands off you!

Yep!

6. Does he take an interest in your hobbies?

"Lou, do you wanna come with me to yoga tomorrow morning?"

"No."

Hmmmm. "What about badminton?"

"Sort of hoping to watch the Man U game with Niall."

I scowled and threw my iPad onto the coffee table. It skidded to the floor with a loud thud.

"Bloody hell, Harry! What's gotten into you?" Louis picked up the iPad and scrolled down the page curiously. He smiled. " 'Does Your Boyfriend Really Love You?' This is rubbish. You know, you could just ask me how I feel."

"I'm trying to get an unbiased opinion, here! It's science!" I crossed my arms over my chest.

Patient and a little amused, Louis kneeled down next to me and cradled my face in his hands. "I'm totally biased but I really, really love you," he said softly, brushing an eyelash off my cheek with his thumb.

I weakened at his touch. "Really?"

His eyes drifted down toward my lips. "Really."

Shyly, I tightened my arms around myself, feeling both larger and smaller than him at the same time. I opened my mouth, to say something else, when he leaned down and pressed his freshly licked lips to mine. I shut my eyes as his kiss deepened. His tongue moved with intensity and purpose inside me, his light scruff scratching my cheek the harder he kissed. He pulled back for air--or maybe just to look at me--letting our open mouths gently graze each other in the most tantalizing way. A whine escaped my throat and I arched my back, craving more of him. I grabbed the back of his neck and he climbed over me, his powerful thighs straddling my longer, slim ones. My stomach leapt in anticipation. Louis was such a good kisser, so rough and tender at the same time, I completely forgot about the stupid quiz and just wanted to lie beneath him while he showed me exactly how much he loved me over and over again.

"Oh Harry, you're wonderful, of course I love you," Louis said, reading my mind, his voice filled with emotion. He kissed my neck and buried his face there, breathing me in.

"More," I purred wrapping my legs around his waist.

"It'll leave a mark. I can't."

"Please."

"Harry we have an interview before the show, there won't be enough time to cover it with makeup."

I pulled my t-shirt collar down and off to the side, "Then do it here. The shirt will cover it."

Louis grinned and shook his head. "You're naughty."

"I learn from the best."

He dove onto my chest, pulling down my shirt with his chin. He licked and sucked my hidden flesh and I threw my head back in ecstasy. Louis' mouth truly was a gift from God, and with all the lovely attention he was giving my chest I couldn't help but think about how good his mouth felt on other parts of me.

"Harry, stop moving. My mouth is sliding all over the place."

"Yes, all over," I moaned. He resumed sucking beneath my shirt and tried to hold me still but the rougher he got the more excited I became. I bucked wildly underneath him, pushing my chest into his face and grinding my bulge against his.

Then the door opened. I was expecting Liam, but it was Eleanor.

"Hi sluts, hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Louis climbed off of me and straightened his sweater. "No, come on in, we're just doing a quiz."

"Can I play?" she winked.

"No!" I spat.

"Liam sent me to fetch you. You're pre-show interview with the BBC is in the lounge in five minutes. Sharp."

Eleanor looked like every parents dream: cable-knit sweater, French braid, no makeup-it made it all the more jarring when she pulled out a vile of coke from her backpack. "I thought we could partake before the show."

"None for me, thanks," said Louis disinterested.

"This is a family show," I added primly.

She laughed. "Okay, suit yourselves... Louis, don't forget we have to be photographed together leaving the venue tonight."

The interviewer was someone we all knew socially--a plucky scenester, with a tall quiff and a blinding smile, who was "best friends" with every musician on the planet. People always assumed that because we were stars that we knew everybody but nothing could be further from the truth. We lived in a bubble. Most of our social interaction with other celebrities was stiff and awkward, pre-arranged by Judith, on top of a grueling schedule. Nick Grimshaw got to see stars in and out of their element. He forged bonds with them on the job and outside of work. He took Liam out to dinner once. We felt comfortable with him, maybe too comfortable.

"Harry, you have some explaining to do."

"Oh, um. You mean the song-Something Great. It's really about-"

He laughed. "Yeah, we'll get to the new album in a minute, but-"

The band sat together on the same velvet couch. I had Louis on my left and Niall on my right. Grimshaw sat on a folding chair across from us.

I leaned forward to look him in the eye and Niall immediately threw his arm over me and pushed me backward. He gripped my collarbone in an intimate hug and I was thinking that he might have a death wish because Louis was looking at us with daggers in his eyes.

"What's that on your chest?" said Grimshaw teasingly.

What I thought was a tiny hickey peeking from beneath my v-neck was actually a giant bruise that snaked down the length of my clavicle onto my chest. Even Niall's oversized hands couldn't cover it, though it was a valiant effort on his part.

"I um..."

"It looks like maybe you had a bit of fun. Or a lot of fun. Can you tell us who with?"

"It..."

Louis coughed and cockily said, "Me," under his breath. Grimshaw didn't pick up on it but the mic probably did.

I was a horrible liar. The second I opened my mouth the jig was up, so the others tried to answer for me. I sent a pleading look to Louis but he just licked his lips with resigned satisfaction.

"I think he's just a bit flushed," said Liam. "We all spend loads of time in the gym before a concert."

"Boys, don't lie to me," Grimshaw laughed. "Harry did you have a naughty run-in with a lady friend? Please tell me it was fan. The listeners love that. Give these girls some hope for christssake!"

"It... uh... wasn't a fan."

Grimshaw slapped his knee. "Another celeb then? Juicy!" Louis was still grinning possessively at my neck when Grimshaw probed further. "I hear you've been with a couple different ladies on this tour. You've even been linked to Kitty Drift."

"There are a lot of strange rumors..."

"Not that strange, apparently," said Grimshaw gesturing toward my neck smugly.

"Um..."

"Guys, how does he do it? What's his secret besides being-well-him?"

Zayn shifted in his seat and tried, not unsubtly, to change the subject. "We all kind of just talk to girls like their our friends and just chill."

"But Harry, you and Kitty were photographed together in London recently. Some reports say they saw you inside her hotel."

I turned to Louis who was clenching his fists and then spat back at Grimshaw. "That's not true."

"Liam, was he or was he not at Kitty Drift's hotel?" He winked. So this is what they had discussed during their casual dinner.

"Yeah, but I didn't mean-it wasn't like that."

"Come on, I'm not asking for a play-by-play, just a sound bite."

I shut down in defeat. Everyone was waiting for me to say something-Louis was waiting for an explanation and Grimshaw some gossip, but I could give one what they wanted without disappointing the other. I could have killed Liam for confirming that I went to Kitty's hotel. Yes, I went to her hotel but so did management. It was a friendly dinner, nothing more. I didn't even realize she was staying there until later.

Just when I thought I had come up with a decent answer, Nick squeaked at someone off camera. He could die happy because wandering around backstage was none other than Kitty Drift herself. This was all the confirmation he needed.

Kitty was sporting a dusty-rose bob and her signature matte red lipstick. She was already tall but in heels and hot pants her legs went on for days. I couldn't even describe the experience of looking at her in person. It was like seeing a unicorn. She was more exquisite than you could ever imagine but paradoxically less attractive, like her otherworldly beauty made you want to love her in some other world, not this one.

She squished herself between Louis and me.

"Explain yourself, young lady!" Grimshaw exclaimed pointing wildly at my hickey.

Kitty was a pro. Without missing a beat she placed a hand over my heart and said, "Harry, I thought I told you to wear a button-down!"

Grimshaw beamed. "I have literally never seen so much star power on one couch. Seeing the two of you together, it's like a supernova, it's like staring into the goddamn sun! Have two stars ever shone brighter?" This question was regrettably directed at Louis.

He quietly mumbled, "No."

After the interview Louis disappeared backstage without so much as glancing at me. The lads went after him but I stayed behind with Kitty to figure out what exactly was going on.

The second the interview ended she pulled out her phone and ignored me.

"Kitty, what are you doing here? Nobody told me you were coming!"

"I just found out this morning. They wanted it to look unplanned, like the fashion show--a secret rendezvous or whatever."

Kitty was bored and about as interested in this arrangement as I was but I didn't dislike her. I felt kind of sorry for her. Both now and in London, she was completely alone-no friends, no family, she was surrounded by employees. She had lots of celebrity friends but she admitted in London, when Karlie Kloss walked by her without so much as a word, that they weren't her real friends.

She seemed extra sad now. "Look, I'm sorry to annoy you but I don't want to be here either. I should be at home," she swallowed and looked at her phone with a furrowed brow. "It's my cat, she has a tumor on her stomach and just had an operation."

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "It's okay, it's not your problem."

"What's her name?"

"My cat? Her name's Cat."

I laughed. "You're Kitty and she's Cat?"

"Yeah, it's dumb, I know."

"No, like it... I'm sorry I got so annoyed before it's..."

"I get it. You're gay," she said matter-of-factly.

"Bi," I admitted. Though I hadn't actually been attracted to anyone since I got together with Louis. I was pretty sure I was Louis-sexual.

Her expression softened, she put her phone back in her purse. "That must be hard."

I nodded. She had no idea.

Kitty took my hand in hers. It was cold and small. "I don't usually sleep with my arrangements but we can do that if you want."

To most men this would be the offer of a lifetime, but I wasn't most men. She probably assumed I was lonely just like her, and I might have been if I didn't have Louis and the lads.

"Is it okay if we just stay friends?"

She winced. I could tell that the word "friend" had a negative connotation for her.

"Real friends," I qualified. "Maybe I can meet Cat someday. When she's feeling up to it of course."

"I'd like that," she said brightly.

Judith led Kitty away through the secure exit and I went off in search of Louis. I knew he would be irritated but he couldn't possibly believe anything that went on in that interview. He had to believe in me.

I looked around craft service. The lads were there getting a bite but there was no sign of Louis. Frantically, I headed back to my dressing room-our dressing room. It was empty. I was getting worried. He would never miss a show but it was unlike him to be MIA right before we went on. Out of desperation I headed over to his own, unused, dressing room, though I didn't see why he'd want to be in there, it was empty--all his stuff was in mine.

Eleanor was standing outside the door. "Oh, hi, Harry. Exciting interview. You and Kitty were on fire."

"Where's Louis?"

"Freshening up," she said pointing to his dressing room before standing firmly in front of it. "I don't think you should go in there."

"Move," I said.

She wouldn't budge. "I think he needs some privacy right now, don't you?"

"I'm his boyfriend," I reminded her.

"Are you?"

I pushed past her and opened the door not knowing what to expect.

My heart stopped.

Louis was there and so was Edwin Calder.

They were sitting on the couch with their arms around each other, Edwin whispering something into Louis' ear.

They turned to look at me and stood up.

I couldn't even process what I had just witnessed. Instead my eyes took in Edwin who was a taller, more muscular and slightly younger version of me with rosy-cheeks and wavy dark hair brushed back just like mine, wearing ... My shirt. My Ashley Williams hand shirt.

"That's my shirt," I blurted out. "You stole it! You stole my fucking shirt!"

"Harry!" Louis scolded.

"I want him removed from the venue. He's a thief!"

"That's alright, Louis." Edwin said remaining cool and composed. "I'm sorry, Harry, I can explain. I saw a picture of you wearing it and, I confess, I ran out and bought the exact same one." Then he placed a hand on Louis' hip. "I wasn't trying to copy you but you do have great taste."

OH NO HE DID NOT JUST STAND THERE IN MY SHIRT WITH HIS HAND ON MY BOYFRIEND AND TELL ME I HAVE GREAT TASTE

"Well, you are copying me!" I hissed.

Louis positioned himself between us. "Harry, that's enough! You're being a brat."

I bit my trembling lip to keep from bursting into tears.

"I'll give you guys some privacy," said Edwin, stepping into the hall to join his sister.

The second the door clicked behind him, I exploded. "What were you two doing in here?"

"Nothing! He was comforting me. I needed a friend because my boyfriend is more concerned about impressing his pop star girlfriend than he is about making sure I'm alright."

"It's not like that! Were having a fake secret relationship and her cat Cat is really sick, okay?!"

"You sound crazy!"

"Crazier than the guy who stole my look, my shirt and now my boyfriend!"

"For the last time, Edwin did not steal your shirt! You owe him a huge apology."

That stung. Louis was supposed to be on my side. We were supposed to be a team.

"Can't you see what's they're doing? Lady Macbeth over there wants you to replace me with her brother."

"No one can replace you, Harry!" He yelled hoarsely. "That's why I need my own friends. Because when I lose you I won't know what to do with myself."

When I lose you, not if but when. I shook him by his shoulders, the fabric of his grey sweater shifting loosely beneath my fingertips. "Louis, you won't lose me."

"You're drifting away already. I can feel it," he said, his raspy voice cracking. "I'm just not going to be enough for you longterm. I'll never be on your level, not like Kitty."

"What level? What are you talking about? Kitty and I barely know each other. She doesn't even laugh at my jokes!"

Louis' eyes crinkled in a sad smile. At times like these he seemed so much older than me, like he could see things that I couldn't, knew things that I didn't.

"If you don't love me, just say so," I choked. "Go. Be with Edwin. You don't have to use Kitty as an excuse. I bet you're just bored of me."

My face burned with shame. Hot tears spilled out onto my cheeks and down my neck dotting my t-shirt. I felt dizzy with grief, my throat so thick I could hardly breathe. Louis hated it when I cried but I was too sad to care.

"Bored?" Louis thundered. "You think I'm bored?"

I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand and headed for the door. I hated this room. It was so empty and cold and not us at all. We didn't have separate rooms. Or separate friends. But I guess all that had changed.

My hand was on the doorknob when Louis grabbed my arm and swiveled me around to face him. His touch made me sob even harder. I wondered what it would be like to never have those hands on me again. The thought was unbearable, like being torn in two. I choked out another cry and pushed him. Louis pushed me back, against the door, his eyes a dark blue storm. I leaned back panting. He seized me by the waist and mashed his lips against mine, kissing me until our jaws ached. His face was blurry through my tears but I could see that he was crying too. Only, he didn't sob like I did--his tears fell silently over his cheekbones, his impossibly long lashes heavy and thick with wetness.

"I'll never be bored of you, Harry," he gasped, breaking from our kiss to lap up my tears. "Not as long as I live."

I began to shakily undo his pants. His warm hands reached beneath my shirt and raked down my back.

"Harry, you're..."

I waited in a daze for him to finish the sentence, out of my mind with sorrow and lust.

"You're it for me. You're the one."

"The one," I repeated, though I could hardly speak because I was still crying. Why was I still crying? Why did I hurt so bad? The only thing I was sure about was that I needed Louis inside me, needed him to fuck me through my tears.

Louis knew what I wanted without being told, like he always did.

"Turn around," he ordered gently. I pressed my palms against the door and heard him shuffle out of his pants as he began to undo mine. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry, I'm such a mess when I cry--not pretty like you."

"I like you messy," he growled, sinking his teeth into my shoulder.

He stuck his fingers in my mouth to slicken them and saliva spilled over my lips. Before he opened me up, I whispered, "You're it for me too, Louis. It's always been you. It always will be."

A/N: I really hope you liked this chapter.

Please let me know if there's anything you'd like to see more/less of.

I know Harry cries a lot! The "past" chapters are going to get pretty angsty from here on out as I start to show how/why they broke up. But there will also be a past chapter showing how Harry meets Darby.

Next week, "present" Louis meets "present" Harry!