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Chapter Twenty Five - Don't Say Goodbye.

Chapter Twenty Five - Don't Say Goodbye.

A loud clatter woke Alec, his pulse raced as he glanced around his room in the London Institute. His left arm was numb and glancing down he found out what the reason was. Jace. He was lying with his head on Alec's arm fast asleep, Alec smiled before slowly, inch by inch, shifting his arm out from under Jace's sleeping form. He picked up the empty mugs from last night and grabbed his phone in his free hand to check the time: 05:00am. Alec yawned, slipping his phone into his pocket as he took the mugs out of his room, leaving Jace to sleep. The floor outside his bedroom was harshly cold on his bare feet but he continued down the corridor silently.

The clatter which had woken him didn't come again as he dropped the mugs into the kitchen sink, leaning back on the counter he yawned. His eyes still felt painfully sore from crying and his right arm ached as the last of the holes finished closing. Clearly no one else in the Institute was awake this early - they hadn't been awake when they'd got home either - Alec sighed and began to pour himself a mug of fresh coffee, wondering what to do with his time before everyone else woke. Sleep was out of the option, memories swarmed his mind like an angry hive of bees. Another loud clatter drew Alec's attention to the front door of the Institute, he drained the last of his coffee and headed towards the door. The moment Alec caught sight of the glitter he fought to slam the door shut, Magnus had placed his foot in the way. Alec sighed, realising his plan was futile and opened the door. Magnus's eyes were rimmed with red and looked uncomfortably sore, a lot like his own Alec guessed. "What do you want Magnus?" Alec asked, staring at him.

*****

Magnus knocked once on the door, the loud clatter like a gunshot in the silence of the early morning. 'Come on Alec, answer the door. Please.' He thought, pacing back and forth on the top step, stifling a yawn on his third pace up and down. He hadn't slept at all knowing what he had done the other night, tears had tracked down his cheeks keeping him wide awake and nothing, not even hugging Chairman Meow, could cheer him up. Somehow he knew that Alec had seen, he couldn't explain exactly how he knew, he just did. He'd lain tossing and turning on his bed in Tessa's house, which now seemed too big, the room too cold and the shadows too dark and ominous without Alec there. He'd learnt from Tessa that morning that Alec had been injured by the Demon Marbas as he defended an attack on the London Institute, Tessa had also told him that he would make a speedy recovery.

But now that Magnus was stood on the doorstep, only a few feet away from Alec, he was scared. Scared to find out that Alec had seen, terrified that Alec would leave him forever. 'Of course he'll leave!' His conscience snapped, 'You kissed someone else! Maybe in front of him!'

"Don't remind me." Magnus murmured under his breath, raising his hand to knock again, continuing his mantra as he waited, 'Come on Alec, answer the door. Please.' The door swung open and Magnus slipped his foot between the door and the wall as it began to swing shut almost as soon as it had opened. There was a sigh from behind the door and it swung back open revealing Alec, stood in the doorway. His blue eyes were red and sore; he stifled a yawn with his hand. He was as exhausted as Magnus was. "What do you want Magnus?" Alec asked, his attempt at indifference was poor; Magnus could hear the pain and hurt in his words.

"I came to see how you were." Magnus replied, glancing down at his fingernails. "Oh," Alec said sarcastically, his tone bitter, "nice to know you care so much! Well, it's too late!"

'Crap,' Magnus thought, 'he saw. But he has to know, I didn't want that, I didn't mean that. I have to tell him, even if he doesn't want to listen.'

"Well, if you're not going to say anything I'm going to go. We have work to do today." Alec said, turning from the door, Magnus caught at Alec's wrist, "Wait, Alec!"

"It's Alexander!" Alec snapped, his eyes shimmered with tears. A few dripped onto his cheeks and he brushed them away impatiently.

"I have to tell you... last night... it didn't mean a thing. I didn't want that, not at all." Magnus started.

Alec scoffed, "Looked like you were enjoying it to me. Tell me something." He stood in silence for a moment, trembling, "Does he know you're here?"

"No." Magnus muttered, his own tears joining Alec's in their sad lament.

"Well, you'd better go back to him. Wouldn't want him to worry would we?" Alec turned away again, his right arm reaching behind him to swing the door shut, that's when Magnus saw them. The holes that had been pierced through his arm by the spines on Marbas's tail. "Alec?" Magnus questioned, holding Alec's hand lightly; looking down at the holes. Alec turned back, looking down at their joint hands. "What happened?" Magnus asked, concern overruling everything else.

"The Demon. Marbas. He... hit me with his tail and the spines pierced through my arm, they're healing." Alec sighed, lightly trailing his left index finger across Magnus's forearm, Magnus shivered and looked up at Alec's pain filled eyes. "I'm sorry." Magnus said, stepping forward, "I really am. About everything. I was going to ask you take me back, I'd decided that before the party, I was going home to Brooklyn to find you. I messed up, I'm sorry."

He was still holding onto Alec's hand and Alec hadn't moved his eyes from their hands, when he didn't speak. Magnus stepped forward and pressed his lips to Alec's lightly, he needed Alec to know, to believe that it really meant nothing to him and words were no use, he'd never been good with words. Magnus ran his free hand through Alec's dark bed-messed hair making it stick up even more, he tugged on Alec's shirt trying to draw him nearer. Alec pulled back, "No. No." He clutched his own hands to his hair, tears rolling freely down his cheeks, "I can't. I..." He stepped back from Magnus by the tiniest amount but it still hit Magnus like a blow. "I think... I think you should go..." Alec whispered as he clutched onto his hair, his eyes shut tight.

"Alec?" Magnus stepped forward, his palm resting on Alec's arm, "It's okay. Just deep breaths." His mind flashed back to what Catarina had said when she'd been to visit him at Tessa's house. 'He's depressed.' Depression usually meant that people with it had to go on medication, Magnus's eyes widened. 'I did this to him. Me.' He thought, trying to calm Alec down, "Alec, just focus on your deep breaths okay? Just in and out."

"It's not okay... not okay..." Alec murmured over and over, shaking his head slowly, his whole body was trembling. "It is. It's okay." Magnus muttered back, "Where the hell do they keep them?!" He exclaimed, his tone desperate. Alec glanced up at him in confusion, "Keep what?"

"Your medication!" Magnus retorted, knowing from the fact that Alec's eyes widened that he was correct. "No," Alec whispered, "I'm fine. Really Magnus. I'm fine. You... you should go... he'll be waiting for you, I know it."

"He won't be. It meant nothing Alexander." Magnus sighed, staring at the boy in front of him.

"Sure." Alec replied, "Go. And Magnus?"

"No Alec, don't say it... don't. Don't say goodbye." Tears had begun to fall again on both sides.

"It may not seem like it to you now, but I'm sorry and it truly, truly meant nothing." Magnus sobbed, he was back in the doorway and Alec wasn't looking at him anymore. Magnus watched as his shoulders shook, he wanted to step forward, to hold Alec tightly to him and never let go but Alec held his hand out as though knowing what Magnus was going to do. "I'm sorry Magnus. So sorry." Alec muttered, "But I guess..." He paused, running his hands through his hair, "Goodbye Magnus." He breathed and shut the door in Magnus's face.

The moment the door had fully shut, Alec sank to his knees on the cold hard floor, tears fell from his eyes and his left shoulder was wedged uncomfortably against the wood of the door. He knew Magnus was still stood out there, but he couldn't move. His sorrow was drowning him, he couldn't breathe and his sobs were escaping in gasps that made his whole body shake. He hardly even heard the small feminine voice as she whispered, "Are you okay?" Alec glanced up, blinking away the unshed tears. It was the girl from yesterday, the one who had been in the bed beside his in the Infirmary. "I'm Cortana. Cortana Rosetower." She said, pointing to herself as she stepped forward, her slight limp caught Alec's attention. "Why are you crying?" She asked, slowly lowering herself onto the floor beside him. Alec shook his head.

"Why aren't you resting?" He asked, scrubbing away the tears furiously.

"Why aren't you?" Cortana questioned with a cheeky smirk, "I saw you yesterday, as injured as I was."

"Well, I don't know about that." Alec shrugged, "I'm Alec Lightwood, by the way." She nodded taking in the information.

"Well, you're more injured now than you were yesterday, otherwise you wouldn't be crying. What is it? Can I get someone? What about that boy? Or one of the girls?"

"How do you know-" Alec started but was cut off by Cortana, "When you came home yesterday with them, I wasn't exactly asleep."

"You spied on us!" Alec exclaimed.

"Obviously!" She replied, "I didn't exactly see you much yesterday! I had to make sure you weren't a threat to me, my family or my Parabatai and his family! So who shall I go and wake for you?" She grinned.

Alec smiled back, "My Parabatai, the boy, his name's Jace." Cortana nodded and headed off in search of Jace, the moment she was gone the pain of seeing Magnus again so soon after what happened last night hit him like a ton of bricks.

The trembling started again more violent than the last and his tears were bitter and full of pain as he curled into as tight a ball he could make himself, wrapping his hands around his knees he let himself cry. His heart was shattering into tiny shards of glass so thin that he would never be able to find them when it came to gluing himself back together again. Using the fingernails on his left hand, he pressed them into the fading holes on his right forearm. They split open slightly under the pressure of his fingernails and he cried out in pain, warm blood trailing down his arm and coating under his sharp nails. He welcomed the pain, it barely amounted to anything compared to the pain in his chest but it seemed to help. He had no idea how long he'd been lying on the floor until the sound of running footsteps, following by slower footsteps echoed down the corridor towards him. "There he is!" Cortana's voice echoed, Alec didn't open his eyes not even as Jace let out a curse so loud it echoed, bouncing of the walls. The footsteps quickened, before halting right in front of him, "Alec? Alec? Look at me. Look at me. You're alright. What happened?"

Alec shook his head, not daring himself to speak. "I found him." Cortana said, "He was lent against the door, however..." She paused, "and he wasn't bleeding." He moved to cover the reopened holes but Jace had already spotted them and he stopped Alec from hiding them. "By the Angel, Alec. Why'd you do that?"

"M-Magnus was h-here." Alec murmured, opening his eyes a crack to look up at Jace, who inhaled sharply through gritted teeth. Jace didn't say anything, instead he pulled his Stele from pocket and traced an Iratze above the cuts. Jace waited until they healed over before he let go of Alec's arm and helped him to sit up. Alec brushed away the tears as Jace put away his Stele and pulled out the bottle full of Alec's tablets. "Can you get him a glass of water?" Jace asked, without turning to look at Cortana, she nodded once and headed down towards the kitchen. "Why didn't you yell for me?" Jace asked, his voice raw with emotion.

Alec shrugged, "You were asleep."

"I would have woken."

"For what reason to get rid of my boyf..." Alec paused, a part of him still wanted to know Magnus as his boyfriend despite all the pain and sadness he felt. He shook his head, "Whatever." Jace smiled fondly at Alec, turning slightly as Cortana tapped him lightly on the shoulder, holding out a glass full of water, "Thanks." Jace said with a smile, taking the glass from her and handing it to Alec with a tablet, "Take them." He ordered, "I'm not messing around."

Cortana's eyes widened as she peered over Jace's shoulder down at Alec as he swallowed a mouthful of water with the tablet. Alec smiled up at her, "It's okay." He said, reassuringly with another smile. She nodded once and tried to smile back at him when the voice of her Parabatai caught her attention, "Cortana!! You should be resting!!!" Elijah yelled as he jumped the last few steps to land beside her.

"So should Mr Lightwood." She retorted, rolling her eyes fondly at Elijah as she indicated Alec. Alec laughed and looked over at Jace, "Remind you of anyone?"

"Yeah." Jace replied with a grin. "Us."

Cortana sighed and turned back to look at Alec, "Well, I hope you feel better soon Alec Lightwood."

"Yeah, you too." Alec smiled.

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