A few weeks later, not much had changed. PJ was very protective of me but (thankfully) he had stopped trying to persuade me to tell Phil about my secret. I had tried my best to avoid Phil at all costs but he didn't really seem to mind much: he had spent most of his time with Cindy anyway. I hid in my room a lot but no one really noticed, probably assuming I just enjoyed my own company. I didn't. When I was alone, the negative thoughts were louder and nastier; I hated it. As well as that, I missed messing around with my friends until we were laughing so much we were pretty much crying. But it was okay. I wasn't happy but I was coping.

I was editing one of my own videos when I heard rather intense shouting. Cindy. I didn't mean to listen but they were so loud it was hard not to.

"Why do you care about him so much? He's perfectly fine!" Cindy yelled; who was she talking about?

"He's my best friend and I know something is bothering him! He has been so distant lately and I swear he just avoids me!" Phil replied at a similar volume.

"That doesn't mean you need to talk about him all day! You have a girlfriend, you know? And she's beginning to think you care about Dan more than you care about her." My eyes widened as I processed what had just been said. Phil cared about me? Obviously not as much as I cared about him but still.

"At least he doesn't demand attention every second of the day."

"Maybe you should date him instead!" I then put my headphones back on at one of the highest volumes. I didn't need to hear Phil say he was straight and he'd never date me- even if I was the last person on earth.

-

I got out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I did my business but, as I walked back passed Phil's room, I heard a noise that resembled a soft cry. I knocked gently before hearing him sniff and say, "Leave me alone."

I pushed the door open to see him sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. "Phil..." I mumbled, sitting beside him. I made sure to keep a few centimetres of space between us, just for my composure.

"Cindy broke up with me," Because of me. My breath hitched: this was all my fault. He's never going to love you now, Dan. You've messed everything up. I had to pretend I didn't know because I definitely wasn't supposed to have heard their argument. I forced a sympathetic smile, trying not to let how distraught I was about it all show. "Am I selfish?"

"Why would you be?" I wanted to hug him to make him feel better but I knew it would just hurt me. After concluding that my feelings were irrelevant and my friend needed me, I wrapped a protective arm around him.

"Because I never gave her enough attention and I always talked about someone else."

"You gave her plenty of attention, considering you're busy a lot."

"Am I not good enough?" If someone had ripped my heart straight out of my chest and stamped on it a thousand times, it would have hurt less than having to hear Phil's broken voice. The once strong, happy man had been reduced to a fragile boy, on the verge of breaking.

"You're perfect and, if she couldn't see that, she isn't worth it."

"You mean it?"

"Of course. And I'm sure all of your subscribers will agree with me." Suddenly, I was in PJ's position. I understood what it was like to watch a friend breakdown as he relayed the negative thoughts in his head. I was very grateful for PJ because it was hard to see someone you love be in so much pain. I made a mental note to thank him later. He deserved to know how much I appreciated his support.

-

"PJ," I started when we were finally alone together. "Thank you so much, for everything. I know I'm really stubborn and overemotional sometimes but you're a huge help. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Thank you for never giving up on me." Then, for the first time, I was hugging him.

"Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting something?" I pulled away from the hug to see Phil standing in the doorway. Phil had a tendency to walk in at the wrong moments, making what was once a sweet moment, awkward. "Are you guys..."

PJ let out a gentle laugh and I did too; it was actually kind of genuine. "No. He's like my little brother." PJ ruffled my hair and Phil nodded slowly but something flashed in his eyes... an emotion I didn't recognise.

-

"Dan?" I looked up from my computer. Phil looked nervous: he was avoiding my gaze and continuously shifting his weight from one foot to another. "Cindy and I are okay."

I tried not to let my disappointment show: it wasn't like you had a chance anyway. "So you're back together?" I asked, forcing a soft smile.

"No, we're just friends. We talked about a lot of things and I realised I had feelings for someone else." There was someone else. I suddenly felt worse than before but I had to stay composed for my friend's sake.

"Who is she?" Phil dropped his eyes down to his feet, fiddling with his hands.

"They're one of our friends." He used a gender neutral pronoun... could that mean..? No it couldn't, Dan. Stop getting your hopes up, you'll just end up making it hurt even more. "They definitely don't like me back though..." We both went silent for a moment. "Hey, Dan?" I hummed a response, looking up to meet his glossy eyes. "What would you do if you found out one of our friends wasn't entirely straight?"

'If you're implying you're not straight then probably jump for joy.' I wanted to say but instead I replied, "Accept them. I'd be really proud of them for finding the courage to come out." I noticed a tear was falling down his cheek so, without even thinking, I leaned forward and wiped it away.

"I think I'm pansexual." The words lingered in the air for a moment as I processed them. My heart was pounding rapidly and my stomach was doing somersaults, making me feel slightly nauseous. This is your chance! You could tell him! But what if he hates you?

He won't. He's obviously supportive of the lgbt community and it's not like you're confessing your undying love for him.

"I'm gay." I felt completely numb as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't even notice that I had started crying; Phil was crying into my chest too.

"Does anyone else know about you?"

"Only PJ. I was... uh... am in a bad place mentally and he's really supportive. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Aw... I hope you know I'm always here for you."

"I'm always here for you too."

:)