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| 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐞 |

I'm at Castle's house at exactly 5 PM.

I take a moment outside to gaze at the old house before walking up the porch steps to his door. On ringing the doorbell, I hear the bark of a dog.

A smile stretches my lips at Will's sound.

It takes a while for the door to open and when it does, a ball of golden-brown fur launches itself at my stomach. I catch him just in time, hiking him up in my arms.

"Well hi there." I grin at the energetic dog. He barks, wriggling in my arms.

I look up to see Castle's mom, Camille, standing at the door, clutching the doorframe with her thin hands, smiling at me.

"You get prettier every time I see you," I comment.

She blushes, her smile widening, "You think so?"

I nod.

"Come in." She steps aside slowly, making way for me.

I step inside the house, letting Will jump out of my arms when his wriggling gets intense.

I'm in the middle of taking off my shoes, when Castle walks outside, pushing a wheelchair in front of him, yelling.

"Why the hell aren't you in your wheelchair? Where are you—oh." He pauses when his eyes land on me.

I raise my eyebrows at him in greeting.

He nods at me, before looking at his mom. He glares. "Sit." He points at the wheelchair. "Now."

Camille rolls her eyes, walking over to the wheelchair and taking a seat. Will jumps on her, curling himself on Camille's lap.

"Someone's bossy," I comment in amusement. I like it.

Camille shoots an annoyed look at Castle. "He thinks he has to handle every single thing and every single one."

"Because I have to," Castle mutters.

Why? Where's your father? I want to ask.

"You don't have to," Camille says. "I'm perfectly fine."

"So you keep saying."

I take a good look at Castle. He's wearing a normal full-sleeved black t-shirt with sweatpants. No hoodie, no jeans. It's compelling to see him like that. I can't stop staring at him for a moment.

"Go get her something to drink and eat," Camille tells Castle.

"You invited her. You give her." Castle mutters, bitterly.

He gets a smack from his mom at that.

"He's being sour." She tells me.

"I know," I respond. "I'm used to his lemony sourness."

Castle shoots me a look.

"Let's head into the kitchen." Camille says, smiling "Everything's prepared, they just need to be cooked and put in the oven."

I nod and we all head into the kitchen. While Castle's mom speaks to Castle about the food, I look around the house, trying to soak up everything about the place.

The place is quite small but there's still a homey feeling to it. The feeling only people of the house can bring but not the possessions.

There's a table in the living room filled with papers and books. Across it is an old couch with a small TV in front of it. Right beside the couch, is another small type of pillow type couch that I know is for William. At the corner of the living room are a set of stairs leading up. Is Castle's bedroom up there?

When we step into the kitchen, I'm hit with an unexpected sight. There are plates lined on the counter and different things kept in bowls. But that's not what catches my attention. This kitchen is sparkling. Literally. I blink as I take in the spotless cleanliness of the place.

I let out a low whistle. "Do you people bathe this kitchen in Windex or something?"

Camille chuckles. "It's him. The kitchen is his favourite place."

My eyebrows raise in surprise. "That...I didn't know. Castle cooks?"

"Oh yes, he's always cooking. He likes to take over the—"

"Enough." Castle interrupts her, looking displeased with his mother sharing his interests.

But Camille doesn't stop.

"—kitchen. He likes feeding little William a lot too." Camille strokes the dog on her lap, affectionately. "He's also very good at cleaning and taking care of the house so you won't—Uh...I mean, his future girl won't have to worry about the house."

Castle's future girl, huh?

"So you do have hobbies," I state, looking at Castle.

He sighs. "You didn't have to tell Holly all that."

"Oh, I don't mind." I pop in. "I'd actually like to hear more."

"I can tell more." Camille smiles excitedly.

"Great!"

"There's no need." Castle interrupts, shooting us a glare.

Camille ignores him.

"Did you know when he was young he used to go in the backyard and—"

"Mom!" Castle interrupts her quickly.

"She needs to hear this one."

"She doesn't need to." He glares.

"But I want to tell—"

"Mom." Castle's tone comes out in a warning.

"But you did go in the backyard and—"

"I'll lock you up in your wheelchair and hide the key." He declares.

"Oh fine." Camille huffs, slumping in her chair. She looks down at William, muttering to him. "Give Castle a good bite from my side, alright? Probably the place where I used to wipe him when he was young."

William barks.

Castle smooths his thick dark hair, running his fingers back through them. He looks at me, shooting me a slight glare. "Why are you still standing?"

I raise an eyebrow. "You haven't pulled my chair out for me yet."

"Seriously?"

"Pull out her chair, Castle." His mom scolds him.

"She can pull out her own chair. She's too tenacious." Castle shoots me a look.

"Oh right. I'm so independent, and determined but also a blonde dumb bitch."

Castle's eyes widen and his mom gapes.

"He called you a blonde dumb bitch?" Camille asks, her mouth open in shock.

"Mom! Don't say that word!"

I give Camille a sad look. "You don't know the verbal abuse he inflicts on me along with the vile thoughts he has about me."

"Shut up, Holly." Castle glares.

Camille's hand shoots out to smack Castle. "Don't tell a lady to shut up. I taught you better than that."

"Don't take her side!" Castle looks like he's getting betrayed.

"What else has he done to you?" Camille asks. "I'll set him straight."

"I haven't done anything! It's her!" Castle points his finger at me. "She's literally the devil."

Camille smacks him again. "Don't point your finger at her. Also, don't call a lady a devil."

"I'm so out of words right now." Castle gapes at his mom. "You're actually taking her side? You have no idea what she puts me through every day! Her own grandmother was going to name her Traviesa. You know what that means?"

"Oh, I do in fact." Camille looks pleased.

Castle glares at me. "Even her grandmother knew she was gonna grow up and become the devil that she is. She was probably born with red horns on her head with a tail sticking out—"

Camille smacks him. Hard.

Castle jumps with a small yelp.

I'm not even sure if I'm breathing. My laugh so long silenced that I'm just wheezing now, with my hands on my knees.

"What are you laughing at?" Castle glares intensely at me.

"Oh, nothing." I wipe my eyes, standing up straight and clearing my throat, my cheeks hurting.

"Pull out her chair." Camille nudges Castle.

He looks up at the ceiling and sighs. He walks around the small kitchen counter and pulls out a bar stool from underneath it, gesturing towards it with his hand.

I walk over to the stool and hike myself on it, giving him a smile.

"Anything else, M'lady?" He asks, dryly.

I shake my head, grinning.

He rolls his eyes and walks away from me.

The next hour goes by unexpectedly with me captivated.

Because Castle is cooking.

The moment he rolled up the black sleeves of his t-shirt, he had my full attention. While Camille settles herself beside me and starts talking about all kinds of things, I gaze at Castle the whole time. Watching his hands work efficiently, the way he smoothly flips whatever there is in the pan, the way his tongue darts out to taste the food on the spoon.

And whenever he takes small breaks in between to look up at the ceiling with closed eyes to stretch his neck and shoulder...God, why is that so attractive?

Camille's talking about various things. I give her my attention, nodding at some points, and responding with my own comments but her son has the better part of my attention.

"How did you make such a sight?" I whisper to his mom, making sure Castle doesn't hear me.

Camille raises her eyebrows. "You actually think he's good-looking? I mean for me, he's always my beautiful boy. But other girls find him rather too...slender, don't you think?"

I look at Castle and yeah sure he's lean and slender with no muscles and all, but damn he's still such a pretty sight to look at.

"I find him perfect," I tell Camille.

A big smile of relief comes on her face. "Phew—I mean, that's great. He still has a chance then."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Chance for what?"

"Oh nothing, nothing." She says quickly, patting her cheeks as if she's calming down from something.

"Are you alright?" I ask her.

She nods. "Sure, sure. Just don't stare too much at my son or else you'll lose interest, alright?" She peers at me.

"Uh..." I blink. "Alright?"

She gives me a smile of satisfaction, giving her attention to William next.

It takes another twenty minutes before the food's ready. Castle clearing out the kitchen counter to make space to place the food. I stand up to help him but he shakes his head, gesturing for me to sit back down.

Something flutters in my stomach at that. I don't know why but it makes me feel...flustered?

When all the food's set, Castle sits down across from me, wiping his hands with a towel.

"I can't believe you cook," I say, picking up my spoon. "I thought you lived on lemons day and night."

He rolls his eyes.

When I taste the food, I nearly let out a surprised noise of delight. I take another bite to make sure if it actually tastes good or not. It does. Fucking hell.

Who knew Castle's hobby, out of all things, would turn out cooking? And he cooks so well.

We eat while keeping up a small conversation. It's mostly me and Camille doing the talking while Castle sits silently, either rolling his eyes occasionally or interrupting his mom from saying something about him.

Camille starts talking about her days at school and I swear with each word that leaves her lips, I fall in love with her.

She's easy to talk to. Her words are animated and she's making me laugh so hard at some points that I almost choke on my food.

At some point, I catch Castle staring at me, his food paused halfway up his mouth while I laugh at something that Camille says.

I raise my eyebrows at him, and he takes a few seconds to realize that I'm staring back. He snaps out of it and looks back down at his food, his face flushing red.

I grin to myself at catching him, but something else stirs inside me. The way he was staring at me...it was like he was caught fascinated or something. Why does that make my stomach flutter?

People stare at me all the time. My stomach never flutters for them.

After food, this time I don't let Castle from stopping me from helping him clear the table and wash the dishes.

He washes while I dry.

"Where did your mom go?" I ask, looking behind my head to see she's no longer in the kitchen.

Castle mutters something under his breath.

"What?" I furrow my eyebrows, not being able to hear him.

He shakes his head, dismissively.

"Your mom's so fun." I grin, taking the plate he hands me and drying it up with the cloth. "Where did you go wrong, Lemon?"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Lemon?"

"Sour Lemon. I'm being honest though. You're mom's really sweet. Next time, you gotta come to my house. Your mom and Will."

He shrugs. "We'll see."

"In fact, come over next weekend. It's getting chilly outside and Dad's thinking it's gonna be a good time for some barbecue."

Castle fiddles with a spoon in his hand as he thinks. "I'll let you know."

"That doesn't sound very promising."

He opens his mouth but closes it again, hesitating. "It's...I don't know if it's alright for me to bring Mom all the way to your house."

I furrow my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"She's in a wheelchair, Holly, if you're that blind to see."

I smack him on the arm with the dishcloth. "I know that. So what?"

"How am I gonna wheel her all the way to your house?"

"What do you—" Oh. That's when I realize. Castle doesn't own a car and whenever he comes to my house, he comes on foot.

I think about it. "My dad can pick you up."

Castle hesitates. "I don't want to bother—"

"Oh shut up. It's fine. You're coming to my house with your mom. End of story." I declare. "If not my dad, then I'll arrange someone else."

He's silent for another moment before he finally nods. "Alright."

We go back to work with the dishes in silence.

A thought crosses my mind. I look at Castle. "You know, you can still come and hang out every night, right?"

He looks at me.

"I know our deal is done but that doesn't mean we have to stop meeting. You can come over and maybe I'll teach you that video game Dad and I were playing?"

He hesitates again. Why does he hesitate about everything?

He picks up a plate, thinking.

"What do you want from me, Holly?" He finally asks.

"What do I want from you?" I ask in confusion.

He grips the plate in his hand, looking at me with a severe look. "Am I someone serious for you? Am I just a plaything until you get bored?"

My eyes widen at his words. "Where is that coming from?"

He bites his bottom lip. "I need to know if you're not going to play games with me, Holly."

I frown at him. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"You can't pretend that you want me sometimes, and act like you don't care about me other times."

My eyes widen. "When have I ever acted as if I didn't care about you?"

"You're playing with my—" He clamps his mouth shut.

"Playing with your what? Your feelings?" I pry.

He shakes his head. His free hand clenches into a fist. "I...I don't want another person...I just don't want to feel insignificant, alright? Especially by someone like you."

"Someone like me?" A hint of anger enters my voice. "You think I'm some slutty playgirl that can't have actual feelings for a guy?"

He shrugs. "When have you ever had a serious relationship with someone?"

"What does it matter? Is it wrong that I'm someone who doesn't like commitments?"

"There's nothing wrong with that, Holly." He says, softly. "I'm not asking you to change. I'm only asking you to involve me in your life only if you're serious about wanting me."

Do I want Castle?

He's fun to be around despite his irritability and snappiness. I keep looking forward to riling him up or making him blush with the simplest things.

But do I want him?

I want to kiss him. I want to feel his lips against mine and see what he tastes like. I want to press my body against his and know what sounds he makes. I want his big hands to glide down my waist and see what's he capable of doing to me.

But I also want him beside me despite him not wanting to touch me. I want to talk to him. I want to make him smile. I want to make him blush knowing that I'm the cause of the redness on his cheeks.

When have I ever been in a serious relationship?

Never.

The answer almost startles me.

I've never been committed to any person. I've never seen the need when I can have whomever I want. There's an unexplainable delight in having the freedom to get whoever you want, and explore around with different people; both male and female.

There's little to worry about when that's the case. I get what I want, pleasure and satisfaction and I don't have to think about anything else.

But would I be with Castle if given the chance?

Would I want to be committed to him?

Why is he even asking me this?

He wanted to get rid of me the whole time. So if I don't want him in life anymore then it shouldn't bother him. He should be happy if I finally left him alone.

Unless...

"Castle." My mouth parts open in realization, my eyes wide in apprehension. "Are you...are you catching feelings for me?"

He stares at me. His eyes bore into my face, searching. Tension builds on my shoulders as the silence stretches out. It feels like years before he finally answers.

"Maybe."

My breath gets stuck in my throat. "Castle—"

"Don't worry." He cuts me off. "If you don't want to be serious then my feelings are dispensable."

"I don't want your feelings to be dispensable." The words leave my mouth before my brain comprehends them.

He tilts his head at me. "Why?"

Why? Exactly, why?

There's no denying that I'm happy he's catching feelings for me. It's almost a thrill to know that Castle, who wanted to run away from me, is starting to like me. It's a pleasure to know that someone's catching feelings for you.

There's also a pleasure in making the person begging for more of you. It's ecstatic to know that you have the ability to control someone because they're getting attached to you. The inner side of me loves taking advantage of people's feelings and turning them into my own personal satisfaction.

But Castle...

I don't want to take advantage of Castle.

I don't want to play with his feelings.

When I first met him, I wanted him to confess that he finds me attractive. I wanted him to confess that I'm not as repulsive to his body as I am to his mind.

He had painted a picture of me in his mind and I wanted to redraw that picture into something that makes him high at the thought of me.

So now when he's starting to...why am I bothered?

I don't do commitments, but I don't want Castle to walk away from me.

"I don't think I want you out of my life," I tell him, honestly.

"You think?" He raises an eyebrow.

"You can't suddenly drop this on me!" I snap.

"Is it wrong that I'm trying to save myself from an illusion that you're painting for me? The one that you will eventually break me from?" He asks.

"I like to be free, Castle."

"Then be free. Commitments don't mean restrictions."

"I don't have to commit to anything though. We can be friends." I state, hopefully.

"Alright."

"Alright?" Surprise takes over my features.

He nods. "Alright."

"That easy?" I ask, in bewilderment.

"I wanted to clear out stuff between us, Holly. So if plain friendship is fine with you, then yeah, it's alright."

Relief sags on my shoulders but that's instantly gone when Castle opens his mouth.

"But." He says, making my body stiffen. "If we are to be friends, there are some rules."

I narrow my eyes. "I hate rules."

"I know."

"What are your rules?"

"No intimate touching." He holds up one finger. He raises another finger as he lists off. "No flirting. No getting into each other's personal space. You'll have to respect my boundaries. No talks about what you want to..." His face reddens the slightest, "Do to me."

"Is that all?" I ask, dryly.

He nods, putting his fingers down.

I scowl at him. "Fine."

He nods at me. "Okay then. Guess I'll be there at your house this weekend."

We turn back to the dishes.

My hands start to itch, particularly because of a tall British-looking boy beside me whom I would very much like to push against a wall and bite his lip off.

I calm myself down.

I can do it.

I can follow his rules.

No flirting. No touching. No inner meaning talks—

Who am I kidding?

I'm not Holly if I can't do all of those.

Flirting is a language I'm a master at and I particularly love flirting with Castle because of that goddamn blush he gives me.

But...

I guess if I don't want Castle to leave just yet, I'll have to force myself to remain within the limits he set for me.

Commitment or not, I don't want Castle to leave yet. For some reason, the thought of abruptly detaching from him gives me a feeling of apprehensiveness. I don't even know why.

★・・・・・・★

Reason why I haven't updated for so long: I burned my hand. I was frying something and out of nowhere the stuff I was frying just exploded, sending hot boiling oil splashing everywhere. My right hand got caught in it and I burned all my fingers (more like deep-fried my fingers). My fingers are currently still covered in big fat blisters but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Other than that...

My current obsession: SIX OF CROWS ♥️♥️♥️ I LOVE SIX OF CROWS SO MUCH!
It's like therapy to me! I go to sleep with Six of Crows and start my day with Six of Crows. Freddy Carter has the sweetest smile 🥺😭 and Kit Young is just so SMOOTH. I'm so obsessed with all of them, it's unhealthy😭.

My other April reads are:
- King of Scars
- Stalking Jack the Ripper
- One of us is lying
- We Hunt the Flame
- Caraval

What are you people reading or are obsessed with??

Words: 3,500

Date of publishing: 12th April 2033