'promise me not to hide yourself when you're in pain, it's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone.' unknown.

season 1, episode 2 & 3
bloodletting & save the last one

day 67

"Shot? What do you mean shot?" Dale exclaimed as the group aided each other in hopping over the road divider. Cicadas sang as the sun dipped into the horizon. Both unaware—or maybe they were—to the fatigue and concern of the group.

Glenn wheezed, grabbing Sadie's hand that helped him get over. He squeezed it a tad too hard by accident. She took the pain out on her bottom lip. "I don't know, Dale. I wasn't there."

"'t's what the lady said," Sadie told the old man, shaking the pain out of her palm.

"All I know is this chicken rode out of nowhere like Zorro on a horse and took Lori." Exhaustion mixed with an interrogation never mixed well together.

"You let her?"

"Climb down out of my asshole, man. Rick sent her. She knew Lori's name and Carl's." Daryl didn't spend another second by the group, finding energy forming from air unlike the others who leaned against the cars and rail to breathe.

"I heard screams," Dale added, staring straight at Andrea, "Was that you?"

No response. She was still pissed and tired, Alyson guessed. Andrea walking away aided that theory. The teenager rolled her eyes, stopping them to focus on her flushed knuckles against her grimy pants.

"She got attacked by a walker."

"Didn't get bit, though," Alyson swiftly added to Glenn's lack of explanations. Glenn nodded, grateful she was trying to help him help Dale understand. Relief sweeped over his wrinkled features.

"It was a close call."

"Andrea, are you all right?" The old man cared deeply for Andrea, despite all the poison she spewed into his face hours ago.

The woman paused right before the R.V. turning to face him with a sweat-drenched expression. She shook her head at him in disappointment. He continued to try even when she told him not to. She escaped into the vehicle and hid away with a loud slam.

Alyson couldn't help but think: Andrea is going to get them killed.

"How's T?" She rose, standing straighter despite feeling her legs vibrate under her weight. Asking was partially for herself to find a distraction. The remaining bits were to do the Christian thing and help thy neighbor—perhaps it was just a human thing. Regardless, Alyson wished for her brain to cease the thoughts of Isaac's health being unknown to Andrea's mid-life crisis; she needed it.

Dale's face never shifted from his worry, only who it was directed towards. "Getting worse. He needs more pills than you guys got."

"Shit."

When the fatigue faded and the sun began to fade, the group realized they would need to come up with a new plan. Alyson stayed by T-Dog's side, monitoring his behaviors the best she could.

"Your brothers get hurt a lot?" Exhaustion rang in T-Dog's voice like the wind. Clear as day, painfully hard to ignore.

Her eyes flickered off of his gruesome wound that grew purple with hints of green. She began wrapping it with fresh bandages. "Yeah."

"Sports?"

"Something like that."

Curiosity was evident in T-Dog, but the words never came out.

"I won't do it. We can't just leave," Carol told the group, thinking of her daughter. Could a mom ever not think about her child? They were an extension of her body, therefore would always linger in her mind.

Everyone understood that, still, it wasn't enough. Sucky to think. "Carol, the group is split," Dale started. "We're scattered and weak."

"What if she comes back and we're not here? It could happen."

The mere thought of that made Sadie's stomach sink. It reeked in her sudden head drop, wrapping her arms around herself. The odds weren't in their favor. Carl was shot, T-Dog's wound was nearly an infection, and Sophia was still missing. They were weak, tired, and hungry. Only had three, maybe four people who would be able to protect them all with what little weapons they had left.

"If Sophia found her way back and we were gone, that would be awful."

"Okay," Daryl said, acting on his role as acting leader. "We got to plan for this. I say tomorrow morning is soon enough to pull up stakes. Give us a chance to rig a big sign, leave her some supplies. I'll hold here tonight, stay with the R.V."

"If the R.V. is staying, I am too."

Carol bit back tears. "Thank you. Thank you both."

Daryl nodded before looking at Andrea for her decision. "I'm in."

"Well, if you're all staying then I'm—"

Dale cut Glenn off before he could say what everyone knew he was going to say. "Not you, Glenn. You're going. Take Carol's Cherokee."

Glenn let out a sardonic laugh, pointing to himself. "Me? Why is it always me?"

"You're not going alone," Alyson stated, joining them from the tail of the R.V. Sadie nodded, counting herself in on the trip. "We need to get T-Dog to whoever is treating Carl."

Dale agreed. "You have to find this farm, reconnect with our people, and see what's going on. But most important, you have to get T-Dog there. This is not an option."

"His cut has gone bad to worse," Alyson informed them. There wasn't much she could do now. She knew very little about infections like this. Her brothers were never injured like T, even if they were they would be taken to a real doctor. "He has a blood infection."

"Get him to that farm. See if they have any antibiotics. Because if not, T-Dog will die, no joke."

It was hard to realize that they could still die, even if it was at the hands of creeps or living people. Life would find its ways to get rid of them. Always.

Mid-conversation, Daryl returned to his bike. He picked up a rag, giving Dale a look for it before searching his bag. He pulled out a ziploc bag of prescription pills. "Keep your oily rags off of my brother's motorcycle." He tossed the rag at Dale, causing the man to flinch. A cacophony of pill bottles against the hood of the car. "Why'd you wait till now to say anything? Got my brother's stash."

They migrated after Daryl as he rummaged through the bag. "Crystal, X. Don't need that."

Alyson couldn't help but knit her eyebrows. Again and again, Daryl managed to defy her assumptions of him. He wasn't like Rick, or even Glenn, easily definable by their actions and words. He contradicted his impulsive actions with sensible words, and his careless words with humane actions.

Daryl found something. "Got some kick ass painkillers." He tossed them to Alyson. "Oxycycline." He tossed that to Glenn. "Not the generic stuff 'neither. It's first class. Merle got the clap on occasion."

"Gross."

"The clap?" Sadie turned to Alyson for an explanation.

Alyson looked at Sadie and shook her head, giving her a nasty look that told her she didn't want to know. Trusting her, Sadie let it go. Alyson didn't waste another second before going to T-Dog with new medicine.

Driving down the long road, Sadie observed the property. Chain link fences surrounded most of the land that at some point shifted to wood fences. There were horses and cows, and crops all around. Not a single creep was in sight. Clear for acres with a house in the center able to view every corner. It was safe. It was probably one of the few places left in the world that was safe.

Glenn jerked the vehicle into a park, not moving another inch as he stared at the farmhouse. Not only was it probably one of the safest places they would ever come across again, it happened to be the cleanest. Almost appearing untouched by the chaos and destruction beyond the fences; it was perfect.

No one moved. The two teenagers waited for the adults to move. Well, three were waiting for Glenn. He gripped the steering wheel, anxiety leaking out of every pore.

"You…okay there, Glenn?" Sadie asked slowly. He seemed nervous, scared even. It made sense. The possibility of them going into the house only to learn Carl had passed in the few hours they were here was lingering.

Sadie was sure as hell terrified of that.

He looked back, finding everyone staring at him. He snapped his head forward, unbuckling his seat belt. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

Involuntarily, Sadie turned to Alyson. She was already looking at her with a face. He was not okay.

A single light illuminated the porch. There was a figure sitting on a chair in the shadows. Seeing everyone's eyes were everywhere but, Sadie assumed they didn't notice the person.

Blood drops were sprinkled on the brick stairs. Carl. It made Sadie's stomach ache.

"So do we ring the bell?" Glenn asked, forgetting how to communicate with new people. "I mean it looks like people live here."

"We're past this kind of stuff, aren't we?" T-Dog questioned, starting up the stairs. His voice rang with annoyance from his aching pain. "Having to be considerate."

Sadie kept her eyes on the shadow. A woman. The woman from before. She smiled at them but the others didn't notice yet. Sadie reciprocated it.

"Did you close the gate up the road when you drove in?" she inquired into her knees that rested under her arms.

"Uh, hi." That's all Glenn could get out.

Oh. That's why he was scared.

Sadie stifled a laugh, swallowing it down. She bit her lip to ensure it wouldn't slip out. "We closed it."

Her bottom lip trapped in between her teeth, she met Alyson's eyes involuntarily. It made it even harder to keep the laughter in. Before, they would always look at each other with knowing looks whenever Isaac became flustered around girls and guys.

The woman opened herself from her position, planting her feet on the ground and leaning into the light.

Glenn somehow managed to get even more flustered at the sight of her. "Hello. Nice to see you again. We met before…briefly."

Whether it was from exhaustion or annoyance of the younger man, T-Dog shot straight to the point. "Look, we came to help. There anything we can do?"

The woman stood up, taking a closer look at them. She opened her mouth to speak, only to get her attention stolen by T-Dog's wound.

"It's not a bite. I cut myself pretty bad though."

She nodded, taking his word for it. "We'll have it looked at. I'll tell them you're here."

"We have some painkillers and antibiotics." Alyson pulled them out of her pocket, handing them to the woman. "Already gave him some. If Carl needs any."

"Come on inside. I'll make you something to eat. I'm Maggie."

"Alyson, T-Dog, Sadie, and…I'm Glenn."

The group entered the home, following Maggie to a room a few feet away. It was grim. The atmosphere shifted just being in the doorway. Carl laid on the bed unconscious and sweaty. He was scarily pale. What did he do to deserve this?

"Hey."

"Hey."

The boy's parents weren't doing well either. Stress overtook them like a storm. All they wanted was for their son to be okay. That's all any of them wanted. He was just a kid, forced into this new world.

"Uh, we're here, okay?"

"Thank you," Lori said grateful, barely able to take her eyes off of her son. She was exhausted. They all were.

"Whatever you need."

They left the parents and two others alone. Sadie assumed they were doctors. The whole family must have had some experience with it as Maggie led T-Dog towards the living room to aid his wounds.

To Sadie's surprise, there sat Isaac, safe and sound, with a smile. A smile beaming at a cause, a blonde girl with an even brighter smile. They broke their eye contact as the four walked in.

"Oh, thank God," Alyson huffed out, walking into Isaac's open arms. He kept his left arm up for Sadie, who took her place there. He was safe, clean, too. He wore someone else's clothes.

Isaac planted kisses on each of their heads before glancing up at Maggie who got quick to work to save T-Dog's arms. "Can you fix him up, Maggie?"

"I intend to, yes," she reassured, directing her eyes to T-Dog to ensure he knew that. "Why don't you guys start another game? It'll heal the mood with some laughter."

The teens shrugged, joining at the coffee table. Cards laid out and up, spoiling the prior game. Glenn opted to watch, propping up his gun against his leg as he sat on the couch.

"Beth, this is Alyson and Sadie," Isaac started, taking the cards together to reshuffle. "That's T-Dog and Glenn."

The men waved and nodded at Beth, exhaustion reeked from them. Unlike them, being around another teen shook the girls out of their fatigue. Not to mention, resisting the urge to laugh at Isaac's failed attempts to seek glances at Beth kept them from yawning. 

"Wha-what were you guys playing, anyway?" Alyson forced herself to not look at Sadie, knowing if they shared a silent conversation about Isaac and Beth, she wouldn't be able to shut up.

"Go Fish," Beth revealed bashfully.

"You playing that for your sake or his? 'Cause he doesn't understand any other game."

"Ha-ha."

Beth giggled, showing a smile Sadie didn't believe could be possible in this new world. "Both."

A round of chuckles filled the room. Alyson reached for the deck. Isaac handed it to her with an arched brow. He had a tendency to get frustrated easily when he didn't understand something. Probably why Alyson suggested it.

"Bullshit," she started, shuffling the deck like she was a Las Vegas dealer. "You just place the 1 to 4 cards down in number order, starting with whoever has the ace of spades."

"Why's it called…bullshit then?" Beth asked, lowering her voice as she repeated the name.

"You can lie and say you have the right card when you don't. Everyone else has to guess whether you're lying or not. If you get caught lying, you get the deck but if you're telling the truth the person who called you out gets it. Got it?"

Then the game started. After a few rounds, Beth and Isaac got the hang of it. Sadie noticed Alyson would bite her lip before placing down sets higher than two. She always did that when she lied, bit her lip, but Sadie kept it to herself.

Isaac would poke at Alyson, bringing in Beth to help tease her. At some point the blonde stopped looking back at her sister for reassurance and was able to be her. She joked and jabbed, which surprised most of them.

Sadie couldn't help but glanced towards the room Carl resided in, spotting Lori's leg spread out as she leaned against the wall, engulfed by the shadows. Sadie's smile faded. Was she a bad person for this? She's smiling and laughing, able to forget about her worries while a child was dying in the next room and another was still lost in the forest.

Was she a bad person?

Maybe. Yes. Without a doubt.

"Hey, you okay?" Alyson whispered after bumping Sadie with her knee.

A pause. Sadie stared at her. Was she okay? Maybe. No. "I'm okay." Maybe.

Hershel and Patricia came in and out of the room, gathering supplies. The teens slowly came to an unofficial end, reminded of the reality in the other room. No more games. They sat and watched, listening as the parents prepared for a surgery without all the correct supplies.

Not longer before Hershel and Patricia stopped coming out and the others assumed they had begun, a truck revved. Shane.

They ran outside to meet him. He had everything Hershel needed to save Carl safely. When they got out there, Sadie stood next to Alyson. It was just Shane, carrying everything. Just him.

Alyson and Sadie's eyes met. No laughter, no smiles. This was different. Sadie looked down at her battered shoes. Someone died tonight, and they were playing card games.

"Otis didn't make it."

Four teenagers and two adults stood in the quaint kitchen as the operation began in the other room. Grief settled in like a winter blizzard, trickling slowly then barracked them in a blink of an eye.

"I've known Otis since I was a kid," Maggie choked out underneath her tears. She held her hands in her lap, unable to look up. "He's run this farm since before my mother died."

All the others could do was watch. Beth cried silently beside her sister, and all they could do was watch.

But Glenn pushed off the counter he was leaning on and walked towards the fridge he had been eyeing. "Who else? Who'd you lose?"

The sisters' rose their heads. Similarities between them sparkled through the tears. One sister who had thick-skin from living life and the other, still soft from not living at all. Underneath it all they were the same; terrified and tormented.

Maggie could barely make eye contact with any of the photos on the white surface.

"You told me I had to make it okay somehow." The woman nodded, attempting to find her voice. "That's what you've been trying to do, right? Which ones?"

She planted on her feet, facing her grief. Sadie had never seen someone more brave than Maggie Greene. She didn't hide her tears, she accepted them.

The first person she pointed at was a woman, who—at that time—neared Maggie's age. She wore blue, a sky blue that brought out the warmth in her. She seemed like the type of woman you would go to at your weakest. "Step-mother."

A man, again near Maggie's age but younger, wearing a hat and a smile that replicated the woman before him. "Step-brother."

There was a delay for the last. Maggie's body quivered as her finger landed on another boy who appeared to be Beth's age. He was a mix of Hershel from his younger photos and Maggie. A smug smile glued to his lips for eternity. "Brother."

Clatter from Beth tore Sadie's eyes from the boy. She rushed out of the room, sleeve covering her mouth as a strangled sob came out.

Beth's reaction didn't help Maggie as another wave of pain hit her. Glenn held her.

Sadie watched and wondered if in another state, at the same time, her mom was staring at a photo of her and claiming the same things. How her blue eyes would become strikingly more obvious with red surrounding them. How her voice would crack, just like Maggie's. How she would wish to know why.

Tears burned her eyes. "Whe-where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall to the left," Isaac answered for Maggie.

She rushed to the bathroom as pressure welled in her throat. The click of the lock sent signals to her brain—she was alone.

The faucets shifted, sliding open the gates that allowed the water to flow out. Not gracefully as May showers, like August tropical storms. Shaking her to the core, Sadie held onto the white porcelain sink.

Clean and pure.

She lifted her hands to find dirt stains. Tainted and ruined. Her eyes rose to the mirror.

Sadie hadn't seen her reflect in anything beside the two inch sun visor mirror. She would only stare into her own eyes to confirm if the red was noticeable. This was different.

Her tears came to a halt. They left lines, guiding the grim down. She hadn't thought her face was that dirty. She got used to the feeling after they ran out of wipes. Rain came rarely, and when it did the old society still had a reins on her. She couldn't bring herself to shower in the rain.

She couldn't bring herself to do a lot. Continuing to look at herself was included.

Yet when she tore her eyes away, she could still see the filthy monster ahead. Stray hairs that fell out of her lopsided bun, swiping the base of her neck. Every slight movement, a strand dragged against her greasy skin. Collected rot soaked into her clothes, weighing her down as if it were wet—drenched in blood. And the smell. She had taken the highway from hell, clinging to it and accepted it into her home.

This was who she was.

And who she was caused this.

If she had listened and stayed away, they could have hid from Rick's group and they could have passed through the highway quicker. Rick could have stuck with his son and Sophia, providing them safety instead of the cursed teenager.

If she was like Isaac or Alyson, she could have gone after Sophia with Rick. She could have protected her while Rick led the creeps away. She could have done something. She should have done anything.

Instead, she laid underneath the car in fear of her own life.

Almost to taunt her, her brain convinced her eyes to move up. The monster loomed into her soul.

Jessica Fontaine would not be able to recognize her daughter. She would find a monster, coated in blood of those she failed to help. She would find a failure. Someone weak. A coward, who couldn't even face herself.

The tears returned.

Sadie was not like Maggie. She couldn't be brave during her weakest point. She couldn't stand; her legs wobbled like a doe.

"Stop it." Even her voice replicated everything she believed. Weak. Breaking. "Stop it."

The first smack wasn't hard. It stung, radiating warmth. Yet the tears still bubbled, the pressure still remained in her throat. "Stop it."

So, she hit herself again. Her vision rattled, knocking a tear to the tiles. Her eyes focused on the splatter, forcing the faucets back, shutting the gates. She wanted to slap herself once more to ensure everything would stay in.

Her hands curled into fists, tearing into her cuts. They suddenly weighed too much to force up and against herself. Everything weighed too much. Everything was too much.

She collapsed onto her knees, breathing out of her mouth. She wanted it all to stop. For the world to stop spinning. For the pain to cease.

But only the dead get to rest.

"Sadie," Alyson called out with a knock. Sadie took in a sharp inhale. "You okay in there?"

No. Never. Help me. "I'm okay…just tired."

The wood floors creaked. Shadows shifted in the crack under the door. Sadie leaned towards the door, leaning her forehead against it. Her hand pressed against it, every inch of Sadie wanted to reach for Alyson. To let her in and lock the door behind her. To be safe in the confined bathroom.

"The operation's done. Carl's stable."

Sadie clamped her eyes closed. "He's okay."

sadie is truly the strongest one there because she's out here fighting her demons while in an apocalypse WHILE having to be nice to shane walsh.

I gotta stop joking about my ocs issues.

ne way, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I took adderall which is literally the only reason I was able to post this, without it I probably would have procrastinated for another three months sooo. God bless my adhd meds!

I plan on updating again in a few days. I have the chapter already written, I just need to do some last minute things plus the hard part aka finding a quote (the way it took me four months to find a quote for this and last chapter is wild).

okay bye