Life had been utter bliss for Ben and Y/N. For a week they had mostly spent together in their room. However, what Y/N didn't know was that at night while she was asleep, Ben would sneak out of the room for his secret meetings with Lando. They were close to finding out where Snoke had gone to hide, while at the same time trying to fend off any advances from the First Order. Ben had told himself he had to tell Y/N, but the more time they spent together the less of an opportunity Ben felt like he had to tell her. He hated lying to her. But he knew that if he tried it would just lead to a fight. He knew that she wouldn't want him to be fighting with the First Order, and she especially wouldn't want him to be searching for Snoke.

Snoke was a different matter entirely that the First Order. Ben believed that he could talk his way out of Y/N being mad at him for fight against them. That was a war, one in which the two sides could battle it out using plans and other resources. But Snoke, Snoke could take you out and no one could help you. It would be a battle Ben would have to fight for himself. Alone. And that Ben knew Y/N could never let happen.

And he understood that. If the roles were reversed he knew there was no way he would allow her to fight Snoke. But Snoke had caused both Ben and Y/N so much pain and suffering that he couldn't allow him to just go on living. Especially because he knew that at any moment Ben or Y/N might start hearing Snoke's sickening voice in their heads once more, and Ben didn't know if Y/N could handle that.

"What are you thinking about." Y/N said bringing Ben back to reality. Both of them were lying in bed, a place that they hadn't left for a good day and a half, neither one of them clothed.

"How unbelievably lucky I am that you are my wife." Ben half lied.

Y/N smiled as she crawled on top of him kissing her way down his chest.

"Well I am unbelievably lucky that you are my husband, and I think it is only fair to show you my gratitude." Y/N giggled.

A slight twinge of guilt rang though Ben's heart as he quickly pulled Y/N back up placing his lips sweetly on hers.

"I love you, Mrs. Solo." He smiled.

"I love you with my whole heart, Mr. Solo." Y/N smiled kissing him more passionately causing Ben to flip them over so he was on top.

The rest of the day was spent just the same as the other days had been until both were so exhausted that they fell asleep in each others embrace.

"Y/N, this is only the beginning" Y/N heard a voice in her head say and she bolted upright waking up. As soon as she woke up she was hit with a wave of nausea causing her to sprint to the bathroom emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Y/N groaned as she leaned her head into her arms pulling her knees up to her stomach waiting for the feeling of nausea to pass.

After a few minutes, she finally felt well enough to leave the bathroom and head back into the bedroom. However the minute she left the bathroom she froze seeing that Ben was no longer in the bed.

"Ben?" She called concerned. She could feel the panic and anxiety building up inside of her as she gripped onto the door frame.

"Y/N, it's ok I'm fine." She heard a voice say in her head instantly calming her. "I just went for a walk to clear my head, go back to bed I will be there soon." Ben said. And then just like that he was gone.

Y/N sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed. She wanted to be concerned about Ben but her mind was focused on the fact that she just got sick. Y/N never got sick.

"It's probably just because we haven't eaten well in a week since all we do is stay in this room." She thought smiling when she imagined the fun Ben and she had had. However, the smile quickly fell when she imagined, this beautiful moment coming to a crashing halt because she knew it eventually would.

Snoke was still out there, alive and well. The First Order was still doing well even without a leader. Y/N knew that eventually Ben and she couldn't hide out forever, and even though Lando had said that they would be all right living in this city, she knew that it wasn't entirely true. If at any point it became known that the First Order or heaven forbid Snoke was after the city would gang up against them and throw them out of the city before they even had a chance to fight back.

Slowly with that thought, Y/N curled up in bed. And ended up falling asleep.

When she woke up she found Ben asleep in the bed next to her. His curls were in his face.

Smiling Y/N slowly got on top of Ben kissing his neck.

Ben groaned sleepily. "You know Mrs. Solo sleep is a very good thing and a thing that I desperately need."

"It's your fault for taking a midnight stroll there Solo."

Ben laughed as he flipped Y/N over getting on top of her.

"I love you so much." He said as he kissed her.

"I love you too." She said but she quickly pushed Ben up.

"What," He smiled innocently at her.

"We need to get out of this room. Do you realize how long it has been since I have seen other people."

"Do you really want to see other people, are you that bored with me." Ben teased.

"You know I'm not, but there are some people that I need to see." She said and instantly the mood in the room changed.

Ben sighed as sat up looking at Y/N sadly.

"Do you want to come with you?"

"No, I need to go by myself, plus you need to spend some time with your mother. I'm surprised she remembers what you look like." Y/N said trying to tease Ben but he could still tell how sad she was.

"Y/N." Ben started.

"Seriously though, Ben I will be ok." She lied.

"You know you can't lie to me right," Ben said in her thoughts.

"Damn-it Ben, you can't keep doing that. I'm not going to use the Force anymore so I can't read your thoughts, it's not fair that you keep reading mine!"

"There is a simple solution to solving that problem." Ben insisted as Y/N got out of the bed heading towards the closet.

"Don't start with this again." Y/N sighed as she angrily began to look through some clothes.

"You are not going to fall into the dark again, I won't let you," Ben said as he got up grabbing his pants from the floor next to the bed.

"Yeah, cause you did a great job of that the last time," Y/N muttered under her breath.

Ben froze as he looked at her hurt.

Y/N sighed as she pulled on a pair of brown leggings. "I didn't mean that."

There was a moment of silence between the two as they continued to get dressed. Y/N was dressed in the brown leggings with a long white top and a pair of brown boots. Ben was dressed in a pair of black pants with a blaster holster strapped to his leg and was wearing a white shirt.

When Y/N turned around she thought she was staring at a ghost.

"Oh my god Ben, you look exactly like your dad."

Ben didn't even look at her as he stormed into the bathroom.

"Ben," Y/N sighed as she followed him. He was gripping the edge of the counter staring down at the floor.

"You know," Ben started his voice cracking. "You know that if I could have done anything to stop what happened to you, I would have. I..."

Y/N quickly wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"I know I know Ben, and I don't blame you I promise, I didn't mean what I said. You were right, I'm not ok with going to go see my brother. Because I know the minute that I see him, I'm going to be reminded of those feelings I felt after..." Y/N started and Ben quickly turned around grabbing her shoulders. "It's been almost a month Ben and he still hasn't made any progress, what if..."

"Hey, hey, hey, don't think like that ok. He has the best medical care in the universe, my mother made sure of it. Everything is going to be alright." He said as he pulled her into his arms.

"I love you." Y/N said as she buried her face in his embrace.

"Do you still want to go by yourself," Ben asked as Y/N quickly wiped her face.

"Yeah, I think this is something that I am going to have to do on my own." Y/N said as she kissed Ben softly.

"Ok, if you need me..."

"You will know Ben, I know you will." She smiled. "Now go see your mother."

"I love you," Ben said as he kissed her again.

Suddenly Y/N began to feel very nauseous. "Come on now go." She said as she faked a smile.

Ben smiled at her as he left, the minute however she heard the door shut she fell to her knees in front of the toilet throwing up.

Groaning she sat back again.

"What the hell is wrong with me," She thought but she knew the minute she thought it there was a chance Ben was listening into her thoughts. She didn't need him worrying about her, so she quickly stood up splashing some cold water on her face before she headed out into the hallway. The minute she left the room she could feel the eyes on her and the whispers starting.

It felt like that horrid walk she had had on the Finalizer.

She looked down as she walked through the endless hallways before finally arriving at the medical bay. However, as she reached for the door she felt the weight of everything hit her at once, just as it had when she had woken up after the Finalizer had been destroyed.

Y/N woke up with a start. She quickly looked around the room remembering what had happened as her eyes quickly landed on the unmoving body of her brother. The minute she saw him she was hit with the weight of everything she had done. Every person she had killed, and how she had killed her brother.

She let out a loud scream as she grabbed onto her stomach feeling like she was going to throw up.

"You have become the most powerful being in the universe!" She heard someone laugh behind her. She didn't even have the strength to turn around but she knew who it was. "You have accomplished more than Ren ever could. You will become the one who destroys what is left of the Jedi order, and you will be the one who destroys the Resistance."

"No!" She screamed as she quickly turned around throwing her hand out but the minute she did it Snoke countered slamming her into the floor trying to crush her.

"Don't fight it, it is your destiny."

"I don't want this! I never wanted this!" She screamed.

"We both know that is not true. All you have wanted your entire life is to not feel powerless. You felt powerless when you parents were killed, you felt powerless when you brother went to fight in a war you knew he had no chance of winning. And you felt powerless when you lost your precious Benjamin to me." Snoke sneered. "But you don't feel powerless anymore, not now that you know what kind of power you hold."

"I can't..." Y/N started sobbing again.

Quickly Snoke yanked her to her feet flinging her across the room crashing her into the beam and almost sending her down the hole where the guard had fallen.

"You're emotions and your feelings have made you weak!" Snoke screamed dragging her across the floor landing her right in front of Poe. "He's dead, you killed him!"

Y/N let out another piercing scream shaking what was left of the ship.

"He was going to kill you, Ben was going to kill you and then run off with Rey living you utterly alone."

"No, he wouldn't he..."

"He doesn't love you!" Snoke screamed ripping Y/N to her feet and pulling her across the room until he wrapped his boney fingers around her neck. "You have become a monster, a person that is incapable of feeling love and being loved."

Y/N couldn't even cry anymore as she just stared at Snoke shocked.

"But what you can be is feared, and that is a much more powerful emotion than love. You have a chance right now. Kill Ben Solo, kill the girl, take back your throne. I will teach you. Together nothing will stand in our way."

Quickly he dropped her and brought her saber to her.

"Do it." He instructed.

For a moment Y/N just sat staring at the saber. She felt like she was going to shake apart.

"Do it! Kill them!" Snoke screamed and quickly Y/N snapped her head up throwing Snoke backward into the throne as she took off running.

She didn't even take notice to the amount of destruction surrounding her as she made her way to Ben's room.

Taking a deep breath Y/N finally reached for the door handle walking in. The minute she opened the door she saw the blonde haired women sitting next to her brother bed. Her head was laying on Poe's hand which she was gripping tightly, and Y/N could tell how exhausted she was.

The minute she heard the door shut Kaydal's head snapped up to look at who had entered the room.

"Y/N," She gasped.

"Kaydal, I..." Y/N started but the guilt hit her and she quickly looked at the floor.

"You came," Kaydal said as she ran to Y/N pulling her in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry." Y/N sobbed into Kaydals embrace.

"He's going to be ok, right. He's going to be fine." Kaydal said her voice cracking.

The two sat for a moment in each other embrace. Kaydal knew that she had every reason to hate Y/N and Ben for that matter, but for some reason, she couldn't. Not after having spent 6 years monitoring her condition and making sure she was still alive. She had come to care for her. Not in a romantical way, but in a sisterly way.

"Has he..." Y/N started wiping her face. "Has he made any progress."

"The doctor's said they won't know anything until he wakes up," Kaydal said wiping tears from her eyes as well.

"And when do they suppose that that should be?" Y/N asked.

Kaydal looked down at the floor the tears welling up in her eyes again.

"They..."She started clearing her throat. "They don't know if he will wake up."

Y/N opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't even think of anything to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to the wedding." Kaydal started. "I just..."

"It's ok Kaydal."

Slowly Y/N turned to look at Poe again.

"Do you want a moment alone with him."

"Could I?"

"Of course, he's your brother, plus I really could use a shower." Kaydal smiled sadly.

Y/N just nodded not sure if she actually wanted to be alone with her brother.

"I'll be back soon, Finn should be coming around soon, he usually comes to check on Rose around this time." Then she was gone and the sounds of the machines that were keeping Poe alive grew almost unbearably loud in Y/N head.

"Hi." She started sitting down on the chair next to the bed. She shifted awkwardly as she tried to figure out what she could possibly say. "Poe, I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "I wish, I wish I could do something to fix this."

Y/N sat crying for a while before she finally sat up wiping her face.

"If you were awake you would be yelling at me to stop making everything about you. That there were bigger things to worry about. You would be yelling at Ben for not asking for your permission before marrying me. You would be so mad." Y/N chuckled slightly. She looked at her brother once more before she stood up. "I promise I'm going to figure out how to fix everything. I love you." She said as she stood up and when to leave. As soon as she turned around she ran into Finn.

"Oh hey!" He said looking down at her. "You're Y/N right?" He asked.

Y/N nodded.

"I'm sorry about your brother. He's a good man, he saved my life." Finn said.

"That's great!" Y/N tried to say with as much enthusiasm as possible but all she really wanted to do was curl up into a ball and start crying. "I have to..." Y/N started to leave when suddenly Finn grabbed her arm.

"I'm on your side. I know that a lot of people have said some terrible things, but I know that you have just felt very alone for a long time. And I know what loneliness can do."

Y/N softened for a moment looking at Finn with a smile. "Thank you, Finn."

He just nodded letting go of her arm as he left her walking over to Rose.

Quickly Y/N left the room making her way towards her and Ben's room.

The whispers and the stares seemed more apparent on the walk back then they had before.

"I can't believe she's allowed to stay with us."

"Her and Ren are perfect for each other, two monsters."

"She tried to kill her own brother, and now she is refusing to help the Resistance, she still is part of the First Order. It's only a matter of time before she turns on all of us."

"I bet she'll end up killing Ren first."

Y/N took off running unable to deal with the whispers.

When she reached the room, she slammed the door running to the bed bawling.

For a long time, she just lay there crying. It was until she heard a knock on the door that she finally calmed herself down enough to move.

"Madam Solo." A robotic voice said outside the door.

Slowly Y/N made her way over to the door. Opening it she found C3-PO standing in the hall.

"Yes?" She asked her voice raspy from the crying.

"General Leia is dining with Master Solo and they would like you to join them."

"Could you please tell them I'm not hungry." Y/N insisted shutting the door again.

Slowly she walked to the closet grabbing one of Ben's long shirts and changing into it. She crawled back into bed breathing in the scent left on the shirt.

The tears flowed again as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

Suddenly she heard the door open again and then shut.

"Y/N?"

The moment she heard Ben's voice she started crying again.

Ben didn't say another word as he hopped into the bed pulling Y/N into his arms.

Neither one of said anything. Y/N just snuggled into Ben's arms sobbing. The two ended up falling asleep like this.

"You aren't safe. You will never be safe."

Y/N awoke with a start, once again feeling sick to her stomach and sprinting to the bathroom.

"What the fuck?" She thought as she threw up.

As if it had become a routine, she sat back waiting until her stomach calmed before heading back into the bedroom, shocked when she found Ben was not there again.

"Another midnight stroll." She scoffed to herself as she slowly made her way back to the bed.

For two weeks the married couple had fallen into a routine. During the day they would find things to keep them occupied. Usually Ben would say he was helping strategize with Lando and his mother but never actually going out flying, while Y/N found the library or occasionally would go on walks in the more calm places around the city. At night, however, Y/N would wake up only to get sick and then come back to find that Ben was gone.

Finally, by the end of two weeks, Y/N had had enough. She stormed her way down to the med bay to find out what was going on.

"What?" She gasped when the Med droid told her what was wrong.

"Yes, ma'am I would say almost two months along."

"No, that's no..." Y/N said tears forming in her eyes. "I..." She said as she stumbled backward.

"Are you alright? Ma'am." The droid asked.

"I need..." Y/N felt like she was going to hyperventilate. "I need to see General Organa."

The droid started to leave when suddenly Y/N yelled.

"But don't tell Ben!"

Quickly the droid left the room leaving Y/N alone.

"No, this isn't, this isn't happening." She gasped as she slowly slid to the floor.

Time seemed to slow down as all the thoughts raced through Y/N's head. She couldn't be pregnant, she couldn't not now. Not after everything that had happened.

"Y/N! Y/N!" She heard a voice yelling and suddenly Leia was in the doorway. "Oh my God, what happened is everything alright." Leia hurried over to Y/N side helping her stand.

"No, it's not I just..."

"She pregnant," The droid said causing Y/N to roll her eyes.

Leia stopped and stared at Y/N a smile spreading on her face.

"You're pregnant." She gasped happily. "Well, I guess this means we will have to stop sending Ben on missions."

Y/N froze as she looked at Leia.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I said we have to stop sending Ben out on missions now that he's gonna be a dad, we don't want him..."

"But he told me, he promised me he wasn't going on missions he said he was just helping strategize." Y/N growled.

"No, he's been acting as the head pilot for the resistance."

"He lied. He told me that he wouldn't go out on any missions because I was afraid that..." Y/N's voice cracked as bawled her hands up into fists.

"Y/N" Leia started trying to comfort her, but inside she was furious at her son for being such an unbelievable idiot.

"I'm heading back to my room." Y/N said pissed.

"Should I tell Ben to meet you there?"

"Is he even on the planet." Y/N snapped.

Leia shook her head and Y/N just nodded.

"No, I will just wait until he comes back." Then she started to leaved. However she turned back to look at Leia. "Don't tell him about the..."

"No, of course not. I'll leave that to you." Leia said. "Y/N everything is going to be alright I promise."

Y/N didn't even respond as she stormed out into the hall.

She couldn't even process everything that had just happened. Ben was lying to her, she was pregnant with a baby she didn't want.

For a moment she thought she could hear laughter, not from the people who were now giving her strange looks as she angrily marched through the halls, no this laugh sounded like it came from the one person who she prayed she would never hear his voice again.

Her pace quickly as if she was hoping she could run away from all the problems that were awaiting her. But she knew she couldn't.

She had been expecting the happiness that she and Ben had shared the last two weeks to come crashing down but she never expected it would be this bad.

As she sat in their bedroom waiting for Ben to walk through the door she couldn't even try to think about what she would say to him because she was so unbelievably furious.

The minute he opened the door she felt for a moment like she was going to break down, but she knew that she had to let her anger fuel her.

"Y/N," Ben said when he saw her as if he was surprised to see her.

"Where were you, Ben?"

Ben was taken aback as he slowly set down his blaster on the table next to the door. "What do you mean, I was helping the Resistance..."

"I mean where did you fly off to," She snapped.

"I didn't fly..."

"Don't fucking lie to me Ben, you're mother told me that you are the lead pilot for the Resistance! You promised me!"

Ben sighed. "I can explain."

"There is no explanation you could possibly give to get me to forgive you!"

"He is still out there!" Ben screamed back finally unable to hold it in any longer. "Snoke is still out there and you expect me to just stay on this fucking planet sitting on my hands!"

"I don't give a fuck that he..."

"He had Hux rape you!"

Y/N froze staring at Ben angrily. She was vibrating with rage.

"He sent me away so that he could torture you and have you raped! All so that he could have me back in his grasp! He is the reason that I thought I lost you...twice! I cannot just sit by while I know he is out there! I need to kill him."

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't imagine how traumatic that was for you!" She sneered sarcastically. "If you go after Snoke you will die, if you help take down the First Order you will die! I am not going to let you go on these suicide missions. This is not our fight!"

Ben laughed angrily as he started to pace. "How the fuck is this not our fight! We have contributed to this entire war just as much as anyone else! Hell I helped turn the First Order in the destructive force that it is! And so did you!" He snapped.

"Fuck you!" Y/N screamed back.

The two just sat in an anger-filled silence before Ben spoke again this time trying to calm down the situation.

"I'm terrified that Snoke is going to come after us again. He's not going to give up and you know it. I have nightmares about him coming after us, and me turning back to the dark and I know you have those same nightmares too."

"Oh did you read my mind to find that out, because you are never here to comfort me when I wake up screaming because you were too busy trying to play the hero! Well, guess what Ben you aren't your father!" She screamed.

Ben closed his eyes feeling that comment hit him almost like she had smacked him across the face. In fact, he wished she would have done that instead.

"God all you ever do anymore is just read my mind, you don't ever try to talk to me to figure out what the fuck is going on. I'm surprised you have read my mind now because I'm sure you would be shocked if you did."

Ben's eyes snapped open looking at her. "What do you mean?"

"I'm fucking pregnant Ben!"