CHAPTER TWO
you can't change the past
　

　
　
Virginia Beach, VA　
March 2006　

AFTER FALLING ASLEEP RELATIVELY QUICKLY, ANITA HAD WOKEN UP ONLY A FEW HOURS LATER when her alarm clock began going off. The sky was still dark outside her bedroom window, so she reached out and turned on the lamp beside her bed after quieting the alarm. Rubbing a tired hand over her face, she then made her way into the bathroom to start getting ready for work.

Once she had finished going through her daily routine, Anita styled her hair into a simple bun that she had found most suitable and more comfortable on missions. She then made her way into the kitchen to eat something, putting on a kettle for a cup of tea and throwing a wheat bagel in the toaster.

When she was done eating her breakfast, Anita noticed that although the sun had yet to rise over the horizon, the sky was starting to have some lightness. It wouldn't be long now until she left for the rescue mission. She quickly grabbed her keys and a small duffle with everything she would need for the trip, and then promptly left her apartment.

The drive to work didn't take very long at all, as she only lived twenty minutes away. She arrived precisely on time and entered IMF Headquarters, heading straight for the briefing room where she knew John Musgrave would be waiting for her with the team that consisted of IMF Agents Luther Stickell, Declan Gormley, and Zhen Lei.

Upon entering the briefing room, Anita found John speaking with Luther Stickell inside. She didn't see either of the other two agents she was going to be working the mission with, leading her to assume they either hadn't arrived yet or were getting a coffee from the break room.

Both men turned when they heard the door open up, and a smile immediately appeared on Luther's face. She couldn't help but smile back as she stared back at the familiar face of her old friend.

"Anita," Luther greeted, walking over and enveloping the woman in a brief hug, which she hadn't hesitated to return. "Always good to see your face."

She took a step back as he unwrapped his arms from around her, and she smiled up at him. "It's good to see you as well, Luther. It'll be nice working in the field with you again. Been a while since I've had your voice in my ear telling what to do and where to go," she added with a wink.

Before the smirking Luther could respond, Musgrave stepped forward. "I'm glad you've decided to join the team on this one, Levine," he told her. "I was hoping you would, and as usual, you didn't disappoint."

Before Anita could say anything, the door opened up behind her and the two agents she recognized from the files Musgrave provided her last night walked inside the room.

"Oh, good, you're all here now," John said. He glanced down at his wrist watch. "There's a car waiting for you all in the parking lot that'll take you to the airport in time for your flight. Good luck to you all."

With that, John walked out the door, leaving the four IMF Agents standing alone in the briefing room. Everyone exchanged silent glances with each other before they walked out of the room and headed outside, where they found a black SUV waiting for them. One by one, they all got inside the vehicle, Anita sitting down in the passenger seat while Luther, Declan and Zhen piled into the backseat.

The short drive to their private airstrip was quiet. Not a single word was spoken between the four IMF Agents or their driver. But that changed once they had finally arrived at their destination. For a motorcycle had sped down the airstrip and pulled up alongside their vehicle, and the sight of him caused Anita to freeze up.

It was Ethan Hunt.

The sight of him immediately filled her with anger, as she remembered all the pain he had caused her in the last three years of her life. Anita didn't understand why he was even here. She knew that it had to have been John who told Ethan about his former protégé, Lindsey Farris, but he wasn't a field agent anymore and hasn't been for three years now. He wasn't supposed to be here. He shouldn't be here. But he was.

And it was then she realized why.

From the moment she met Ethan Hunt, Anita knew he was someone who would lay everything down on the line to ensure the safety of those he cared about. That's why she trusted him more than anyone else, knowing she would have a partner that always looked out for her. And according to the small file she had been given on Agent Farris, Ethan did care about the woman, as she was a top student of his. It was obvious he felt obligated to be on this mission, feeling responsible for what happened to Lindsey because he had been the one who cleared the woman for fieldwork.

With a shaky breath, Anita reached down and grabbed her duffle bag, stepping out of the car while Ethan and Luther were still engaged in their conversation. She had hoped he wouldn't notice her right away. But he did. The moment she closed the car door, his eyes had found her.

As she looked into those familiar green eyes, all the anger in her body vanished and was replaced by a familiar sense of longing. Her heart ached at the sight of him, and she found it hard to breathe, like someone had punched her in the stomach and all the air had been knocked clean from her lungs.

It was obvious by the look on his face that Ethandidn't know she was going to be here either. Obviously, John had kept them both in the dark, fearing they both wouldn't accept the mission if they knew the other was going to be there.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ethan finally broke the awkward silence that had fallen over them since their eyes met.

"Anita," he greeted with a nod of his head, his voice sounding almost breathless as if he, too, had been punched in the stomach and all the air had been knocked from his lungs.

And against her best efforts, her heart soared at the sound of her name tumbling from his lips. Oh, how she had missed that voice.

There were so many nights she had dreamed of him; of those green eyes, that smile, his voice. But to hear him say her name in person after three years felt entirely different.

"Ethan," she greeted back, sounding just as breathless. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"I can say the same," Ethan replied.

"Do you two know each other?" Agent Zhen Lei asked as she took her dark sunglasses off and looked between them with raised brows.

Anita glanced at the others, finding them all staring between her and Ethan with curious eyes. It was obvious they could feel the tension between them as much as Anita and Ethan could. She shifted on her feet, suddenly uncomfortable. Anita felt exposed and she didn't like it.

It was Ethan who responded to Lei's question when he noticed how tense his former partner had sudddenly become. "We knew each other before my retirement from the field."

Although that wasn't entirely a lie, the vagueness of his explanation was like a knife to the heart. They had known each other, sure, but the way he said it made it sound as if they had simply been acquaintances and not two people who had once confessed their love for one another.

"We used to be field partners," Anita added. There was a slight edge in her tone that hadn't gone unnoticed by Ethan or Luther, who knew her well enough to identify her emotions by the tone of her voice. "Now Hunt here trains IMF recruits."

With that, Anita tossed her duffle bag over her shoulder and brushed past them all, heading for one of the many private planes that the IMF owned.

Once she was on board, Anita placed her duffle bag in the overhead compartment before sitting down in a seat that was connected to a table, another empty seat across from her. She turned her out, staring out the window as the others soon joined her on the plane.

When the door had been sealed shut and everyone had taken their seats and buckled up, the pilot took off, making it official that their mission had just begun.

With an almost nine hour flight ahead of them, Anita sat back in her seat and got comfortable, knowing it was going to be an unbearably long flight.

It wasn't long before Agent Gormley had fallen asleep in the back of the plane, his quiet snores audible from where she was sitting. While he got some rest, Agent Lei had pulled out a novel from her own duffle bag and occupied her time with the words of what looked to be Stephen King. A few feet away from her, Luther typed away on his laptop, undoubtedly studying the structure of the factory where the IMF believed Agent Farris was being held hostage so he would be ready for when they went over their plan later. She wasn't quite sure what Ethan was doing, though, as she couldn't see him from where she was sitting. He had taken a seat behind her when he first boarded the plane, which made her feel uneasy. For she could sense those green eyes on her every once in a while. As for Anita herself, she did nothing but stare out the window, watching as the clouds rolled by.

After a while, Anita felt a presence walk by her. She turned her head to see who it was and found Ethan standing there. She sat up straighter in her seat as she looked up at him, meeting his soft gaze.

"Mind if I join you?" Ethan asked, motioning toward the empty seat across from her at the table she was still sitting at three hours into the flight.

Anita shook her head and waved her hand. "Go ahead."

Wordlessly, Ethan sat down across from her, adjusting the brown leather jacket he wore. He offered her an awkward smile, one which didn't entirely meet his eyes, as he was obviously anxious and unsure of how to act around her now.

Eventually, he cleared his throat, asking, "How've you been?"

Anita wasn't sure how to respond to that question. Was she supposed to be honest with him and say that he left her miserable and alone for three years? That his retirement forced her to work with people she didn't trust as much as him? Or was she supposed to lie and say that she was fine? That she didn't cry herself to sleep some nights thinking about him? That she didn't long to be with him again? She thought it over thoroughly before giving an answer.

"How do you think I've been, Ethan?" Anita asked, and his eyes instantly drifted to the table, just like they had on the day he walked out of her apartment.

"About what happened . . ." he began, his voice only loud enough for her to hear.

"Don't," Anita cut him off immediately with a shake of her head. "I know why you did what you did, Ethan," she continued quietly. A look of surprise spread across his face. "After what happened to Nyah . . ."

Ethan's eyes filled with a distant pain when he heard the name Nyah, and Anita suddenly felt guilty for mentioning the woman. When they had confessed their feelings for each other all those years ago, Ethan had told her all about Nyah Nordoff-Hall. He mentioned how they met, how she worked with him, Luther and a couple other agents to take down rogue IMF Agent, Sean Ambrose, who had gotten his hands on an engineered virus called Chimera. He even mentioned how she died, saying how he was responsible for her death and how he couldn't be responsible for hers as well.

"I'm sorry for bringing that up," Anita apologized after a moment of silence had fallen over them where she cursed herself for mentioning her name.

"It's fine," Ethan said reassuringly. Then he motioned for her to continue, and so she did.

"After what happened in your past, you didn't want to lose anyone else. And I get that. Believe me, I do. I've lost my fair share of people. But that doesn't make your retirement or the reasons behind why you left hurt any less," Anita admitted. His eyes filled with guilt and regret as he looked across at her. "We had a good thing, and you just . . ." She looked out the window, sighing. "Look, what's happened has happened. You can't change the past. Let's just focus on getting Lindsey back and then we'll go our separate ways again. Just like you wanted."

With that, Anita got up from the table and headed for the bathroom. She didn't have to go, she just needed to get away from him. For if she talked to him any longer about what happened in the past, she wasn't sure if her anger would come back and she would yell at him or if she would break down and start crying. And neither of those options were something she wanted to do in front of her colleagues.

Anita rinsed her face with some water, took some calming breaths, and then once she had regained her composure, she walked out of the bathroom and took her seat again. Fortunately, Ethan was now sitting and talking with Luther, so she turned back to face the window and continued watching the clouds like she had been before.

a/n: well, they've reunited, and my heart hurts even more know 😫 but don't worry, this awkward tension between them will slowly burn out, it just might take a while bc it has been three years sincs they've seen each other and they didn't exactly leave things on good terms. they're both hurting in their own ways right now (yes even ethan despite the fact he's engaged to julia) so bear with me as they slowly reconcile

anyways, hope you all enjoyed this chapter! next one will be their rescue mission in berlin, which means you'll FINALLY get to see what anita and ethan are like in the field together! they've got that whole "telepathical communication" thing going on due to how long they worked in the field together and how well they know each other, and it's honestly been soooo much fun to write!

also, nyah nordoff-hall is actually still technically alive in canon. she actually would have been in the third movie but the actress turned it down bc she wanted to focus on her family at the time. so i maybe... kinda... killed her off for my own plot purposes?? 😬 sorry nyah, i did adore you immensely, but i needed to pile on another reason why ethan decided to retire from the field and settle down with someone outside of the agency. man just didn't wanna lose anita like he lost you 💔