Elizabeth's P.O.V

"Are you going to tell me why are you busy minded, Zombie?" Ellie asked as we sat in the school's cafeteria having lunch. Kyle, Rach and Tyler were bringing their food.

"You won't believe" I said sarcastically.

"Of course I will. Tell me" She demanded.

"Mother came yesterday" I said and she laughed.

"You're right, I won't" She said as she kept laughing. Then she stopped suddenly and looked at me suspiciously.

"You're not laughing" She stated.

"Cause I'm not kidding" I said as I shook my head.

"Fuck, are you serious?" She asked as her eyes widened in surprise.

"She came when I got home after Kyle dropped me" I said.

"What the hell does she want?" Ellie asked angrily.

Ellie is practically a part of our family. And she was as angry and broken as me when Mother did what she did.

"She wants her 'family' back" I answered feeling annoyed again.

"Is she for real?" Ellie asked in disbelief.

"Exactly what we said. Katie told her everything on our minds this morning, when we found her in our kitchen making breakfast as if nothing happened" I said.

"Wow, she has serious trouble with her brain" Ellie said in shock.

"Who does?" I heard Tyler ask as him, Kyle and Rach came with their trays and sat down.

Ellie looked at me waiting to see if I want to tell them or are we going to lie. And to be honest I don't want to lie to them. They deserve to be told the truth.

"My mother" I confessed. And with the reactions on their faces, specially Tyler who knows nothing about her I knew I had a lot of explanation to do.

{¢}°{¢}°{¢}°{¢}°{¢}°{¢}

"Are you going to be okay?" Kyle asked as we sat in his car in front of my house.

"Yeah, I think" I said as I looked at the house then back at him before I suddenly hugged him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes, I'm just charging my energy" I said as I hugged him tighter. I heard him chuckle before he wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you" He whispered softly.

"I love you" I whispered back. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I decided to get in. We said our goodbyes then I went inside. Dad's supposed to be home.

"Dad" I called once I got in.

"Living room" I heard his voice before I went to the living room. I thought mother was there too but he was alone.

"Where is she?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I came home and didn't find her. I found this, instead" He said as he held up an envelope.

"I'll call Katie" I said and he nodded. I took my phone and dialed her number. I told her to come home and that she left. Then we waited for Katie to see whatever is in this envelope.

After almost ten minutes Katie came. She sat down as I took the envelope to open it. There was a simple paper in it. I took it out and started reading.

'First of all, I want to express how sorry I am. I don't know how didn't I realize that I ruined your lives by my actions. When I did what I did, I thought I was doing the right thing. And even when I went to jail, I still thought that I did the right thing. I thought that.. until this morning. This morning I realized that I was so wrong about a lot of things.

Second of all, I just want to say that when I went out of jail a month ago I thought that everything would go back to normal.. I hoped it would. I went back home to find it empty and that was the first thing that made me know that what I did was unfixable. I did all I could to find you.. and I did. But facing the three of you made me ache because of the ache I caused.

Samuel, sorry that I wasn't the wife I vowed to be and for not being a proper mother to your kids. Take care of the girls and of yourself.

Elizabeth, sorry that I was a major reason of the loss of your sight. Sorry that I wasn't a good mother.

And Katie, the biggest sorry that I wasn't a mother you could take as a role model.. at all. Sorry for making you suffer. Sorry for destroying your lives before and for destroying when I came this time.

I think that this time is most likely to be the last time you hear from me. I'm really sorry'

We sat in silence for a minute. Each one of us was probably processing what she wrote. We were also probably trying to figure how are we going to deal with it. And maybe even how to react.

"So she left, for real?" Katie asked.

"Apparently" Dad said as he shook his shoulders.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked awkwardly.

"We try to move on.. again" Katie said before she went up to her room.

Move on.. again.

#•#•#•#•#•#•#•#•#•#•#•#

Next morning:

"Dad, Katie.. breakfast is ready" I yelled as I stood in the kitchen. Since I got my sight back we change turns in making food everyday. And I love this.

"Coming"

"Be down in a second"

Both dad and Katie yelled back. I prepared a few things before dad came down. Katie took a little more time. As we waited for her to start eating the doorbell rang.

"Are you expecting someone this early?" I asked dad confusedly.

"No, are you?" Dad asked and I shook my head.

"Do you think it's her again?" I asked him with wide eyes.

"I really hope not. Stay here" Dad said as he went to open the door. I waited for a minute before my curiosity won, so I went after him. The door was open, and a police man stood out there.

The worst thing about the bad things that happen in anyone's life; is the continuous feeling of dejavu. That our unconscious unconsciously connect a lot of things to that very particular event, even if it doesn't really relate. So right now as I saw the police man I remembered the day she was taken. And all I could think of was.. dejavu.

"What's going on?" I asked. I was a little afraid of knowing the answer. Having a police officer on your doorstep can't be any good.

"I'm so sorry for your loss once again" The police man said sadly to dad before he smiled pathetically at me then left.

"Dad?" I called.

"What loss is he talking about?" I asked fearfully.

"It's her. She had a car crash. She had high percentage of alcohol in her system. She couldn't make it" Dad said with the reaction of 'no reaction, yet'. I glanced movement at the stairs to find Katie standing there. Her shocked reaction made me figure that she heard what dad just said.

They say that the moment before a person dies, they see their whole life in front of their eyes like a movie or a video tape. But I wonder why nobody says that when someone you know, love or even used to love dies you see your memories together -either they're good or bad- like a movie or a video tape.

My mother died. And ironically enough I don't know if that makes me sad or don't I even care. Yes, I'm sad. But I'm sad for the woman I knew before she did what she did. I'm sad for losing the woman that was one day my mum. I remembered all the good things she did. All the care she gave us. All the kindness that was in her.

However, I don't think I really care about the death of the woman who drug dealed for teenagers. The woman who was taken in front of my eyes by police men. The woman who made us suffer. Who made us move out of our old home cause people gave us a hard time because of her.

The only problem is that these two different women.. are the same woman. And I don't know how exactly should I react.

~€~•~€~•~€~•~€~•~€~•~€~

The next day:

I stood between dad and Katie as we saw the coffin move down six feet under the ground. I felt the presence of my friends behind me. I saw Diana, some of Katie's friends and some of dad's work mates.

We stood strongly holding each other's. Yes, maybe we were in grief inside but we didn't feel like showing it. Or maybe at that moment her bad side was all we could think of.

Did we forgive her? Absolutely not. Did we decide to forgive her? Definitely not. Are we okay that someday in the future we might be able to forgive her? Yes, one-day but not today.

After the funeral my friends, Katie's best friend and Diana came home with us. Each of them had a task; to support us and take care of us physically and emotionally.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving. Should we order something?" Rach said trying to ease the tension and make me eat cause I kind of didn't eat for almost a day and a half.. since I knew.

"Yeah, I agree. We should order something. What do you want to eat, Liz?" Ellie asked.

I looked at them and smiled. I just took a moment to appreciate what was given to me in return of what was taken from me. I was given four best friends that really care about me without waiting for anything in return. They became my friends at my worst and they're still here for me. I think I would hate myself if I just rejected their attempts to make me happy or okay.

"Chinese" I said suddenly.

"What?" Tyler asked confusedly.

"I want Chinese food" I said as I smiled at them.

"I'll order" Kyle said as he took his phone out of his pocket.

"Anyone wants anything special?" He asked as he smiled at me softly. I smiled back and shook my head.

"Can you order me a meal for two?" Tyler suddenly said.

"I'm taking my own meal" Ellie said.

"Yeah, I know. These are for me" Tyler said and we all laughed at his weirdness.

"What? I'm really hungry" Tyler defended innocently.

I know that for anyone who just lost a parent or someone that used to mean something to them; it should be very hard. But once you stop looking where the darkness is for a second, you'll see the beam of light. That beam could be anything good in your life. Look for your beam.