2016

After Iona walked away from the possibility of us once again, I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I stood up, and took my frustration out on the pillow fort, ripping it apart, launching cushions across the room. The whole gesture seemed so fucking pointless now; what had it even achieved?

Iona clearly wanted me as much as I wanted her, but she was letting something I had apparently done 17 years ago stop her . . . And I had no idea what it was.

Leaving the remains of the now-defeated fort on the ground, I decided bed would be the best option. But sleep evaded me. So I dragged my brain back to prom. I didn't really want to remember that night, but I had no choice if I wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery.

I remembered going searching for Iona, and reaching the open door just as I'd heard the words that always stuck in my memory.

"It's not like I'm in to Ryan anyway, we're just friends. She's welcome to him."

The words had churned up my stomach at the time. With hindsight, I now realised that she might not have actually meant them. That actually, she might have been trying to save face in front of Martin. She had said I'd broken her heart, after all.

But what had I done that she couldn't forgive? I knew kissing Christine hadn't been my cleverest idea, but I didn't really get a say in that. I could have stopped it sooner, to be fair, but it didn't seem this was the deal-breaker.

I let myself recall sitting next to her on the doorstep later that night, feeling the change in the air. The waves of frostiness emanating from her. She'd looked the same as she had just a few hours ago, but somehow she was no longer the same person, and I knew it. And I'd had absolutely no idea what to say, what to do, to even try to fix it.

And here I was again, back at square one.

As I tossed and turned, and fitfully drifted in and out of consciousness, the storm died down, breathing its last windy gasps around me, until everything outside was calm and peaceful again. Then the sun rose, bright in the cool blue sky, birds chirped happily, and life went on as normal.

And yet nothing felt normal to me.

I headed down to the loch for a swim, wanting to immerse myself in the cold, and temporarily allow myself the pleasure of not thinking. It was needed.

The power had been restored early doors, much to my relief, and after I'd showered and dressed, I headed to the main building to check on the work being done. It was all still on-track to be completed before we re-opened, so that at least was one less thing to worry about.

But, as I left the hotel, I ran into my biggest worry.

Iona.

"Hey," I managed. I didn't feel equipped to deal with her right now.

Her wild hair had been subdued into a knot on top of her head. She looked paler than usual and her eyes and the tip of her nose were red - it looked as if she'd been crying. It was like someone had extinguished the lamp that usually lit her up from inside.

Doorstep Iona (circa 1999) was back.

"Hi." She barely spared me a glance. "Looks like everything's back up and running again, eh?" Her voice was coated in fake cheer, and its falseness winded me like a blow to the stomach.

"Seems to be," I said tightly. There was a long pause, and she looked like she was about to walk away again. But I had to say my piece. I couldn't let her get away with this.

"Do you know, I was awake for most of the night, racking my brain, wrecking my head, trying to think what I must have said that hurt you so much?" I bit out. "And I'm still drawing a blank." My voice was shaking; I could barely contain my anger. I couldn't believe I was in this position again.

"I'm sure if you dig a little deeper, you'll figure it out," she muttered.

I couldn't dig any deeper! I'd replayed those memories over and over in my head so many times last night, while I struggled to sleep. Unless she told me, I would never know. And she seemed determined to leave me in the dark.

"I really don't think I will," I shrugged, defeated. I rubbed my eyes violently, nearly dislodging a contact in the process. "Look, I hope at some point we can talk about this, and you'll explain to me what I'm meant to have said that's made you this mad at me. But for now, I guess we'll just pretend last night never happened."

We were at an impasse. In an escape room with no way out. Only Iona could fix this now.

But instead she nodded stiffly and stormed away. The word "Deal!" drifted back over her shoulder. A moment or two later I heard the door to our accommodation block slam shut.

I decided to go for a drive. Torridon seemed like a good idea. I drove up the Bealach na Gaoithe to the viewpoint there. Another day, another perfect place to brood. I was so lucky to have this beautiful section of Scotland to fall apart in.

All I could think about was how much Iona would love this view. I longed to take her to all my favourite spots, share them with her, forge memories that included her.

Despite everything, I couldn't picture myself with anyone else. She had been my endgame for so long now. Call me pathetic all you want, but I couldn't help how I felt.

I had to head back eventually, but I did my best to avoid her until we had to work together again. On Thursday, I went for another loch swim, then another drive. This time I headed to Mellon Udrigle, one of my favourite beaches. The white sand and clear turquoise water was far less foreboding than the mountainous drama that was Torridon, and it lifted my spirits.

I still had hope, I realised, picking up a handful of cool sand and letting it slip through my fingers. I just needed to let Iona come to me. It might take her a while but fuck it, I'd already waited so long for this. And it's not like I had anything better to do.

Feeling lighter for the first time since Iona had walked away from me on Tuesday night, I drove back to the hotel. I read for a while, had an early night, and actually one of the best sleeps of my life.

The next afternoon, all hell broke lose as all of the guests started to turn up at once. And our receptionist was AWOL today. "Food poisoning" apparently. Yeah, sure.

"Iona, are you okay to help me with reception?" I asked her, as I noticed several cars pull into the car park. "If you could check the guests in, I can help them to their rooms."

So far our interactions today had been back to overly-polite and distanced, like her first week here. It felt . . . Weird.

"That's no problem," she said smoothly, not looking at me as she passed by and settled herself behind the desk.

To be perfectly honest, we didn't always show the guests to their rooms, but it was a nice touch if we could accommodate it (no pun intended). Plus there was only one computer at reception so we couldn't check more than one party in at once anyway. It was a good way to keep the crowd moving.

All was going like clockwork as I left the penultimate couple inside their room, and headed back downstairs. I could hear a voice that sounded vaguely familiar, but I just couldn't place it.

"I've always meant to come and check this place out ever since my good friend Ryan took it over . . . Finally got around to it! Oh, there he is!"

Good friend? I found myself looking at my former nemesis. Actually, he was probably still my nemesis, because I'd only ever had one, and he was still giving off major "I'm a massive prick" vibes.

"Martin," I said faintly. "What a surprise."

I hadn't saw this guy since . . . Well, prom actually. Thankfully, we'd managed to shake him after high school. I still frequently saw my old friends, particularly Danny, when I went back down to Glasgow, but Martin was no longer part of the gang.

"Alright, mate?" Martin shook my hand and slapped me on the back. I responded with a decided lack of enthusiasm. Well, apart from the back-slap. I went hell-for-leather with that, and was pleased to see him wince.

At that point, Martin suddenly seemed to realise fully that me and Iona were working together. He started to smirk."Wait . . . So are you two a thing now?" He asked me. "You finally got her after moping after her for all those years?"

I blushed. I was more angry than embarrassed. 34 years old and this guy still got his jollies from trying to humiliate other people . . . what a loser! Before I could even consider a suitable response though, Iona unexpectedly slid an arm around my waist. "Yes," she said clearly, in answer to his snide question.

I flinched. I couldn't help it. Then I gave into the urge to play pretend too. I wrapped an arm around her. "What can I say, she eventually gave into my charms," I chuckled. My voice sounded false to my own ears.

Martin's eyes narrowed. "Well, I'm so happy for you guys!" he claimed loudly. He was definitely not happy. He threw a quick glance at his brunette other half, but she wasn't paying attention to any of us, too intent on her phone.

"Thanks." Iona smiled as she passed over two keycards. "So you guys are in room 12."

"Upstairs, on the right. Big number 12 on the door. You can't miss it," I said blandly. I didn't move. I had no intention of helping this arsehole out. He looked confused at first, but quickly recovered.

"Cool, cool! Let's catch up for a drink later, eh?" He grinned at me and turned towards the stairs.

"We're really busy tonight," I called. "But I'll do my best." I had no intention of doing so.

I quickly stepped away from Iona. "Thanks for that," I said, still glancing towards the stairs. "I can't believe that prick has shown up here."

"I thought you were friends." Iona looked confused. She'd actually thought I liked Martin? I thought it was universally understood that no-one liked Martin!

"Not a chance. I've always fucking hated that guy. I can't believe I'm going to have to play nice with him tonight." I stalked into the bar area.

"You okay?" Angus asked, as I grabbed a bottle of Coke from behind the bar and twisted it open.

"An arsehole from my past has just turned up," I muttered, tipping half the drink down my throat in one go. I would have loved it to be alcohol, but I needed a clear head for the rest of my shift.

I was furious. Martin Douglas showing up was the last thing I needed right now.

And he'd be just another reminder of prom night for Iona too. Fucking fabulous.

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