"It's only after you've stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform."

-Roy T. Bennett

Maybe it's the loneliness I've been consumed by that brings up the desire to talk to Liam. I just can't figure out how to apologize for accusing him of chasing a dying girls chastity belt. Can you even apologize for something like that? Yeah, you don't.

Things have gone from weird to straight up awkward. He avoids me at home and ignores me at school. There's nowhere for me that isn't a different version of the hell I'm currently living.

I've been playing scenarios on repeat in my head, about mending things with Liam. Apologizing for forcing him to tell me but more importantly letting him know that I forgive him. As horrible as freshman year was for me and how cruel he was to me, I have in fact forgiven him. It felt nice in these fantasies until he would hold me in his arms and then turn into Arkies.

Yeah, I'm well aware I have some issues.

So instead of taking big giant steps in fixing my life, I'm taking small baby ones. I've decided dealing with my college plans is as good a step as any, which is why I currently sit in the guidance counselors office going over college applications and acceptances.

Before it would have been a short conversation, seeing as I only applied to one college. Why only one? I have one word for you or rather name, Morgan. It had been the place for us to attend, with fantasies of beach sun tans and gorgeous surfers hanging on our every word. They are plans Morgan and I had made eons ago it seemed, built off of the dreams of junior high girls. Morgan and I are past tense now and that meant so is CSU.

"Well Kendra, it looks like you were accepted into Charleston Southern University. Congratulations." The guidance counselor says from across his desk with a smile.

"Thank you Mr. Senderson." I smile hesitantly, not sure how to broach the subject of not wanting to attend CSU after all.

I have never thought about having a plan B, it's a plan you make if you thought plan A is a long shot, which is why I'm becoming increasingly overwhelmed. In my mind, there had been no unforeseen circumstance that could possibly pull us far enough apart to not be best friends and not attend the same university. Turns out I'm a terrible fortune teller.

Mr. Sanderson watches me for a moment, orbs analyzing the scene before speaking. "Are you thinking of going somewhere other than CSU?" He inquires leaning back in his chair.

"I'd like to entertain the idea," I admit with caution, choosing my words wisely. "I don't think it's possible to change this late in the year though," I mumble.

Mr. Sanderson chuckles under his breath and opens a desk drawer, withdrawing several manilla file folders that have been overstuffed. "It's never too late unless they have already started classes, Miss. Pruett."

Setting the stacks of papers on his desk he looks up at me and waits until he has eye contact once again. "In state or out of state?"

I give him a small nervous smile even though I know what I'm about to say is going to make things more complicated for him. "Out of state?" I respond in a questioning way, not sure it's even a remote possibility.

He nods without any sort of recoil and withdraws some papers from one of the files. "And what state are you thinking?"

I shrug and let out a long breathe of air. "I guess I'd like to be able to drive home on breaks. But not so close that family would drop by whenever."

Again Mr. Sanderson nods as he thumbs through paper after paper, extracting a few along the way. He glances at his watch before handing them to me.

"These are all the universities and community colleges between four and five hours from here. Take a look, maybe drive out and tour a few if you can and get back to me by Friday of next week."

I glance at him and then the small stack of papers in front of me. Am I really going to do this? Can I do this? I have been planning to go to CSU for half my life. I've been so dead set on going that I know the campus by heart. To go someplace else, that's foreign and not the college of my dreams is scary. Then again, even thinking about going to CSU now made me nauseous.

"Kendra, it's okay to be nervous." He says standing and stepping over to his office door. "Sometimes change is good, we just have to be open to it."

I nod and offer a smile. "Thanks for the advice," I say holding up the print outs that hold the potential for a fresh start and brand new future.

As I head to my car a stray thought wanders through my otherwise hot mess of a mind. Could his advice pertain to more in my life than just choosing a college? Mr. Sanderson is the guidance counselor, I'd bet my right leg he knows exactly what's going on in my life.