THIS IS BOOK 3

READ BOOK 1 AND BOOK 2 FIRST
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THIS BOOK CANNOT BE READ AS A STAND-ALONE

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서롤 불러왔던 것처럼

•

Taking a long breath, Juseon released it in a sigh, throwing his body on his bed.

He looked up at the ceiling, the fact that he'd just come home to his mother's disappointed eyes on him not bothering him all that much. He tried telling himself he should — he should care that he just got an almost failing grade on his English essay, and he definitely should care that his mother had been scolding at him about it.

It was late 22nd century, learning and homework had become twenty times easier since the time she was his age, she'd said. But, Juseon just couldn't bring himself to even let the thought cross his mind more significantly.

His mind was occupied by something else. His heart strangely sped up as he thought about it, feeling like he'd just woken up from a nightmare even though it was afternoon and he'd woken up hours ago for school.

He knew dreams held no reality whatsoever —
not in the physicality of it, anyway. He knew that; he'd learnt in his first year of high school when reading a book about how dreams were just a result of humans' extreme emotions. But, what he saw this morning was unreal.

Unreal wouldn't be the term he'd use, he thought. It was unreal, yes, people might argue, since it's just a dream. But, he meant unreal in the way that it felt so unrealistically real.

He remembers having more dreams like these in the past, his dreams before adolescence just being small snippets that he forgot about once he woke up. But, he just noticed, ever since his teenage years started, these types of dreams were longer and more stuck to memory. And, more difficult to understand.

They were so confusing. One second, it looked like he was spending a time with a group of blurred out friends laughing, and the next moment it looked like a wet dream about a man he'd never met.

He could feel his heart-rate increase a little more thinking about the confusing short-lived images he saw in the dream. They were always fleeting, but so engraved to memory. And strangely, he couldn't place his finger on exactly anything. He could never clearly remember the face of who he was with or the names he'd said in the dream. He never was sure what was actually going on.

Maybe I'm just deprived of my sexual needs at this age with raging hormones, he thought, brushing it off once more, even when he didn't really want to.

He'd always thought it was just his body fulfilling his hormonal needs for him, and that was what he forced himself to think this time too. What else could it even mean, anyway?

Laughing to himself, he thought of back when he'd 'discovered his sexuality' when he thought of his dreams. And, even after he concluded he wasn't into girls, definitely not feeling aroused whatsoever.

His laughter died down a bit when he remembered another thing he realized—quite recently actually. After Juseon concluded he wasn't into girls, he went to the second option: he was gay.

But, then he even looked at other men and tried the same thing he did with girls, yet that didn't work either. It was like whatever sexual arousal he got, it always had to be the person in his dreams giving it to him.

He'd looked up what other orientation you could be if you weren't into guys or girls. He had suspicions on himself being asexual for just a second before he disregarded that idea completely. Every time he awoke from his dreams, he definitely had heat driven in him. And, more than that, he couldn't get himself off — except when he ever thought about his dreams.

It was so strange, that it was frustrating. He couldn't understand.

How is it possible that your body would react to much to a person in a dream who you couldn't even see the face of but no one else?

Juseon groaned in exhaustion before rolling on his bed to get his legs up. He should just sleep.

Thinking about this everytime never led anywhere, and he doubted it would anytime soon.

•

Muttering curses under his breath was a habit Seowon didn't see himself getting rid of anytime soon.

He didn't even know what he was cursing at anymore — his parents for having him? The world for having such a system that you have to have the bills to get anywhere?

Throwing his glasses inside his bag as he ran out the school gates, he concluded that at the moment he was cursing at the damn teacher for keeping him after class to help students.

How the fuck was he supposed to help others when he could barely help himself?

But, refusing meant being rude to a teacher. And, being rude to a teacher meant bad reputation. And bad reputation meant bad grades. And, bad grades meant no scholarship. And, no scholarship meant no education. And, no education meant no job.

No job meant no money.

It always came down to that, money. The whole process was what Seowon always went through to help him decide what to do and what not to do.

He needed money to survive in this world.

Born into this lifestyle of barely finding basic needs to help yourself, Seowon knew he'd be long dead if he hadn't had the reason to earn money. But, he did. And, its every bit had got to do with the recurring dreams.

The beautiful man — who Seowon didn't even know if he was actually beautiful because he never seemed to remember any faces from his dreams — sharing intimacy with him. Group of faceless friends having fun together, the light feeling in his chest, but also something so heavy.

He knows there's got to be something behind those dreams, he doesn't care what any book says, but having dreams with the same people ever since he'd had the power of memory definitely screams meaningful to him. But, he had no idea what it was, what he should do to find the answers.

Someone would call him crazy for thinking why would there even be something deeper behind dreams? They're just a figment of your mind.

And, Seowon was not convinced. He'd had these dreams as long as he could remember. The first thing he did when he realized these dreams were so regular, he read as many articles as he could about dreams. And, they always realistically stated, they were just a part of your mind which showcases your psychological state or worries during the time.

And, that's the exact reason why Seowon wasn't convinced.

If they were about his current desires and worries, why the fuck had he been having these dreams since as long as he could remember?

He could say without hesitancy that he definitely didn't have sexually fueled desires when he was three, now that was absolutely ridiculous. There wasn't even a single time in his life where he'd been physically attracted to anyone. Nothing made sense to him, he never dared to ask something else about it, too afraid they'd react oddly. As far as he knows, there's never been a case like his before. Saying that in the 22nd century really was something beyond crazy.

He entered his workplace, which wasn't big nor did it pay much. It paid him enough for meals throughout the day and enough to buy a few things for school each month or so. And, just enough each paycheck to save a portion for emergency cases or just generally for the future.

"Hello, Seowon," the manager greeted and Seowon bowed, acting polite. You would get nowhere in the world if you were low class and not polite.

"You don't have to stay that long, today. We're closing after-hours sooner since I have to leave tonight to go back to my hometown."

"How long will the restaurant be closed?" Seowon asked, tone formal.

"Just two weeks. I'll give you your paycheck the week I return." Seowon nodded at the words and felt relieved that he'd saved enough for at least a month when he didn't have work.

He walked towards the storage room — his room for when he worked at the place. Unbeknownst to his boss, he had kept his other spare clothes in there. He knew he'd have to pack it all in his school bag before leaving today.

Not having time to fool around, he started to work. Pushing all thoughts of curiosities to the back of his head, he started to clean around.

He was done just after an hour and a half, surprised at himself at how soon he was done. He usually takes two. The manager, as he walked out of his office, saw the finished work, and smiled. "Thank you for your hard work. You are free to go, now."

Seowon nodded, no expression of any emotion on his face as he bowed. "Thank you. I'll be taking my leave after putting everything back, then."

Taking all the things he'd gotten back inside the storage room, he washed his hands on the small basin before splashing his face with the water. He wondered how bad he looked right now, hair probably greasy due to not taking a shower for more than a few days. But, he just couldn't bring himself to care anymore. He didn't even understand why he was feeling like this nowadays, his life had been like this for so long. Maybe it was the exposure to the students, he thought, the reasoning actually making sense. It didn't take long for him to drop the topic in his head to look for his spare clothes.

He always hid them behind the toolbox so no one else would find it. It was always him who used the toolbox, being the one who fixed things around when they got broken in the restaurant.

Checking the number of clothes, he breathed out in relief seeing no one had taken anything if they'd found it. He only had three pairs of each, one pair of socks for the cold, and a warm hat for whenever it snowed. He was wearing his only pair of shoes and jacket, a vest actually inside so he could use the t-shirt later.

Shoving it in his bag, he swung it over his shoulder, heading straight out.

The thoughts of the dream this morning tried to return, but Seowon pushed it away, leaving the thought for later. He didn't want to think of that now, not on the street where everyone could see how much his own thoughts affected him.

He instead thought of what he'd do. What next? He had two weeks of no work to get other things done. But, he didn't know where to start. He remembers reading a recent news article, in the nearest library, about how to start a business and the most basic steps. Maybe that was where he could start.

Stepping into a dark alleyway, Seowon quietly walked through, coming out to a quieter end of the city; quieter because it was almost always empty. And, empty because it was near a dumpster.

He'd gotten used to the smell of trash by now, the stench being what he went to sleep to each night and what he woke up to. He briefly wondered if he released a stink since he himself wouldn't really be able to smell it, then brushed it off when he remembered he'd get bullied too often if that was the case.

He actually liked the dumpster area. It was the only place where he could find a place to sleep for free. People came about and threw out their oldest sofa or bed or a mattress every now and then. The things only got taken away after a month, so Seowon thought he had enough options to choose on what to sleep each day.

There was a new red couch that day, he noticed. He wondered why anyone would throw a perfectly good couch like that and decided that it's what he'd be sleeping on that night.

Setting his bag down, he sat next to it, softly smiling to himself at the bouncy feeling.

His smile immediately dropped when he realized the time — he didn't actually have a watch. He used the clock on the wall he saw from a window in the nearest apartment complex. They had a digital clock and never closed the curtains, so he'd always see even if the room was on the fifth floor.

Unzipping his bag, he got out his books, remembering if he forgot to do any of today's homework at school. Sighing in relief when he remembered he'd finished it all, he got out a notebook. He needed to brainstorm. He needed to get out of this hellhole of a situation as soon as he could. He needed to find what was wrong with him.

For the next hours, he just thought and thought, and jotting down ideas. If he was an average person, he would be realizing he was hungry by now and would think of eating. But, even his body had gotten used to not eating by now that it didn't even growl.

He didn't realize it was getting dark until he noticed he couldn't read the words anymore. He remembered what part he was on and closed the notebook, just letting out a deep breath as he tossed it aside. Glancing at the nearby pole of light, he wondered when it would turn on.

It should be on by now, he thought, maybe it's broken. Just then, it lit up, making Seowon see his surroundings easier once more. Without wasting time, he opened the notebook back to the page he was on and continued.

And, he would've done it for more hours if not a half an hour later, a few drops of water fell on the page of his notebook. In panic, Seowon jolted and grabbed his bag, putting it inside before the rain would get worse.

He looked around for the bed that had space underneath — the one he'd slept on the day before — so he could put his bag under it. When he didn't spot it, he cursed under his breath, looking for any plank of wood or something he could protect his bag under.

Finally, when he found a drawer set, he removed all the drawers before gently putting his bag inside the little shelf, safe from any further rain.

Making his way back to the couch, carrying the drawer set with now his bag inside so he could keep it close, he curled up on it. He hoped it wouldn't rain harder.

Feeling more raindrops, he breathed a deep breath to calm down and deal with the situation, closing his eyes to try and fall asleep. He hoped his cold wouldn't last long this time.