Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks as I took a sip out my coffee.
"(to Joey) Coffee." Rachel says as she hands it to him.
"Thank you." Joey stated taking his drink.
"(to Ross) Cappuccino." Rachel stats as she hands it to him.
"Grazie." Ross answered taking his drink.
"And a nice hot cider for Monica." Rachel says as she hands it to her.
"Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?" Monica asked.
"Yeah?" Rachel questioned.
"Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?" Monica asked.
"Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinamon stick.) I'm sorry!" Rachel says as she takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.
"Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know..." Phoebe sated as Chandler comes in.
"Hey!" Chandler stated.
"Hey!" We all cheered.
"Never mind. But it was going to be really good." Phoebe tried.
"What's going on?" I asked Chandler.
"What is it?" Everyone else asked.
"So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor." Chandler answered.
"That's great!" We all cheered.
"So I quit." Chandler stated.
"Why?" I asked him.
"Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!" Chandler answered.
"That's the worst excuse to a job promotion I've ever heard." I stated.
"Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years." Monica pointed out.
"If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do." Chandler went on.
"So was it a lot more money?" Phoebe asked.
"It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS." Chandler says everyone looks at him, confused.
"...the WENUS?" Aston asked him.
"Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term." Chandler answered
"(sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS." Aston stated.
"So what're you going to do?" Joey asked him.
"I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there." Chandler answered.
"Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef." Phoebe piped up.
"(taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there." Monica tried.
"Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...." Phoebe stated.
"Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant." Chandler pointed out.
"(to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah!" Phoebe went on.
"Well, what kind of food is he looking for?" Monica asked.
"Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu." Phoebe answered.
"(excited) Oh my God!" Monica exclaimed.
"Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?" Phoebe asked.
"Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat." Chandler answered
"OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!" Phoebe said turning to Monica.
"I love you Pheebs but jeez." I stated leaning on Aston. Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit. I was sat at the table going through paperwork. I had been bumped up to manager of the clothing store.
"Can you see my nipples through this shirt?" Chandler asked. I looked at him.
"No you look fine." I answered going back to my work.
"No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there." Rachel answered agreeing with me.
"Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?" Phoebe asked him.
"Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counsellor a-gogo. (pause) I added the 'a-gogo.'" Chandler answered.
"Career counsellor?" I asked him.
"Hey, you guys all know what you want to do." Chandler stated.
"Don't drag me into this." I exclaimed looing at him.
"I don't!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream." Chandler said. I just looked at him.
"Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech." Ross state as Monica enters, excited.
"Oh, I love my life, I love my life!" Monica cheered.
"Ooh! Brian's Song!" Phoebe pointed out.
"The meeting with the guy went great?" I asked her.
"So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right." Monica answered.
"Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?" Aston asked.
"So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises." Monica explained.
"What are you going to make?" Rachel asked.
"(as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises." Phoebe answered.
"(pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?" I asked.
"I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!" Monica answered.
"Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know." Phoebe says as she sits down.
"Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?" Ross asked. I just looked at him.
"Ohh Ross has a date." I cheered.
"Who's the unlucky girl?" Aston asked.
"Just some girl at work." Ross answered.
"She must be crazy to be going out with you. I mean you have a monkey." I pointed out.
"How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free." Joey said.
"OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?" Ross asked.
"Who are you going out with?" Chandler asked.
"Oh, is this the bug lady?" Phoebe questioned.
"(trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross." Rachel tried.
"Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum." Ross says.
"So what are you guys going to do?" Rachel questioned.
"Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey." Ross answered.
"And he's not speaking metaphorically." Chandler pointed out.
"I wished he was." I stated leaning against the couch drinking my coffee.
"(aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?" Joey questions.
"Sometimes I wished I could swap siblings with people." I stated.
"Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh." Ros stated.
"Me too." Aston said looking at Ross.
"I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal." Joey said making me scrunch my noise in disgust.
"If you get a monkey you can kiss our relationship goodbye." I stated looking at Aston. Monica was making us all, but Chandler and Ross, try her food.
"(to Joey and Alex) OK, try this salmon mousse." Monica stated.
"Monica I love you but Joey loves food more then me. I'm going to take the time to go watch TV." I stated getting up and walked towards the couch where Aston was sat. He opened up his arms and I culled into his side.
"(tasting) Mmmm. Good." Joey answered.
"Is it better than the other salmon mousse?" Monica asked making me look at her.
"It's creamier." Joey answered.
"Yeah, well, is that better?" Monica asked him.
"I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?" Joey questioned looking at her. Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat. We all look at him confused.
"My God! What happened to you?" I asked looking at him.
"Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) 'You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation.'" Chandler answered.
"That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!" Phoebe stated.
"Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something." Chandler tried.
"(comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!" Rachel says.
"(brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up." Monica stated.
"Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you." Chandler tried.
"It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche." Monica explained.
"(tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing..." Chandler explains as the phone rings Monica answers it.
"(on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight o'clock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... (Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye." Monica stated.
"Ten dollars an hour for what?" Phoebe asked.
"Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out." Monica stated.
"(hurt) Waitressing?" Rachel asked her.
"Uh-oh." I stated looking between them.
"Well... of course I thought of you! But... but..." Monica tried.
"But, but?" Rachel asked.
"But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress." Monica tried.
"Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics." Rachel joked.
"You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche?" Chandler asked holding the trey.
"I worry more about you every day that passes." Aston stated looking at Chandler. Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Alex, Aston and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.
"(in disbelief) Vulva?" Aston asked him.
"Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling." Ross answered trying to explain.
"(sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??" I asked him.
"Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?" Ross asked.
"What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me." Joey stated.
"(deadpan) Please be kidding." Ross begged.
"I don't think he is." I stated looking at Joey over the news I was reading.
"Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now." Joey started.
"That don't sound good." Aston stated.
"OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment..." Ross started.

"....yeah... what else?" Joey asked.
"That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation." Ross explains as he gets up, walks across room.
"See never good." Aston stated.
"(walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK?" Joey asked.
"Here we go." I stated
"Joey, please." Ross begged.
"Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now." Joey stated trying to help Ross.
"What am I related to?" I asked Aston.
"Him." Aston stated.
" (impressed) Wow." Ross stated
"Alright, now you say something." I stated making Joey look at me smiling.
"See she gets it." Joey stated.
"Well I wanna see where this conversation ends." I pointed out
"I... ahem... I really don't think so." Ross piped up.
"Come on! You like this woman, right?" Aston asked.
"Yeah." Ross answered.
"You want to see her again, right?" I asked him getting into the convo.
"Sure." Ross stated.
"Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!" Joey stated making me burst out laughing.
"OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this." Ross told him making Aston burst out laughing.
"(turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead." Joey stated.
"Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips." Ross tried.
"There you go! Keep going. Keep going!" I cheered from the couch,
"I, er..." Ross tried. At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching. The couple notice him but he puts his finger to his lips.
"I want to take my tongue... and..." Ross tried again. Chandler is completely astounded.
"You're doing great." I tell him trying not to laugh.
"....and...." Ross struggles.
Joey: Say it... say it!" Joey continues.
"...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with..." Ross tries making the couple burst out laughing again. Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.
"(smiling)....with??" Chandler asked making me laugh more.
"(rushing to explain) Funny story!" Ross tries.
"It really is." I tell him containing myself.
"You're not going to believe this!" Joey exclaims.
"It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together." Chandler pipes up.
"Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again." I state.
"Again?" Chandler asked me.
"And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, she answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again." I continue.
"(on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday!" Chandler states as he slams the phone down. Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.
"What a tool!" I exclaim.
"You don't want to work for a guy like that." Rachel says agreeing with me.
"Yeah!" Ross piped in.
"I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it." Monica tried.
"Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef." Ross says.
"Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking." Phoebe explains.  Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.