2020

"Do you want to do another take? I thought that one sounded great."

Leimomi looked so small sitting on the chair in Nikau's office, swinging her feet that just barely grazed the floor. She wasn't that much shorter than us, but it reminded me of those oversized chairs they put in interactive museums where it made everyone look like ants. She tugged the headphones away from her ears, sliding them down to rest around her neck. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail, showing off her soft features that glowed under the faint late afternoon light.

"Can you play it back?" she asked. "I think I liked that one best but just to be sure."

Nikau nodded before clicking away, and soon the tiny room was flooded with the sweet sound of my sister's voice singing the cover she was recording to post to her new Youtube channel that Nikau had helped her set up a couple of weeks ago. He wasn't going to be here for much longer, having already booked his flight to New York to meet with someone regarding his album, so she was making use of his recording equipment while she still could. While I was a glorified groupie basking in the glow of the talented singers in front of me, I had practically lived in his apartment for the last couple of weeks so there was no way I was going to miss any of this. The only break I had from listening was when I disappeared into the kitchen to cook us all some lunch while Nikau showed her around the programs he used, and even then, the faint sound of pure magic happening in the next room still found a way to entrance me like no other.

My focus was entirely on my sister as she listened intently to the playback of her cover. With her eyes narrowed and her foot tapping incessantly along with the beat, she was completely in the zone, and nothing was going to take her out of it. Best of all? Nobody wanted to. The progress she had made in the last year alone helped to improve her already gifted natural talent for singing, and with Nikau's expertise, her talents were propelled to new heights. The only other person I knew who could record as impressive of a cover that nearly blew the original out of the water was the other person in the room.

Once the playback ended, she sat back stoically, processing her thoughts and opinions. And then, like a firecracker, she hopped to her feet and began dancing around the room excitedly. Most people with high energy and nowhere to release it scared me into another dimension. At that moment, I had never been happier.

"That was so good! Oh my god! Who knew I had it in me!"

I laughed under my breath and shook my head. "We all knew," I muttered quietly enough that she couldn't hear me over the sound of her celebrations. Although I had my way of operating as a person, it was surprisingly pleasant and inspiring to see someone so open about celebrating themselves and their abilities.

After confirming a few details with Nikau, Leimomi and I exited the studio room to chill on the sofa while he put the finishing touches on the song. She was going to have to work on these all by herself once he left, but she was a quick learner, so I knew it wouldn't take her long to figure it all out. The only thing she would have to get used to was not getting free rein over his equipment.

For a multitude of reasons, I was happy to see Leimomi working on something that kept her busy and productive while still being creative. She had gotten a job at the same restaurant Kanani worked at, so she was able to support herself somewhat, but that alone wasn't enough to sustain her day-to-day. She required something inspiring, something that wouldn't let her feel trapped under the weight of living so she wouldn't regret her decision to take a year off, especially if that year off led to her wanting to do something else. I wasn't going to talk her in any specific direction, but I did want her to think clearly when she arrived at those crossroads. Being away from Micah for a long time was going to require work on their part to keep everything going, but they could do it if they wanted to. And if wanting it wasn't enough, because I knew realistically that it wasn't in everyone's case, then I hoped she could still feel content about making the right decision for herself at the time.

"Do you sleep on this?" Leimomi adjusted herself on the sofa, trying to get comfortable. She naturally slid into the part of the sofa that formed to Nikau after sitting in his favorite spot for a year. "It's so short."

"Uh... no."

She looked over at me before laughing, trying to hide it behind her hand. "Sorry. Awkward."

"It's not." I grabbed the blanket that had been hanging over the back of the couch and draped it across my lap. Like all women I had ever known, I kept the air conditioning up high when I was in his apartment, which meant I probably should have helped him out with the electricity bill considering I was there for practically all of this past month.

"Have you guys talked about what's happening when he leaves?" she asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged. "I mean, we'll talk. But he's going to be busy and I don't want to get in the way."

She pursed her lips. "I don't think you'd be in the way."

"I would feel like I'm in the way and that would only end up with me resenting myself for following along with someone whose lifestyle doesn't match up to mine." My eyes drifted lazily toward the room, checking to make sure Nikau wasn't listening in on us. I couldn't see him entirely, but his headphones weren't in the spot he usually kept them when he wasn't using them. "It's fine. We both knew what we were getting into. Even if the logistics could be worked out, I don't think I want that. Not right now."

Leimomi opened her mouth as if to ask me more questions, but my phone started ringing then. Keali'i's name appeared on the screen, so I held it up to show her, earning a brisk nod in return, before answering. "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

He sounded frantic, so my nerves immediately went into overdrive. "At Nikau's apartment with Lei. Is something wrong?"

"Nani's water broke while we were at Alas so we're driving to Queen's right now—" He must have pulled away from the phone as whatever he said next could barely be heard, but he had to have been speaking to my sister. "Can you meet us there? We're not far."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Before I had even finished, I started gathering my things and smacked Leimomi's leg. She motioned a what-the-hell to me. "Is she okay? Is Mom with you?"

"Mom was in a meeting but we just called her so she's leaving work now and is going to meet us there."

"Okay, drive safe, please. We'll be right there. Tell her to hold on." Once we hung up the phone, I called out to Nikau and he appeared in the doorway, leaning to the side of his chair with his headphones half off his head.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Kanani is going into labor. Do you think you can drive us to Queen's? It's not far. I can give you directions."

He didn't need to be asked twice. By the time Leimomi jumped to her feet, Nikau was walking out of the room with his keys and wallet in hand. The three of us checked that we had everything we could need before racing down to the parking level. Within minutes of finding out Kanani was on her way to the hospital, we were on the road as well. I probably could have driven Leimomi and myself over but I didn't fully trust myself not to panic the entire way there, so asking Nikau helped to ease some of that stress. I was staring out the window the entire time, foot tapping away, when he reached his hand over the console and held mine that I hadn't realized was picking away at my cuticles. He squeezed once before relaxing his grip.

By some miracle, we arrived at the same time as Kanani and Keali'i who were getting out of the car next to the valet. Nikau pulled up behind them as hospital staff emerged with a wheelchair for my sister, whose forehead and cheeks were slick with sweat.

I rushed over and hugged Keali'i as Kanani was wheeled toward the hospital. "Is she doing alright?"

"She's fine," he answered quickly, but his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of her, and I struggled to keep up with him as we followed behind them. I hadn't spent a lot of time in hospitals so being in a relatively unfamiliar environment sent my body into high alert, and I tried not to drag too far behind, afraid I would somehow get lost at sea. "She was worried about us driving here. Thought she was going to have to give birth in the back seat but she's fine now."

"Understandable. I would be freaked out too." I looked up at him. Keali'i was biting his lip, eyes locked on my sister. "Are you doing okay?"

"What?" He turned to me, eyes wide. For a moment, he appeared as if he had completely forgotten where he was, but he shook his head and nodded more times than necessary. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"Hey." The nurses were talking about taking Kanani into a room, but time was suspended just enough to give us a chance to breathe. Not that we were the ones who were about to go into labor, but emotions were running high. We all needed to be level-headed for what was about to happen. "Everything will be fine." He needed to hear it from someone else. "You're gonna be a great dad. I love you, okay?"

He didn't have the words to say, but that was okay. Keali'i needed to be there for my sister.

After pulling me in for one more hug, this one tighter and more desperate than the last, he released and rushed to her side where she immediately pulled his hand into hers. And then, they were whisked away.

...

My mother once told me that I didn't cry like most babies do when they were born. I made a little noise as if I was going to cry, and then I yawned and went silent. The doctors and nurses were concerned something was wrong at first and ran a bunch of tests, but all of the results came back as me being a healthy baby. She thought it was because our skin-to-skin contact was initiated relatively quickly which helped me to adjust to living outside of the womb. As I grew older, she started to believe it was a sign of who I would eventually become.

She liked to recall what it was like to see my father holding all of us for the first time. He was a big guy, so watching as he gently cradled these baby girls in his arms, tears streaming down his face, moved her in ways she could never fully wrap her head around. Mom was adamant that she fell in love with him in new ways every single day, but never more palpable than in those moments, seeing what they had made together. A physical manifestation of the love they shared and were fortunate enough to nurture into their independent selves.

Since Kanani's water had broken before they arrived at the hospital, the rest didn't take long. Mom arrived not long after us, frazzled and muttering about how she had gotten stuck in traffic even though she wasn't that far from the hospital in the first place. Since Kanani was allowed two people to be with her in the delivery room during the labor, Mom eventually left us to wait in the lobby.

We sat there for hours, trying to find things to pass the time and keep our minds preoccupied. Mom kept us updated with concise texts that only served to make me more anxious, but I was still grateful to receive them. Kaipo, who I had informed about two hours prior, arrived looking a little more relaxed than the rest of us. That was the good thing about him. He knew how to keep his head straight when the rest of the world had been knocked off its axis.

He shook Nikau's hand after embracing both of the currently present Kahananui women. They exchanged pleasantries that I couldn't quite pay attention to, given the circumstances. When I disappeared at some point to snag some of the vending machine's finest, they were both huddled over Nikau's phone as he played him the cover Leimomi worked on earlier in the day. I smiled and asked myself how lucky I was to live the life I lived.

I was woken up by Nikau shaking my shoulders when my mother walked outside to greet us. A glassy sheen rippled across her eyes, and she smiled at us with all of the light in the world. We were all tired and hungry and running on pure adrenaline at this point, but we jumped to our feet in an instant.

"Do you want to meet your new nephew?"

Leimomi squealed, darting up to our mother's side, while I took a second to gather myself. Before following them, I gave my friends a quick nod and squeezed Nikau's hand one more time.

It wasn't a long walk, but it felt as if it took us ages to trek across the short distance to Kanani's room. The beeping hospital noises surrounded me, drowning out the sound of my thoughts. My feet were moving of their own free will while I clutched the end of my shirt so hard I could have ripped a hole in it. It wasn't until we reached the doorway that I felt myself breathe, my chest rising and falling in an unsteady rhythm. Nothing ever felt real until the damn thing happened, and while I had spent the last eight months thinking about Kanani becoming a mother, it didn't hit me until just then how real that thought was. Because it wasn't just something in my head. This was my sister, and subsequently all of us, entering a new era in our lives, one that I had spent years wondering about. And as much as I missed him, as much as I wished he was here to see this spectacular moment with us, I was happy we all still had each other.

We entered the room slowly and the nurse attending to Kanani looked up at us, smiling. She remained by my sister's side until we were all filed in, where she stepped back to allow us this moment together as a family.

My breath caught in my throat. There she was, cradling a baby in her arms. He had an impressive head of hair already, but what swept me under its current was how quiet he was. I had heard so many stories about crying babies and their piercing sounds, as well as the tale of how abnormal I had been made to feel as a baby myself, that I expected to walk into a completely different picture. Enough time had passed that it made sense he would have stopped naturally, but I made a mental note to ask about him later and whether he had been like me when he arrived.

As I crept closer to the bed, my sister, a true superhero in my eyes, gazed up at me looking as exhausted as ever, and yet her eyes seemed to glow with an immeasurable amount of love. There was so much of it in the air, so much life in a place where we had lost so much the last time we were there, that every emotion I was humanly capable of feeling swelled inside my chest. I pinched myself to make sure this was all real, which Kanani caught and laughed at. It was my favorite sound in the world until I heard the little guy yawn.

"Aunty Hoku is here, baby," she whispered, rubbing her fingers along his belly to rouse him awake. "Can you say hi?"

I wanted to tell her no, it was okay, and that I wanted him to sleep since he must have been so tired. (I know, little guy. This world can be exhausting but it won't always be that way. And I'll do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve.) But then he opened his eyes and looked at me with all the wonder of someone who was seeing the world for the first time. Maybe I understood exactly how he was feeling. Maybe witnessing this was seeing my world in a whole new way.

"Does he—" I couldn't finish my sentence. But she knew.

"Bronson," she said. "Bronson Kaleo'onalani Kahananui-Williams."

All at once, my tears started pouring as Leimomi, who was standing beside me, gasped into her hand. The baby smiled at us, and I saw him in every inch of that face. Everything was bright and new and reminded me that through the rain we found our rainbows. Some flowers were strong enough to weather any storm that blew their way, and from behind those clouds emerged a bloom that could saturate an entire garden.