"A soulmate is someone whom, when you meet, without thinking - without letting your neocortex play into the decision - you feel an instant familiarity, a sense of connection, a longing."

-Karen Salmansohn

8 days since I've heard her voice.
3 day since we've exchanged a text.
4 days until I'll see her again.

Not that I'm counting.

Choosing to leave Kindra's front porch Saturday night has proven to be a colossal mistake. All I've been able to think about is how different things could currently be if I hadn't. I let Morgan take my spot knowing the two had issues to work through. Though I have peace of mind knowing they're on the road to healing it's done nothing for my own mental health. Inside I'm going crazy with doubt. This can't be the end of us.

"Yo Ben, are we pulling today?" Prestley's voice asks, drifting through my headset.

Damn it, not again. Losing my train of thought has been getting worse the longer time stretches on. It's starting to piss me off and inhibit me from being able to keep our normal raid night functioning the way that it should. If Kindra was here she'd kill me.

Kat lets out a heavy sigh, a clear indicator shes about to scold someone. "Leave the poor guy alone. Ella's probably still not speaking to him." She chides in Prestley's direction earning her a few choice words.

This is how it's been the last couple of months. Ever since Ella left our mics have been left open and conversation flows between the group. They know about her parent's, her dad's death and unfortunately about our relationship or lack thereof now.

"Shouldn't have hidden everything like that." Kevin, our resident shaman points out like captain obvious himself.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as irritation starts to bubble to the surface. It's frustrating that as soon as Kevin speaks you can count on Harvey saying something stupid but what's aggravating is that it's never bothered me before. It's always been the opposite, their spats are more often than not unnecessary and quite humorous. The fuel feeding this inferno is of my own doing.

"I thought the first rule of Nerd Brigade Group was no one talks about Nerd Brigade Group," Harvey asks, his voice genuinely confused. Called it.

"Do you even hear yourself speak Harvey?" Kevin snaps with enough force that I can imagine him smacking Harvey upside the head. "Sometimes I wonder if you're an idiot."

You don't have to yell. You shouldn't yell. Yelling won't accomplish anything.

"For fuck sakes. We're pulling in 3...2...1" The voice says, causing the channel to go silent and making me thankful it's one of the rare nights we are graced with Liam's presence.

Ever since Kindra left he's been helping out when he can. If she knew her brother took her healing spot on the team I'm sure she'd be pissed. Add that to the list of shit I need to confess to her once she's speaking to me again.

[Liam Pruet] whispers: She makes it look easy huh?
To [Liam Pruet]: Yeah
[Liam Pruet] whispers: You coming to the wedding still?
To [Liam Pruet]: Only way I'll be able to talk to her.
[Liam Pruet] whispers: I wouldn't be so sure.
To [Liam]:?
[Liam Pruet] whispers: She may be more receptive now. Ocean has that effect on people.
To [Liam Pruet]: One can hope...
[Liam Pruet] whispers: Can't complain if you don't try.

He's not wrong but I also wasn't complaining. At least not to him. Truth is I thought Kindra would have cracked by now. This thing between us is undeniable at this point and the fact that she's still keeping her distance is making me nervous. It's a feeling I'm not familiar with and am growing to hate. All I want is her to have a conversation with me.

To [Liam Pruet]: Do you know why it's such a big deal? People knowing
[Liam Pruet] whispers: That's a conversation you need to have with her. Sorry man.

The raid group wipes again, causing a course of groans and complaints. Yeah, my bad guys. Just sending whispers instead of keeping the boss off y'all. Don't mind me...

"Okay, let's take 10 and when we return its time to finish this." Liam says before moving his mic.

[Liam Pruet] whispers: Talk to her. Now.

I hadn't planned on texting her again. I want to see her face and hear her voice, not some artificial communication where she can easily brush me off. She's been doing it this whole last week. Chances that she will continue are quite high.

I mute my mic and let out a sigh of frustration. She never once made me nervous in the past but right now my palms are getting clammy. I honestly expect to be shut down instantly, shutting the door once again on what could be. Taking my phone from my desk I open our text thread and stare at it. Should I be direct or should I try to ease into it? The only wrong choice would be to not message her.

Kindra, why is it so
important to keep
your lives separate?

I hit send and hold my breath, watching my phone screen for her reply. She's been responding to me so far which is good but with my random text after three days of silence, I'm not too confident in one this time. This is the reason we're at odds, a secret I'm not supposed to know that she's hell-bent on keeping.

Truth?

The response arrives in less than a minutes and shocks me. Her single word means only one thing. She's going to tell me exactly why, no filters, no lies, just the honest truth. After close to a week and a half of wondering I'm now ready to know the truth. And in a sick way, I'm looking forward to getting a glimpse into the mind of the woman I love.

Always