June 17 2012

It's almost 7 O'clock and I haven't studied for my final exams yet. I know I should open my books and start working but I have to look at the news feed on Facebook. I was about to close my computer when a picture caught my attention. It was the picture of a guy. I didn't know him, but he looked cute. I checked out his profile. He was a little bit older than me, lived in my neighborhood and he knew Sandra, a friend of mine.

I asked Sandra about him and she told me that he was a really nice guy and that she knew him well. I couldn't help it; I sent him a friend request before going to bed. Again, I didn't even study, but it was worth it.

The next day, after struggling during my math exam, I talked to Hope about him. I've known Hope since I was seven. We were taking ballet classes together and became best friends in high school. There wasn't much to say yet, I told her how gorgeous he was and that I wanted to get to know him. She was really hoping I would make everything in my power to get his attention since he seemed perfect.

I also talked to Kim about him a few days later. She was my friend since forever, our parents were close friends. We were two totally different girls yet we were always together. She said she wanted to help me with Jeremiah. I didn't really need her help, but I didn't want to upset her.

When I finally got home, I went on my computer right away! He was online but I didn't talk to him. I didn't want to look annoying. I was about to log off because nothing interesting was going on when he started a conversation on Facebook chat. He talked to me first! I was overwhelmingly happy, but only because I had no idea of all the trouble he came with.

June 24 2014

It's summer. Everybody is happy about it. I don't even feel like its summer. My best friends, Hope and Judy swore it would be the best summer of my life. I doubt it. The best summer of my life happened two years ago, but I'll keep pretending I'm happy.

In order to celebrate the end of school, we're going to a party thrown by god knows who! It's going to be so lame. I'm attending this event for Hope; Judy is out of town and Hope didn't want to be alone. I should've done the same thins as Judy: travel to some random place and leave everything behind for a while.

We are here. It's boring. The music is lame, the individuals are lame, and the house is lame. Everything about that party is lame, but I seem to be the only one not enjoying it. I might as well get drunk so all of this will end faster. I hate the taste of alcohol, but I'm drinking it anyway. I was about to take my third shot of vodka when he came in. Out of all the parties there were that night he had to come to this one, the one where I was. I acted like I hadn't seen him even if every one always noticed him wherever he went. I was about to drink but he came towards me saying hi.

-Oh hi Jeremiah, I didn't notice you. There are so many people in here it's just crazy!

-Yea I know! I haven't seen you in a while...

- Yes, I am aware, but please do me a favor and stop pretending like you care because we both know you don't.

- What do you mean? I don't understand.

- You know what? Never mind! It was great to see you, enjoy this party. Good night! »

I took my last shot of vodka and stood up to leave but he took my arm.

- Tell me what's going on because I seriously have no clue...

- Well that's just too bad for you, isn't it?

I left. My head started spinning a little bit. I took 2 shots of tequila because I wouldn't survive through that night without it. Everything happened so fast. I was dancing, laughing, talking to everyone. I was actually having a good time. Then this cute guy came towards me. He was really hot; I was surprised he was even talking to me. We were dancing and he gradually came closer to me. He was so close that i could feel his warm breath on my cheek and It felt great. I was tired and I guess he was too because he said:

- Do you want to go sit over there? I'm exhausted with all this dancing.

- Of course I'm glad you asked! But there is only one chair...

- You can sit on my knees, I don't mind.

- Sounds good to me!

I sat on his knees. We were talking about random stuff when he softly kissed my cheek. I turned towards him. Our faces were almost touching. We looked into each other's eyes a little while and then he kissed me. 

At the beginning it was sweet but it became more and more intense. I felt his hands all over my body and I didn't mind, I felt free. I was kind of wishing Jeremiah would notice, not to make him jealous, only to make him realize that I was totally over him. I wanted him to understand that I could do whatever I wanted and that I didn't rely on him anymore. He needed to acknowledge the fact that my love for him was totally gone and that our story was deeply buried in the past. He would see that I wasn't the fragile girl he used to know; he would understand that I was stronger. All this was going through my head while I was kissing this guy. I didn't even know his name. 

All of a sudden someone grabbed me and started screaming on the guy. It was Jeremiah.

- What the hell is wrong with you? Taking advantage on a drunken girl? You better leave her alone dude!

- Look I'm sorry if she's your girlfriend, man, I had no Idea...

- She's not.

- He took me somewhere quiet.

- What's going on Sunshine? You're not like that.

- You haven't talked to me in like two years! People change you know and you don't get to call me sunshine anymore.

- Yes they change but I know that the girl I've seen making out with this douche bag isn't you!

- Why do you care anyway?

- Because you mean a lot to me.

- Oh really? Then tell me where the hell were you when I needed someone to talk to? You never even called me to know how I was doing. The past 2 years have been the worst of my life, but you wouldn't know that because for God knows what reason I wasn't good enough for you. I wasn't decent enough to at least be your friend. Do you know how much I have been a mess since you left? You have no idea because you gave up on me. So please don't act like you're happy to see me because you know that's not true.

- I'm sorry I...

- There's nothing left for you to say, Jer', I said it all.

I left. I was crying. I hate crying it makes me feel weak, but he always does this, making me feel weak.