"Can I talk to you, Dan?" Phil asked, just as I was sitting down to film. Everything was all set up and I was sat in my desk chair, facing my camera.

"Can it wait? I'm just about to record a video." I replied, feeling kind of bad that I was pushing him away.

"Yeah, I'll be in my room when you're done."

"Okay."

I pressed record but my mind was elsewhere. What did he want? He had sounded quite serious and one thought was nagging at me: 'what if he found out about my crush?'

My heart was pounding as I approached my friend's bedroom door. I didn't bother knocking since he was expecting me. He was sitting on his bed, his laptop on his lap and headphones over his ears. When he noticed me, he pulled off his headphones and swallowed thickly. "You and PJ are quite close, aren't you?"

I nodded, taking a seat beside him. For some reason he slammed his laptop shut, placing it by his side before I could see what he was doing. It reminded me of the time PJ caught me watching Phil's videos.

"Are you... more than friends? I know I've asked in the past but I really want you to tell me the truth..." I smiled softly, shaking my head.

"He's like a brother to me, Phil." I replied, making him sigh gently.

"Is he your crush then?" Crap. If I say yes, I'd be lying but if I say no, he might assume it was him. There was always Chris but I had never been too close to him. I didn't want to lie but I couldn't tell him the truth.

If he finds out, he'll laugh at you. He'll kick you out and you need to stay here. Dan, lie. Lie for your own safety.

I can't really explain the noise that came out of my mouth. It was kind of like a high pitched squeak, formed due to the conflicting thoughts in my head at that moment. Phil stared at me and I felt panic begin to arise. My breathing quickened as I tried desperately to take in as much oxygen as possible so I didn't suffocate. The walls were beginning to close in on me and so I tried to make myself as small as possible. I hugged my knees, burying my head into my knees. I forgot that I was sitting beside my crush as the only thing on my mind was panic. Dan, he's going to hate you. He won't want to be your friend anymore. You'll end up all alone.

"Dan!" Phil yelled and I flinched when I felt his hand on my back. His voice helped ground me slightly so I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. "It's okay if you do like him, you know?"

I didn't even think before blurting out, "It's not him."

"Oh... then who is it?" His eyebrows furrowed as he contemplated who my crush could possibly be. He went completely silent. I couldn't even cry because the only thing I could feel was the panic which was making my body forget how to function. Phil muttered something but I didn't have time to process it because his lips were pressed against mine. He was kissing me? It must have been a dream: it sure felt like a dream. His lips were slightly chapped but the kiss was soft; better than I could ever imagine. Then his arms were around my neck and my hands were tangled in his hair. When we pulled back, we were both breathless but the good kind of breathless. Not the panicked kind, the oh-gosh-that-was-amazing kind. I just froze, staring into his eyes... his soft, blue eyes. He was staring back and absolutely nothing could ruin the moment.

"Well... fuck." He muttered, making me smile. He didn't swear often so it truly showed his response to what had just happened. Every part of me was screaming at me to run from the situation before he laughed at me and told me it was all a joke but he had kissed back so passionately. He must have felt something too, right?

"Fuck indeed." I replied and, before I could even comprehend what had happened, I was being pulled into another kiss. I didn't think it could get better but apparently it could.

"So, that crush of yours... The one who was, I quote, smart and funny. Who may that be?"

I blushed intensely, glancing at my lap before convincing myself it was okay. He had kissed me back which must have meant he liked me too. As surprising as that was. "You." A massive weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The insecurities were still there, as clear as day but I no longer had to worry about my crush on my best friend. I wanted to jump up and down and scream because I felt weightless and like nothing could dampen my mood. I was ECSTATIC!

"And my crush was you."

"This is unbelievable," I muttered, suddenly getting up onto my feet. "I've liked you for so long and I have always believed I wasn't good enough for you. Am I dreaming?"

"Nope."

"I think you might need to kiss me again just so I know for sure this is real." Phil grinned, not arguing with me.

-

"PJ! PJ! PJ!" I sprinted into his room, bursting inside and screaming his name. He was on his phone, most likely scrolling through Twitter but I didn't mind interrupting him. He looked at me with wide eyes, slightly taken aback at my sudden appearance. "I'm so happy!"

"What? Why?" He put his phone down on the bed and I pulled him up. I hugged him so tightly, never wanting to let go. His body was quite stiff as he refused to return the gesture until he knew what was going on.

"Phil likes me, Peej. I don't even know if I'd be here without you so thank you for being there for me. You're the best!" PJ grinned, wrapping his arms around me.

"You don't need to thank me. It's my duty, as your best friend, to be here for you. I'm so proud of you for making it this far."

I smiled so widely my cheeks ached but I didn't care. I had never felt happier.

I don't like this chapter eh