| 69 |

| 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐞 |

No one told me how dark it would be here.

Even during daylight, there's always a huge cloud looming over like a gloomy nightmare.

The students here are either dull or straight-up assholes. Some of them actually go through the shit these teachers impose on us, while others keep defying them. They're punished for disobedience but that still doesn't stop them.

They teach us for eight hours straight, give us tasteless meals only during breakfast and dinner, and occasionally make us clean the rooms or the cafeteria.

You're allowed to sleep only for exactly seven hours. Even a minute late and you're punished by ten lashes on your wrists with a wooden stick.

So far, I've got twenty.

There are some who choose to be alone. Those are usually the quiet ones. The ones who are really mean or dangerous form groups and pick on other students when there isn't any supervision.

So far, it's been one week and I already feel sick of this place.

At night when I try to fall asleep, my body aches for Castle's touch. His voice. His eyes. I miss him so much already that it fucking hurts. During mealtimes, I always worry if he's eating well or not. Right after I wake up, I wonder if he slept well without breaking down.

My only hope is for these remaining months to go by quickly and to see Castle again.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐗𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐄 |

It hurts.

It hurts all the time.

There's a big gaping hole where my heart is supposed to be.

Sometimes I can't breathe.

Sometimes I think I'm dying.

Mostly it feels like I'm floating on a lake, waiting for the water to shove me into a river and carry me away so that I'm lost forever.

I thought I can't be hurt anymore after Mom died.

Turned out, I was wrong.

I didn't realize how much strength Holly gave me until she left. I didn't realize how much I relied on her for her support. I didn't realize how much I looked forward to her voice and her words to comfort me.

It's so silent now. There's an even bigger void now that she's not here.

But it's alright.

She's going to come back within two months and three weeks, and nothing will come between us again.

Time heals everything.

Time fixes everything.

Right...?

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐞 |

This whole thing sucks.

A guy in the cafeteria threw something at my hair and obviously, I got mad. Well because it's my hair. My gorgeous amazing blonde hair. So I marched up to his table to ask what his problem was.

He snickered telling me that looking like a whore won't get me out of here faster.

Being a very, very, very, patient person, I decided to ignore him since it'll only waste my time. So I turned around to leave. Just when I take two steps, something wet and smelly hits the back of my head before liquid explodes all around me.

I whirl around to see a carton of milk lying on the ground near my feet. The guy was laughing behind his hand.

I reach up to touch my hair and feel it soaking wet with milk.

That's when my patience snapped.

So now here I am two hours later, moping the entire cafeteria with a hundred dishes to wash because the guy turned out to be so fucking weak that when I "lightly" touch his wrist – it broke.

I take in a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

There are only two months left.

I can do this.

I can still keep my cool and get out of here sane.

I only hope Castle's doing well.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐗𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐄 |

School started.

So did the bullying.

Everyone knows what happened to Holly.

Everyone knows Holly and I are together.

Maddy told them everything.

Every day is a new bruise. A new taunt. A new mean prank.

Everyone knows Holly, and now that my relationship with her is out, everyone knows me.

I thought being popular like Holly would be nice. It would be great to talk to people, to be able to go up to them and strike up a conversation.

It's anything but nice.

It's hell.

It's pure torturous hell.

Sometimes when it gets too much for me, I hide myself and cry. Sometimes when I'm feeling delirious, I laugh out loud thinking how Holly would break every single one of their bones for saying a word to me.

Riley has been helping. She yells and threatens some of the assholes away. She misses Holly too and decided to stick with me during school.

I don't mind her company. It's...nice to have her around. It doesn't feel that lonely.

I don't know if she noticed but there's this other guy. Someone called Blake. Sometimes I see him following her around. Sometimes I catch him staring at her.

I pointed that out to Riley, and she shrugged me off, pointedly ignoring him.

Riley can't stop everyone from bullying me. I still get punched or pushed around. I would've done something to make it easier for Riley. I would've done something to defend myself.

But I just...don't see the point.

Everything I do feels useless nowadays.

Every time I breathe, it feels pointless.

This life...this life feels worthless.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐞 |

My enemies keep getting bigger.

They all want to have at me in some way or the other after I broke the guy's wrist.

I don't mind.

I find that the violence is keeping me sane.

I get punished sometimes, but it isn't too bad either.

I only have to remember to not cross the limits while I "take care" of some people.

I just need to get through this month.

Just one more month.

One more month then I'll go back home. To Dad. To Castle.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐗𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐄 |

It doesn't stop.

It never stops.

The pain.

The tears.

The torment.

The bottle has been staring at me for days, urging me to reach forward and choose the same path my father did.

For a long time, I've ignored its stares.

For a long time, I've refused its calls.

But today, the agony hits harder than my ignorance.

Mom's gone. Holly's gone.

I wish I were gone too.

I wish someone would put a bullet in me and stop the pain.

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

I can't live.

The bottle urges me to reach towards it.

So I do.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐞 |

Just a few more days.

A few more days.

I'm almost there.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

| 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐗𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐄 |

...

★・・・・・・★

Ya'll...the chapter number...just saying.

Words: 1,200

Date of publishing: 18th August 2023