Dil maang Raha hai mohalat

Tere saath dhadakne ki
Tere Naam se jeene ki
Tere Naam se marne ki
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"Mihika you cannot control everything around you, especially not now, when you don't have Anay to support you through" My mother tries to reason with me, whereas I was adamant about calling Viraj to ask what happened at the police station, I tried calling Papa Ji and everyone else but no one picked my call.
"Bhabhi, your mother is right you should have patience a little as soon as Bade Papa finds something he will give you a call," Jai says putting away his phone.
I sighed, looks like I don't have any other option anyway I don't have Viraj's number "okay, fine I think you should leave now everyone must be waiting plus Dadi Ji and Dada Ji are coming" I said referring to Anay's grandparents, they are supposed to come today and if Jai is not there before dinner sure a big scene will be created.

"Don't worry Bhabhi everything will be fine, and as soon as anything is found regarding the accident if not Bade Papa then I will give you a call okay?" he says touching my mother's feet. I give him a nod and a forced smile.

My mind can't help but wonder what Viraj said even though I don't want to believe a word he says but I cannot help it, anyone in my shoes, in my place, would worry when she has been told her husband didn't die in an accident but it was planned murder anyone would go crazy and the fact I cannot do anything it's eating me alive from inside.

"You should stop worrying Mihika as soon they find out something they will let you know," Maa says softly squeezing my hand a little assuring me.
I gave her a nod "okay, I'll go and get some vegetables and maybe some chicken too" I said getting up from the couch.
"Okay, take your father's car," Maa says, Papa is not keeping well these days, and after hearing Anay's news his health has deteriorated.

I went to my room quickly changing my clothes putting my phone, some cash I left for the market. I'm trying to keep my mind off everything because if I sit and think there are only worse thoughts flooding through my mind, reminding me Anay has left, reminding me of how helpless I am. I was always a tender-hearted kind of person unlike Anay who was strong and mature enough always calm knew how to handle situations let it be anything but since he has gone I'm trying to be strong because he would hate it seeing me so weak.

He used to say that if ever he goes before me I should move on with my life and try to be strong for his parents, I hated him when he said and didn't talk to him for a week. How could he say this? But I didn't know that he will leave me behind. Being a widow isn't easy in this society you have prying eyes following your every moment just one slip and all your good doings are ignored. They will tarnish you in such a way you can't come back from that.

After the drive for half an hour, I reached the market I went to buy the vegetables from our fixed vendors, Baba used to bring me here every Sunday morning when I was in school that was like our way to spend quality time with each other, a smile crept up on my lips. When I was done buying the vegetables I went to the shop from where we get our chicken. My phone starts to buzz in my hand keeping the bags down I hit the answer button it was Papa Ji "Hello Mihika... before he could continue someone snatches the phone from my hand turning around there were three men their faces covered" what the hell is this?" I glare at them.

They threw my phone near the dumpster taking demeaning steps towards me I looked around for help but no one was there because I parked my car away from the market to avoid parking problems, my back hits the door of my car with my trembling hands I try to open the door but my hands were shaking unable to unlock one of them bangs his hand on the hood of my car I gasp in horror"look if you want money please take it and leave" I said trying to sound brave but I was sweating like pig in terror.

They let out a laugh, disgustingly looking at me "a woman like you shouldn't be alone in a place like this, anything can happen" one of them says coming closer to me I turn my face to the other side he grazes my cheek with a pocket knife.

"Now you don't want this beautiful face of yours to be bruised or maybe more" he sneers.

"And don't you dare to tell anyone about this or else next time...he trails off and with that, they left I let out a sigh of relief looking around, I saw few people standing around, shame that no one even bothered to help me I quickly ran towards the dumpster picking up the phone the screen was damaged but thankfully it was still working. I quickly dialed Papa Ji's number he picks up on the first ring.

"What happened Mihika?" He asks with concern.
"Uhh...um nothing I was carrying bags of vegetables so dropped the phone I'm sorry Papa Ji" I lied, he is already worried over Anay's accident and what Viraj said I don't want to burden him with what just happened.
"Oh, okay, anyway I called to tell you that Viraj was right brakes were failed of Anay's car and the oil line had a slashes mark of a knife," he says, and everything went silent around me as if I was pushed into a trance of coma where my body didn't know how to react or what to say, I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"Mihika, Mihika are you there?" Papa Ji asks from the other side of the call.
"I...uhh--- umm, I'm going to call you back Papa," I said sniffling and hung up the call.

It can not happen Anay cannot be murdered it's absurd he never did anything wrong to anyone why would anyone want to kill him, he was one of the best people I ever met in my life who was loved by everyone, his family and friends then why killing him.

What did he do wrong? Why him? I yelled looking at the sky, why you took him, you know everything, you see everything still you would take a person who has never done anything wrong.

My phone starts to ring again it was an unknown number "hello?"
"Mihika it's Viraj here Uncle told me he informed you about everything, how are you holding up?" He asks, the nerve of him.
"You want to know how I am feeling, well for starters, I don't know how to feel at all, my husband died in a car accident who I loved with everything in me, oh no, no he was murdered by someone my bad...I laughed obnoxiously.

"I was thrown out of my house because his grandparents think I am the one who caused his death, and...and three men threatened me just now with a knife on my face...so guess what Mr. Viraj Rathore I'm feeling fucking great and you know what I'm going to throw a grand party," I said my tone laced with sarcasm and without waiting for his response I hung up the call getting in my car I drove off to my house.

"Mihika what happened?" Maa asks running towards me, I didn't realize until she looked at me horrified look on her face my clothes had become dirty, and there was a bloodstain on my cheek that must be from that knife.

"Mihika how all this happened?" She yells nudging me bringing me out of my trance.
I collapsed down on the floor and cries came out hysterically what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to be strong, how am I supposed to continue to live without love, people say if there is love in your life it is easier but I lost that how will I keep living like this, just like a walking corpse I'm not that strong.

My mother held me in her embrace "shh meri Bachi shant ho jaa, or btao mujhe kya Hua" she says in a gentle tone.
I gasped for air, my breathing becoming ragged as each moment passes I try to make words but nothing would come out only loud sobs tears flowing profusely down my cheeks.

(Shh, quiet my daughter, now tell me what happened)

"Anay was murdered Maa" that's all came out. Maa's eyes widened in horror no one would've thought something like this will happen, it is all kinds of bullshit but it is true, the grisly truth of my life.

She makes me get up taking me to my room, Baba always says that I'm strong like Maa, but he is wrong I'm not like her, I will never be like her my mother has lost so many people in her life yet standing here being a pillar to me and Baba, she's there for me whenever I need her.

"I know nothing will make this better Mihika, but you have to learn to live with it, and as for the murderer who did this to Anay won't be hidden for long," she says her tone reflecting love, and spite for the person who did this, I never had a thought my life will turn upside down like this in just a few minutes. If Anay hadn't gone to the office that day he would have been with me here.

"Now take a bath then come out for dinner, we will talk to your in-laws tomorrow about this, and you can stay here as long as you want to," she says patting my head giving a kiss on my forehead.

I got up from the bed going into the bathroom turning on the shower as the cold water makes contact with my skin I winced sharply because the cut on my cheek was stinging now, I stood under the water for a long time pondering over what happened today I lost everything, it sure feels like I've lost everything and I don't think so anyone can help me, no one can fill the void Anay has left in my heart and my soul, misery for life, tears in my eyes.

We all have darkness in us, just waiting to take over and when we lose ourselves it triggers the darkness and we let it take over willingly even though some of us don't want to just like I will give in eventually because of all the hopes I had from life was from Anay, he was that part of me which I never thought will go away from me, I'm not use to live without him.

Turning off the shower I wrapped myself in a bathrobe changing into my clothes I put on white kurta and palazzo drying off my hair when I heard the knock "come in" I said.

Viraj enters the room with Maa following closely behind.

"What are you doing here?" I asked harshly.
"I just wanted to check up on you, uhh on the call you seemed upset...he trails off hesitantly walking towards me. I glanced at Maa who gives me a nod before leaving but left the door opened just ajar.

"Thank you for your concern but I'm fine" I replied.
He looks at me in disbelief" I'm not your enemy here Mihika, I don't know what image you have created of me in your head but let me tell you I only want good things for you, and don't you forget Anay was like my brother knowing he was murdered has enraged me too, but we have to be careful and think clearly if we want to find who did this" he says earnestly.

He has a point Mihika, you have to get it together my mind snaps back at me.

I mutely shook my head not meeting his gaze.

"Now tell me who threatened you?" His deep, voice questions.
"Their faces were covered I couldn't take a good look, they said I should be careful and I shouldn't be alone, and if I inform anyone it won't be good" I repeated that had happened.
"Okay, I'm not sure but I have a feeling they could have been sent by the murderer of Anay so you don't make any noise which means the murderer knows that we know it wasn't just an accident," he says, more like talks to himself.

"Listen very carefully Mihika, you can not trust anyone, and remember what I said when we met on the day of Anay's death," he says, in an authoritative tone.

"And if something like this happens again, you will inform me first remember only me," he says emphasizing.
"And why should I trust you?" I retorted.
He lets out a chuckle I looked at him astounded, has this man lost it.

"Fine don't trust me, but be careful and don't do something stupid," he says and with that leaves the room which got me thinking about should I trust him, listen to what he says, what if he is right. I mean why would someone threaten me for no reason but then people don't do things for reason always, shrugging all my thoughts locking them at the back of my mind for a while I went out for dinner.

*****
Hello, Lovelies!

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