"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling."

- Arthur Brisbane

So sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. If you need anything just ask.

It seems to be an endless line of people, some neighbors, some classmates and some complete strangers trying to say something that may help ease the pain. None of it does. It's hard not to think of the gray casket behind me and Christopher's body that lays within. The only thing that's keeping the tears at bay is the comforting hand Ben is resting on my hip and the arm that holds me in a steady place next to his side.

I had every intention of asking him if he would stand next to me after the funeral service while we accept condolences but he'd offered before I even had the chance. I thought he may feel a little uncomfortable but that doesn't seem to be the case. He stands casually next to me, silently supporting me as I shake hands I don't want to touch and receive hugs I want to return. All while trying not to fall into thousands of tiny pieces.

I know everyone can see through my facade but I try to keep a smile on my face. One that falters the moment my eyes connect with the one person's I don't want to see here. Coming to a stop in front of me she stands, raising a sculpted eyebrow in question not at me but the man standing next to me.

"I thought I made it clear my best friend is off limits." She states making uncomfortable eye contact with Ben.

I suck in a shaky breath, trying to recenter myself but it's proving problematic. It feels as though my world is rocking underneath my feet. It's been a good month since I have spoken to Morgan which makes this awkward enough but as I feel Ben tense next to me, the sinking feeling that I'm about to find out something I'm not going to like takes hold. They know each other?

"Sounded like that friendship was terminated," Ben responds with ease, causing me to look up at him. At first, I think he might be getting protective but the glint in his eyes tells me it's more than that.

"You're lucky you're Prestley's best friend." Morgan quips, her lips now set in a line.

My world seems to freeze for a second as the words drift through the empty void between my ears. I can feel my heart thumping loudly in my head as I finally register the meaning behind Morgan's words. "What?" I ask, stepping out of the warmth of Ben's side to face him.

Morgan's expression turns from annoyance to confusion as her eyes dart to me. "Wait, you don't know?" She asks under her breath, her gaze flickering back to Ben and becoming rage filled.

Words fail me as I gaze between the two who are now glaring at one another. We had spent the last few years poking fun at Prestley and his homeschooled best friend. He never spoke about him much and seemed to always avoid introducing him. I guess I always suspected that Morgan had met him but never asked. I had never cared.

"Meet the elusive best friend." She replies glancing up at Ben. "He's the one that decked Aaron that night at the party."

My head is now spinning as my mind begins to shut down. The new knowledge is too much to even begin to process through the veil of grief I'm already lost within. He's the computer nerd Prestley met freshman year that convinced him to go back to public school. If he's the one who hit Aaron then that means he's also the guy I vaguely remember being in the arms of. While I've always felt gratefulness towards the mysterious friend that doesn't change the undeniable fact. At some point, Ben realized who I am and he lied.

"I need some air," I mumble, brushing past Morgan and yanking my hand out of Ben's when he attempts to stop me.

I can feel his presence behind me as he follows me out of the viewing hall and into the back corridor. The hysteria that I have been struggling to control all day is escalating by the millisecond and as he speaks it hits the surface in full force.

"Kindra let me explain," Ben says, taking my hand in his once again as soon as we are on the other side of the closed door.

I stop and spin around glaring up at him through tear-filled eyes. "Explain what Ben? What could you possibly say that would make all of this okay?!" I cry, a fresh wave of tears falling to my cheeks. And there isn't. He could tell me he loves me and I'd still walk out the door because none of it matters anymore. None of it ever did.

"It was never my intention to lie to you." He tries to explain, but his words fall on deaf ears because I don't want to hear it. I don't believe it.

"Four years Ben," I shout through my tears, my voice raising, a clear sign that I am at my emotions mercy. "Four years you had to have known I was right there," I say, my voice breaking by the end.

"I did," He confesses, his eyes never once leaving mine. " And I was going to tell you." He continues, reaching up to brush the moisture off my face.

The moment his fingers make contact I can feel my anger fading but what's left is a gut-wrenching heartache. I trusted him and let him be part of my world. I shared a part of myself I never thought I would with him or with anyone for that matter. I can't help the tremors that shake my body with each sob that slips through my lips. He knew...and he lied.

"You're just like the rest of them." I groan, pulling my hand out of his for the second time as I knit my fingers into my hair, my fingers curling into fists. How could he do this? And after everything that's been going on. When my eyes meet his I can't stand the feeling deep in my chest.

Ben's eyebrows arch as a hurt expression comes to his face. "Come on, you don't actually think that, do you?" He asks, his voice soft against the loud thumping in my ears.

"You've been keeping a secret from me Ben, and pretending you know nothing! How's that not the same?" I challenge through my tears, my voice getting even higher.

"And you haven't?" He retorts, a glint of challenge in his eyes.

My heart nearly stops in my chest at his words. "What?" I breathe, even though I know what he means. He's known Prestley long enough to know and I wish he didn't

I can see the pain flair in Ben's eyes as he debates whether or not to explain what he means. With a sigh, he begins to speak and it's not in the chastising tone I assumed he would use. "Kindra you go to school and pretend you don't make your social plans around a raid schedule. You refuse to make friends online because you don't want your school friends to ask how you know them. You're living in two worlds. Why?"

I snake my arms around my torso as we stare at each other. It's as if we're wild animals, caught in a face-off that will result in one victor and one loser. I know I've drawn the losing cards this time as I allow the tears to cascade down my cheeks. I don't have an answer and even if I did he wouldn't like it. I should have never let him in. Maybe if I hadn't I wouldn't be facing the fact that I have been living more than just one lie.

"Kindra..." Ben asks quietly, taking a timid step towards me.

I counter his move by taking a step back myself and stare at the man I'm undeniably in love with. Just thinking the words brings my hysteria level back up to a solid eight but I know it to be true. I'm not sure when it happened but the feeling is there along with another phrase I can't seem to avoid.

"I'm done." I whisper.

"Don't say that." His voice dropping low and taking on a tone that I've never heard before. His heart is aching in the same exact way mine is and it makes wish none of this is even happening.

Before I can change my mind I turn my back on him, tears fogging my vision as I begin to walk. I walk away from a man I thought I'd never care about. I walk away from love. Before I make it to the exit I catch Liam's face flush with a confused anger. Ducking my head as I try to control the sobbing I am once again at the mercy of as I walk away from all I currently care about.

And through the gasping sobs, the last thing I hear before I exit the building hits my ears. "What the hell did you do?"