'sometimes you just have to stay silent because no words can explain what's going on in your heart and mind.' unknown.

season 1, episode 5
chupacabra

day 69

"Morning, guys." Rick entered the makeshift camp, map in hand and determination gleaming in his eyes. "Let's get going. We've got a lot of ground to cover."

Today, they would do a true search for Sophia Peletier. With the survey map, a well rested mind, and a full group, they had a higher chance of finding the lost girl than they did the previous days. The previous day Daryl found evidence of someone small hiding out in a farmhouse not far from the creek. That's all they needed to fuel themselves for the search.

"Alright, everyone's getting new search grids today. If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl found, she might have gone further east than we've been so far," Rick explained, circling the area on the map.

Sadie pulled her shirt out of her waistband, starting towards the adults and Alyson with Isaac trailing behind. He carried a pack he already prepared. From the darkness that circled his eyes more prominently that morning, he must have done it instead of sleeping. Trouble with sleeping was not uncommon for those who still roamed the Earth with more urges than to maim others with their teeth, but for Isaac? His began that night after Atlanta.

Fear lingered, surrounding Sadie like the sun-always around and forever scorching her skin to remind her of the events.

T-Dog scooted to the side, allowing Sadie a better view of the map. He gave her a pat on the shoulder as a silent greeting. She nodded to return it. Her eyes trained on the paper, focusing on the size rather than the endless possibilities that were awaiting for them. Or for Sophia. If she had managed to survive the four days alone.

The sun seemed to burn a little brighter that morning.

"I'd like to help," Jimmy offered, stepping towards Rick. Jimmy was a close friend to the youngest Greene, orphaned by the dead. Hershel took him in and became his guardian. "I know the area pretty well and stuff."

Rick hesitated. They were guests, and as guests they needed to follow Hershel's requests. "Hershel's okay with this?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jimmy answered swiftly, almost too quick. "He said I should ask you."

"Alright then," Rick accepted, not noticing Jimmy's miniscule reactions as Sadie did. "Thanks."

Behind the girl, Alyson and Isaac readied their packs, strapping themselves with guns that were tucked over their shirts. Skepticism filled the adults but they had little to no authority to use against the two.

Shane sat on the edge of the passenger side door, staring away from the group at the hood. "Nothing about what Daryl found screams Sophia to me. Anyone could have been holed up in that farmhouse."

"Anybody includes her, right?" Andrea pointed out the flaw in his statement. While what he said had some truth, they needed to have faith it was Sophia.

"Whoever slept in that cupboards was no bigger than yay-high," Daryl added, hovering his hand just a tad higher than the hood of the truck.

"It's a good lead," Andrea told, hoping to rid anyone of Shane's pessimism.

"Maybe we'll pick up her trail again," Rick added to revive hope.

Hope had never been more alive in Daryl Dixon that day. "No 'maybe' about it. I'm gonna borrow a horse-" He pointed on the map, claiming his grid-"head up to this ridge right here, take a bird's eye view of the whole grid. If she's up there, I'll spot her."

"Good idea. Maybe you'll see your chupacabra up there too," T-Dog said without a lick of amusement in his face.

Sadie arched her brow, tilting her head as Rick repeated, "Chupacabra?"

"You never heard this?" Dale inquired after placing the remaining guns for everyone. "Our first night in camp, Daryl tells us that the whole thing reminds him of a time when he went squirrel hunting and saw a chupacabra."

Jimmy laughed audibly. Instantly, Sadie understood why T-Dog and Dale didn't find it as amusing as it sounded.

"What you braying at, jackass?" Daryl asked, giving the farmer boy a hard stare. Sadie looked down at her shoes. The last thing she wanted was for Daryl to look in her direction with that gaze.

"You believe in a blood-sucking dog?" Rick questioned, being the middleman for the boy. Sadie dared to flicker her eyes back up.

Daryl scratched his face. "You believe dead people walking around?"

"He gotcha there," Isaac muttered with a shrug.

Jimmy reached over the hood for a gun. A gun that was from Rick's group. A gun his guardian wanted nothing to do with his people. From the look of him, he wasn't that much older than the trio. Still, he had people older than him who decided what he did and did not do.

Rick knew that. He respected Hershel. "Hey, hey. Ever fire one before?" He took the rifle before Jimmy could touch it.

"Well, if I'm going out, I want one," he insisted.

"You're gonna get your ass killed if you do that without knowing how to fire it properly," Alyson stated, raising an eyebrow at the older boy. Her covered arms wrapped around her chest. Despite her defensive stance, it was the calmest Sadie had seen her in ages.

Daryl scoffed, tugging his crossbow over his shoulder. "Yeah, and people in hell want slurpees." He walked off, done with Jimmy.

Shane rose at the conversation as Jimmy began walking in disappointment. The man leaned against the door, hanging his hands off the edge. "Why don't you come train tomorrow? If you're serious, I'm a certified instructor." His eyes flickered to Sadie, who was strapping an extra hunter's blade no one wanted. "You too, kid."

"No, thank you," she muttered, staring down at her shoes once more at the sound of 'kid' being used to refer to her.

Kid. A gunshot echoed. Poor little butterfly.

Eyes landed on her. Shane persisted, viewing her as she was and not as she wanted to be seen, "If you're gonna be out there helpin' us, you need to be prepared." Become an asset, not a liability, little butterfly.

She opened her mouth to counter him, but she was cut short.

"She's not going out there," Isaac insisted, glancing to her before looking Rick in the eyes. "No offense, Sadie, but we're trying to find a kid. We don't know what's out there and watching over two people who can't handle themselves is gonna make it harder."

Rick appeared conflicted. He knew Sadie just wanted to help. As did Carl and look where it got him. "I'd feel better if you stayed here anyway-for Lori and Carl."

Pretty words to heal tender wounds as Alyson would say. "Yeah, okay."

"For now he can come with us," Andrea told, inviting Jimmy with her group. He was older with some sense, Sadie was not. He knew the land, Sadie did not. He was useful, Sadie was just there.

The plan to search for Sophia would continue. There was no reason for Sadie to feel disappointed with a child's life at risk.

But she was, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She allowed it to consume her mind as she walked towards their camp slowly. The only people who stayed behind were those who couldn't help the way Rick and Shane could. They helped by cooking and cleaning, tending to wounds and grieving hearts like Lori and Hershel did. If Sadie could do neither, what uses was she?

She was just there.

An elbow to the side brought her back. Rick was assigning sectors to trios or duos. Alyson and Isaac must have gotten theirs as they followed Sadie with grins. Alyson grabbed Sadie's attention and led it to two adults on the porch of the Greene house with the point of her finger. Glenn neared Maggie, closer than a friend would. His words were unheard by the teenagers because of distance, but they could gather the idea.

A giggle bubbled out of Sadie, drowning her previous thoughts out. She attempted to stifle it with her palm but it echoed. As did Isaac's. Her further attempt was to shallow it, though Alyson wiggling her eyebrows made it worse. It caught on.

An unexpected laugh busted out of Alyson. She covered it with the back of her palm. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail with front sections that she missed hanging at the sides of her face. Sadie took in Alyson's smile, admiring the rare sight. It showcased in her head as if she had been a photographer and snapped the photo for the world to see. But she would never share it with the world if she had the chance; it was hers to adore alone.

Her viewing was cut short by the same person who cut her defense against Shane. Isaac wiggled his eyebrows mockingly at her. His wicked need to annoy everyone was a flaw Sadie was rare on the receiving end of.

Sadie raised her palm to smack him before Alyson or anyone else saw. He was quicker. Like a snake. Using his skills from soccer, he spun out of her reach, starting towards the woods with a teasing smile.

"You should try to get Glenn to tell you what's happening between him and Maggie," Alyson suggested, hesitantly tearing her eyes off of the woman who was walking away from a disappointed Glenn. Her smile stayed present, taking lead in Sadie's mind.

"I doubt he'd tell me anything. He isn't like the girls from school." Never kiss and tell, they would say, but they would always erupt with details to Sadie. She barely had to pry. They never had to worry about her telling anyone because Sadie kept to herself. Well, herself, Alyson and Isaac, but what did they need to know?

Alyson shrugged, glancing back at him. "You never know." Isaac shouted at Alyson half-way from the forest. Her face softened with hesitancy.

"You should talk to him," Sadie suggested with a gentle smile. Alyson was quick to form rapid deflections. "You never know," she repeated with a shrug.

Alyson rolled her eyes. It was her choice, just as it was Isaac's to say something. "See you at sunset."

"See ya."

Lost in her own mind again, this time with no one to take her out, Sadie hid herself in the van. She already decided she would be no help to Maggie and Beth on the farm, or to Lori and Carol with the laundry. She had lost Glenn after the others left, and Dale's stories while on watch were something she learned she could only handle for an hour.

Reorganizing the supplies seemed like the only job she was qualified for. It didn't require much knowledge of medicine to group them by their descriptions. The only time she needed to use her brain was debating if Isaac would strangle her for snacking on his sunflower seeds was worth it. Her stomach won that debate.

That was all she could do. Before, she was content with having average grades, never stellar enough to get recognition or opportunities, just enough to be told she could graduate if she continued that way. She was fine with only having gymnastics as something to look forward to once she was done with high school. Her mom never pushed her to search for something else, so Sadie never tried.

Never did she think she would be dealing with those consequences so soon. When it was just her, Isaac, and Alyson, they never needed to do more than survive for each other. They learned how to get by, to keep breathing, to stay safe, to get back home. Their goal was to get back home. They dealt with delays and troubles and hesitancy, but it was their goal to return, the three of them.

That was only if they survived through this. And how could all three of them survive this if she had nothing to offer the others? If she could pick up a gun and help like Shane said, she could help in a way that mattered. But she couldn't.

She wouldn't.

For now, she would just accompany Lori and help Carl when he got better to make Rick feel better for leaving them behind. Not that Lori needed her company! What a job! She chucked Isaac's blanket onto the cot.

From the open window, two sets of footsteps neared. Sadie shuffled in the van to recover the blanket. She couldn't mess up her only other job because she was frustrated.

"Mind your own business, Glenn," Lori muttered, almost too quiet for Sadie to catch.

She did. Sadie's eyebrows met, but she continued to fold the blanket. As she finished, she stood up with a hunched back to place it in the empty net above the cot.

"You're pregnant," Glenn confirmed hushly. Not hushly enough.

Sadie's eyes widened as her body reacted without her permission. Her head banged against the roof. A string of cuss words flowed out of her as she cradled her head.

The back door opened. Lori's shoulders fell while her eyes stared hard at Sadie. Glenn stood behind her, wincing at his mistake.

Once again, her body just acted. She waved before putting on a fake smile to hide the pain. "I didn't hear anything."

Lori sighed, not in relief, in disappointment. Not in Sadie, or Glenn, but herself. She swiped her hair back before walking to the side of the van.

The two Asians stared at each other before Glenn ushered her out. Sadie winced as she jumped out, shutting the door behind her. Lori collected herself in the shade. She met their eyes, confirming Glenn's accusations. "You can't tell anybody, okay?"

It almost seemed comically that Rick and Shane were walking down the road as this conversation occurred.

Lori pleaded with her eyes when she turned back to them.

Realization hit Glenn. "You haven't told him yet?"

Lori answered by not answering. She returned to her pale of water, shutting down the conversation.

As the men neared, Glenn walked away. Sadie followed, knowing if either Rick or Shane stared at her too hard, she would crumble. The last thing she needed to be was useless and untrustworthy.

"You can keep that a secret, right?" Glenn reluctantly questioned.

Sadie looked at his face. He was already looking at her. Suddenly, the mud on her shoes looked interesting. "If...I'm being honest?"

Glenn groaned, halting in the sun. He took off his cap in frustration. She should have never known. He should have never known. But they did. And Lori was still pregnant.

"I can!" Sadie blurted, making him look at her. She swallowed her thoughts as she nodded. "I-I will keep it a secret."

There wasn't anything they could do besides respect Lori's request and do it. It wasn't their family, and it wasn't their place to do otherwise.

And if Sadie was lucky, Sophia would be back, safe and sound, and she would be gone before she had the chance of letting the truth come out.

Glenn hesitated. He didn't know Sadie well. At all, even. He could only take the chance. "Okay."

A breath of relief came out of Sadie. She pulled the sides of her face down. "Just...I mean, how do you even have sex in this world now?"

With the chance of having a baby, how would anyone find the appeal in straight sex? With the dead roaming, attracted to the tiniest of sounds, how could you bring something that didn't understand that danger into it? You would be dooming it at its first breath. It was selfish.

Glenn freezes. His face shifted from tan to pink to scarlet red. An answer without words.

"No way," Sadie let out with wide eyes and an open mouth.

His frozen body must have warmed from the heat of embarrassment. He swiped his hand, attempting to cut off her ideas. "No." Shock and amusement swarmed her face before the thought of sparing Glenn from further embarrassment could be formed. "No, no, no, no. No!"

"You didn't?!"

"I did not!"

Sadie gasped as Glenn turned away from her. "You did!"

"Stop talking! I'm walking away from you!"

"That doesn't change what you did!"

Sadie stood in shock before a few giggles came out. And Glenn was worried about her spilling secrets?

Alyson tacked a purple piece of fabric to a tree, claiming the section to be marked. She returned the hammer to hang on her bookbag, replacing the empty place in her hand with a gun. Her eyes flickered to Isaac's back, already beginning to search the rest of the section.

The silence sucked all the oxygen out of the woods, just as the tension replenished it with carbon monoxide. Colorless, odorless, tasteless gas that would swarm them until it was too late. Too late to act and attempt to conserve what was left of life.

Sadie's voice rang in her head. You never know. Not until it's too late.

"I want to stay, too, you know," she began, deeming the same desire to stay would be a gentle start. It's what Sadie would do. "I do."

Isaac glanced at the girl. She observed the area, staying on task. He let her continue. They had kept the search as quiet as they could but it was obvious they were not going to find Sophia today, almost as obvious as the underlying tension between the two.

"But we can't."

"Big groups don't last," Isaac repeated what he had said just four days ago. Alyson met his gaze. "I said that when I thought we'd still be on the run. Not on a farm, where we have yet to see a creep."

Alyson halted, tightening her fingers around the gun. The beginning of autumn leaves shifted around Isaac's boot clad feet before he stopped for Alyson. There was more. More than Carl and Isaac's guilt. More than Sophia. More than safety and security. "Why, Isaac?"

He started again, and she was forced to follow. "Sadie wants to go back to Virginia."

"So?" Alyson did too. She left her brothers there to deal with her mess. She tangled Isaac and Sadie into her problems, causing them to be where they are now.

But Isaac saw it clearly. He lived in truth, compared to Sadie and herself. Sadie drowned herself in fantasies to live; Alyson burned the painful truth to survive. Isaac had to bear the burden of reality.

Isaac lifted a low-hanging branch, giving Alyson a path. She asked once more, wanting a direct answer, "Why don't you want to go back?" His eyes burned her skin.

"We were told to get away and stay away for a reason, Alyson," he reminded, waving her second eldest brother's words as if he were a prophet. Still not the full truth.

Her eyes burned him back. "Then the world ended," she pointed out, harsher than she intended. She bit back her tongue. "I think that gives us the right to go back."

"Yeah, yeah." Isaac scoffed, shuffling forward. Birds chirped, preparing to migrate for the winter. "Let's just go back to our families who know we killed him. Sounds like a great fucking plan, Alyson."

Burning out the truth and pretending it never happened couldn't happen when everyone else remembered. Clear as day, it all played out in Alyson's head. Every single thing she wanted to forget. She remembered.

She had always remembered. She couldn't forget.

She could pretend. She could allow her brain to catalog it as trauma and force it away for her health. But none of that could erase how it felt. A phantom sting hovered over her cheek. Ghost hands wrapped around her neck. She could still hear the sound of the drywall breaking as her elbow jammed into it.

Alyson couldn't forget the look on Sadie's face.

"You think..." She didn't want to say it. She didn't want it to be a real possibility. "they wouldn't want us back?"

He huffed, dragging his hand over his sweaty forehead and oily hair. "I think they wouldn't want her back."

Her.

They both knew who.

And why.

It was easier to pretend. Alyson understood why Sadie did it so often. It was a protective blanket, away from the midnight terrors of truth that lurked in the shadows.

No matter how many times she attempted to attone, the blood still splattered. The wood soaked it up. The fire may have burned it all, but the ashes remained and remembered. There will always be remains of what happened.

"Why'd you never say anything before?" Alyson started, feeling heat rise inside her. She felt like a child being told that her mom was the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus was actually her dad. "Why'd you let us-let her believe we could go back?" Her anger burned out as quickly as it festered. Her voice grew small once the words finally left.

"Because we weren't safe!" He flailed his hands. The birds above rushed away at his volume. He flinched at his own volume. He stepped back, placing his gun in his waistband. "We were never safe. We would never be safe...and I knew that."

Tears pricked Alyson's eyes. She clenched her jaw, refusing to cry, or scream, or speak. Revealing what they all knew was a stickier bandage than she expected it to be.

He moved forward, just a few feet away from Alyson. "But if she-" He scrunched his face, straightening it out to let out his correction-"if the both of you believed we could go back, you'd try to survive."

Opening her mouth a centimeter, Alyson wanted to cry, scream, and speak. She wished for the fire to relight itself in her, to engulf her whole being and become destructive.

But all she could do was breathe.

"Now we're actually safe-with people, Aly!" His lungs consumed the air as if it were depleting. His gestures became small and gentle.

"Do you understand now?"

She nodded.

Golden hues entered the skies assortment of colors. Isaac exhaled, peering down at his hands. "We should head back."

Alyson trailed behind him. Every-so-often, a gust of wind would brush across her, irritating her glossy eyes. She blinked, shaking it off. Her focus remained on Isaac's back.

His jean jacket carried tears along the seams. Dirt smeared along his cuffs, fading as it rose. His shoulder never faltered, always staying up as if he was awaiting to be striked. He was never relaxed. "How can you accept that we'll never go home so easily?"

She could see his shoulder rise and fall with an inhale. He didn't turn back, only slowed down for her to join him at his side.

"It's not home," he confessed. "Dealing with my parents divorce, never seeing Layla, hopping between Elliot and Sadie's couch...I never saw that as a home. I just lived there."

Isaac rarely spoke about anyone in his family beside Elliot. He was the only one Alyson had met. There was a time when Jordan questioned if Elliot was the only family Isaac had. Isaac never answered, nor did he deny it.

"Why'd you never tell me?" She wanted to say 'we' but Sadie must have known. All or just enough to let him stay with her. Knowing the both of them, it had to be the latter. Jessica Fontaine wouldn't need to know anything more than if he would be bothered by her late night shows if he needed a place to stay.

He looked into her eyes. He weakly rose the corners of his mouth like a shrug. "Why'd you never tell me?"

Alyson just stared at him. She knew what he was talking about. He didn't need to speak it aloud.

Isaac bumped his arm against hers. He offered a smile, understanding. She didn't need to answer, nor did he. Silence was an answer in a language only they understood.

Rocking on the white chair on the white porch, Sadie strummed the strings of a guitar left there. On the golden wood body, an acronym was carved into it on the bottom left side. She hadn't noticed it when she first picked it up out of boredom, but when she was looking for her finger placements she saw.

M.A.B.S.

Not the name of someone. Maybe someone's initials? Only if G was included. Did it have a meaning at all, or was it just random letters that the owner carved into it to mark their memory forever?

The front door creaked open. Blonde hair peeked out with the face of Beth Greene attached to it.

Sadie smiled politely. "Hi."

"Whatcha doing out here?" Beth asked softly. Flour sprinkled over her face and clothes. She and the other women-excluding Andrea and Alyson-had decided to create a feast to thank Hershel for his kindness. Her sky eyes spotted the guitar immediately. They darkened as if clouds moved over. As quickly as they came, they disappeared.

Sadie shifted, following Beth's eyes down to the instrument. "Is this yours? I just found it out here. Probably should have asked before messing with it."

The girl shook her head with a half-smile. "It's my brother's." She paused, checking inside before saying, "Adam."

His name sounded foreign yet somehow familiar coming out of her mouth. Hesitancy filled her as it did Maggie at the fridge. "Oh. Sorry."

Beth shook her head again, this time with a genuine smile. She kneeled beside Sadie, inspecting every aspect of the guitar. Her finger ran across the carving.

"What's it stand for?"

"Maggie, Adam, Beth, Shawn," Beth revealed. A memory danced in her eyes, playing on her lips.

She snapped her eyes to Sadie's, pulling herself out of it. "I was supposed to be asking you if you wanted to help in the kitchen."

A part of Sadie wanted to push for more. It was the genes Jessica somehow gave her; push for the story. But she knew better. "I'm no good with cooking."

Beth laughed at Sadie's nervous expression. "There's other ways to help besides cookin'."

"If you say so," Sadie chuckled, placing the guitar back where she found it. She followed Beth inside. Her nostrils were hit with the smell of fresh ingredients from the farm.

Carol, Lori, and Patricia were preparing ingredients. They smiled at the girls before focusing back on their individual jobs. Beth handed Sadie a potato and a peeler. "Think you can handle skinnin' a few potatoes?"

"As long as you don't judge me," Sadie jested, taking the tool and vegetable in hand.

The grown women carried a conversation of their own, talking about how they missed doing this. Beth was more interested in Sadie's fast learning. "Not that bad for a city girl."

Sadie giggled, shaking her head. "More like a suburban girl. Besides, once you get over the fear of hurting yourself, it's like you'll never get hurt."

Beth nodded, taking her word for it. "Do you have a favorite food?"

"Hm, probably...Bara," she answered enthusiastically when she found her answer. A memory played in her mind as she spoke. "My mom sucked at making them at first but then she found someone to teach her-it's the best."

"What is it?"

"It's like a pancake but it's vegetables and meat, like chicken or lamb."

"It sounds good," Beth complimented, smiling at the thought of it. Sadie only nodded, putting the naked potato in a pot before replacing it. "...what about Isaac? Do you know what he likes?"

It took everything in Sadie not to overreact. Nothing more than looking down with a grin. She would have to tell Alyson about this when she returned. She shrugged. "He likes most dishes, but I'd say spaghetti is his favorite. He always asked for it when he came over."

The girl nodded, writing a mental note. Sadie observed her, trying her hardest not to excite herself. Isaac deserved to be happy. Somehow, someway, maybe they could convince them all to come with them and they could go to Virginia together. Beth could meet Isaac's family. They could be happy.

But Sadie knew the truth. A gunshot went off in her head.

No.

A gunshot echoed from outside.

Everyone froze, unsure if it was real. The collective reaction confirmed it. Sadie dropped the potato and peeler, sprinting outside.

"Sadie!" Lori shouted, running after her in fear of what was on the other side of the door.

Sadie already went through it, slamming against the screen door to force it open. Nearly tripping on her own feet down the stairs, she skirted to a stop at the sight of Alyson and Andrea atop of the R.V. Alyson yanked the sniper rifle out of Andrea's hand. Rage could not define the expression she had. She looked half-tempted to strike Andrea with the base of the weapon.

"Are you fuckin' trigger happy or something, lady!?"

In the distance, Rick's shouts could be heard from across the property. He repeated 'no', over and over again.

Fear flooded Lori. This was Carl's incident all over again. Someone stupid had a gun, stupidly pulled the trigger, and someone got hurt. Someone always got hurt.

"What are you trying to prove?" Alyson fumed, getting in Andrea's face.

This time, Lori ran first and Sadie followed after. The others inside, came out as Lori shouted her husband's name.

"What on Earth's going on out here?" Hershel yelled at the three on the R.V.

Once Dale moved off the ladder, Andrea rushed down and onto the field. Dale followed, of course. The rest of them waited at the gate. When they rejoined, Daryl was unconscious. He was covered in dirt and blood, paler than the full moon. He looked dead.

"Oh, my god," Carol gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

Rick and Shane brought him into the house, per Hershel's instructions. Guilt was the only emotion Andrea could feel.

T-Dog stepped towards Carol, who couldn't move her eyes from the house. "He had this."

Sophia's doll.

That may have sparked hope once again, but other emotions overwhelmed it, snuffing it out for the night. Tension filled the air as Daryl was treated and dinner was made. As they seated, separated by adults and children, tension suffocated them.

Seven people cramped the small table meant for additional space, though it managed to become the unofficial-official kids table. Those who sat there picked at their food with thoughts meant to stay inside their bowed heads.

Though it seemed not everyone got the memo of their unofficial requirements.

"Uh, does anybody know how to play guitar?" Glenn questioned. Sadie was unsure if he was brave or stupid. Stupid seemed to be the answer, seeing his latest queue of actions.

Sadie glanced at Beth, who stared at her plate uncomfortably. The poor plate was experiencing a fraction of what the room felt like.

Glenn continued, a smile bright on his face. Stupid may not be the answer. Ignorant, maybe. Blind is another. It was like he was unable to detect the atmosphere that choked Sadie. "Dale found a cool one. Somebody's got to know how to play."

"Otis did."

"Yes, and he was very good too," Hershel added to Patricia's comment.

Silence did not follow after. No, because that would be too kind. Silverware scraped against ceramic plates, reminding everyone that the once peace was now tainted. Trust that was tested.

Hershel had a list of things to hold against the group. They were supposed to be guests on his land, adhere to his simple rules and everything could be peaches. But adults had to be the most hard-headed stage for humans, seeing as they managed to disobey every rule.

At least now Sadie had a reason to be grateful for not being like them. She was not to blame for Hershel's recent thoughts towards them. She wasn't even included.

At this rate, if Carl successfully recovered, they would have no safe place to bring Sophia back to. If she was even alive.

Sadie dug her nails into her palms, tearing at broken skin from the highway and the night before. If Sophia wasn't alive, the group that was barely hanging on a thread now, would shatter. Sadie had little to offer them besides sympathy, but sympathy was useless if they were going to leave them regardless. It would be better if they left them knowing they were safe and together as they had found them, but believing that was just childish.

There were no pretty words to heal tender wounds. Nor was there a future where they could be safe and happy. Those were for children. And children were shoved into life like a baby bird forced to fly. If they couldn't soar, the creeps below would feast on them.

Sadie didn't need any further confirmation as to why everyone viewed her as too soft for reality, she had always known. Red dots grew on her palms. Answers without words, little butterfly.

it feels like it's been decades since my last update but it hasn't. probably bc I was supposed to post this before Christmas but obviously didn't. I have 2 more pre-written chapters and I hope to update at least once more before the year ends. (don't get your hopes up tho, my pc broke and idk when I'll get it back and that's the only way I can make gifs)

enough abt me, let's talk abt this chapter! it's a lot, just like last chapter. and it's only gonna get worse as we progress. there's so much we have uncovered in this chapter and yet nothing at all bc it's all hidden truths (haha) /half-truths, things not fully said and all that. it's both a character reason and pacing reason but you guys are smart enough to put the pieces together :)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! tell me your thoughts, theories, ideas, or literally anything!