'we try to hide our feelings but we forget our eyes speak.' unknown.

season 1, episode 4
cherokee rose

Day 68

It felt wrong not to help. It all…it felt wrong.

Sadie couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, but it all felt bad. Guilt tended to eat her alive. Inside to outside. She couldn't sleep that night. Her brain spewed out 'What-Ifs' to her to make sure she didn't. What if Carl dies if you close your eyes? What if he turns? What if this was all her fault?

The rocks were meant as a replacement tombstone. They couldn't exactly call up the nearest funeral home anymore and get one custom made. At least this one was picked up by everyone who appreciated Otis, even if they didn't know him.

What if it was Isaac instead of Carl? What if he went with Shane and Otis out of guilt? What if you accepted that you caused this?

Guilt, much like any emotion, was like mold. It took over slowly then all at once. You can't stop it, not when it's too late. It's already festering; from the moment the world greeted you, it riddled you with guilt as if it were your birthright. Sadie's guilt formed as she did, not before she could even be considered to be living. It wasn't until she was seven when she tore down the floral wallpaper to find the mold she had adapted to.

Guilt was a long-term friend, possibly lover to the Fontaine girl.

So don't be disturbed by the warped walls and thick air, the spores are just friends; it is just how she shared her bone-house. Not so much of sharing and more so of an infestation—but at this point it was all the same.

The chilling stone stung her palms as she handed it over to Patricia. No words were necessary. Flowers were accustomed, but stones would never die. They were forever—and in a time of unknown futures, forever was important. It was all they had.

No matter what you think, you caused this.

Car engines hummed in the distance. Some of the others went back to the highway to bring back the vehicles and help rig a scene for Sophia. Unless they had found her. But seeing the grim atmosphere collid, creating a suffocating cloud, Sadie knew the truth.

Everyday the odds grew out of their favor—hope lessened. That little girl she knew briefly had a better chance of being found in pieces than breathing.

Sadie winced. She couldn't think like that. She shouldn't. There was always a chance. That's all they needed, a chance, a sliver of hope that Sophia Peletier was alive. She needed to believe in that small chance. She needed to.

Not for herself, not for the possible parallel of her own life, but for the terrified girl and pained mother.

T-Dog went to bring out Rick and Lori as the others parked their vehicles. Sadie migrated to her people, standing by their sides as the other group spoke.

"How is he?"

Lori's joy was unfathomable despite the thick air. It was a rainbow in the face of a hurricane. If there could be happiness in the End, there was a chance for it to last forever. A chance is all they needed. "He'll pull through. Thanks to Hershel and his people."

"And Shane," Rick added smoothly, eyeing his best friend. "We'd have lost Carl if not for him."

Shane, drowning in fabric, watched without pride or an inflated ego and hair. His sudden change in appearance shifted Sadie's perception of him. He came off as…dangerous. He stood with indifference, something Sadie did not pick up on at the time. She was too preoccupied with observing the others and indulged herself in emotions; they shared hugs and words of gratitude. Hope and joy never seemed so alive, it seemed idiotic to not enjoy it.

But it didn't take long before the hurricane drowned it out.

They moved the gathered rocks some ways away from the house, underneath two towering trees where Otis apparently spent some time before. The story was kept short but the way Beth spoke of it sounded like it was a spot special to the whole family. Sadie speculated it had to do with her brother.

"Blessed be God," Hershel began, commencing the funeral. One by one, Otis' people stepped forward and grabbed the few stones in the wheelbarrow and placed it onto the stack. "Father of our lord, Jesus Christ. Praise be to him for the gift of our brother Otis, for his span of years, for his abundance of character; Otis, who gave his life to save a child's, now more than ever, our most precious asset. We thank you, God, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived. In grace.

"Shane," Hershel paused, directing eyes to the drowning man. "Will you speak for Otis?"

"I'm not good at it." His head dipped. "I'm sorry."

Sadie's eyes unthinkingly glued to Shane. His figure blurred in her vision like rain on a frosted window. He couldn't speak as the last person who saw Otis; she couldn't stop crying as someone who would never know him.

"You were the last one with him," Patricia croaked out behind her waterfall of tears. "You shared his final moments. Please. I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning."

A weak sound escaped Shane. "Okay…We were about done. Almost out of ammo. We were down to pistols by then. I was limping. It was bad. Ankle all swollen up. 'We've got to save the boy.' See, that's what he said. He gave me his backpack. He shoved me ahead. 'Run,' he said. He said, 'I'll take the rear. I'll cover you.' And when I looked back…" His eyes met Patricia's. His lack of words told a tale.

He limped forward towards the wheelbarrow. "If not for Otis, I'd have never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl too. It was Otis. He saved us both. If any death ever had meaning, it was his."

As a final good-bye to the hero, Shane placed his small, yet meaningful stone with the rest. Sadie hoped Otis knew his death wasn't in vain; he was a hero.

Even if the truth was altered.

"Maybe if you just listen to me, we'd have the tent up by now," Isaac insisted, waving his hand in frustration.

If one felt one emotion, it was bound to be replicated by the other ten folds. Wind had a tendency to accelerate fire.

Alyson pinched the bridge of her nose, unknowingly wrinkling the smudged instruction manual in her other hand. "You've never spent more than a week camping—and even then you slept in the van!"

"I was a boy scout! We learned how to set up tents," he argued, flailing his arms like one of the inflatable tubes at car dealerships.

"And you quit when you realized you had to actually go camping!"

Sadie sighed, switching her gaze to the navy blue nylon intertwined with a collapsed metal rod, also known as their sad excuse of a tent. Glenn had given the teens an extra they packed as they thought another family would be going with them. Seeing the lack of another family, Sadie assumed how that ended.

Eyes from around the new camp landed on the stubborn teenagers. Strangely, there was no detection of annoyance. Quite the opposite. Amused smiles and stifled laughter were found.

It took the weight of Sadie's shoulders. Her two friends had become accustomed to their arguments only being seen by Sadie, that their brains blocked out the other group automatically. Their voices raised to near-extreme levels with harmless punches and pushes.

Still embarrassing nonetheless.

"The reason I quit is irrelevant because I still learned how to pitch a tent."

"Alright, then why isn't our tent pitched?"

"Someone packed it wrong! We are supposed to have one pole, not these rods."

Sadie knew better than to interrupt them—many, many, many instances of being yelled anger-filled words at for attempting to provide civility would almost always be followed by Sadie's feelings getting hurt occurred before she learned to just stay silent.

But remaining quiet didn't mean she couldn't help in other ways.

Taking each step on the tips of her toes, Sadie pulled the rod inside the tent out. She kneeled at a corner and inserted the first rod as far as she could to reach the other end. Sadie stood back up and eyed her friends. Isaac had yanked the manual out of Alyson's hands and took it upon himself to read the step-by-step instructions aloud. Sadie rolled her eyes before going around to the opposite end, making sure her steps were quiet.

Miraculously, she managed to get the second rod in without either hot-headed teen to notice. To think that they were the top of their class! You would think they would be able to read instructions, or put two and two together and realize they were given the wrong manual. Sadie may have not been on the path into a pre-med program but she sure as hell knew the difference between a pyramid tent and a dome tent.

"—in order for the pole to stay up, we need to put the stakes in," Isaac emphasized for the third time.

Alyson let out an exasperated exhale, slamming her arms to the side. "Then do it! Go ahead and try it—"

She cut herself off at the sight of Sadie raising the tent without stakes or a center pole. Realization hit the two like a bus. There was a reason they had two foldable rods instead of a singular solid pole—and it wasn't because it was packed incorrectly.

And finally, they were silent.

Sadie swiped two mallets and eight stakes from the ground, splitting them evenly between her two hands that stretched towards her friends. "Can you two handle securing the tent or do we need to read the van's owner manual to figure it out?"

A loud ha echoed from Glenn's vicinity. It was quickly stifled as he hid behind a tree.

"Whatever," Isaac and Alyson said, taking the tools and getting to work. If Sadie was like either one of them, she would have rubbed their ironic unity in their face.

Instead she went back to her task of collecting branches for extra stakes or a fire.

"How long's this girl been lost?" Hershel inquired after being informed about the group's plans for a search, just outside the small collection of trees that they set up camp in. Alyson and Isaac paid no mind to the conversation out of embarrassment but also because they opted to stay back to help set up camp with Glenn, Lori, Carol, T-Dog, and Dale. Sadie agreed to nothing, but the others assumed she was with them.

Her hands fiddled with stray branches as she listened in—painfully obvious. She kneeled back to the ground to gather more as Maggie trudged by with a medium rolled-up paper.

"This'll be day three."

"County survey map. Shows terrain and elevations." The woman laid the map across Carol's Cherokee, placing stones that were deemed too small for Otis' grave to hold it down.

Rick leaned forward, taking in the area, already deciphering a course of action. Sadie observed him. "This is perfect. We can finally get this thing organized. We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams."

The teen wondered when he learned to do this; be a leader, take action, do what needed to be done. Was it before, or after becoming a police officer? Did he learn it through the academy, or throughout time? How did he know what was the right decision when both seemed to be good?

She stood up and turned, having too many branches and not enough hands. The others, who have been working diligently to create a space of comfort, didn't mind. They were worried about Sophia, yet they were okay with staying behind and helping out in a different way. But why not do more? Her mom had always taught her to do everything she can to help. That’s how Jessica lived her life; never a day without aiding someone else’s.

"You can just set them there, sweetheart," Lori instructed as she unraveled her family's tent. Some were theirs, from whatever camp they had previously. The rest were gifted by the Greene's. Some singles and one family for the Grimes.

"Okay." Her attention was quickly reeled away from the cacophony drop of wood by Maggie asking about medicine.

"...got more antibiotics, bandages, anything like that?"

Rick paused for a moment before looking over his shoulder at Sadie. He had noticed her before, listening in and observing. He gave her a look of trust, one stronger than the unspoken pact on the highway. She nodded as she stood up, allowing him to tell Maggie. "They do."

This caught Alyson and Isaac's attention. It was no longer just them in the world despite only recently getting used to that fact. This place, the people. They were safe in Sadie's eyes. They could make the farm a if they were allowed to, it could be more than just the three of them scavenging for scraps. There was a chance.

"What are you looking for?" Sadie questioned as Isaac hesitantly looped his key ring out of his pocket. She glanced back at him with hopeful eyes but also understanding. People took advantage of others, they knew that first hand.

"Anything, really. Just need a little to keep everyone stable."

But they were not those types of people. Sadie had to believe that.

A jingle came from behind. Sadie turned around with her hands cupped. Isaac tossed them, no longer dripping in hesitancy but in confidence that this would be good for them.

The girl smiled before lightly skipping towards the van. Once unlocked, she pulled open the doors. The adults stared in awe at the renovations the teens did. A van that once held up to seven, had seats for two and a futon that acted as a chair most days. Cabinets hammered into the walls, ruining them but that was the price for storage.

Only one face that Sadie noticed immediately wasn't satisfied. Not nearly the definition of anger, but more of the definition of frustrated.

Sadie's face fell for a moment. It was no longer just them, lost in the chaos. But it was only each other who they could trust. Helping others like her mom taught her to do was one thing in a world she was supposed to live in. That world was long gone and her mom was nowhere near to tell her what she should do. This new world was not meant for living. Not anymore. Not anytime soon.

She fixed her face, following Maggie inside. She unlatched the baby locks that kept everything secured inside.

"We often found more than we needed. Sometimes we took it, sometimes we didn't," Alyson huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

With a final click, Sadie let the doors swing opening, revealing various bottles of different sizes and outcomes that rattled inside. "Take your pick."

"You kids got lucky out there," Hershel told, causing the girls to look at him. "Got even luckier finding Rick and his folks. You brought luck to us with what you've got."

"You don't have a ton of antibiotics but these will do until I can go into town," Maggie informed, holding two bottles of pain relievers. She gave Sadie and Alyson the warmest smile in the creeping fall weather. "Thank you."

"No problem."

An echoing gurgle that only Sadie could hear started off quiet, almost imaginary in the dead of night. Haunting her sleepless night, it grew. Louder and louder. And when she believed it had lessened?

It only grew worse.

That's how bad feelings occurred. They were loud, yet silent. Said everything, yet nothing at the same time.

Sadie believed—wanted to believe that the bad feeling that bubbled with a terrifying gurgle would only be the embarrassing scene of her friends arguing over nothing.

But it was real. With a gurgle of hunger, bubbling blisters from adapting to the water, and monstrous vocals that echoed upward.

It stared up at her, hunger driving its need to climb for her. It would devour her, savoring her whole being, only to never acknowledge her significance after. It would be driven by an untamable hunger. And all Sadie could do was lean over the brick edge and observe it.

Bile rose in Sadie's throat as she peered down the deep tunnel to find a creep that had to have been there for some time to gain gills. Her hand hovered over her lips. The others had appeared to be drained dry from the scorching sun, while the thing below soaked up the water like a sponge. She wondered when or if it would burst like a water balloon.

Shining his light at it, Dale grimaced as he spoke, "Looks like we've got us a swimmer."

Questions swirled in Sadie's mind. How has no one spotted it? From the gaping hole in the well cover that was tossed aside by T-Dog and Dale, someone was bound to have seen it before them. Why was nothing done to get it out?

"We can't leave it in there. God knows what it's doing to the water," Lori pointed out.

Alyson sighed, pushing her stray strands out of her sweaty face. "Regardless of if we can get it out, the water isn't drinkable."

"Still. We gotta get it out," Shane tugged up his pants, contorting his face as if he was thinking.

Isaac looked around for anything that could help. That thing was three times what he could carry. Together, maybe—and that was a maybe—they could get it out. There were too many possibilities to take into account. Too many what-ifs.

"Easy. Put a bullet in its head."

"And contaminate the water further? Smart," Alyson mocked, squinting her eyes with a jut at T-Dog. He waved her off, but acknowledged that she was still right. She let out a tut.

"She's right. Can't risk it."

"So it has to come out alive?"

"So to speak."

Glenn leaned down with his hands resting on his knees, taking a better look at the monster. "How do we do that?"

Sadie looked at Isaac. If anyone here had been thinking of a solution, it was him. He just needed to think rather than act.

But eyes moved between everyone, hoping for an answer. This wasn't something they could just wait out and let fester. It needed to be dealt with.

He felt her eyes. His flickered to Maggie. "You got any rope?" He paused with knitted eyebrows before following up with. "And any old meat?"

After some time, Maggie reluctantly returned with everything he asked for. She didn't have numerous questions but once Isaac's brain started to go, it wouldn't stop. Sadie could see in his face that he didn't fully believe in his idea. As he lowered the tied ham down, bouncing it a few times in front of the monster, his beliefs were proven right.

"He's not going for it," Dale verified, causing Isaac to huff. The heat and pressure from the adults wasn't helping him one bit. Sadie squeezed his shoulder.

"Maybe 'cause a canned ham don't kick and scream when you try to eat it."

"He's right. There's a reason the dead didn't come back to life and start raiding our cupboards," Lori agreed, looking up at Isaac for more ideas. His face turned grim. "What are you thinking?"

A sigh fled him as his shoulders slump. His eyes trained on the maneater while his bottom lip was trapped in between his teeth. "wehavetosendsomeonedown."

"What was that?" Shane asked, dipping down to hear him.

Isaac looked up, his legs elevated his body as he did. Shane followed him, gazing at him as an equal and not like the kid he saw him as before. "We have to send someone down. They get the noose around it, while keeping its attention."

Alyson snapped her head, unsure of if her mind made up what he said or he actually said it. "What?"

"We need live bait," Andrea confirmed. She turned to Glenn with a smile. The adults stared at him as well.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alyson repeated, gazing with wide-eyes at the adults they were meant to trust.

Sadie gnawed on her fingernails. What were they getting themselves into?

It seemed as if Alyson's protesting became white noise. The next thing they knew, Shane was tying a piece of rope around Glenn's waist after creating a pulley system. Glenn was attempting to confirm his safety with Shane by complimenting him but it wouldn't matter in the end.

This was a stupid idea that would lead to someone's death.

"Have I mentioned that I really like your new haircut? You have a nice shaped head."

Alyson patted his shoulder with force, hoping to rattle some sense in his brain. His hands gripped the edge of the well. He peered up at her, life-flashing before his eyes. "Lying isn't gonna save you from getting bit."

Shane gave Alyson a heated look before going back to ignoring her existence. "Don't worry about it, bud. Aye, we're gonna get you out of here in one piece."

"Living piece! That living part is important."

Sadie watched, crouched on the ground, thankful she had offered to hold onto Glenn's hat for him as it kept the sun out of her eyes. Why was Glenn so willing to risk his life for them? Just because of history? Is this why he complained the day before about it always being him? They didn't need to get the creep out, the water was done for already. They didn't need to die for something they could scavenge for with the river nearby.

Isaac held out a piece of the rope towards Sadie. She sighed, standing up and grabbing it. She readjusted Glenn's cap as she watched Glenn exhale; at least it wasn't her. What an awful thing to think. Alyson took her place behind her as Isaac went behind Glenn to watch over. He was the fastest. If anything were to go wrong, he'd be able to make it right.

"Nice and slow, please."

"We got you."

"Oh, you people are crazy," Maggie yelled out.

Sadie and Alyson made eye contact. Alyson's eyes screamed 'I told you so'. Sadie looked away. Why was it so easy for them to put one of their own in danger? Would they do the same to strangers? Are these the type of people they should be helping?

"You want to get it out of your well or not?"

"Give us an eye there, Maggie."

She joined Isaac, staring over Glenn. He receded down the hole as she shook her head. Slowly, the line allowed the rough material to slide out of their palms. Maggie directed them.

Then as expected, something went wrong.

The water spout snapped under pressure, flying from its post and sending everyone off balance. The sudden shift in stability caused the rope to shoot forward, sending Glenn further down. His screams echoed upward.

Hastily, Isaac snatched the rope, tearing his skin before he could think to blink. Everyone rushed to regain stability to save Glenn. They huddled together against the rim of the well to keep Glenn up. It felt like time was slipping with the rope. Sadie pressed her outsole onto the rim of the well, wrapping the rope around her forearm to ease the weight off of T-Dog's injured arm. It wasn't much, but it helped. Shane was able to start pulling Glenn up with adrenaline pumping in his veins. That adrenaline transferred to everyone else.

In a few blinks, Sadie saw a hand, then another grab onto the pipe. Shane let go of the rope and yanked Glenn onto the ground. A knife unsheathed as Alyson dropped beside him to check for bites.

Sadie turned to the source of the noise once Alyson confirmed with heavy breathing that he wasn't bit. Isaac stood with his machete out. His hand squeezed the handle, but that wasn't the cause of his shaking.

"He's fine." She led the weapon back into his holster. His dazed eyes blinked at hers. A breath was released.

"Back to the drawing board."

Glenn got up with a smile, bigger than anyone who had just faced death should have. "Says you."

He handed the old man the rope. He gave it a tug, resistant on the other side answered. At the other end was the monster with the rope fastened around its thick waist.

Once again, Isaac opted to stand lookout, this time with T-Dog as everyone else pulled the monster up. He asked Maggie if they could bring one of the horses that she planned to use to go to town to aid them. It took the whole group pumped with adrenaline to pull Glenn back up, they needed more.

Isaac peered down, grimacing at the smell that rose up. He buried his nose behind his wrist, ignoring the aroma that slipped passed. The rope squeezed the creep's body, causing a squelching sound. As it neared the edge, the boy noticed the rope rose from its waist to underneath its arms. Blood seeped from every pore that monster had, confirming that the water was unusable.

Up close, it was massive.

Her bloody organ pounded in her ears, ringing every panic alarm that Sadie's brain set up for her. The monster reached for her, yearning to tear her flesh and use her bones as toothpicks.

The size of it must have been the reason it got stuck on the edge. No one dared to pause and allow Isaac to attempt to lift it up despite his best efforts to bring it to their attention. It was a scenario ready to be repeated.

"Hey, wait. Guys!"

Isaac stepped forward to yank it up by its soaking pants. And as he thought before, it was too much for him to hold. His hands slipped from the wet material as the squelching sound shifted into tearing.

A sudden change in force as the body ripped in half sent Isaac stumbling forward with the bottom half. His face barely kissed the falling guts before he was yanked back. He landed in what remained above ground, soaking his white shirt in red.

"You okay? Are you okay?" T-Dog repeated, holding out his good arm for Isaac.

He reached for it with a grimace. "Yeah. Thank you."

"We shouldn't seal off this well."

"Yeah, might be a good idea."

Andrea stepped forward. "So what do we do about—"

She was cut off by rage. T-Dog slammed the broken well spout into the creep's head, leaving it more unrecognizable than before it turned semi-aquatic. He groaned in pain. "Good thing we didn't do anything stupid like shoot it."

Sadie sighed, resting her arms over her head. She eyed Alyson, who clenched her jaw, glaring at the scene before them.

"You're getting better at that," Alyson pointed out, nodding her head at Sadie managing to catch the blade without hesitation nor dropping it. Sadie paused, catching it and acknowledging that she was getting better. She lifted her head to look at her.

Her eyes were half-lidded and dim. As if there was a light in a house indicating someone was there but the flame had chewed through all the wick and was surviving off the end in a pool of wax. There was something eating away at Alyson. "Yeah, I guess I am."

No other words surfaced. Alyson shifted her gaze to Isaac who was sitting in the back of the van, checking the amount of bullets his gun held. Everyone had disbursed to do things before the sun disappeared. No need to waste daylight as Maggie said before departing into town with Glenn. Isaac didn't need to worry about anyone seeing the weapon. Her jaw clenched like at the well.

Isaac felt her gaze. Crinkling his eyes and nose due to the sun. "If you've got something to say, say it."

"You don't trust them so you carry that gun," Alyson began without missing a beat, gesturing towards the weapon, "yet you almost died for them at the well."

One.

Sadie flipped the blade, observing how the light bended against the metal. She zoned into the sound caused by the blade slicing through the air. She couldn't help but ponder the possibilities she could achieve with something that small, yet dangerous. Could she be like the blade?

Two.

"I was helping them." Isaac shoved the magazine back inside, moving his eyes everywhere to keep from staring at Alyson's hard eyes.

"They aren't worth dying for."

Three.

You know the street performers that could juggle machetes without an ounce of fear to be detected on their face? They controlled the blades, deciding where it would go and when. The blade was just a tool, even with the possibility of it harming them, it was just a tool. An object. If they wished for it to harm them, it would.

Isaac stood up. Wind accelerated fire. But fire could coerce the wind without effort. The gun clattered softly against the hard plastic of the van's floor. "They're people, Alyson! I don't know if you haven't noticed but there aren't that many left to not help."

Four.

If she wanted to hurt herself, Sadie could.

The girl scanned the tree ahead, glancing down at her blade. It was hers. There was nothing for her to fear when she had it in her grasp.

Sadie compared the ability to weld a weapon to Rick's leadership. His voice was his weapon, he commanded it well due to time and practice which formed a belief in others that he could lead them. He controlled his words carefully as if he was slicing a blade, making sure not to nick anyone but just enough for them to see his power.

But in order to have others believe, he needed to believe.

The brunette scoffed, shaking her hand in disbelief. "But we aren't gonna be with them forever. We are only with them to help them find that little girl. We are only here temporarily. There's no need for us to die to help them. You saw how quickly they volunteered Glenn to go down?"

Five.

Isaac stared at her for a moment. If Alyson was a flame, Isaac was a breeze. She was fire and he was air. He influenced her rage, sometimes feeding it for his own reasons. Sometimes it was a good thing. Other times it was like hell raining over. He pursed his lips.

"That was his choice! He’s old enough to be deciding what he does for his people.” Alyson narrowed her eyes at him but didn’t speak. “So if I die helping them like Glenn could have, at least I died for something more than myself."

He brought his gun back home to his waistband. Standing up to leave, when Alyson blurted,

"Break the tie, Sadie."

Flickering her eyes off of her knife to the two intensely staring at her, awaiting an answer. Being a trio led to ties for simple things like picking where they ate and if they skipped school. It served as the best survival plan after getting out of the city. Isaac hesitated to even listen, it was Alyson's way of getting him to change his mind as usual. Still, he stayed for Sadie.

She shifted her weight. If she was being completely honest, their conversation turned into white noise. Only a few points exceeded her mental blockings. "We agreed to leave once they found Sophia, what we do until then is what happens."

"Even if that means dying for them?" Alyson insinuated, cocking a brow. She crossed her arms, giving Sadie a look she would falter for.

But she didn’t.

Six.

"I didn't say that." Sadie didn't fumble or rush her words, she stood there and assured they were listening to her instead of filling her mouth with words they imagined as they did with each other. If there was one thing Sadie knew—and knew it well—was that she was nothing like her friends. "There are only so many good people left, it seems stupid to not try to make sure they survive while we're still with them. They know things, we know things, why not help each other?"

Isaac beamed, gesturing towards Sadie. "Thank you."

Her reserved expression didn't change as she moved her sights to Isaac. "I'm not agreeing with you."

The boy stood confused. He crosses his arms, shifting his body to face her.

"You said it yourself, 'big groups don't last," Sadie repeated, flipping her knife to focus.

Seven.

They had never needed to have a discussion like this where she spoke her side; she was perfectly content with going along with what they wanted but neither could see past their own eyes. Too stubborn to look with accuracy. They would rather wear crimson lenses and claim to have found blood. But she knew she could offer more than that. It was how she could keep them safe and together. Like the way Rick does. "They are just looking for a place to be safe, we have a home to go back to."

The whipping winds that had a strong hold in Isaac wavered. His eyebrows knitted but nothing came out of his mouth. Sadie believed it was because of Carl. Seeing as Isaac went out there to watch him only to have stepped right into danger with him, his guilt blinded him of what he actually believed. It ate away at him just like it did her. It's why he let her share their medicine with Maggie. It’s why he would give up his life for them.

Sadie glossed over his reaction, not worrying about what-ifs for each miniscule action. She was tired of the back and forth, yet neither listened to the other. They were talking to brick walls, both too stubborn to understand. But neither could be to blame, that's all they knew.

Thankfully, there wasn't anything else to say. Sadie broke the tie without needing to agree with either of them.

"I'm…I'm gonna go help Dale," Isaac announced and walked away to the older man.

Alyson watched him. "He'll come back to reality soon." She wasn't looking for a response.

Sadie paused to look at Alyson. She opened her mouth to provide a level of understanding. Alyson met her eyes. Flames had engulfed the house and all that remained around it. She started towards the forest line. Not even water could extinguish everything inside Alyson. Only time and patience. Only mouths that echoed sounds of agreement, not argument.

Because that's all she knew.

The lone girl stood where they had left her. There was no reason for her to feel the way she did, but alas she never had control over her emotions.

Eight.

A slash in the air. The warm handle kissed the dirty palm of Sadie's once more before fleeing. Not upwards, but forwards. Drawing back her arm, the lone girl launched the knife forward at the taunting tree. The wood split. The blade stuck.

Her lip curled into a smile, an obnoxious grin. Sadie looked around only to be reminded she was alone. Her smile faltered. A bitter feeling returned inside her.

She didn't quite understand her friends' frustration, though she never did and never would. They were forces of nature cultivated by their environment.

Neither returned for some time after the sunset. Sadie stayed there, watching the slit she created. The bitter feeling wrapped around her body, keeping her warm as the cold migrated—or it might have been the blanket Lori placed on her before slipping into her tent with Carl.

She scanned the camp to find people lingering with heavy eyes. Some were still eating, others were preoccupied with thoughts. Regardless, they settled into their own spaces of comfort in the Greene's front lawn. For once, Sadie felt safe, still wrong in the back of her mind knocking to be let in, but safe nonetheless.

The trio had constantly moved whenever small hordes would appear, it kept them safe. But it wasn't safe. There was a difference.

Being safe now requires you to do things you hate, things that make you believe you aren't a good person anymore. Safe means to be shoved out of your comfort zone in order to stay alive. But being safe? It was like before. Being able to hide away in your room, knowing your house was secure, you had food and water, knowing you could fall back into your bed and dream.

Sadie hadn't dreamed in months. Everything haunted her.

Something nudged her. Sadie peered behind and above her to find Alyson wearing one of Isaac's soccer sweatshirts. Golden flames bounced off of the gold cross that rested on her chest. "Come on."

Sadie followed Alyson into their tent. Two sleeping bags resided inside.

"He's sleeping in the van." Because of the disagreement. "He has attachment issues, I swear."

Sadie took a moment before smiling. Nothing big nor small, nothing out of the ordinary. Alyson accepted that as she returned the smile.

Not a single word about the disagreement came about. It was as if it never happened. Maybe it was for Alyson, or maybe it was Alyson's belief Sadie didn't need to worry about it. Neither way, it was a topic better left alone.

"Shane wants to do gun training sometime soon," Alyson announced as Sadie sat down and removed her shoes. She stretched her limbs with a glimpse at Alyson. "You should come."

"I don't want to use a gun," Sadie said harshly. She froze for a second before finishing, "I'm getting better with the knife, I don't need to use a gun."

Alyson furrowed her eyebrows. Suffocating silence filled the air, fighting against a crackling fire and hushed voices. "You don't have to…Just come." She shrugged, fiddling with her fingers.

Sadie paused, observing the girl become small. She wasn't angry or fueled by fire, she was just a small flame burning a wick on a windowsill; calm as if wildfires had not burned every other home. "Okay."

A smile settled on Alyson's face. All the wrong feelings that the day filled with, left Sadie. They were safe and could sleep without fear. She laid beside Alyson, seeing her at peace for the first time in a long time. In that moment she understood why Isaac wanted to stay and risk his life for this. If it meant Alyson didn't need to engulf everything around her with her anger, Sadie would do anything for them to stay.

Sleep took over the Quinn girl. Her breathing slowed, almost too slow if no one had known her but it was normal for her. Sadie watched Alyson's body rise and fall to make sure she was still alive. Her face softened as dreams formed.

Sadie wanted nothing more than for time to stop and let this moment be forever.

Just the two of them forever.

But that bad feeling lingered.

long chapter for such a long break after saying (multiple times) I would update! originally I wanted this to be separated into 2 chapters (you can probably tell where the separation is supposed to be) but I felt bad for not updating plus the title of bad feelings relates to the whole chapter and splitting it would be weird.

anyway there is A LOT of info in this chapter, like holy crap, congrats for reading it all. I really wanted to instill how Sadie reacts to situations in this chapter. from guilt distracting her to voluntarily getting out of her friends way but also being there to make her presence seen/known back to being distracted/dissociating. there's a lot going on in Sadie's brain as a result to how she was brought up.

speaking of upbringings, Alyson and Isaac were raised so differently yet similarly that they can't help but clash out of love and annoyance that the other isn't absorbent but instead hard headed. there's so much to delve into with them I'm so excited.

last thing, I really hope you enjoy how I describe Sadie's or anyone's brain/how they view situations. I've been trying to enhance my descriptions by filling them up with more emotions and internal thoughts but in a artisty way. I hope that it comes off that way at least.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! give me your thoughts, feelings, theories and more! I love hearing your ideas <3