"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

-Buddha

I sit in my room for what seems like hours. Glancing over at the clock I realize it's only been an hour. I'm so angry my body is shaking and time seems to slow. The longer I listened to Sean talk the more I could feel it fester until I finally had to excuse myself. The whole thing makes me sick to begin with but now that I know everything, that I had a little sister...

Christopher had been out of town for the last week, which was also a colossal lie they continued to tell me. In a moment of truth, Sean confessed that he spent a week there and then a week with us. Part of the agreement.

Part of the agreement...

The words echo in my head as I stand and begin to pace across my room, my skin heating with anger once again. It's as if they have been divorced for years and no one bothered to let me know it happened. He had started a whole new family, replacing me, replacing Liam and no one thought to tell him he's doing something wrong.

Grabbing my jacket off my computer chair I storm out of my bedroom with only one destination in mind.

"Are you headed out?" Sean calls from the office as I pass it.

I don't respond, I can't afford to get into a fight with him. He's not the one that I am pissed at and not the one I want to be screaming at. If no one was going to bother telling Christopher what he's done is wrong I'd gladly do it for everyone.

Climbing up into my car I bring it to life and throw it into reverse a little too roughly. I have been over to Harbors place a few times over the years, but not once I left junior high. I had thought it was because she was dealing with being a single parent but now I know the truth. They needed to keep their worlds separate.

My knuckles turn white the longer I drive, going numb by the time I pull up in front of my destination and surprisingly Christopher, who sits on the front step as if waiting for me.

Sean.

He must have called to let him know I left the house in an angry rush. Fine by me, it's better to hash it out on the front lawn rather than in the house.

"How could you?!" I call, rushing out of my vehicle and slamming the door loudly. "How did you even think this is all okay?" I continue gesturing to the scene in front of me.

Christopher pulls himself off the front step and into a standing position. "Kindra, please lower your voice, you'll wake Lily."

"You mean the little sister I have that you were going to tell me about when exactly?" I respond with enough attitude in my voice to land me in detention for a week.

Christopher slips his hands into his navy blue slacks and takes a few steps towards me in a casual manner. "I think you need to take a deep breath kiddo."

A deep breath? Kiddo? He wanted me to take a deep breath and do what exactly? Be okay with his choices, be okay with the situation, be okay with the fact that he clearly traded up? I can feel myself begin to shake in anger again and my knuckles ache as I realize I'm clenching my fists far too tight.

"I'm guessing you want me to just tell you it's all okay too right?" I grit out, clenching my fists tighter, causing my nails to dig into my palms.

"That's not what I said."

"But you wish you could! You wish that you could just move on with your new life and live happily ever after but you can't because guess what, I'm still here! Liam and Sean, they're still here, we're all still here Christopher." I yell, my voice slipping into a high octave, the one that usually means I am on the verge of hysteria.

I expect Christopher to rebuttal, tell me I am being over dramatic and need to go home but he doesn't. Instead, he holds constant eye contact with me, a hint of dejection growing by the second. I take his lack of response as a queue to continue my lecture because obviously he's listening and I've to get it off my chest while he still is.

"How did you think this was okay? Did you ever stop to think about Sean? About how it would affect Liam and me? I went through high school thinking my brother HATED me and you just stood there and watched like you had nothing to do with it when it was all because of you. My best fucking friend didn't even tell me. What did you do, pay her off? The last four years of my life have been a colossal lie, Christopher. "

As I come to a close the front door opens and Harbor slips out, arms wrapped around her torso. It's obvious that the situation makes her uncomfortable, something you can't tell when you look at Christopher.

"Kindra I'm sorry our actions have hurt you..." Harbor starts in a quiet tone.

"God just stop already! Do you even hear yourselves?" I groan loudly, reaching up and combing my fingers into my ponytail.

"Kindra Rey Pruet, that's enough," Christopher states in the firm tone he has used my entire life to discipline me. I finally hit a nerve and it's not the one that I had wanted to. He was in a protective mode now and I was on the receiving end.

I scoff and level a heated glare at him. "You lost the right to use that voice on me when you decided we weren't enough." I hiss before whipping around and heading back to my car.

As I start the car and throw it into drive, I can feel the tears threatening to escape. It isn't until I look in the rearview mirror and see Harbor place a small hand on Christopher's shoulder which he brings to his lips the damn brakes. It's clear I no longer have a place in his life, none of us do.