(go like my insta pics @coolioleanne)

lmao april fools was lit

but this is the actual chapter, pinky promise !!!

p.s. i am sorry to those of you that took offense to my lil prank :( pls forgive me

enjoy the chapter

NO HOMO > LARRY AU
THIRTY FIVE

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niallhoran: LIAM YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS

niallhoran: WONT BELEKD D THSI

niallhoran: LJAM

fakeliampayne: what

fakeliampayne: niall where are you

fakeliampayne: why did you leave me alone in this house please

fakeliampayne: it's so big

niallhoran: MEET ME IN THE DINING ROOM

niallhoran: BRING YOUR FRIEND ZUCCHINI

niallhoran: IMMEDIATELY

fakeliampayne: what WHERE

fakeliampayne: NIALL WHERE

fakeliampayne: I DONT KNOW WHERE THE DINING ROOM IS NIALL PLEASE

fakeliampayne: THIS IS MY FIRST DAY HERE

fakeliampayne: HIS NAME IS ZAYN

niallhoran: IDC FIND IT I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

fakeliampayne: FUCKJTND

fakeliampayne: I HATE YOU

niallhoran: HURRY

fakeliampayne: FCK YOU

niallhoran: I AM WAITING

fakeliampayne: I WANT TO GO HOME

niallhoran: WAITING

It took Liam and Zayn approximately seven minutes to find where the dining room was. Was it their excellent problem solving skills that guided them to their destination? That'd be nice to say, but also quite untrue. It was the fact that they saw Niall run past them with his larentation set up and Louis the cat in his arms which led them to the dining room. It was a true struggle to watch.

"Niall," Liam poked his head through the dining room entrance, cautiously glancing at Niall as he frantically set things up, "Please let us come in."

"No!" Niall screamed, not even looking back towards Liam, "I told you to wait outside! I even set out snacks for you while you wait."

Zayn then joined Liam in the doorway and whispered to him, "Tell him the cat ate our snacks."

"Why don't you tell him?" Liam argued.

"Bro," Zayn countered, motioning towards Niall who was aggressively scribbling on his presentation paper, "I don't mess with demons."

"Excuses are all I hear," Liam teased Zayn, lightly poking his stomach with his pointer finger.

"Welcome, brethren," Niall gently greeted Liam and Zayn, his hands in a praying position and a decorative towel draped over his head, "Please grab a hood on your way in before you take a seat. The larentation will begin shortly."

"Did he just say larentation-"

"Shhh," Liam stopped Zayn from finishing his sentence, pushing him past Niall who went to pick up Louis the cat, "Rule one for surviving the larentations is to not question anything."

"This is actual satan shit going on," Zayn harshly whispered to Liam while he took a seat in one of the three chairs set up, "I am telling you, the onion has a secret."

Liam quickly grabbed a towel and threw it on top of Zayn's head before replying, "The onion? Why is he an onion?"

"Because he makes me want to cry, Liam, please don't make me stay here."

Liam shook his head and sat in the seat next to Zayn, putting his own towel on his head, "It's our first day here, Zayn."

"And I want it to be our last," Zayn pleaded before furrowing his eyebrows at Liam and snatching the towel off his head, "And take that shit off your head, you look like him and it's disturbing me."

Liam quickly grabbed back the towel and leaned towards Zayn, lowering his voice as Niall walked into the room holding Louis the cat, "Zayn, suck it up and wait for the larentation to begin."

"I don't wanna wait for the larentation," Zayn quietly protested, "I want to escape from this creep-"

"Greetings!" Niall suddenly announced, standing on a chair in front of Zayn and Liam, "What a wonderful turn out!"

"There's two of us here," Zayn apathetically pointed out.

"That's where you're wrong," Niall smiled, making Zayn shiver, "There are four of us."

"Four?" Zayn questioned.

"Four." Niall nodded, pointing towards Louis the cat lying down on one of the empty chairs, "Enough chit chat, let's get started."

"Let me leave," Zayn whispered, to which Liam ignored him and continued to stare forward at Niall.

"The purpose of this larrie meeting is very important," Niall grunted, slowly trying to climb down from his chair, "A very important message from me to all of the larries here today."

"Two," Zayn reminded Niall.

"Four!" Niall barked back, then closed his eyes and took a breath, "but that's not the point. The point is that I have an announcement."

Niall then crossed his arms over his chest and took three very deep breaths, keeping his eyes closed. Liam waited patiently for Niall to compose himself, unlike Zayn who blankly stared at the wall, praying for this to end already.

"Okay," Niall said to himself before opening his eyes and staring meaningfully at the two boys and the cat, "I'm ready."

"Is he crying right now?" Zayn murmured to Liam.

"I," Niall started, pausing for a second to look down at his feet, "am so incredibly sorry. I have disappointed my family, I've done what I've feared of doing for the longest time and I just..."

Zayn widened his eyes as Liam gasped from next to him, "He's fucking crying."

Liam quickly ran up to Niall and comfortingly hugged him, "What's wrong, Niall? Take your time to breathe, It's okay..."

Zayn stood up from his seat and walked over to the two, setting his hand on Niall's shoulder, "Dude, it's okay. We all make mistakes, we all feel shitty sometimes, we're human. I'm sure you didn't let anyone down-"

"You don't understand!" Niall screamed, picking his head up from Liam's shoulder, "What I did is unforgivable! I didn't realize it before, but now I know and recognize my sins!"

"What did you do?" Zayn asked, hoping to try and help Niall calm down.

"I... I..." Niall hesitated before stepping away from Liam and Zayn and looking off into nothing, "I ruined the Larry kiss."

Zayn didn't even blink, "Goodbye."

Zayn picked up his phone from his chair and ripped the towel off of his head, throwing it on top of Louis the cat, "I can't do this. I am gone, only a memory. Don't come looking for me. Bye."

Zayn then walked right out of the dining room and to God knows where, leaving behind a distraught Niall and a very confused Liam. Honestly, Liam knew he wouldn't be able to handle Niall for this long. The only reason Liam could was because every once and a while, Niall would pull gummy worms out of his pocket and give some to Liam.

"So," Liam spoke up, catching Niall's attention, "Larentation?"

Niall sniffled before suddenly changing his entire mood and smiling bigger than ever before, "Just wait until you hear my idea!"

Niall skipped towards his set up before flipping over the title page, revealing a poorly drawn... whatever it was.

"Take a seat, Beckham," Niall excitedly told Liam, "This is gonna be a big one."

Liam lightly chuckled before sitting down, "I'm sure it will be."

"Now tell me, Liam," Niall started, pointing towards the incomprehensible scribbles he called a drawing, "What do you see here?"

Liam squinted his eyes to take a closer look at the drawing. Liam wanted to guess it on his first try but Lord knows it'd take much more than that.

"Hmm..." Liam paused, "A harmonica?"

Niall furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, glancing back at his drawing, "What? No, guess again."

Liam took a breath, staring a little longer, "A... switch blade?"

"Liam," Niall huffed, "Guess again."

This would take a while.

"A robot."

"No."

"A chocolate bar."

"No."

"A French toast stick."

"No."

"Ooh, wait! It's like a prism dildo!"

"Liam!"

"What?!"

Niall rolled his eyes and reached for his back pocket, pulling out what was obviously Harry's phone, "It's a phone; Harry's phone! I have the largest aspect of their larrationship, right in my undeserving hands!"

"That pun was awful," Liam cringed.

Niall tossed Harry's phone behind him and tugged Liam by his collar, "That's not the point! The point is I can redeem my title as king of the larries with this treasure I have been blessed with! Do you understand that?! I am capable of making this kiss happen again!"

Liam pushed Niall off him and fixed the top of his shirt, "Okay, I got it, but how are we even going to do that?"

"This is where my plan comes in!" Niall grinned, turning around to flip to the next page, "We need to disguise ourselves, track the boys down, and use the phone when it's needed."

"When it's needed?" Liam asked as he approached Niall, "What does that mean? What does any of this mean? I need a time out."

"Here," Niall pulled out a gummy worm from his pocket and handed it to Liam, "Have a gummy worm."

Liam took the gummy worm that was offered to him and sat down in his chair, chewing on the stretchy candy. Niall then turned behind him and picked up Harry's phone that he had tossed, turning on the screen and looking at it.

"I don't know how we're going to do this either," Niall admitted, "But we're going to have to. I have to do this, if not for me, for my people."

Liam nodded understandingly, "You got me on your team."

Niall smiled at Liam before he looked down at Harry's vibrating phone, "We need to hurry and find them before it's too late. Louis is already texting Harry and if we don't reply at the right times, he'll know somethings up."

Liam stood up from his seat with his gummy worms in hand and leaned over Niall's shoulder, "What's he saying?"

Niall shrugged his shoulders, "Who knows what any of this means..."

.

louist91: i know we're right next to each other, but im texting u so we can talk shit

louist91: did u see what that lady had her dog wearing

louist91: i am so embarrassed for that dog

louist91: answer me ugly i am SPEAKING TO U

louist91: HARRY

louist91: i KNOW u can feel the vibrations in ur booty

louist91: PLEADE HATRY

louist91: WHAT IS UR PROBLEMO

louist91: u put me in SUCH an UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION LIKE U KNOW IM NOT HAPPY U KNOW THAT IM TRYING

louist91: HARRY COME ON PAY ATTENTION TO ME

"Who are you texting?" Harry suddenly spoke up from Louis' side, making Louis jump at the sound.

Louis squinted at Harry and slowly slid his phone in his back pocket. Harry and Louis were casually walking down the street together, observing all the people and stores, the perfect time for Louis to hit Harry up with a text. Or so he thought. Louis seemed to have forgotten that this is Harry and of course he would want for Louis to speak to him directly and not text him the entire time. I mean, sounds reasonable, but who knew Harry could be so passive aggressive?

"Alright, fine, I get it," Louis surrendered, "Face to face quality time, Okay!"

Harry tilted his head to the side while continuing to look at Louis, "What?"

"Enough!" Louis hollered, "You have made your point! My phone is away and out of sight!"

Harry looked away from Louis, "Okay..."

"And, by the way, Styles," Louis added, sass clear in his tone, "your sarcasm sucks. I raised you better than this."

Harry threw his arms in the air, completely confused, "I'm not even trying to be sarcastic?"

Louis snorted, "Exhibit A."

From that point on, they walked in silence. Not necessarily an awkward silence, though. It was just kind of... peaceful. I mean, despite the fact that there were large groups of people talking at an unbearable volume, awful traffic just to their right, and about six flies were trailing behind Louis because, well, even the flies worship Louis. Okay, never mind, it wasn't peaceful at all.

"I swear to everything," Louis grunted, trying to swat away the flies from his face, "These little fuckers are out to get me."

"Don't swat them away!" Harry panicked, grabbing Louis' hand and holding it down, "They didn't even do anything, let them live!"

Louis tried to pull his hand away from Harry, but failed as Harry kept his grip tight. This kid was ridiculous. But also cute. Fuck, Louis thought he was so cute.

"A sacrifice needs to be made," Louis announced, finally ripping away from Harry's hold, "From this specific asshole right here!"

"Don't kill it!" Harry shrieked, "Louis!"

Suddenly, one of the flies trailed away from Louis and starting flying straight towards Harry, making Harry's eyes widen.

"Oh my GOD!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs, "GET IT AWAY FROM ME! KILL IT, BUTCHER IT, SOMEONE HELP, PLEASE!"

"Hey, now, Harry," Louis smirked, watching Harry struggle to back away from the fly, "It didn't even do anything, let it live."

"DIE!" Harry shouted, bundling his fists and attempting to punch the fly away.

"Just eat it, frog," Louis laughed.

"No!" Harry affirmed, running into the nearest store to escape the fly, "I'm not leaving this store until that beast dies!"

Louis rolled his eyes, opening the store door and joining Harry inside, "Well, I guess I'll join you until then."

Harry squished his face against the glass door and stared directly at the small fly, flying in circles, "Thank you for your support."

Suddenly, Louis felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to face a man about Harry's height, "Uhh... could you tell your friend to like... not do that?"

Louis simply looked in Harry's direction and monotonously said, "Harry, stop pressing your ugly face against this guy's store door, you'll scare everyone away."

Harry shook his head against the glass, "I need to make sure the fly drops dead."

Louis turned back to the man, "Can't do anything, pal."

The man sighed, "I tried."

Before he could walk away, Louis took a quick look around the store and stopped him, "Hey, what is this place?"

The man smiled and gestured to a sign hung right above the entrance, "This is a tattoo parlor, mate."

Louis glanced to the sign that the guy had pointed to and furrowed his eyebrows, deep in thought. Louis then looked to Harry, who was continuing to intensely watch the fly just outside the store. He obviously wasn't going anywhere. Maybe Louis could take advantage of that.

Louis looked back to the guy, "You think I could get something done while my boy here guards your shop?"

The guy chuckled, "Yeah, no problem. You got a design?"

Louis nodded, pulling out his phone, "I do," Louis unlocked his phone and went to his photos, pulling up a doodle he had asked Zayn to make for him, "Think you could do that?"

The guy nodded, "Yeah, where do you want it?"

Louis bit his bottom lip and sighed loudly, placing his arm around the guy's shoulder and leading him towards the back room where he'd get his tattoo done, "Well, you see, this is where it gets a bit unusual..."

The guy raised an eyebrow, "How unusual?"

Louis gave an awkward smile, "Let's just say by the end of this session, you're gonna know what my ass looks like."

The guy laughed at Louis, "Challenge accepted."

--

"Liam!" Niall called from his own room, touching up the details of his disguise, "Are you done with your disguise, we have to get going if we want to find them!"

"Yeah, I'm good!" Liam assured Niall from the hallway, then stepping into Niall's room to show off his disguise, "Tada!"

Immediately after, Niall came out from his closet to reveal his rather over the top disguise. Liam's reaction was a lot more than what Niall expected, but then again, Niall's disguise wasn't anything what Liam was expecting.

Liam's guess would have to be that Niall was trying to disguise himself as a girl. Niall had applied a full face of makeup, complete with horribly filled in eyebrows and way too much blush. Liam couldn't really tell though, he didn't really know what good make up looked like, so Liam was impressed.

"BRO," Liam yelled, in both confusion and awe, "that looks so COOL, I change my mind, I want to be a girl as my disguise."

Niall was, of course, flattered, "Well, I don't want to brag, but I think I have a talent for this stuff. I just grabbed Harry's sister's extra make up bag and just started going! I'll do yours too."

Niall hurried to grab the make up bag he had been using and the small mirror so he could get started on Liam's make up. Niall didn't realize he had done such a great job. He felt honored.

"What color did you use on your eyes?" Liam excited asked as Niall set the bag down on the bed, "I want that one too!"

Niall batted his chunky, mascara filled eyelashes, "The box said magenta."

Liam clapped his hands together and bounced on the bed, "I'm ready!"

Niall then pulled out a nude colored lip liner and shoved it in Liam's face, "First, let's darken your eyebrows."

But before anything could be done, the door swung open and Zayn walked in, holding a box of graham crackers, "I'm going to eat these if you don't..." Zayn stopped in the middle of his sentence and stood speechless at the sight before him. He was... ashamed. Not that they were putting on makeup. The fact that they were doing it so badly.

"Please," Zayn pleaded, "Tell me why."

"These are our disguises," Niall informed Zayn, "They're great, huh?"

Zayn let out a cry, "Please... no."

Liam smiled up at Zayn and enthusiastically offered, "Wanna join?"

"Not if I'm going to look like him."

Niall crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows, "First of all, I look great. Second of all, I doubt you could do any better. I got my tips from Pinterest."

Zayn approached the two boys on the bed and rolled his eyes, "Well, I got my tips from helping my sister apply her makeup, so I think I could do much better."

"So you're going to help us?" Liam hopefully asked.

"I'm going to help you not look like unexperienced drag queens," Zayn answered, grabbing Niall's hand to help him off the floor, "so yes. Go take off that shit while I work with Liam here."

"Fine," Niall grumbled, before grabbing Harry's phone and heading towards his bathroom, "But I'm taking selfies first!"

"Ya know," Liam spoke up as Zayn rummaged through the bag of make up, "I learned some stuff too."

"From Ruth?" Zayn replied.

"Nope," Liam shook his head, "From Lottie."

Zayn suddenly froze in his spot and widened his eyes, looking up at Liam, "No. Please... I got this."

"But Lottie is good-"

"Shhh," Zayn interrupted Liam, "I got this."

Liam shrugged, "Whatever. What first?"

"First," Zayn stood up from the ground and smiled mischievously down at Liam, "That beard needs to go. Unless you want to be a bearded lady."

Liam stood up, "I do not."

"Then let's get shaving!"

--

About forty minutes later, all three boys had a clean, shaven face full of perfectly applied make up, thanks to Zayn. Zayn didn't want to do his own make up at first, but after a lot of begging and bribing gummy worms, he agreed to tag along. Also because he wanted to know what a wig felt like. Niall was able to steal a couple wigs from Harry's secret stash in his closet and find colors that matched each of them. One could say they looked like "hot mamas" or at least that's what Niall thought.

"Damn," Niall admired himself in the mirror, "I look smexy."

"Oh please," Liam rolled his eyes, pushing Niall out of the way, "I look so much better than you do."

"And I look hotter than both of you combined," Zayn spoke up, then shaking his head, "but that's not the point. The point is that we are ready to get dressed and go."

Niall jumped up and down and squealed while clapping his hands, "I'm so excited! I am finally a girl!"

"Is that something you've been wanting for a while now?" Zayn chuckled as he fixed his wig.

Niall nodded, "Just to know what it's like. I feel pretty."

"You're always pretty," Liam smiled at Niall, who let out an 'aww' before Liam said, "Jk. I'm Leticia, the bitch of the trio. You're both ugly."

Niall huffed before announcing, "Then I'm Natalie, the cute one who acts innocent then sucks off your boyfriend. Take that, Letici-ugly."

"You guys are way too into this," Zayn shook his head.

"And you're Veronica!" Niall told Zayn, "The smart one who always knows what to do."

"Who is also believed to be a closet lesbian for Leticia," Liam continued on, "who is believed to have a thing for Natalie's boyfriend, Louis-."

"Liam..." Zayn tried to stop Liam.

"-who is believed to actually be gay for this dorky, pigeon toed kid named Harry," Liam finished before gasping and then adding on, "Who is Veronica's first cousin!"

Niall excitedly nodded his head, "Yes! We got our backstory!"

"Shut up Natalie," Liam snapped, in character, "Go stuff your bra like you did in the third grade."

Niall then gasped and ran to get his Kleenex box, "That's actually a good idea! How did we forget about the boobies?!"

"My bitchiness does serve a purpose!" Liam cheered, running up to Niall and grabbing Kleenex to put in his shirt also. As Liam stuffed the tissue in his shirt, it slid down his chest and out of his shirt, "This stuff isn't staying."

"You're right," Niall sighed before getting an idea, "We need bras!"

"Two gay men live here," Zayn pointed out, "Where are we going to find a bra?"

"First of all, I'm not gay," Niall said, snapping his fingers in a 'Z' formation, "And second of all, one of those two men happen to have a sister who visits every month and has her own bedroom here."

"Stop talking and go get the bras, Ratalie," Liam suddenly spoke up in a high pitched voice, then speaking in his normal voice, "I even have a nickname for her!"

"Just go get the bras and outfits," Zayn said to Niall who nodded and ran out, "And you Liam! You're not Leticia!"

"Listen, Veronica," Liam continued in his high voice, "I know you got a thing for me and I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but go die."

"I hate my life," Zayn whispered to himself.

"It's okay," Liam grabbed Zayn's shoulder, pushing his wig's hair out of his face, "I'd hate my life too if a girl as pretty as I am didn't like me back. Take deep breaths."

"Fine," Zayn sighed, "you leave me no choice."

Out of blue, Zayn grabbed onto Liam's shoulders and positioned his knee up to Liam's crotch, mildly kicking it up. Liam groaned loudly and slowly collapsed on the ground, holding onto his bruised... buddies.

Niall then came from around the corner with his arms full of clothes, "I got the... What has happened here?"

"An identity crisis, but it's been solved," Zayn said, then looking down at Liam on the ground, "Right, Leticia?"

"Liam, it's Liam," Liam groaned, standing up with his hands gripping onto his balls, "I may look like a girl, but I still got the boys."

"Anyways..." Niall trailed off, setting the pile of clothes down on the bed, "Let's get dressin!"

--

louist91: okay i know you're ignoring me but COME ON

louist91: TALK SHIT WITH ME

louist91: LOOK AT THAT DUDE'S HAT

louist91: IT SAYS SMEXY ON IT HARRY PLS

louist91: HARRY ANSWER ME

louist91: PLEASE I NEED TO TALK SHIT I AM A NATURAL BORN DIVA

louist91: I AM SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE

"So you got a tattoo at that parlor?" Harry asked, making Louis groan loudly.

"You are unbelievable!" Louis exclaimed, slipping his phone back in his pocket, "I get it, you need my attention always! You look pretty today and I want to bury my face in your curly hair! Are you satisfied?"

Harry giggled under his breath and flipped his hair over his shoulder, "I am satisfied. Not sure where any of that came from, but still satisfied."

Louis rolled his eyes, "Don't act all innocent, Satan baby. I despise you."

"Sure you do," Harry sarcastically scoffed, "you despise me and my pretty face and my beautiful curly hair that you want to stick your face in."

"Precisely," Louis approved.

"Well in that case, I despise you too," Harry declared, "You and your scruffy beard, pretty blue eyes and smol hands."

Louis lightly blushed and purposely ignored Harry's first two statements, commenting on the last, "Small isn't pronounced 'smol', fool. And these "smol" hands can wrap around your skimpy neck."

"What else can they wrap around?" Harry flirtatiously questioned, making Louis snort.

"A burrito," Louis countered, "A nice, big burrito."

Harry scrunched up his nose, "Please don't call my thingy a burrito..."

Louis laughed before correcting Harry, "No, you giant bag of filth, an actual burrito. I want a burrito."

"Oh," Harry paused, "Then let's get a burrito. Where do you find a burrito?"

"I don't know," Louis looked up at Harry, "Aren't you suppose to know? You've only lived here for, what, 22 years."

Harry nervously chuckled, not meeting eyes with Louis, "Yeah, I know. Where to get a burrito... a burrito joint, burrito bar, a shop for burritos. I know what a burrito tastes like also. Because I've... had a burrito before..."

Louis cautiously squinted his eyes at Harry and uttered, "Harry..."

"Okay, okay!" Harry snapped, stopping in his spot, "I've never had a burrito! Don't hit me!"

"Never?!" Louis shrieked, causing everyone to stop and look in his direction, "Never had a burrito?! You've lied to me for ten months?!"

"I technically didn't lie!" Harry defended himself, backing away from a very small, very angry Louis, "I just didn't tell you!"

"Nice try, burrito boy," Louis accused, "That's a type of lie, I heard about it on Drop Dead Diva!"

"Look, calm down, Let's just go get a butrito!" Harry tried to reason, only adding fuel to the flame.

"YOU JUST SAID BUTRITO INSTEAD OF BURRITO, HARRY, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO TRUST YOU ANYMORE?"

"Don't yell at me! I'm just a mush!" Harry cried, cowering in front of Louis.

"No!" Louis shook his head, grabbing onto Harry's arm and dragging him to the closest diner, "No no no no no no no no no, you're having a burrito!"

"I don't want a burrito!" Harry whined, trying to pull away from Louis, "I want soft Louis back!"

"You don't need soft Louis, you need a soft burrito," Louis whispered once he walked into the diner, going right up to a waitress, "Do you serve burritos here?"

"Yes we do!" the waitress smiled, making Harry whine more.

"Don't make me eat a burtrito!"

"Now you're just saying shit to make me mad," Louis hissed at Harry, sitting him down in a booth.

"Maybe I am," Harry pouted, "Maybe because you look cutesies when you're mad."

"Will I look cutesies when I'm wringing your neck?" Louis shot back, making Harry think to himself.

"There's a 95% chance that you will," Harry sweetly replied, "The other 5% is that you'll look pretty."

"What do I need to do to look scary and intimidating?" Louis curiously asked, making Harry tap his chin in thought.

"You'd have to dress like a spider," Harry answered, "Or Simon Cowell. He's spooky."

"Psh," Louis rolled his eyes, "I could take Simon Cowell any day. Give me a time and place and I'll take him down."

"Yeah, right," Harry taunted, "You're a bunny and he's like a... a bunny hunter."

"More like," Louis started, tapping his fingers on the table, "I'm bugs bunny and he's the dude with the giant nose and funny voice."

"You're the one with the funny voice," Harry poked at Louis.

"Says you," Louis retorted, "You talk like there's constantly a stick down your throat."

"Or a lack of one," Harry mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Louis to hear and bust out laughing.

"You are disgusting," Louis snickered, "Absolute filth. I am covered in dirt just sitting with you."

"Then get up and leave," Harry responding, making Louis shake his head.

"Nah," Louis declined, "I don't mind getting a little dirty if I'm with you."

--

"Come on, Veronica, drive faster!"

Niall, Liam, and Zayn had left the house ten minutes ago in Liam's car, dressed as young women and speeding down the street to try and find Louis and Harry before it was too late. So far, they had no idea where or how to find the two.

"There is a speed limit, Niall!" Zayn yelled back frantically as he swerved into the lane next to him.

"My name is Natalie!" Niall argued in his high pitched voice, leaning forward from the back seat, "And shut up and DRIVE!"

"My eyeshadow smeared!" Liam- or Leticia cried from the passenger seat, pulling his mirror down, "I can't go out like this!"

"Just dab it with your finger!" Zayn screeched as he quickly cut between two cars.

Suddenly, Niall dabbed from the backseat, hitting Liam in his face. Liam screamed before turning towards Niall, "Did you just dab me in the face?!"

"Fuck off, Leticia!" Niall stuck out his tongue, making Liam gasp and turn back towards the mirror.

"So fucking rude!" Liam huffed.

"Harry's phone just vibrated!" Niall excitedly yelled, unlocking the notification, "It's an Instagram post! From Louis!"

"What is it?" Zayn asked, turning back to look then quickly turning towards the road after being honked at.

"Oh MY DEAR JESUS," Niall shrieked, eyes as big as saucers, "HE DID NOT!"

"Girl, what'd he do?" Liam flipped towards Niall, speaking in his Leticia voice.

"He tagged the location!" Niall beamed, clicking on the highlighted location to open it in Google maps, "We just need to find how far we are from it."

"Save us, Siri!" Zayn chanted.

"This location is to your right." Siri spoke up, making Niall nearly snap his neck with how fast he turned to the right.

"TURN, VERONICA!" Niall shouted, causing Zayn to forcefully tug the steering wheel to the right, every car around honking at them.

Before Zayn could even turn off the car, Niall hopped out and adjusted his outfit, hurriedly walking to the tattoo parlor entrance. Niall tightly gripped Harry's phone in his hand and pushed open the glass doors, stomping over to the front desk. Niall reminded himself, you are an angry girlfriend.

"How may I help you?" the same man who had done Louis' tattoo smiled at Niall- or Natalie.

Niall ignored his question and shoved the phone in his fave, Louis' picture on the screen, "How long ago was this man here and did he say anything about where he was going next?"

The man confusedly glanced at the picture and raised his eyebrows as he looked up at Niall, "Who is asking?"

Niall set his hands on his hips, "His girlfriend and I'm not asking, I'm demanding."

"Oh yikes," the man sighed as Liam and Zayn stepped into the parlor too.

"Is he here, Natalie?" Liam asked in his girl voice, "And I'm not asking because I have a thing for him."

"Stop, Li-I mean Leticia," Zayn said in his girl voice.

"Just tell me how long ago he was here and my friends and I will leave," Niall sassily told the man as he stood up from his chair.

"Look, you are causing trouble and need to go-" The man tried to urge the three to exit.

"Listen here, buddy," Liam stepped closer to him, pointing his finger in the man's face, "Spill the deets about my friend's boyfriend or I will not hesitate to release my wrath."

"Leticia," Zayn warned, trying to keep up his character as he placed his hand on Liam's shoulder, "Calm down, please."

"Not until I know everything this guy knows about Louis and Harry's whereabouts," Liam confidently replied.

"Harry?" The man questioned, "You mean the weird one?"

"That is my first cousin you're talking about!" Liam sternly snapped.

"I thought he was my first cousin," Zayn turned to Liam.

"Was he?" Liam tried to recall, "Ooh, I think he was..."

"Yeah, I remember you saying he was."

"Right, forgive me," Liam excused himself before pointing at Zayn, "That is her first cousin you're talking about!"

"Ladies, please," The man tiredly rubbed his temples, "Get a tattoo or get out."

"How about you bite me!" Niall mindlessly yelled back, making the man shake his head.

"Okay, that's it," The man shooed the three out the door, "Out now!"

Liam and Niall put up a small fight with the man, ultimately losing in the end and being shoved out the store.

"How rude," Liam mumbled, opening the passenger door and sliding in, "How are we suppose to find them now?"

"With context clues, Letici-ugly," Niall answered, pulling out Harry's phone and opening Instagram, "Louis posted that picture like twenty minutes ago, which means he had to be there at least twenty minutes ago."

Zayn suddenly flipped around towards Niall and raised his voice, "So why didn't we just go off of that logic before we barged into there and embarrassed ourselves?!"

Niall pouted, "Because I wanted someone to see my make up."

Zayn turned back towards the wheel and pressed his fingers to his temples, "Someone eliminate him before I do."

"Her," Niall commented, speaking in his Natalie voice.

"That's it," Zayn shook his head, grabbing onto the door handle to open it, "I can't do this."

"No!" Liam shrieked, "Don't leave, Zayn! Stay for me!"

"Let the quitter quit," Niall taunted, leaning forward from the backseat, "he wasn't toughie enough for this mission anyways."

Zayn pulled his hand away from the door handle and crossed his arms over his chest, "Fine. I won't leave... Only because I don't want this disguise to go to waste."

"Good," Liam grinned, making Niall groan, "Now what do we do now?"

"Well," Niall sighed, pretending to draw numbers in the air with his fingers, "It looks like our only hope is to calculate their movement and the time passed to find their destination. We'll also have to include the probability that they stopped, started walking slower or-"

"Hmm," Zayn hummed to himself, pulling out his phone and opening his texting app.

zayn: yo louis

zayn: tell me where u are rn

louist91: YOU UNBLOCKED ME

louist91: HI ZAYNIE

zayn: tell me where you are !!!!

louist91: im at some cafe with the hug bug

zayn: what's it called

louist91: uh

louist91: the roaring fork

louist91: wait

zayn: thanks

louist91: this place is ACTUALLY called the ROARING FORK

louist91: ZAYN COME BACK THIS IS FUNNY

louist91: HOW DOES A FORK ROAR

louist91: (you can't message this recipient, you are blocked) ZAYN

"NOT AGAIN!" Louis shouted, pounding his fist on the table.

"What happened?" Harry asked, looking up from his menu.

Louis locked his phone and set it back down, grabbing his menu once again, "Zayn reblocked me."

--

"-and then we also have to consider the possibility that they ran into someone-"

"They're at some place called the roaring fork," Zayn suddenly interrupted Niall's thought process, shoving his phone into his pocket and turning on the engine, "Let's get going."

"Zayn to the rescue!" Liam chanted as Niall continued to glare at Zayn.

"I could've done that," Niall mumbled under his breath.

"So why didnt you?" Zayn shot back, making Niall roll his eyes.

"Because I am a smartie and use my brain to solve my problems," Niall replied, pointing to his head.

Zayn sarcastically nodded and pulled out of their parking spot, driving onto the road, "Right."

--

"I really want a chicken burger," Harry whined, setting down his menu and looking over at Louis.

"Too bad you're getting a burrito," Louis responded, not even glancing up from his menu.

"Louuiiiis," Harry pretended to cry, lying his head down on the table and grabbing onto Louis' hands with his own, "Please don't make me get a burrito."

Louis set his menu down, keeping Harry's hands on his, "This is what needs to be done."

"No it doesn't," Harry pouted," We could just forget that I've never eaten a burrito. Let's start now."

"You're eating a burrito," Louis stated.

"Ah, yes. A burrito," Harry fake smiled, "I love burritos. So yummy."

"You know what else is yummy?" Louis smirked.

"Chicken burgers are yummy," Harry beamed, opening his menu back up, "I wish they were on the menu... Oh look! They are."

"My ass is a chicken burger," Louis immaturely giggled, making Harry roll his eyes.

"Comedy gold. 10/10."

"No wait! My ass is a BUTTrito!" Louis laughed, "Get it? Burrito! It's funny."

"Too bad I don't like burritos," Harry mindlessly replied, making Louis' mouth drop open.

"You're getting ruder as the days go by!" Louis disappointedly shook his head, "I'm suppose to be your king. I am sad. So so sad."

"Sad burrito," Harry frowned.

"So so sad burrito." Louis confirmed.

"Hello, I am your waiter," a young man came over, smiling down at Louis and Harry, "are you two ready?"

"Yes we are," Louis nodded, "Two burritos please."

"Make mine a chicken burger burrito," Harry intervened, making Louis glare at him, "Hold the ketchup, pickles and burrito."

The waiter chuckled at Harry, scribbling onto his notepad, "Alright. One regular burrito and one chicken burger burrito, no ketchup, pickles, or burrito."

"Actually, he's lying," Louis spoke up. making Harry poke his tongue out at him, "He just wants a regular burrito. Hold everything except the burrito."

"Alrighty..." The waiter smiled once more, scribbling on his notepad.

"No," Harry quickly announced, "No burrito!"

"No burrito... Got it," The waiter uneasily said, growing more and more uncomfortable.

"Burrito!" Louis tried overpowered Harry.

"No burrito!" Harry fought back.

"Burrito!"

"No burrito!"

"Burrito!"

"No burrito!"

"No burrito!"

"Burrito-No wait no!"

Louis laughed mischievously as Harry stumbled over his own words and the waiter scurried away, shakily saying, "Alright two burritos, bye!"

"Who da winner?" Louis smugly laughed at Harry, sitting back in his seat, "I da winner."

"You're da wiener," Harry childishly said back, making Louis fondly roll his eyes.

"You are actually an infant," Louis grinned widely at Harry, who was refusing to look at Louis.

"I can't hear you over your ugliness," Harry crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head away from Louis.

"Such a lil baby," Louis cooed, making Harry huff, "A cute lil baby."

"This baby could eat you, short stuff," Harry fired back.

"Woaah," Louis teased, reaching for Harry's hand, "Baby getting feisty."

"Don't touch me," Harry grumbled, pulling his hand away from Louis'.

Louis raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes at Harry's rejection, pulling his hand back, "Whatever."

Harry flinched at Louis' sudden cold attitude and frowned, turning his head more towards Louis. Harry was bad at having people be mad at him. Was Louis even mad at him? No, he wasn't, but Harry felt like he was.

Harry slowly reached out his hand and grabbed onto Louis', spreading his fingers out in-between Louis' smaller ones. It was a small gesture, but Louis' entire mood went through the roof. Louis smiled to himself as he continued to hold onto Harry's hand, silently comforting Harry's worries. Harry's lip turned upwards into a smile too as his eyes focused in on Louis' face.

"I like you," Harry softly broke the silence, Louis still not turning to look down at Harry.

Louis didn't understand. He's been told he's likeable all his life, yet for some reason this is the only instance where he feels accomplished; like he's just won a fortune.

"I like you more," Louis simply replied, making Harry blush and giggle quietly.

Louis really did win a fortune. Harry is his fortune.

---

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I'm too tired to do all the dots

the ending isn't what I wanted it to be bc I'm sad and tired and I just want to give you guys an update already

im disappointing you all so much and I've never felt worse, I am so sorry

please forgive me

seeya l8r broz