"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."

-Tom Hiddleston

I feel guilty. Not that half-assed kind of guilt but the guilt that settles in your gut and tries to make you bury your head in the porcelain throne.

It's not because I'm going to a dorm to attend my first ever college party and it isn't because I'm meeting a guy that's at least an 8 on the hot scale. I, Kendra Pruet feel guilty for canceling on my main tank.

You are the worst kind of nerd... I thought as I make my way to the dorms on the east side of the campus. Here I am, trucking through the snow to meet people in person and all I can think about is how I never texted Kies back.

With a huff, I stop just outside the door to the building and slip my phone out of my coat pocket.

No missed texts or calls. Of course.

He had gotten the last word in so the ball's in my court. But what should I do with it? Leaning against the brick of the building I close my eyes and let my head fall back.

Why is it so hard for me to just let him in? It isn't like he's not already in, he just doesn't know he is. We have been doing this dance five years now and if I tell the truth for once I'd be admitting that I want him in my world. He's the type of person that people gravitated towards, a pull I know all too well and am not excluded from.

Is my hard-ass image that important to me? In the past, it obviously has been but now...well we have finally exchanged numbers so it must not be.

Biting my lip hard I open our text thread and hit the call button without a second thought. As it rings I hope it's not too late to be calling but as his voice comes on the line I know he would have answered even if it was.

"I honestly didn't think you'd call." He muses, an obvious smile on his lips as he speaks.

I roll my eyes and chuckle a little. "Yeah, yeah. The great ice queen is melting."

Arkies laughs at my words and then surprises me with his own. "I kinda like you being putty in my hands."

I feel my cheeks heat as my heart skips in my chest. If only he knew how true his words really are. Everything he says these days seems to make me weak in the knees. If he were to find out I actually crave hearing his voice it was all over. The scary part is I think I want him to know.

"Technically not in your hands." I point out, trying to poke holes in his fantasies.

Arkies chuckles, his voice resonating through me before it drops lower than I've ever heard it go. "It doesn't have to be that way El."

I suppress the groan that tries to escape through my lips but only half succeed. My whole body tingles as if the cells themselves are vibrating at such a high speed that it's creating a small electrical current that courses through me. I can feel the pressure building in my chest as a yearning to be wherever he is, slowly makes me ache with need. It could be in his parent's basement for all I care and I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Arkies chuckles once again, a faint tickle this time in my ear. "Keep making noises like that and I may be inclined to think you actually want this."

A small smile plays on my lips because I find myself doing just that, wanting it. I decide to take a calculated risk and groan softly again, making sure he can hear me better this time.

It's Arkies who groans now but I can't tell if it's in frustration or similar to mine. "I want to see you El." He confesses, his voice dark and husky.

The combination of the thought and the tone in his voice sends another wave of shivers through my body and instead of denying him right out of the gate I find myself responding in a faint whisper.

"Me too."

There is a long pause as we sit in silence before he speaks. "Ella I, I didn't mean to pressure you." He says, regret and disappointment laced in his voice.

I bite my lip, my heart still racing from our conversation. "Truth?" I ask, knowing he will get the reference and hoping he still wants it.

"Always."

I let out a long sigh. There is no going back after this and I know it. I just hope that I'm reading our situation correctly and the feelings that were there in the past are here now. "Some part of me has always wanted to meet you Kies. I've been too chicken shit until now to admit it though."

The truth is the last thing I want is for him to feel guilty or like he's pressuring me into feeling or saying anything. If that means that I finally have to be honest about how I'm feeling then that's what I'll do.

"All the pressure in the world couldn't produce this weak in the knees, unquenchable thirst to hear your voice, nor could it force me to think about you as much as I do. And it sure as hell wouldn't make me wish more than anything we were in the same room right now."

"Damn El, was that a love confession?" He teases in only the way Kies can when things are serious.

"Don't push it," I warn with a small smirk. "But I promise we will see each other soon." And I mean it with my entire soul. It's gotten past the point of wanting to meet, I need to meet him. To be able to see and touch him. He's not wrong when he calls it a love confession, I feel as though it could easily turn into that.

"I look forward to it." His voice smooth and intoxicating.

The last thing I want is to hang up on him, if I could I'd stay on the line all night. But the temperature's dropping and I'm starting to get cold. "Can I call you in the morning?" I ask, sounding a level of timid I'm very unfamiliar with.

"You can call me anytime Ella." And I know he means it.

As we hang up I can't help the grin now on my face. Deep in my heart I know I'm head over heels for whoever Arkies is and I'm pretty sure the feelings are 100% mutual.