MY HEART FELT SO HEAVY. I was unwanted—unloved. My eyes started burning as I tried to hold back the tears, only opening them when I heard someone say my name. A large man bent down and his hand warmed my shoulder. I glanced down at my body to realise that I'd transformed into my childhood self. These were my memories.

"Welcome to Bluebells."

"Bluebells..?" I squeaked, my own voice unrecognisable. I had found myself in a foyer with rosewood floors and a grand sandstone staircase.

"This will be your new home, Ziyanda."

"Home?" I asked, confused. "Papa..." I wanna go home. Where's Papa?

"Yes, that's right," said the man. "From now on, you will call me Father." Father gently ruffled my hair. "We're your family now."

Every thread of my being burned with refusal. A new family? I don't want a new family! But in that moment, I knew for certain... I was abandoned. I'll never get my family back now. I'll never be the same again... I want to cry, but the tears won't even come. I feel so broken...

Father smiled nervously, noticing my expressionless daze. "I'm sure you children will get along just fine."

There are other children, too?

The door creaked open to reveal nothing but a hollow space beyond, and then, a boy poked his little head out from behind Father. I knew him. Of course, at the time, I had only just met him.

"Licht, what took you so long?"

"I'm sorry. I was playing with the other kids."

The man hummed in a low tone. He didn't seem to actually be upset with the boy.

"Who's this, Father?" Licht gazed at me intently, like I was from another planet.

To be honest, I didn't feel comfortable there.

"Now, son, don't be rude." The man put his hand on my shoulder again. "This is Ziyanda. She'll be living with us from now on."

"Hello, Ziyanda," Licht blinked his violet eyes, and he offered me his hand. "I'm Licht. Wanna be friends?"

"Say hello, Ziyanda."

At Father's urging, I took his hand. "Okay..."

Licht squeezed my hand and smiled. At that moment, my empty heart was overwhelmed with warmth and tears began to spill from my eyes. Without saying a word, Licht pulled me into a hug, held me close, and let me cry against his chest until I couldn't cry anymore.

Once I'd settled down, Licht took me upstairs to a different room. He tried not to say anything on the way there—he kept taking glimpses at me, so I could tell he wanted to speak, but he just ended up looking away again. I wondered if he was worried that I'd start crying again. Eventually, I heard mumbles and commotion, and we arrived at an open door. In the room were four single beds, a closet, a bookshelf, and four strangers.

"Guys! We've got a new friend!" announced Licht. "Come on, Ziyanda."

I timidly peeked out from behind him as the other kids walked up to us. I felt nervous with everyone staring.

"Subaru, come here!"

A boy named Subaru walked over to us. His long hair concealed his face, but he kept my interest. It was that emptiness; the hollowness that emanated from him felt the same as that which dwelled within me. A bright red eye peered from behind his bangs.

"Umm..."

"So pretty..." I said aloud without thinking. His breathtaking eye suddenly put me at ease; it felt like the weight in my heart had lifted. I had never seen anything like it.

His eyes were like something out of a fairy tale and I wanted to get closer, to hold a magnifying glass to them as one would to authenticate gemstones.

"I'm Ray. What's your name?"

Snapping out of my fantasies, I ogled the boy with fiery red hair.

"Are you mute?"

"That's not nice, Ray," Subaru came to my defence.

"Father said it's rude not to answer questions."

Subaru ignored Ray's remarks and took my hand. "My name is Subaru. What about you?"

"Ziya..." I said finally.

I glimpsed over at Licht; I hadn't had the heart to tell him that I went by 'Ziya' instead, but he just gave me a thumbs-up and nodded for me to continue.

A girl with beautiful curly hair appeared in front of me.

"Oh, you can talk! Finally, there's another girl around here!" Monica hugged me tightly. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to hug her back. Her warmth was so comforting that I felt like crying all over again. "Playing with boys is so boring. Let's go dress up some dollies, Ziya."

This is my new home. My new family... Miraculously, the dark, heavy feelings that had once clouded my heart cleared away. Suddenly, I felt as if my mind was leaving this body like I was looking down at her instead of through her. She was no longer just a girl abandoned in a park. She was more than that now; she belonged somewhere.

That's right.

While in my state of thought, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Thoma looking down all alone...

I'm not alone.

His sadness struck me—but it was more than sadness, that word didn't feel strong enough.

I'm not forsaken.

With a pale face and eyes void of vigour, Thoma was unrecognisable, but for his honey hair.

I have a loving family now.

When I came back to myself, I realised that I was still in the nightmare world, holding a bloodied Licht in my arms.

"Licht! Wh-What the—?" My head beat like a drum, the reality of the situation crashing into me. Right, Licht protected me!

"GRAAAAAGHHH!"

The monster loomed over us as if to attack again. Ray and Subaru were standing on the opposite side of it. They're okay! By the state of things, I had only been unconscious for a few seconds, but it was still too long. The monster let out another threatening, guttural growl, and I glared right back at the ghastly beast, my eyes narrowing in anger, a newfound strength flowing into me.

"I won't let you do this. I won't give Licht to the likes of you!" I proclaimed.

All of its mouths moved wildly, including those from the three vaguely human heads above that grotesque, pallid eyeball, and the two on its supposed cheeks—the two with chattering teeth. I was hurting it somehow. At the same time that the monster started writhing in pain, my heart started burning.

"I won't lose to you! I won't back down!" I yelled. "I won't let you take anything else from me..!"

With a grumble, the hideous form started to retreat, and I embraced Licht even tighter. As the monster seemed to back off, Licht stirred in my arms.

"Licht, you're okay, aren't you?"

He nodded weakly, his face slightly twisted in pain. The fabric from his clothes was torn near his shoulder, and there was a bit of bleeding. Luckily, he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere else.

"Ziya..." he croaked. "We have to get out of here before it's too late."

We watched the monster turn into a restless blob, spiking its body in all directions—it sent a park bench flying into the bushes. All the while, the beast never stopped moaning and grumbling and wailing.

"It looks like it's in pain," I murmured. "But why?"

"We better go before it starts chasing us again."

I nodded in response and stood, propping Licht up. "Ray, Licht and I are going this way for now."

"Got it! We'll regroup later," he replied.

Part of me had expected him to question me and reiterate that we needed to stay together, but he didn't. He must have seen that Licht was injured, that it was near impossible for us to reach them like this with the monster between us. Splitting up was the better option while the beast was distracted, now was our time to escape.

When we neared the gate, Licht paused for a while. I could still hear the monster crying faintly in the distance.

"You... You can let go of me now, Ziya."

"Why would I do that?" I panted, dragging Licht's limping body, determined to get away from the scene even if we had to crawl.

"I'm too heavy for you," he said softly. "I'll try to walk by myself. Please."

I looked back in the direction of the park, hoping that the coast was clear. "I can't," I held onto him even tighter. "What if the monster shows up again?"

"Don't worry, I can handle it. Please?"

I glimpsed from Licht, to the park, and back to Licht. Reluctantly, I let him go. "Don't push yourself, okay?"

Licht smiled, "I'm stronger than I look. More importantly, I'm glad you're okay." He chuckled gently but immediately winced in pain thereafter.

"See? I told you to be careful."

"It just stings a little, that's all," he said and nonchalantly took my hand. "Let's walk like this."

Now that I had my memory back, walking with Licht like that felt especially strange. So I have met Licht before after all. By giving me that hug back then, he healed my heart without needing to say a word. I'm so glad I remember it now. But... why does he only exist in the nightmare world? When I started to feel uneasy, I squeezed his hand a little tighter, felt his faint warmth against my skin. That warmth was proof that he was here with me right now—it was enough to subdue my worries, to know he was alive.

As Licht and I walked along the city, I told him about my memories. Every last detail I shared with him.

He spoke after a while, taking it in. "I had no idea your past was so painful. You're truly amazing, being able to overcome your past like that. And to think that we knew each other this whole time... Man, now I really want to get my memories back," Licht said cheerfully, his genuine smile making me happier, too.

The streets were more recognisable now that I seemed to have regained my memories. We were navigating a brick walkway, a body of water shimmering and expanding to the right of us. I believed we were at the waterfront, behind the stretch of restaurants and shops on the water's edge. It might have been beautiful, in a serene sort of way, had we been alone.

A crowd of people passed us by, aimlessly wandering.

"I've never seen people here before."

"They're always here, but they never talk to me."

I wondered what Licht was thinking, he considered this his home after all. He'd been all alone in this world. Did he ever feel uneasy about it or find it strange?

"Didn't you ever think it was weird?" I looked at him, curious.

"I did at first, but I can't really do anything about it. Still, this is what I know to be my reality. You don't have to feel sorry for me."

It was hard not to when the only bearable thing about this realm was having others here with me. I couldn't imagine being here alone—if I did, it felt like being abandoned all over again. Not knowing what to say, I squeezed Licht's hand and lowered my gaze.

The people didn't bother us as they glided across the brick road. Beneath the beam of the streetlights, they appeared grey, ghostlike, sending goosebumps across my skin. Even our child apparitions still seemed like real people.

Eventually, Licht and I circled into a neighbourhood. I set my sights on an awfully familiar row of houses when Licht took a sharp breath.

"Are you okay?" I noticed him wincing, trying his best to lift his wounded shoulder.

We had been walking for a while. He was okay earlier, but now he looks so pale. Has he been putting up with the pain all this time for my sake? Licht swung his hand, and the ground was stained with droplets of crimson. He's bleeding again! What should I do? WhatshouldIdo?! I have to take him somewhere he can rest. No, first I need to stop the bleeding!

"Ziya, I'm fine. I just—"

"That's it!" Suddenly, I recalled somewhere we could get medical tools and some rest. "Follow me!"

Licht blinked, and I pulled him along gently. I applied pressure on his wound until we reached an old cottage at the end of the street. I stood looking at the house before me, feeling a slight ache in my chest.

"Where are we?"

I sighed, "I used to live here."

I helped Licht inside, but something stopped me from crossing the trestle.

"Ziya?" he called out to me worriedly.

This is the place where I was born, the place where my mother and father raised me. But they abandoned me. Even though they so lovingly took care of me... I was absolutely terrified to go in there, to set foot in a place where I had once been showered with fake love.

Licht squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Ziya, you don't have to do this. There's something about this place that makes you feel uncomfortable, right?" he smiled at me. I held my breath, my feet refused to budge an inch. "It's alright, Ziya. We don't have to go in."

"But..."

"Don't force yourself. I'm sure you still have a lot to process. I'm really fine. See?" He showed me his shoulder, moving his arm about slightly to convince me. "The bleeding stopped."

Licht was trying so hard to look out for me, but, I was such a coward. I knew that I had to pull myself together. I have no other choice. I can't be held back by the past; I have to focus on what I can do now.

"Ziya?"

"I'm fine," I told myself. "I'm fine. Come on, let's go inside."

I took Licht by the waist and he didn't resist. I could feel the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat as I opened the door to the living room.

"I'm sorry about this," he murmured.

"Don't be. I'm the one who should apologise," I led him to the couch. "Sit right there and get some rest, I'll be right back."

Licht dropped slowly to the sofa, and I dashed to the cabinets in the kitchen.

"Where is it?" I mumbled to myself as I opened a drawer, looking for the first aid kit. Got it! I hurried back to find Licht with his eyes closed. "Licht, stay with me. Please don't leave me!"

His eyes popped open. Breathing a sigh of relief, I moved towards treating his wound. He struggled to take his shirt off.

"It's not that bad of an injury. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

Regardless of what he said, I still gasped when I saw his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Licht. You got hurt because of me."

"It's not your fault," he said, his eyes widening at the thought of me blaming myself. "You were in trouble and I didn't think—I just acted. I needed to keep you away from harm. Even though I don't have any memories of you, I wanted to protect you. Maybe it was fate?"

I was so helpless; how long would I keep imposing on his kindness? I bit my lip, dabbing a disinfected cotton swab on his wound. Licht hissed through his teeth, trying to endure the sting. I was relieved it wasn't as deep as it could have been, but I knew it still hurt. I could feel the corners of my eyes burn with remorse. Why did this have to happen? Licht noticed me beginning to cry and asked me to look at him, but I lowered my head, rubbing my eyes. Out of the blue, I felt Licht's cold hands cup my face.

"Look at me," he said again as he caught my tear-filled gaze, his hands holding me in place. "I'm alright." He wiped away a tear with his thumb.

"I was so scared..."

Licht's touch left my face and found its way to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. He was still as white as a sheet of paper, but he kept his gentle smile.

"Have you calmed down?" His gaze cast a bolt into my heart as if stopping it for a minute.

"Y-Yes..." I sniffled, securing the bandage over his skin.

Before I could react, Licht sat up from the backrest and trapped me in his arms.

"Please don't blame yourself. It was scary and nerve-wracking... but you came into this house to help me. What would I have done without you?"

I put my arms around Licht—the scent emanating from him sedated me and the touch of his strong hands made me feel safe.

"Thank you, Ziya," he murmured into my ear.

I took comfort in his embrace, but it was not long before I started to feel sleepy.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner—" I yawned.

Licht watched me expectantly, but before I could finish what I wished to say, my vision became blurry, and I heard the distant sound of bells ringing.

Not again, not now!

I knew it was time to wake up.