n o t e ; Sorry if the formatting looks weird Wattpad fudged it up. Also don't forget to read the note at the bottom~

Her skin was like black coffee; it was warm, dark and inviting. Just a taste invigorated you and taking a long drink completely brightened your mind. Her eyes were like black holes, deep and cold. Nothing could escape them.

Her words affected you like they were magic. As she spoke you found yourself caressed by her words, convincing you to see everything she saw. All while bending you to her will.
Her love though, god her love, it was complex yet simple, dirty yet innocent. Something you lost yourself in.

And she loved you with all of her heart. She made sure to know every single one of your flaws and insecurities. Then instead of trying to tell you they didn't exist she convinced you that they were the best parts of you. Loving her felt like a storm after a drought. It was powerful, life changing and so so essential to survival.

I was walking through the mall to find presents for my mother when we bumped heads for the first time. She had not been paying attention to where she was going as she was too wrapped up in her favorite book The Outsiders. I tried to warn her but i was too late, she bumped into a plastic candy cane. She stumbled backwards and i walked up to her catching her before she could hit the ground.

"Are you alright?" I asked, letting her go.

She squeaked and spun out of my grip. Blushing heavily she apologized, "I'm so sorry, I should've been paying more attention." She fingered one of the curls framing her face nervously before looking down at her ruffled elf costume.

"It's cool, really. In fact I'm kind of glad I caught you."

"Really?" She said furrowing her eyebrows and nose. An action I would soon know very well.

"Yeah." I told her tucking a stray braid behind her ear. Her blush darkened at the contact.

"Would you like to get coffee with me after I get off of work today?" She blurted out, the sentence coming out as one long rushed word. When I laughed her blush darkened again. "I'm sorry, I've never asked a girl out before was that weird? It was weird. Sorry."

Shaking my head, I tried to keep my laughter controlled "No I'd love too. I was just caught a little off guard by how cute that was."

Smiling she started walking backwards back to "Santa's House". She nearly tripped on a fake rock on the way up but she managed to miss it, flashing me a thumbs up.

She kissed like she was falling asleep. At first it was very thoughtful as if she was planning how everything would go where everything would fit. Then she was instinctual as if kissing came as easy to her as breathing.

"How's my favorite elf doing today?" I asked opening the door to their break room which was decorated as Santa's Home.

She looked up at me from her worn copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and grinned. She met me in the doorway and gave me a warm hug. She was always very affectionate, even at the beginning.

"Amazing. Especially now that you're here." She said cheekily playing with a little curl that hung over her ear.

"Who me?" I asked cupping her face. She leaned into my touch happily.

"No Jamie the new guy." She said pointing over at him with her thumb. He waved but I didn't acknowledge him. I was too focused on her.

"Oh well then if he's who you're here for I should just go."

"No you can't." She said quickly wrapping her arms around my waist even though I made no move to leave.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't leave."

"We're under the mistletoe." She hummed happily, pointing to above us. Sure enough there was a bushel of mistletoe hanging over the door.
"I guess I have to stay then."

"Yeah you have to, can't break the rules of Christmas."

"I'm going to kiss you." I said smiling. "You know 'cuz of the rules of Christmas."

"I mean we have to follow..." My witty remark faded as something landed on me. Looking up I saw the fake snow from outside had started falling from the ceiling.

Grinning at how cliche and cute this had become, I leaned down to kiss her. She met me halfway and our first kiss was just a simple peck but it set off fireworks in my stomach. Then she tangled her fingers in her my dark hair and pulled me back to her. The second kiss was magical, fake snow and all.

She loved to take pictures. She always said life was fleeting and that we had to capture every moment. One of my favorite pictures was taken by a stranger, it was us ice skating together for the first time.

"I got you Lily, just follow my steps. Slide forward like when we're at home and we slide down the hallway in our socks." She coached, trying to blow a stray braid from her ponytail out of her face.

I nodded slowly, my hands shaking. I was terrified to fall but she was so kind. She squeezed my waist and kissed my shoulder.

"You can do it. Just try."

Sliding my feet forward, I managed to keep my balance without clutching to the sides of the rink. Soon we were moving around the rink, slower than normal but at a steady pace.

Once we had come to a stop she jumped on me, knocking us both to the ground. She didn't care though as peppered my face with kisses. "Look at you my little figure skater. You're a natural!" She said cupping my face. I was smiling so hard I felt like my face was going to break in half. She was always so supportive of me.

"I love you." I whispered into her shoulder

"I love you more than anything."

Making love with her was like playing a sad melody. It was beautiful and slow. It was the exploration of depth and an indescribable emotional connection. It made you think about life and want nothing more to do it again.

"I want to make love to you." She told me, slipping it in casual conversation. She flipped over the vinyl in her thrift store record player and continued on as if she didn't say anything.

I choked on my popcorn no longer paying attention to my party planning. "You want to what?"

"Make love. To you. Right now. Even with Christmas music on and 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' playing in the background." She told me straddling my waist. I blushed, placing my hands on her hips.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." She whispered, kissing me softly. I kissed her back slowly undoing the buttons of her shirt as she tangled her hands in my hair, my Santa hat falling to the floor.

She met my mom on Christmas Eve. It was a year after my dad had left us and mother had become quiet and reserved. Yet she dazzled her just like me.

"Can you get the door mom? I'm almost ready." I called to my mother twisting my hair up into a bun. Securing my hair with an elastic hair tie I slipped on my ugly Christmas sweater over my pink camisole. Gliding down the stairs, I saw my mom laughing. Genuine laughter filling my home was something I hadn't seen since before Dad left. I was still amazed at how she could brighten even the darkest of days.

Jogging over to them I pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Mommy this is my girlfriend, Kayla."

My mother smiled approvingly "I like her. She thought I was your sister Tay."

"Well Lily never told me that you looked so young and so beautiful. Who wouldn't mistake you for early thirties?" She said innocently.

My mother laughed lightly, "I'll let you two hang out." She smiled at me before going back into the kitchen.

I wrapped an arm around her waist. "You're so amazing." I mumbled to her.

"I try,"

"You succeed," I told her kissing her. While she was distracted I reached into the bookcase behind us and pulled out a medium sized red velvet box. I handed it to her. "Merry Christmas babe."

She gasped, opening the box. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know but I wanted to. I figured you need a piece of jewelry that symbolized us."

"A snowflake represents us?" She asked curiously

"It's unique and beautiful just like us." I told her taking it out of the box.

"You're so cheesy," she said grinning dumbly

"Only for you." I told her brushing her hair aside. I clipped the necklace around her neck and pressed a kiss to the crook of her neck.

Our relationship may have been a snowflake but snow is what makes a storm. As snowstorm we were destructive at our strongest. We hurt ourselves and others destroying everything in our way.

"Fuck." She seethed throwing her dance trophies against a wall. "Fuck this, fuck dance, fuck her." She growled taking another drink.

I tried to intervene but there was no stopping her. "If I'm replaceable so is she." She told me before letting out a scream. "Except she's not replaceable. Fuck her." She cried out throwing a picture frame at the wall. Tears streaming down her face she turned to me.

"Why are you still here? Can't you see loving you has brought me nothing but pain." She said harshly snatching the vodka bottle off the floor. Taking a swig she glared at me "GET OUT!"

"No." I told her firmly. "Because I believe in us and I don't want you to be alone drunk."

"STOP RESISTING IT! DON'T YOU SEE? WE'LL NEVER LAST. I'M NOTHING BUT A TICKING TIME BOMB! THAT'S WHY MY FATHER LEFT ME AND MY MOTHER HATES ME!" She yelled smashing the bottle of alcohol against her mirror "I'm going to ruin you like I ruined me."

"Only I can let you ruin me and I won't let that happen." I told her reassuringly. Taking her hand in mine I noticed a trickle of blood slip from our entwined hands.

"You've managed to cut yourself." I informed her, opening her hand a neat slit in the middle of her palm dripped onto the carpeted floor. Leading her into the bathroom I cleaned her hand and bandaged it.

"You'll be okay. You're not with your mother anymore. You're here with your grandparents and you're with me." I tell her kissing her forehead

"Will I really be okay?"

"Of course."
I was wrong though. I was so so wrong. She was right. She was a ticking bomb and she blew up. I just hate that it hit me in the process.

"Honey, honey wake up." My mother said shaking me awake.

"What?" I grumbled pulling the covers to my face.

"It's about Kayla."

Nothing could've woken me faster. "Is she okay?"

My mother sat on my bed. "She was in an accident."

"Is she okay?" I repeated physically shaking. I felt sick to my stomach, I knew what she was going to say, but I was hoping, praying everything would actually be okay.

"She passed an hour ago." My mother said wrapping her arms around me. "I'm sorry."

I swallowed deeply and wiped my eyes. "It's—I knew–she was-" I couldn't finish, sobs choking me. "Please just leave."

"Honey you obviously need company–"

"No." I cut her off, "I need to mourn in peace. Leave me be. Please."

My mother nodded and left me alone. Curled up in a ball I laid on my side. Sobs wracked my body as I laid there. My heart shattered at the loss of someone I love so deeply.

Every Christmas since I've mourned her. She didn't die on Christmas but it's in this time, on these days I miss her most. I try to remember her as her entirety: her faults and good qualities, her pet peeves and passions. Because even though I only knew her two years, she changed me in so many ways and fuck I hope changed her too.

n o t e ;
I really hope you guys liked this. It's one of my pieces of writing I'm most proud of. I wrote this in about three hours listening to Hello by Adele.
The line "hello from the outside" is really what inspired it. I wanted this to be about a girl reflecting on a past love which I hope you get while reading. Also big thanks to paintblotches for the kind words on my story.

The campaigns I used are:

#weneeddiversebooks because "her" or Kayla is black & Lilly is Asian (although there's less of a sense of that in the book because its first person POV)

#freethelgbt because Kayla is bi and Lilly is pan.