Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.
"No-no-no-no, we're done." I stated. Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.
"Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape." Monica stated as me, Aston, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room.
"Ross, did you really read all these baby books?" I asked Ross.
"Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that!" Ross stated as he snaps his fingers.
"That is concerning if I'm thinking about it." I stated.
"Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta." Phoebe stated as Joey grimaces.
"And, we're done with the yogurt." Chandler said as he sets the yogurt down on table.
"(softly) Sorry." Phoebe stated. Monica is still on phone.
"Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?" Monica asked.
"Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!" Joey stated making me laugh.
"(waves) Hello!" Ross stated.
"(in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian?" Joey asked as he playfully hits Ross making me laugh harder. Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed as I hand Aston his drink.
"Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos." Rachel stated as she is touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable.
"Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm." Paolo stated as they rub noses, then he kisses her.
"Should I be worried with what we're watching?" I asked.
"No you and Aston are just like this." Joey stated.
"No we are not." Aston stated.
"(sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah." Everyone stated.
"So, did I hear Poconos?" Monica asked.
"Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend." Rachel stated.
"Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!" Phoebe stated.
"Yeah, that's a big step." Monica pointed out.
"I know..." Rachel stated as Ross is looking dejected.
"(to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!" I pointed out.
"Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?" Ross asked.
"I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally..." Rachel stated AS Ross is holding his stomach.
"...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!" Ross tried. Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.
"(to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows...." Rachel goes on.
"And Monica knows..." Monica stated.
"And Alex knows..." I said.
"Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!" Ross stated.
"Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me." Monica stated.
"And Monica can't keep secrets from me." I stated.
"So what's it gonna be?" Joey asked. Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest.
"Wait-oh-hey-huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!" Ross complained.
"I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!" Monica stated.
"Or an uncle..." Joey stated I looked at him confused as Phoebe enters.
"Hey Phoebe!" I stated.
"Hi Pheebs!" Ross stated.
"Pheebs!" I stated.
"Fine!" Phoebe answered.
"Phoebe, what's the matter?" Monica asked her.
"Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts." Phoebe answered.
"Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?" A customer asked.
"Oh, right, that's me!" Rachel answered.
"Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on." Joey stated.
"And my work wants me to go to go over some paperwork." I stated.
"Fine." Chandler stated. Alex, Joey and Chandler walk towards the door.
"Phoebe, what is it?" Monica asked.
"All right, you know Paolo?" Phoebe asked.
"I'm familiar with his work, yes..." Ross answered.
"Well, he made a move on me." Phoebe stated. Me, Joey and Chandler come back.
"Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!" Joey stated.
"And my paperwork can wait." I stated.
"More coffee over here, please!" Chandler stated.
"Well, what happened?" I asked Phoebe.
"Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until." Phoebe stated.
"Ooooohh!" Me Chandler, Aston and Joey stated.
"My God." Ross said.
"Are you sure?" Monica asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore." Phoebe stated.
"Was it...?" Monica asked.
"Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there." Phoebe answered.
"Oooooo...." Me and the guys stated. Rachel runs over.
"'Ooo,' what?" Rachel asked.
"Uma Thurman." Phoebe answered.
"Oh!" Monica stated.
"The actress!" Ross stated as we all talking indistinctly, high-fiving.
"Thanks Rach." Aston stated as Rachel walks away.
"So what are you gonna do?" Chandler asked her.
"You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys?" Ross asked as he is waiting for guys to chime in.
"Oh, yeah, you have to tell her." Aston answered.
"Feminist issue. That's where I went!" Ross states
"She is gonna hate me." Phoebe stated.
"No she isn't Pheebs." I stated.
"(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well..." Ross stated. Chandler and Joey's, me, Aston, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.
"So, what do you think?" Chandler asked.
"Can we get this for our apartment?" Aston asked his girlfriend putting his hands on her waist.
"Your having a laugh if you think I'm playing anywhere other then here." Alex answered looking at him.
"Ahh babe." Aston complained.
"I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen." Ross stated.
"I know!" Chandler exclaimed.
"So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?" Monica asked.
"Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!" I stated it was me and Ross vs Joey and Chandler.
"Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!" I stated Chandler looks at Joey in amazement. Chandler and Joey's a few minutes later, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.
"I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so..." Phoebe tried.
"You should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Alex scores, high-fives with Aston) Game! Come on." I stated as Monica and Phoebe leave.
"(wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts." Aston stated.
"No-no, she kicked our butts (pointing to Alex). You could be on the Olympic standing-there team." Joey stated.
"Come on, two on one." Ross tried.
"What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!" I exclaimed.
"What, now?" Ross asked.
"Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!" I answered his question.
"My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross!" Chandler stated. Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction.
"(entering) How's it going?" Ross asked.
"Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!" I said pointing to the duo.
"Ooh!" Phoebe stated as Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe Alex, and Monica scatter.
"Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye." Paolo said as I looked at him.
"Oh, ok bye-bye." Phoebe stated.
"Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles." Monica pointed out.
"Grazie." Paolo stated.
"Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... " Ross tries as he shuts door in his face and walks away.
"Oh, just look at her..." Phoebe starts as we girls move toward Rachel on the balcony.
"Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed..." Ross tried.
"Oh, you're right." I said.
"(pulls Monica and Alex back) ...and I really think it should be me." Ross said. Me, Aston, Phoebe and Monica were sat around as Ross and Rachel walks in.
"Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?" Monica asked.
"Oh..." Rachel tries.
"You ok?" Phoebe asked.
"...medium...hmm...any cookies left?" Rachel asked.
" Yep!" I answered.
"See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really
don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process." Ross stated.
"No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want." Rachel stated.
"Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo." Ross stated.
"No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one." Rachel said.
"(astonished) What?" Ross asked.
"What?" Rachel questioned back.
"I-I'm, I'm having a boy?" Ross asked.
"Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy." Rachel answered.
"Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?" Ross questioned.
"Yes, you're having a boy!" Us girls cheered as Monica runs over and hugs Ross.
"I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!" Ross cheered as Joey and Chandler run in.
"Wha-" Chandler starts.
"Wha-" Joey tried,
"What is it?" The boys asked.
"I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!" Ross cheered.
"Hey!" Joey cheered.
"Hey!" Chandler said.
"We already knew that!" The boys cheered as they hug.
"I'm having a son. Um..." Ross stated Ross looks scared.