I remember how badly my father wanted me to speak, it seemed that his life was hanging in the bounds if I didn't.
Everything happened so quickly that I never truly realized as my three year old self, that it was all my fault. But oh has that changed.
Everything is my fault, my father would tell me me right before I would go to sleep, as he was tucking me in.
I always thought he had been joking because of the laugh in his voice when the words dripped from him. But he hadn't been or at least that's what I believe of the situation.
I never noticed that his life did hang in the bounds of me talking,until he died.
He wrote me a letter and gave it to me minutes before he took his last breath.
Dear Scar,
I know that your little mind probably can't wrap around this but Daddy is gone now. I love you very much, Sweetheart but I just wish you could speak. You were the last thing that gave me happiness.
Daddy had a little thing called Cancer, when I went through Chemo it was the only thing keeping me well and alive, along with the meds they gave me.
When I found out you couldn't talk, I asked them to take me off of everything so I could just go before it was too painful for me.
I know your mother didn't want us to tell you about Daddy's Cancer because you would be sad. But we had to tell you why I wouldn't come home for work. I love you, Scar.
Love,
Daddy