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Chapter Nine

I AWOKE WITH A HEADACHE and the view of an unfamiliar ceiling. My head was so heavy—maybe it had something to do with my memories returning. I tried to get up, but firm hands pushed me back gently onto the bed. Bed? I was back at Ray's house and, apparently, in his room.

"R-Ray..?"

He shook his head as if to say, "You need to rest."

"Ziya, are you hurt anywhere?!" Thoma rushed to my side. "Can I get you anything? Glass of water? How do you feel? Do you want us to take you to the hospital? Should we—?"

"N-No, I'm fine," I breathed. "Just a little headache, that's all."

"We were so worried. We tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't open your eyes!"

"Really?" I looked at the three of them, and Subaru nodded.

"We thought you were a goner!" added Thoma.

Ray gave him a swift smack upside the head.

"Your pulse was a bit erratic after the rest of us woke up, but it calmed down a few minutes before you regained consciousness."

I placed a hand over my forehead. "Oh. I, umm..." So much had happened that I didn't know where to start.

"We should leave her alone," Subaru suggested. "At least we know she's safe."

Thoma lifted himself off the bed. "We'll be outside if you need anything, alright?"

I smiled at the offer. "Thanks."

They all headed towards the door, but Ray shot me another glance. "Don't get out of bed if you're unwell, got that?"

"Wha—?"

His frown settled. "Doctor's orders."

I pouted. "You're not even a doctor yet."

"I'm as good as one," he smirked, making me chuckle.

I was glad they'd all woken up safe.

Alone, I settled back down on the bed. The Nightmare really had the poorest timing; I had disappeared so suddenly, leaving Licht alone again. I wonder if he is okay... I still wanted to tell him...

Suddenly, a knock echoed at the door. I glanced over just as Ray entered again, carrying a tray.

"Drink this. It'll help if you feel dizzy." He handed me medicine and bottled water.

After following his advice, I fell right back into bed. Ray fixed some of the stuff by the bedside, and I observed him absorbedly, yet it surprised me when he placed his hand softly on my face.

"Is your fever back?"

Of course, he's just checking my temperature... But his touch was so soothing that I closed my eyes in relaxation. The cool sensation of his hand was pacifying. Ah, I've felt this before. My father used to take care of me when I had a fever. But my reverie was broken by a soft chuckle. I opened my eyes to find Ray smiling at me.

"Did I wake you? Sorry about that. You were so cute." I watched him dazedly. "Does that feel good?"

With languid eyes, I stared into his and watched his expression change. I was starting to feel unbearably hot. Ray uttered my name and I tried to smile, but a tear came first.

"Hm? Did I freak you out that much?" Ray blinked in surprise and looked away. "Sorry, I shouldn't have touched you without asking..."

Flustered, Ray tried to give me some space and prepared to leave the room. In truth, I felt more comfortable with him next to me. But could I ask him to stay?

"No..." I muttered as he reached the door. Afraid the cold would come creeping in, I mustered the courage to ask him, "Don't leave me. Please, stay with me a little longer."

Was it fine to ask him this? He'd asked the same of me the night before, hadn't he? Ray looked surprised for a moment, but quickly turned his head, for different reasons this time. Was he blushing? He didn't say anything, but pulled a chair over from his desk and sat down next to the bed.

"Does it hurt a lot?" he asked softly. I shook my head, but Ray's hand found its way to my forehead again. "You're really burning up again. You should rest."

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine."

"Who says I'm worried?" he muttered, but I knew he was just embarrassed about admitting it.

Somehow, I felt like I understood him a lot better now. His words were brusque, but he was genuinely kind. Have you been taking care of me all this time? I said Ray's name under my breath and rolled over onto my side so I faced him. He didn't seem astounded when I told him I'd gotten my memories back, but his hand fell to my cheek. As he moved closer, the light from outside reflected in one of his eyes, giving it a hazel brown glow.

"What happened back there?"

"I saw a vision," I told him with a gulp. Ray listened. "I saw the orphanage from the nightmare world. It was a nice place." I reached for his hand and placed it on my side. "Everyone was there. We were all orphans, I guess."

"I figured that, too, you know," he smiled faintly.

"Yes, well... you used to be pretty cute. I was looking at your younger self and thought, 'Yep, that's Ray!'"

"Oh, really? So, you recognised me that easily, huh?" he smirked devilishly. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. "I'd like to meet my brat self, one of these days," Ray chuckled and I started to squirm. "Then what happened?"

"The day I was brought to the orphanage, you guys made me feel accepted," I sighed. "After my father abandoned me, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. Knowing you and everyone else gave me the strength to go on."

Ray's attentive smile faded into a frown, if only for a second. "I wonder why I was orphaned. I guess I'll be lucky enough to know in time," he smirked, but there was a hint of sadness in it still.

Would it really be a good thing for everyone to get their memories back?

"I'm just glad you're alright," he added, and then he moved closer again, our faces only inches apart. Ray whispered, "Thanks for coming back to us safe and sound," and something compelled me to close my eyes.

I felt his lips brush against my forehead. In that moment, I forgot about how awful I had felt—I forgot about a lot of things—but I would never forget the sensation of his kiss, or how much I appreciated that he'd cared for me and stayed to hear me out. Eyes closed, I allowed a smile to spread across my face as I was reminded of our moment on the balcony; Ray had asked me to wait with him then, and I had asked him now, like repaying a favour, or perhaps something more than that.

As I drifted off to sleep, I realised how grateful I was that Ray and the others had made it back. I didn't know what I would have done if something had happened to them or Licht.

We've met one another before but lost our memories sometime after that. Why?

It was all still so foggy.

When I opened my eyes after an involuntary nap, Ray was gone. I didn't think I could fall asleep; I didn't think my fear of The Nightmare would let me, but alas. I couldn't remember dreaming. Maybe I'd drifted into subconscious thoughts like in hypnosis.

Ignoring the time on Ray's alarm clock and the sunlight seeping through the blinds, I lay alone in the quiet room with my recovered memories. I began to sift through them, hoping to find hints of what life had been like before Bluebells, to no avail. A moment later, the door crawled open.

"You're awake," noted Ray, a relieved smile on his face. "We're all gathered in the living room."

Deciding that I had rested enough, I stood from the bed and followed Ray to regroup with the others. I knew he had been by my side earlier, and a part of me wanted to ask him why he had left, but I refused to come across as needy or bothersome. As we arrived at the living room, Ray mentioned that he'd told them I'd regained my memories but nothing else. Thoma and Subaru got up from the couch upon noticing us, the former beaming ecstatically while the other blinked his blue eyes in surprise as if I had risen from the dead.

Subaru cleared his throat. "I suppose it's a good thing you got your memories back. We can try to figure out more about the nightmare world."

I nodded intently. It was bad enough to have lost Monica, but now that I knew more about our time together at the orphanage, I was even more determined for us to make it through this. The four of us sat down as I explained what had happened to the best of my ability.

"So, let me get this straight,"—Thoma held his hand up to count on his fingers—"First, we were all in the orphanage. That means we had no parents."

"We were left there," Ray interjected. He said it so casually, but I had to agree with him.

"Okay, fine. Next, you're saying the monster backed off?"

"After I remembered the past, yes."

"Why?" Ray wondered.

"I'm not sure, but it was pretty restless. Then, it deflated a bit," I said, and I could see it in my head so clearly, but it hardly frightened me now. "And also, I felt like as it was growing weaker, I was getting stronger. Like the monster's energy was flowing into me."

"The monster lost its strength, and at the same time, you grew stronger," said Ray with such disbelief that it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"So, we can defeat it by getting our memories back?" asked Subaru.

"That sounds plausible," added Thoma. "But why did Monica get eaten?"

Suddenly, there was an impenetrable chill in the air.

"There's still a lot of stuff we don't understand, but we won't get anywhere if we don't try to get our memories back first," said Ray matter-of-factly. "Just watch, I'll get my memories back next."

Subaru agreed, "The sooner we do, the sooner we can defeat the monster."

I asked him if he believed defeating the monster would get us out of the nightmare world.

"Can't say for sure, but I think it'll at least give us a clue to getting out."

"Hmm..." Thoma cupped his chin. "But why did we lose our memories in the first place?"

"I bet it has something to do with that man we called 'Father,'" declared Ray.

"What? You're saying our memories might've been erased by that old guy? What a jerk!" Thoma tucked his fringe behind his ear—the parts that stayed anyway.

"Is it even possible to erase a person's memories in the first place?" I asked.

Ray scowled. "As far as I know, there's no way of intentionally erasing someone's memories. I haven't heard of any successful modern attempts to do so anyway."

"Let's search for more information about the orphanage," suggested Subaru.

As we shared ideas, I could not help but feel more determined. I hope they get their memories back, too. But there was an unease in my heart that I couldn't seem to shake. They didn't know, and I couldn't tell them yet, but our past lives weren't as happy as they hoped.

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