Hello my loves, happy Sunday!!

Did y'all see Florence at SDCC??? I'm not okay. I'm not normal. I am not healthy.

Content warnings: angst angst angst angst angst angst angst 

Fanny's frantic barking is what causes Kate to drop the two mugs full of hot chocolate in her hands, but it's the thoughts and worries of why she's barking that propels the archer up the stairs. Her ribs and thigh are aching in protest but go ignored, and they seize up right along with Kate's lungs when she reaches her bedroom.

The akita has her front paws and head out of Kate's open window, haunches raised with agitation as she yips and whines out into the chilly night air. The cold is drifting quickly into the room, and Kate tugs Fanny back inside. One look around the space tells her that Yelena is not there.

The discarded college hoodie on the floor confirms it.

Kate has her own head popped out of the window a moment later, eyes darting around anxiously, useless in the shadows and murky lights. The night is uncharacteristically still, with no movement to indicate where the assassin had gone.

"Yelena?" Kate calls out, her teeth already starting to chatter. She pulls her body through the window and out onto the fire escape, socked feet pressing hard into the patterned metal. "Yelena!"

Desperate glances and strained ears pick up nothing. Kate cups her hands around her mouth, sucking in a freezing breath past the wheezing in her ribs. "Yelenaaaaa!"

The blonde's name echoes off of Kate's lips and rings around her, bouncing and fading away into the darkness.

There is no response, only a distant car horn.

Something in Kate's heart splinters.

Whines from both dogs emanate through the open window, and for a moment, Kate is able to snap herself out of it, turning to see Lucky and Fanny both about ready to hop out after her. She quickly hushes them and pats their heads, pushing them back to make room for herself. The window closes with a loud clack, and the archer winces.

The rumpled college hoodie on the floor sends her spiraling again. Yelena took it off and left it here. Yelena left. Yelena left her.

"There's an explanation here, somewhere," Kate whispers to herself, wilting into her bed and placing a hand over her stuttering chest, willing her breathing to slow. "She needed some air. The- the kisses were just a lot, and she had a nightmare. A night terror. Needed some space. Yeah."

Verbalizing the mess in her head doesn't help as much as she had been hoping it would.

"Fuck," Kate mumbles, her lips curling back as she grits her teeth against the heat that oh so desperately wants to burst out from behind her eyes. She presses her palms into them, squeezing her head tightly in an effort to keep the worries from spilling out. "Fuck."

Her hands come away smudged with glittery makeup, and those moments with Yelena breathing softly above her feel an eternity away. She scrambles for some makeup wipes in her nightstand, desperately scrubbing at her eyes and cheeks to dislodge the mess until the wipes come away smear-free.

"Okay. Okay." Kate props herself on the edge of her bed, elbows on her knees and face in her hands. "Breathe, Kate. Just fucking- breathe. Breathe for once."

So she breathes- and good lord, it nearly drives her mad.

There's a tug under her skin, a need for Yelena's touch. Her warmth, her presence, her safety. Her fingers tangled in Kate's hair. Her lips on Kate's neck. Grounding her, loving her, holding her.

The archer is hyperventilating before she even realizes that she's spiraling again, and two sets of paws are pushing her back until she's sprawled over the sheets, Fanny resting carefully over her chest and Lucky poking anxiously under her arms. Hot tongues and cold noses press into her damp skin. Kate drapes her arms over both pups as well as she can, hands fisting into soft fur.

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm okay, it's okay," she gasps out sporadically, her words nearly a sob as she babbles to the dogs, or to herself, or maybe to nothing at all. "It's okay, it's okay."

She can't even convince herself.

——

"Are you sure she left?" Clint asks as soon as Kate opens her apartment door for him. He unloads his bow and quiver onto the counter before hanging his coat, then gathers Kate into his arms in a bear hug. She practically melts into him, tears brimming in her eyes as she tucks her face against the collar of his shirt.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Kate says weakly. She eventually pulls away, scrubbing her hands over her eyes before limping to the couch and flopping down into it dejectedly. "I tracked her phone as far as the airport before it completely cut off. She hasn't responded to any of my messages, hasn't picked up any calls. She left Fanny here."

"Well that's good news, at least," Clint offers in conciliation, already starting to poke around the apartment for clues on Yelena's sudden disappearance. "If Fanny is still here, that means she's planning on coming back, at least. So there's that."

Kate nods silently, her face in her hands. She had woken to a silent apartment with two dogs tucked under both of her arms about an hour ago, and the clear lack of an angry little blonde had sent her spiraling again. She's been able to force some water and air into her system, but the archer's limbs felt like lumps of lead; heavy and useless.

"Can you tell me what happened, Kate?" Clint asks at one point, his keen eyes scanning around the apartment.

"She had a nightmare," the woman mutters. "I was making hot chocolate for the two of us to help her feel better, but then I heard Fanny barking and when I ran back up there, the window was open and she was gone."

Clint hid his sad frown at Kate's words as his mind flew immediately to Natasha. Clint had been her only friend and source of comfort for her first few weeks with SHIELD, and he had quickly been accustomed to the woman's horrible night terrors. Logically it made sense for Yelena to also have them, but the thought struck a chord in his heart.

"Is it possible she just needed to get some air, do you think?"

"I don't know, I just- for six hours? And by the airport?" she says, her voice climbing in pitch.

"Kate. Hey." Clint sits on the couch next to her, his arm a steadying weight on her shoulder. "Yelena is very capable of taking care of herself, in any situation. She'll be okay, you know that."

"I know, I know, that's not-" Kate stops, sucking in a breath as she rubs her eyes. Yes, she knew Yelena could take care of herself. Did that stop Kate from worrying, though? Absolutely not. But that wasn't what truly plagued her mind. No, it was the terror of rejection, the fear that Yelena had gotten a taste of what it would be like to be Kate Bishop's girlfriend and decided to run away.

Clint rubs small circles into her shoulder, not exactly sure on what to do in a manner of consoling her. "Breathe, Kate."

She vaguely hears him, but nods and puts a hand on her chest, forcing her breath to even out.

"How about I try tracking her? Does that sound like a good plan?"

"I don't know if you'll be able to get anything. I have access to the best security in the country and I found nothing."

"Well, you don't exactly have access to Stark technology, do you?" Clint raises an eyebrow, pulling his phone from his pocket. "Just because my phone is old doesn't mean it's useless. Can I see yours?"

Kate shrugs absently and hands her phone over, watching as Clint fiddles with the two devices for a few minutes. She sighs and stands up, going into the kitchen to pour herself a bowl of cereal. Even the overly sugared concoction doesn't help her feel better.

She's on her fourth bowl before Clint finally stands, his shoulders slumped as he shakes his head and places Kate's phone back down on the counter. "Nothin'."

"Yeah. I know." She stuffs the last bite into her mouth before standing and limping to the kitchen sink, discarding the dishes there.

Clint runs a hand through his hair and lets out a heavy breath, glancing around the apartment. "I'm sorry, Katie Kate- not sure what else there is for us to do."

"I know." Kate hunches over the sink, her knuckles white as she leans against the lip of the counter. "What a good time to sit and rot."

Clint's mouth tightens into a line, and he rubs a hand down his face. "Have the dogs been out yet today?"

Kate sighs and eventually looks at him through her hair. "Not yet. I'll just... I'll take them soon."

"No worries, Kiddo. I'll do it. I could use a little exercise."

The younger archer gives him a grateful look, and once he and the dogs have left with a soft click of the door behind them, she sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly before pulling her hair up into a pony. Her mind is spinning, the air in her ears a dull ring as she analyzes the past ten hours for anything she could've done wrong- anything to make Yelena leave.

Kate so desperately wants to be angry, but the red-hot flood always stops before it can really even start. So she just messes with her hair, pacing in a staggering gait around the room as she does it and takes it out, braids it and threads her fingers through the strands until it falls apart under a few hard tugs.

Maybe there had been an emergency. Maybe someone was in danger. Maybe she was taken. Maybe she was gonna forever.

Maybe she left because for once in her goddamn life, Kate didn't know when to stop being too much.

Her senseless pacing leads her into the bathroom at some point, and a braid of dark hair lays limply over her shoulder. It's so Yelena that Kate's heart aches in her chest, and tears that she's ashamed of for even shedding wet her cheeks. She holds the braid between her fingers, rubbing absently. At one point, she grips it between a pair of scissors, ever so tempted to hack away.

The scissors go back in the drawer. Kate's hair goes back into a long ponytail.

Yelena does not show.

——

"Clint, my man- it's been ages! How are you? How's the family?"

"Hey Sam, hey. Yeah, it's, it's good to hear from you too. I'm good, Laura's good, kids are good."

"Hey, you don't sound too sure about that, Hawkeye."

"...I've run into a little trouble here and there, but I'm holding up okay. Just, uh- can't really seem to retire peacefully for ten minutes before I'm needed again."

"It's nice to be needed sometimes."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, um... have you been in contact with Bucky lately?"

"Unfortunately, yes. He's a real pain in my ass."

"We both know you like it that way. But yeah, is he- are you guys in New York, at all?"

"Maybe just cut to the chase, Barton?"

"For sure- I really need a favor."

"And... what kind of a favor are we talkin' here, exactly?"

"The kind of favor that you might need to suit up for."

"...I'll reach out to Buck."

Yay Bucky and Sam! Yay depressed Kate! Yay everything! YAY THUNDERBOLTS

Translations: none

Kate Bishop Counter: 0

QOTD: WHOS READY FOR FUCKING THUNDERBOLTS AHHHHHH

This chapter's meme: I'm so sorry I literally have nothing for you there is so much happening BUT I can provide some Flo pics from SDCC

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