Beautiful Things // Benson Boone

I fucked up. I've said it before and I'm damn sure I'll say it again, but I really fucked up. Staring at the mascara streaks running down Colleen's face as she stands in the doorway of her hotel room looking up at me is a big, red flashing alarm bell that I have once again, indeed, fucked up.

"I'm so damn sorry," I say on instinct. I'd wrap my arms around her but she's walking away from me further into the room, still in her proper court room attire, pinstripe pants and a white poet's blouse. Her hair is pulled up in a twist and the tendrils trailing down her neck are calling to me. So delicate, so tender. It's a clear reminder of the vulnerable position I put her in alone.

"Why are you sorry? Are you a rat-hole bastard that treats his wife like a sack of shit?"

"Um..." I have no idea how to answer that. Yes? On occasion I probably did treat Mara less than she deserved. But overall, I'd like to think I'm a decent guy. Instead of saying anything, I tilt my head and shrug when she faces me again. She doesn't look as delicate as she did at first glance. Now with the streaks of mascara and red rimmed eyes, she's exuding a fierceness I missed when she opened the door.

"No. No, you are not a piece of dog excrement left rotting on the sidewalk for unsuspecting women to step in and spread all over town." Colleen throws her hands up before bringing them into cup her face. Her tears return in full force and I'm across the room to pull her in before she can say another word. These aren't weak tears. Colleen is angry and these tears are her arrows. I don't ever want them aimed at me.

"What the hell happened?"

"He's so awful. How can a person be so cruel? So deceitful. And I couldn't do anything to comfort her. I had to sit there like a lump with a blank face like every word out of his mouth wasn't setting my brain on fire."

"Baby." I don't know what else to say. I sent her there to comfort Char, but now I need to comfort her. I'm coming up short.

"He said she was a fraud. That she led him on, as though he hadn't lied through his teeth the entire time they were friends. He used her, unabashedly. And now he's, what's that word...gaslighting her while the whole world watches."

I rub her back as she curls into me. "He's a shit human. He won't win." I'm relieved that she's still letting me comfort her after I basically put her on pause for the last two days. All of this sticks right in my gut like raw meat, a feeling I'm not used to. I hate seeing her upset, that must be what's throwing me off.

"There isn't a word bad enough for him." She cries.

I can think of a few pretty bad words for the guy, but I don't say them. I need to bring her back down to Earth, not set her further into orbit.

"I think it's time for a nice soak in the tub, maybe a glass of wine, Brianna's latest album playing in the background." Colleen takes a deep breath as I continue rubbing her back. My hands slide up to her shoulders, pressing into the knots there. It's strange how focusing on her needs, making sure she's relaxing, forces me to let go of my own tension. I've been wound tight for too many hours to count. And this isn't a cure, but she needs a break to say the least.

"Gah, that sounds like heaven. I so lucky to have you."

I bend down to kiss her tenderly but say nothing. The raw ugliness in my gut flares at her declaration so I ignore the words that don't fit. And I'm not sure why, but I do know I can't stop to unravel the tangle of reasons glaring at me why luck has nothing to do with it. Right now it seems like the only luck I bring her is bad.

Later. First, I need to set up the tub. "Stay here. I'll let you know when everything's situated." Colleen nods, closing her eyes and laying across the bed in the closest thing to a human puddle I've seen.

Fifteen minutes later, Colleen is submerged in a warm bath relaxing. Her body and emotions are slowly regulating so I give her some quiet, waiting back in the main room. It also gives me some time to check in with everyone. My team has been focused for hours and things are slowly winding down on all fronts.

I send Frank a quick text to update me even if there's nothing new to report. If I wasn't tangled up in this courtroom drama with Curt, I'd be on the road to hunt down Ross and find out what the hell he's up to. I don't trust the guy, at all. Frank doesn't respond so I put the phone aside and stretch out on the bed. My eyes grow heavy not long later and then sweet nothingness takes over.

***

"Clinton," a soft voice says. I recognize the sweetness in her tones. "Clint." Again, the voice calls, pulling me closer to consciousness. I peal my eyes open, one at a time, to see an angel looking down on me.

"Heaven," I say, grinning. Colleen stands over me, wrapped in a fluffy white robe and prettier than ever. The loose tendrils from earlier are now damp from her bath and her skin is scrubbed clean of the mascara. Her eyes are lighter, shining as she smiles at me.

"You must have been dreaming," she says. I shake my head.

"You're a dream come true." I run a hand up the outside of her leg, dipping under her robe and continuing along her warm skin until I hit the swell of her ass. "Come here." I squeeze gently, enough to grip her skin but not to hurt. I pull on her lapel with my free hand, bringing her mouth closer to mine. "You're too far away."

"You woke up in a good mood." Colleen laughs, a breathy sound that hits me in the groin.

"Mmm, the best. How are you feeling after your soak?" I've almost got her where I want her, so I pull a little more.

"Much better." She raises her brow, tilting her head to peer at me. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Before I answer her, my hand slides from the lapel of her robe up to dig into her hair. I bring her mouth down to meet mine as I lift my head off the pillow. Our lips meet, opening on contact as I answer her without a single word. Never taking my mouth off hers, I turn with her so she's laying across the bed and I'm hovering over her, my favorite place to be. There's something primal about holding my large frame on top of her delicate one. The rhythm of our kisses intensifies when I pull the belt of her robe, loosening it until both sides fall open.

"I can't get enough of you," I say, more of a grunt than actual words.

"Take as much of me as you need," she whispers between moans.

"Don't say that if you don't mean it. I'll take everything you offer."

Her eyes find mine and hold. "I mean it. I'll offer you everything."

I see truth as I look at her. She's saying what I can't. I may have been sinking into love with her, but at this point I'm basically sunk. And it scares the ever-loving fuck out of me. I feel emotions for this woman that I've never felt for another woman, not even my ex-wife. It's a tangle of needs and desires and worries, confusing the shit out of me half the time and driving me to action the other half. It's why I'm up Frank's ass about tailing Rosshole.

But I can't say it. Not yet. Not until the craziness of this trial and the tour are over. Not until we tell Katie. Not until I can picture myself telling her without fear. Because right now I'm fucking terrified that I'll give this woman my heart and something will tear her away.

And I don't even trust myself enough to believe I can keep that from happening. Fuck, my biggest fear is myself being the reason I lose her.

So until I get a handle on this fucked up thinking, I hold the words back. I take in the warm, soft skin of the woman I'm fucking in love with and lie to her that I'm not the one who's already given her everything. Heart, soul, body and mind. I'm hers. I worship her body with my lips, my tongue, and whispered words of adoration without using the one word that says it all. I take her to the edge of pleasure and drag her over with me, never saying that she's my entire world. That loving her and my daughter is the most important thing in my life.

I hold back the river of words that's dying to pour out. I just hope holding off the flood doesn't end up drowning me instead.

***

I wake the next morning wrapped around Colleen as I seem to do whenever I'm in bed with her. The shades are drawn with just a crack left to let in the light. The morning sun peeks through just enough to illuminate a sliver of the room, dust dancing in the glow. I stay in the moment, listening to Colleen's slow steady breathing like a beautiful symphony. The warmth of our bodies close together is calming, settling, making the worries of the night before seem absurd. What was I thinking?

I can trust this. I can trust us. And I should.

I want to tell her. I want Colleen to know I love her. I want to see the look on her face when I say it out loud, because I've said it in every other way possible already. The words are the concrete confirmation of what's between us. Laying here in the peace of an early morning, I decide today's the day. I don't need to wait for the craziness of the trial and the tour to end. I don't need to tell Katie about the possibility of Colleen and I before I tell this woman what's in my heart. That's backwards anyway. I should want Colleen to have everything first.

When she wakes up, I'll say it. I wonder if it's too early to wake her yet, even though this is important enough to forego sleep. I did keep her up quite late making magic so letting her rest more is the loving thing to do. Especially because after I say these very heavy words, we'll probably want to celebrate them. She's going to need her strength for that.

I gently pull my body away from hers to turn and check the time on my phone. I was right, it's still early, only 6:30. But what catches my eye is a message from Frank.

Frank: call ASAP if you want an update. I have a busy day. Will only be able to take calls for the next hour.

I do the math based on when he messaged and realize I have 10 minutes left to get ahold of him. I don't want to wake Colleen or have this conversation in front of her because I'd have too much explaining to do, so I slip into the bathroom and close the door.

"Hey, what's the latest?" I say as soon as Frank answers.

"Nothing like waiting until the last minute," he says.

"I was asleep, man. Don't waste time chastising me for sleeping in past 5. Tell me." Frank runs like a clock, and like a guy with a stick up his ass. My brother and I are alike in a lot of ways but thank God I'm not wound that tight.

"Fine. He's moving again. Still keeping out of trouble. That's still a red flag. But I have nothing new to report."

"Has he moved locations?"

Frank clears his throat. "He has. He's traveled in a bizarre zig zag but if you zoom out and look at the big picture, every move is getting him closer to Southern California."

"He's coming for her."

"We don't know that for sure. There are plenty of places he could be headed."

"Sure, his ex living there has nothing to do with it."

"I'm not ruling it out. Just saying you shouldn't act on suspicion alone."

"I'm not waiting for Ross to knock on her door, Frank. Keep watching him. And I want to check in more frequently. I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Understood. I've got to go. We're running a raid and I don't want to miss the K-9 make its entrance."

I laugh. "Hope it's a good show."

"Always is."

We end the call and I immediately turn to go back out to Colleen. I don't want to wait anymore to wake her up. Even hearing that Rosshole is more than likely going to be a big problem sooner than later hasn't dimmed my excitement.

Time to tell the woman I love that I am in love with her.

I open the bathroom door to find Colleen standing on the other side of it, mouth dropped open and brows furrowed.

"Woah, I wasn't expecting you to be standing right here, sweetheart." I reach out to pull her to me but she steps back.

"Ross?" She says it with a shake of her head. It's only now that I notice the lack of color in her face. "Why do you have someone watching Ross?"

I look down at my phone. She heard. Not how I wanted her to find out, but I'll explain. It'll be fine. But this is not the way I saw our morning going.

Whenever I have Clinton and Colleen together, the writing just flows. And what do you think about the aesthetic I used this chapter (top of page)? I'm playing with some different looks. I'm trying out some graphic illustrated looks, too. Here's a sneak peek at one for Diva!

Aaaand, what do you think about this new development? I wonder how Clinton is going to talk his way out of this one (no, seriously, I have no idea lmao).

Today's song might be edging toward being overplayed as a TikTok sound but I love the hope in the lyrics. And although this chapter leaves off on uncertainty, let this song reassure you there will always be an HEA.

Squirrelsreadbooks sent me a song recently in the DMs which are now gone and I can't remember what it was! It might work with the next chapter...could you comment the name again here?

https://youtu.be/Oa_RSwwpPaA

Anyway, check out my website and the link to my Spotify playlist for this book!
CynthiaAnnRomance.com