Happy pride month everyone!!! I'm so excited I think I finally get to go to a pride event this year lmaoooo

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Have I ever mentioned that I'm majoring in psych in college next year? Shame is such an interesting emotion and concept to me- consider this chapter an experiment in writing it? Anyway I love y'all ❤️❤️❤️

Content warnings: angst, medications, depression, minor injury, blood

Yelena has felt shame very few times in her life, and honestly, she's a little sick of it.

Kate is too.

Despite their argument and the uneasily placed resolution that followed, where Kate managed to get her to sleep a few fitful hours, the assassin had put some of the walls around her heart back up and was acting much more guarded- almost to the point where Kate could scarcely even tell at all that they had spent the last week getting to know each other and spending almost every waking moment together. And because the blonde is so strict about her bed rest, there's nothing Kate can do about it.

Yelena has spent the past two days almost solely downstairs, finding every possible little thing to clean or tidy. Whether that be Kate's food pantry that she converted into her own tiny archery lane or vacuuming under the rug in the main room. (The floor had SO much dust.) She even teaches herself how to deep clean and ends up scrubbing the entire kitchen and bathroom down.

She's just that distracted, or needs that much of a distraction.

But in her moments of mental clarity, she's fortunately able to appreciate the fact that she's partaking in something so mundane. After the Red Room, after Natasha, being bored and aimless meant bloodshed and misery.

But as she scrubbed away the tiles in Kate Bishop's shower, she could almost smile.

"Yelena?"

The blonde groaned and stood up slowly, frowning at the aching in her lower back. How long had she been hunched over? She sighs and rubs a hand down her cheek, screwing her eyes shut. This stupid physical body was grumpy.

"Yelena?"

"Yes, Kate Bishop?" she responds after a moment, hands on her hips.

She knows she's acting childish. But when she looks at the archer, she sees a purple suit soaked in crimson. When she hears Kate's laugh, Natasha's whistle rings in her head.

Yelena is also aware that she could just leave. But even now, she knows she could never live with herself if she abandoned the one person who looked at her without pity.

"How much longer do I have to stay in bed, again?"

Yelena huffs a small laugh at how calm Kate is now. The first day stuck in bed, the archer had been relentless in her talking and begging to go outside, and only shut up when Yelena threatened to tie her down to the bedposts.

"Another day, Kate Bishop. Clint Barton says so."

"I thought you said so."

"Clint says, I do. I am not above drugging you to make you rest."

"Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for someone you barely tolerate."

Well shit.

"Kate Bishop, I do not make macaroni for people I only tolerate."

"...oh."

"Yeah."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

There it is.

"I am not avoiding, Kate Bishop. I am cleaning."

"For two days?" Kate's voice is shrill and strained, and Yelena stops, looking up at the mirror.

A weary face greets her back. She sighs, the slow moment of her body finally coming down from the haze she's been in, allowing the week to catch up to her. Kate is right. Yelena has been avoiding her.

And maybe she has a good reason. But is that still fair of her?

"Yelena?" When Kate calls for the blonde again, it is softer, slower, hesitant, like she's realizing that the assassin has made up her mind and there's no point in arguing.

But Yelena is walking up the stairs to Kate's loft bedroom, and she peaks through her eyelashes at the archer. "Yes, Kate Bishop?"

Kate looks miserable, and that more than anything catches Yelena off guard. Even though it's true that most of her time has been spent downstairs, she had devoted herself possibly even more to making sure that the archer had everything she needed with her at all times.

"Why did you save me only to leave me alone up here?" Kate whispers tearfully, a hand resting on her bruised stomach.

The words punch into Yelena's chest, and she realizes something with a shudder as Kate's uncharacteristic pessimism clicks something in her brain.

Kate Bishop hasn't been taking her meds.

She makes to turn and head back down into the kitchen to find them, but a panicked movement from Kate stops her.

"Where are you going?" the archer inquires pleadingly, her doe eyes wide and silver-rimmed.

Yelena purses her lips, fighting against the thoughts warring in her mind. "To get your medications, Kate Bishop."

"Okay. Can you- I..." Kate fists the blanket in her lap, her bottom lip trembling. "I need to use the restroom. Please."

Yelena nods silently and approaches Kate's bed, sliding a hand behind her back and helping her sit up fully and carefully swing her legs over the edge of the bed. They had found a sort-of routine for the rare occasions that Yelena actually let Kate go downstairs, like when she needed the bathroom or shower for any reason. Yelena would pretty much just carry her down the stairs, due to the cut on her leg, and seeing as Kate was in a darker headspace today, there were no stops being pulled.

The assassin carefully wiggled her free arm under Kate's knees and sucked in a breath before bracing herself and scooping Kate up into her arms to rest against her chest.

They had gotten good at ignoring the heat of the close proximity and the red on both of their faces. But Kate was antsy, and Yelena was itching to get the archer her meds, so she was hurrying down the stairs, and we all know how that goes.

Yelena's arms instinctively fly out to brace herself when she slips, but not even half a second later her brain realizes she just dropped Kate Bishop, and she immediately backpedals to catch the women. Consequently, the blonde lurches forward with the imbalance of weight, and a moment later the two of them are in an interesting situation.

Yelena's right hand is braced against the railing behind Kate's back, with her left arm wrapped around the archer's waist to keep the woman from hitting the cold metal. Kate's legs are on either side of Yelena's left knee, which is propped up higher than her right because her feet are on two different steps. (I'm looking at you, reader...) The archer has her arms wrapped tightly around the blonde's neck, her eyes wide as she breathes heavily.

After a moment, Yelena is able to catch her breath. "I'm sorry, Kate Bishop, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She scans Kate's face desperately, a tick of horror in her gut that she had quite literally dropped her... roommate.

Kate winces but tightens her hold on Yelena, waiting a few seconds to calm her angry ribs before giving a small nod. "I'm okay. Just- give me a second?"

The assassin dips her chin sheepishly, shame creeping up her neck and darkening her cheeks. Not only had her distracted obliviousness lead Kate Bishop to feel neglected and alone, holed up in her loft bedroom with only her dog and video games, but now she was physically incapable of just carrying her down the fucking stairs?

You promised Clint that you would take care of her, сукa.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, holding Kate securely but refusing to meet her eyes as she pressed their foreheads gently together.

Get it together, Belova.

Kate let out a deep sigh, her breath warming Yelena's cheek. "I'm okay, Yelena. I'm good now. We're good."

Yelena nodded silently and carefully maneuvered Kate back into her arms while simultaneously doing her fucking best to ignore the heat of Kate's thighs on her knee. The archer hobbles into the bathroom and closes the door behind her, and Yelena pulls her meds out of the cabinet and sets them on the table with a glass of chocolate milk. Her cheeks are burning with shame.

There's shuffling and a thump in the bathroom a few minutes later, followed by a groan of frustration, and Yelena cocks an eyebrow at it before calling out. "Kate Bishop?"

"I'm fine!" the archer snaps back, her voice tight. The blonde frowns and goes to the door, leaning her head against it. There's more agitated shuffling, and Kate curses under her breath.

"Kate Bishop?" the assassin says again, softer this time. "Are you alright?"

There's no answer for a moment, until the woman responds with a mumbled "no" that Yelena can barely make out through the door.

The blonde gently raps her knuckles on the wood. "Can I come in? Do you need help?"

"I can't reach the lock," is the weak response.

Yelena hums and pulls a bobby pin from her hair. "Two seconds, Kate Bishop."

She has the door open a moment later, and she cracks it open to peek into the bathroom to see Kate's consensual nod before walking all the way in. The archer is sitting in an awkward position on the floor with her weight leaning against the wall, face red and hiding behind her hands. The sweatpants that she had been wearing are discarded on the bathmat, and she had evidently only been able to wiggle herself back into her purple and black arrow-printed boxers.

Yelena has decency. She swears.

"Kate Bishop...?"

"Hurts," Kate husks out, keeping her face behind her hands. The bandage on her thigh peeks out from under her boxers, and a small red stain has appeared and is inching wider.

Well shit.

"Дерьмо," she mutters out loud, kneeling next to Kate and running her eyes over her. Other than the blood and evident frustration and embarrassment on her face, the archer looked alright.

"I fuckin' slipped," Kate mutters into her palms, the tips of her ears glowing hot.

Yelena hesitates before placing a gentle hand on Kate's shoulder, brushing long, dark hair away from her face. "Are you alright, Kate Bishop?" she mutters softly, keeping all judgment and scrutiny from her tone.

The archer lets out a shuddering sigh, her form drooping as she seems to wilt, and her face twists when her ribs protest angrily. "I think some stitches tore. I can't get up."

Yelena hums low in her throat, pressing her thumb lightly to Kate's thigh. "May I?" she whispers.

The woman nods, still averting her eyes.

The assassin carefully pulls the hem of Kate's boxers back to uncover the rabidly coloring bandage, wincing as she slowly lifts part of it to reveal exactly what Kate said- three torn stitches towards the end of the healing wound. Despite that and the blood, however, she was happy with the progress that the cut was making. Kate would be able to do as she wished soon.

Yelena instructed Kate to stay put before quickly getting up and grabbing her first aid kit, setting herself up next to the woman on the bathroom floor. "Breathe for me, Kate Bishop. It's alright."

Kate whines quietly in the back of her throat and leans her head back against the wall, blinking hard to keep the tears in her eyes from falling, even as the bruise around one makes her wince. Yelena bites at the inside of her cheek and pretends not to see as her heart squeezes painfully in her chest.

She's quick and efficient with cleaning and restitching Kate's thigh, her stomach turning harder and harder with each twist of discomfort on the archer's face. "You are okay, Kate Bishop. Strong. Breathe."

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered slowly and tearfully at one point. "I'm just a problem for you right now."

Yelena stopped and furrowed her eyebrows, glancing up to meet watery blue eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Kate's lip trembled, and she shook her head, looking away.

Yelena finished quickly and smoothed Kate's boxers back down before reaching a hesitant hand up to cup the archer's chin.

"Kate Bishop. Please look at me."

Kate slowly glanced back up at her.

"I was not intentionally avoiding you out of any ill intent."

The archer bites at the inside of her cheek.

"I am sorry, Kate Bishop. I did not mean to make you feel alone."

"I just miss you," Kate chokes out, tears clinging to her dark eyelashes.

Yelena barely stops herself from startling and running away to jump out of the window, as she instead brushes the tears away with a gentle thumb. Kate just missed her, as if it was that simple. As if those four words weren't completely tearing Yelena apart from the inside out, shoving her heart up into her throat and tying her stomach into knots.

I missed you too, is what she doesn't dare to mutter.

The cold panic has started to become familiar to her, and it now grips at the column of her spine. The contrast of the heat from Kate's cheek soaking into her palm is so strong that she nearly jolts.

You've become soft. Weak, her mind hisses to her, the memory of the terror and sorrow in the Red Room raking sharpened claws through her nerves. She can feel herself shaking, and the image of Kate Bishop in front of her goes momentarily out of focus.

She's going to die because of you. You care, and then they bleed.

"Yelena?"

The assassin blinks up at Kate and realizes her own cheeks are now similarly streaked with tears. She glances around and sits back on her feet, wiping her face in confusion. When had she started crying?

The expression on Kate Bishop's face is one that Yelena doesn't know how to decipher- but one word does come to mind.

Shame.

----

"I'm fine," the assassin chokes out, clearing her throat and forcing the ache in her chest deep, deep, deep down. "Can you walk?"

Kate is still just staring at her, her big blue eyes conflicted.

"Kate Bishop, you need your meds. Can you walk or not?"

The archer nods numbly, offering her hands to Yelena to grab and hoist her up. Yelena is careful with her, looping an arm over her neck. "Do you need my help?"

Another nod.

The assassin slowly leads Kate back to the kitchen table and helps her sit down before pushing the chocolate milk and her med box closer. Kate blinks at them, as if just now realizing what they were.

Yelena doesn't wait to make sure Kate takes them- she knows she will. Instead, she moves further into the small kitchen and searches the cupboards for the one food that had been keeping her sane for the past couple days.

Not even mac and cheese. It was those goddamn Lucky Charms.

Kate's eyes brighten at the colorful cereal box, and Yelena is once again reminded of the resemblance between the archer and her dog. She sets the box down with a bowl, spoon, and the milk, before going to sit down herself before stopping.

Speaking of which... "Where are the dogs?"

Kate already has her mouth full of cereal, and she stops, eyes wide and on Yelena as she shrugs innocently, already so far from how distraught she was just minutes ago now that she's eating something sugary.

As if on cue, the pups skid out from around the couch and come tearing into the kitchen, taking several loops around the table before disappearing back into the main room and settling down without a hitch, as if making an appearance purely to appease Yelena. She snorts and keeps her eyes on where they last were for a moment longer before finally allowing herself to sit.

Kate already has a second bowl filled with Lucky Charms, and she pushes it closer to the blonde, offering the milk. She doesn't meet Yelena's eyes, but the hunch of her shoulders speaks volumes.

They eat together in silence.

I really do love them I promise
How is everyone? How was everyone's first day of Pride Month? I love you guys!! Thanks for over 11k reads <3

ALSO CHAPTER 31 IS MY FAVORITE!!🥰😋😎😁😍🤗🥴

Translations:
-Дерьмо (der'mo): shit
-сукa (suka): bitch

Kate Bishop Counter: 21

QOTD: Are you in therapy? You should be.

This chapter's meme:

Also sorry I edited this at 2am after a graduation party so it might be wonky