"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart."

-Marcus Aurelius

One thing I have always liked about Kies is he not the type of person to pry. He lets things sit the way they are and never puts up much of a fight, even if he doesn't agree. But right now it's driving me absolutely crazy.

It's been two days since we spoke on the phone and neither one of us have sent the other a text. It's like the fire has gone out overnight and it bothers me. Is he giving me space to create an excuse to put the breaks on? Is he taking my confession as needy and dropping me before I can drop him? The inner dialogue has been a vicious cycle all weekend.

It's now Sunday evening as I lay in the dark when I finally brake and call him, needing to know why this is already over before it even started or to get confirmation I am, in fact, losing my mind because of him.

"Hey."

His voice is low and flat, a harsh contrast from the usually easy going or even playful voice I have grown to crave. I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't say anything. The silence begins to stretch on only a few moments before Kies speaks.

"El you okay?" Kies asks, worry now evident in his tone.

Now or never I think to myself before sucking in a long breath to speak with. "I kissed a guy."

"What?" His voice takes on a confusion that isn't quite what I thought would happen. The guilt I feel is as though an elephant is now sitting on my chest and growing at the same time until my internal confession spews out through my lips involuntarily.

"I hung up on you Friday night to go to a party at the college I went to check out. I should have known not to accept his invitation and he ended up kissing me, even after I told him about you. It was really messed up and all I have felt since then is guilt."

Maybe I had been hoping he'd get mad, scold me or even tell me I told you so. I'm not expecting the silence that greets me and as it draws on my anxiety begins to rise.

"Could you say something? Please?" I plead quietly, not caring if I come across as clingy anymore. I feel as though he is slipping away from me and if he leaves, I'll be alone.

"Do you trust me?"

His question is odd but it's one that I can answer without any hesitation.

"I do," I respond.

"Turn your webcam on. Please." His voice is calm and level, no sign of anger or even irritation.

"Okay." I agree, mostly because I've been imagining who he is since I admitted to myself I've been wondering it for a while. The thing that is making me uneasy is the timing. Something was off.

I climb out of bed and click on my desk lamp before opening my laptop. As it boots up I check the mirror to make sure I'm somewhat presentable. My hair falls in a wavy wind tangled mess around my shoulders and I only look half like the life has been sucked out of me. Better be good enough.

Discord boots up and before I have the chance to open up the private chat between me and Kies a call comes in.

"Egar are we?" I muse out loud, my phone still held up to my ear where Kies is deathly silent.

"Just answer it." He sighs exasperated.

With a knot the size of a watermelon in my gut, I hit the green phone and watch the circle spin as the cameras turn on. This is it, the moment I've been thinking about obsessively the last couple of weeks. I just hope the face lived up to the voice and personality that I'm unmistakably attached to now.

As the picture comes in I have to blink once and then lean closer to my monitor to make sure I haven't lost my mind for good.

"Ben?"

His ebony hair hangs over his brow and the phone that he's holding to his ear. His eyes finally lift and when they connect with mine it's undeniable. What the hell is happening...

"I owe you an apology." He said quietly, lowering the phone and ending our phone call.

All I can do is sit there completely dumbfounded and stare at my screen. Kies is Ben. Ben is Kies. Ben had kissed me, that meant...

"You kissed me." I accuse, sitting back in my chair and crossing my arms defensively. "You knew didn't you?!"

Ben nods slowly. "I did." He admits.

I cock my head and stare at my computer, taking him in for a second time. When I first met Ben I had been distracted and in a hurry. All I could think about was Kies and was not interested in anyone else. Looking at him now I realize I haven't given him nearly enough credit aesthetically. He was extremely sexy and the fact that he's now the guy I love? My heart's having a spasm attack.

"That's not fair..." I mumble, not wanting to break the eye contact we now artificially held.

Ben leans back in his own chair and begins to bounce it back and forth. "I know."

I can't help the little smile that begins to form on my lips as I watch him fidget. Never would I have imagined that Kies would be the type to fidget, he's always so calm and collected.

"What's that smile for?" Ben asks, a small one of his own forming.

My smile grows as the familiarity slips back. "Just didn't peg you as the fidgeting type."

I hadn't noticed if his smile was anything special, maybe he hadn't really smiled when we'd been together but now, well now I notice and it ignites a fire deep in my stomach. "You're a very intimidating presence Kindra."

I know by the butterflies fluttering around that I hold zero anger towards him, it's actually the opposite. All I can think about is skipping school tomorrow so I can go see him.