thirtieth chapter ?/!:??::?? woAh?/!?:?:

my cute bb Vicky on side/top

ANYWAYS ENJOY THE CHAPTER MY PRETTY PEOPLE

NO HOMO > LARRY AU
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harrystyles: *whispers* louis

louist91: *whispers back* harry

harrystyles: *whispers* guess what

louist91: *whispers* what

harrystyles: *scREAMING* ONE MORE DAY

harrystyles: ONE FUCKIFNDBS DAY

harrystyles: I CANT HANDLE THKS INFORMATION

louist91: TOMORROW VnsvdbdvdnBSN

harrystyles: what

harrystyles: what do u mean tomorrow

louist91: harry... one day means tomorrow

harrystyles: what no it doesn't

louist91: HARRY YES IT DOES

harrystyles: NO THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

louist91: HARRY LISTEN TO ME

harrystyles: THIS ISNT TRUE

louist91: IF YESTERDAY WAS TWO MORE DAYS oo

louist91: AND NOW TODAY IS ONE MORE DAY øo

louist91: THAT MEANS WHEN TODAY IS OVER øø

louist91: WE MEET TOMORROW

harrystyles: WHAT THE FUCK

louist91: did my visual help

harrystyles: NO THIS CANT BE

harrystyles: WE CANT MEET TOMORROW

harrystyles: IM NOT READY

louist91: HARRY ITS HAPPENING

harrystyles: NO STOP LYING TO ME

harrystyles: FHIS ISNT FUCKIN G FUNNY

louist91: THIS ISNT A JOKE HARRY

louist91: WE MEET TOMORROW

harrystyles: S TOP TFJSKCH

harrystyles: I HAVE TO GO CLEAN MY ROOM WTF

harrystyles: AND CLEAN NIALL'S ROOM

harrystyles: AND CLEAN OUR ENTIRE HOUSE

louist91: NO HARRY

louist91: STAY CALM

harrystyles: H O W

harrystyles: THIS IS AWFUL I THOUGHT I HAD AN ENTIRE DAY TO PREPARE BJT IT TURNS OUT I DONT

harrystyles: THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

louist91: HARRY STOP STRESSING

louist91: ITS GONNA BE GREAT

harrystyles: NO KTS NOT IM CRYING

harrystyles: *heavy breathing*

harrystyles: ILL TALK TO U LATER I HAVE TO CLEAN MY ENTIR E LIFE BEFORE TOMORROW

louist91: WHY DONT WE JUST SKYPE

harrystyles: ....

harrystyles: what now

louist91: do u have a skype or somethin

louist91: we can talk while ur cleaning ur stuff

harrystyles: but

harrystyles: no

louist91: what why not

harrystyles: bc that's cheating

harrystyles: it'll ruin the fun of tomorrow louis

louist91: no it won't

louist91: CMOOOOON

harrystyles: I refuse

louist91: how about just a call then

harrystyles: what

louist91: you don't have to turn on ur camera

harrystyles: I don't like this

louist91: WHY NOOOOT

louist91: PLEASE

harrystyles: NO LOUIS WE HAVE TO DO THIS THE FAIR WAY

louist91: WHAT ARE U EVEN TALKING ABOUT

louist91: ITS THE SAME THING AS OPENING ONE CHRISTMAS PRESENT ON CHRISTMAS EVE

harrystyles: WELL I DONT DO THAT EITHER BC IM NOT A FILTHY CHEATER

louist92: WTF THATS LIKE CHRISTMAS TRADITION

harrystyles: I ALWAYS TOLD MY MOM I WOULDNT DO IT BC SANTA WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED

louist91: WHO EVEN ARE U

louist91: IF THIS IS THE REAL HARRY STYLES THEN I DONT WANT TO MEET YOU TOMORROW

harrystyles: WELL THIS IS REAL THIS IS ME

louist91: I WANT THAT SWEATER I SENT YOU LAST MONTH BACK

harrystyles: WELL THEN I WANT THAT FEDORA I SENT YOU BACK

louist91: I already threw that away

harrystyles: WHAT THE FUCK

harrystyles: I FOUGHT FOR YOU

harrystyles: DO I EVEN KNOW YOU

louist91: GUESS NOT

harrystyles: WHATEVER I NEED TO STILL CLEAN

louist91: no pls stay

harrystyles: but clean

harrystyles: cleanliness is next to best friendliness

louist91: but also texting louliness is next to cooliness

harrystyles: that doesn't make any sense

louist91: shut up and stay

louist91: or skype me while ur cleaning

louist91: whistle while u work

louist91: high ho high ho its off to work we go

harrystyles: but cheaaaaaating

louist91: NO CAMERA

louist91: JUST CALL

harrystyles: but

louist91: PLEASE

harrystyles: bUT

louist91: PLEAAAAASEEE

harrystyles: FINE I GUESS

louist91: YAY WHATS UR SKYPE

harrystyles: I need to create one

louist91: why don't u have a skype smh

harrystyles: bc I don't usually talk to people over the Internet

louist91: omg so im ur first

harrystyles: yes

louist91: im honored

louist91: i took ur internet boyfriend virginity

harrystyles: boYFRIEND ?/!:?

louist91: yes we're married

louist91: ur my wife

harrystyles: oh

louist91: nOW HURRY UP AND MAKE UR SKYPE

harrystyles: OK LET ME DOWNLOAD THE THINGY

louist91: YAYAYYAYAY

louist91: is it ready

louist91: harreh pls

harrystyles: shush im making it

louist91: hurry pls

louist91: PLEASE

harrystyles: CALM UR BOOTY

louist91: MY BOOTY WONT BE CALM

louist91: CANT BE TAMED

harrystyles: I can try to tame u my beautiful lion

louist91: y the fuck u lion

louist91: y u always lion

louist91: mmmohmygod

harrystyles: i tried

louist91: STOP FUCKIN LION

harrystyles: *sig*

louist91: u didn't try

louist91: fuk u

harrystyles: yes i did

louist91: fite me

harrystyles: ok

louist91: *throws kick*

harrystyles: thats not even a thing?!:??!:?

harrystyles: how do u thROW a kick ?/!:?:!:

louist91: it is now bitch

louist91: LIKE THIS

louist91: *THROWS ANOTHER KICK*

harrystyles: STOP THROWING UR KICKS AT ME

louist91: CANT STOP WONT STOP

harrystyles: smh

louist91: skYpE

harrystyles: it just downloaded HOLD UR HORSES

louist91: watch me whip watch me neigh neigh

harrystyles: what should my username be

louist91: bigharrydick

harrystyles: UM

louist91: get it bc ur name is harry and ur dick is hairy

harrystyles: my peewee is not hairy excuse you

louist91: idk maybe I need a pic to refresh my memory

louist91: wink wonk

harrystyles: you disgust me

louist91: :(

louist91: saving it for skype?

harrystyles: IM NOT A CHEATER

louist91: you suck MASSIVE DICK

harrystyles: oh please you're not that big

louist91: YOU FUCKING

louist91: IM SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU

harrystyles: :O

louist91: CREATE A SKYPE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND AND BREAK UP THIS LARRIAGE

harrystyles: PUN

harrystyles: SHIP NAME PUN

harrystyles: I LOVW YOU

louist91: hell yeah u do

harrystyles: I STILL NEED A USERNAME

louist91: MAKE IT ibelongtolouist91:

harrystyles: UM

harrystyles: OK

louist91: YES U CAN ONLY EVER SKYPE ME

harrystyles: MY ACCOUNT HAS BEEN MADE

louist91: OK ILL SEND U A CONTACT REQUEST

harrystyles: OK ?/?/??:?:

*contact request from louist91*

*you and louist91 are now contacts*

skype message:

louist91: (monkey)

ibelongtolouist91: thank you for that hip thrusting monkey

louist91: ur welcome

ibelongtolouist91: i luv it (kiss)

louist91: im gonna call u now

ibelongtolouist91: ok ?!??#$?

incoming call from louist91...

ringing...

ringing...

answered.

connecting...

connected.

harry quickly jumped up from his spot on his bed when he saw that the call had connected and stood up straight, even though his camera wasn't turned on. he stared down at his phone and made a face as the seconds increased on his screen. he knew louis was there because he could hear him breathing over the call- and let harry just say, he could even hear louis' wonderful accent in the breaths he took. jesus christ, harry was whipped.

"fuckin' speak, ya wanka, I'm decomposing here."

harry didn't mean for a high pitched squeal to come from his lips at the sound of louis' voice, but of course, it just had to escape. it doesn't even matter that the call was full of static, harry could make out every syllable that louis spoke. meanwhile in louis' bedroom in doncaster, louis' eyes widened at harry's small squeal and he couldn't stop himself from laughing,

"don't jizz your pants, now harbear, it's only me," louis teased, laying himself down on his bed. he let his hand rest on his tummy while the other held his phone up to his face. louis tried his hardest to act cool, but lord knows that he would be squealing louder and higher than harry if it weren't for his pride. "act like you have your shit together, louis" kept replaying in his mind.

harry stood in the middle of his room, smiling bigger than he had in all week while he searched his brain for something witty to say back. all he knew was that he desperately needed louis to think he was cool. his time to reply was running low and he could feel it, but somehow he couldn't think of something clever enough to say. he felt like spongebob in that episode where all the mini spongebobs were running around screaming different things to say.

as if I'd ever jizz over you.

i was just trying to match the pitch of your voice.

you wish though, huh?

harry knew that it was taking him way too long to reply so he quickly said the first reply that came to mind. and unfortunately for him, it wasn't exactly the best option.

"actually, it was pee."

as soon as those words left harry's mouth, he closed his eyes and let out a deep and disappointed sigh. how could he POSSIBLY think that was a good idea? he might as well just hang up the call because he sure as hell wasn't ready for the pure embarrassment that was about to come from louis' teasing. it was guaranteed to make him actually pee.

louis stared straight at the ceiling of his room and tried his absolute fucking hardest to process what the hell harry had just said to him. pee? PEE? REALLY? louis shook his head and smiled at harry's absolute idiotic attempt to impress louis. of course louis knew how hard this probably was for harry; talking to him over the phone for the first time. louis so badly wanted to laugh at harry's dumb comeback and make jokes about it all night, but for harry's sake, he knew he couldn't. he loved him way too much to lose all of harry's comfort, so instead, he replied with,

"woah, how'd you know what I'm into?" louis chuckled, honestly surprised with himself. if liam had slipped up and said something that hilarious, he would've called him a donkey dick and carved it on liam's coffin. for some reason, though, louis couldn't allow himself to taunt harry so early in the call.

harry suddenly relaxed and raised his eyebrows at the reply that he sure didn't see coming. where was the embarrassing joke? where was the endless laughter? WHERE WAS CLASSIC LOUIS?

"it's like a talent i have; guessing kinks," harry played along, smiling once again, "every time i told you i was going for a wee, i could practically feel the presence of your boner."

"sounds spooky," louis laughed, playing with the fabric of his shirt to calm his nerves, "come up with a pun for paranormal activity and boner, and i'll give you a special gift tomorrow."

harry didn't even hesitate before quickly saying, "parabonemal activity."

louis suddenly rolled on his side and covered his mouth with his hand while he laughed louder than ever. harry's pun wasn't even one of his best, it was just the fact the he replied so quickly. louis could just picture harry spitting out puns like rick ross spits out rhymes. louis just couldn't stop himself and before he knew it, he was lying on the floor of his bedroom next to his phone. if he listened closely and tuned out his own laughter he could hear harry's lower voice yelling, "WHAT, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" as louis calmed down, his hand picked up his phone once again and he breathed heavily into the speaker, "i just fell off my fuckin bed."

harry giggled- yes, he fucking giggled- and off the top of his head replied with, "wow louis, looks like you're really falling for my puns."

"shut the fuck up," louis groaned, getting up from the ground and back to his bed.

"someone fell off the wrong side of the bed."

louis immediately hung up the call.

he smirked at his own action and stared down at his phone, knowing that harry was probably pouting his lips while trying to figure out how to call him back. and louis was right, because harry was standing in the middle of his room, trying to find the 'call' button. once he did, he pressed it and waited for the call to connect once again. once he heard the sound of the call being picked up, harry let out a whine for louis to hear. louis only tsk'd his tongue at harry and shook his head to himself,

"you're only allowed ten puns this entire Skype call, you've just use three and now you have only seven left," at this, harry gasped loudly and complained.

"this is punbelievable!"

"six."

"LOUIS!"

louis held back his laughter and acted like he was being serious, just to hear harry's argument for his puns. louis knew there were three things that harry would honestly fight for and that was louis, the whales at sea world, and puns.

"this is cruel and unusual punishment louis, you're worse than the sea world people!" harry exclaimed.

classic harry, louis thought to himself, smiling at absolutely nothing but the thought of harry. louis sat up straighter on his bed and sighed, "alright, well, you better get to cleaning your room so i don't have to sleep in a fuckin garbage can tomorrow."

at the mention of cleaning his room, harry immediately gasped and moved from where he was standing. harry ran to the other side of his room towards his desk which was piled with dirty clothes, loose papers, and heaven knows what else. harry literally screamed at the sight of the mess and you could hear louis faintly say "what the fuck?" in the background. it wasn't long before footsteps coming up the staircase could be heard and harry rolled his eyes, knowing exactly who it was.

suddenly, harry's bedroom door flung open and niall walked in, uninvited of course, "what the fuck are ye screamin about up here, ye stupid fuckin cunt?"

what a beautiful friendship they had.

harry turned towards niall slightly and just stared at him. yes, he just stared at him. this was how things usually went between the two. harry sometimes compares their friendship to that point in a marriage where there's no real feelings left and you just stay together because it'd be a waste otherwise. but then after harry makes the comparison, he immediately feels bad for thinking about his best friend that way and goes back to just loving niall.

"are ye gonna answer me or are ye just gonna stare at me like a tit?" niall asked, still interested as to why harry screamed.

louis didn't know why he wasn't speaking or making his presence known, but he laid silently on his bed, just listening to the conversation between harry and niall with a weird grin on his face. okay, maybe he secretly adored their bromance going on, but there was no way he'd admit that to anyone. he'd rather out cut his left lung than tell niall that he actually thinks he and harry are friendship goals.

"louis is coming tomorrow and i have to clean my room," harry simply stated, not mentioning the fact that louis could hear everything they're saying.

"then clean?" niall questionably replied.

"i'm too tired," harry pouted, looking at the mess all around his room, "can you help me?"

niall shook his head and crossed his arms, "nope. nope, not a chonce."

louis didn't know what overcame him, but as soon as he heard niall's accent utter out the word 'chonce', he yelled out the first thing that came to mind,

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHONCE?!"

niall shrieked out loud and jumped away from harry, staring down at harry's phone like it was an alien, "your phone just fucking spoke to me! what the hell, why is your phone a girl!"

louis scoffed, "oh please nail, with that shriek that just came out of your mouth, i would've thought you were a small german yodeler named helga."

niall scrunched up his nose in disgust and moved closer to the phone, "ew is that lewis?"

"indeed it is," harry answered, pushing his phone closer to niall, making niall back away further.

"stop, don't get that thing closer to me, he'll give me his ugly through the phone."

louis rolled his eyes and sat up on his bed, continuing to hold his phone right by his mouth, "you'd be lucky if you caught some of my beautiful, right harry?"

right on cue, harry uttered a quick, "right," making niall turn towards him and stick his tongue out. niall then leaped onto harry's bed and shoved his face into the mattress, "WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?"

"what'd he say?" louis asked on the other line.

"something unimportant as always," harry teased, wanting to make louis laugh. and it worked, louis' laughter being projected through the phone speaker. niall groaned loudly at this and flipped himself over, his face no longer stuffed in the blankets.

"how did you successfully turn this dumb frog into an exact replica of you?" niall yelled, causing harry to shrug and louis to snort,

"if he were exactly like me, then i wouldn't like him," louis stated.

"so you admit you're unlikable?" niall spoke up.

"no," louis chuckled, "if he were exactly like me, then i wouldn't be the funniest, most clever guy in the room."

"you're not even in the room," niall said.

"you see, nail, if this were the group chat, i'd have kicked you out right now."

niall rolled his eyes, "no need to lewis, because i'm leaving. i hope you both catch some sort of disease and die."

"omg, relationship goals!" harry mock squealed, making niall sigh loudly and leave his room, shutting the door behind him. harry then moved back to his desk and leaned his phone against a stack of book with the speaker facing up. harry reluctantly moved all of his clothes to the floor of his room and starting sorting it into piles. while harry started to clean his room up, louis got up from the comfortable spot on his bed and left his room, going down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

"explain to me what you're doing right now," louis finally spoke up, walking past liam who texting away on his phone on the living room couch.

"well, i am cleaning my room like i told you i was going to do," harry answered simply, too busy with his cleaning to come up anything to impress louis. well, it's not like he needed to impress him anyways because louis smiled at harry's response.

"you know you don't have to clean your room just for me, right?" louis said, holding his phone in his left hand while opening the fridge with his right.

harry suddenly stopped sorting, "you're kidding right?" he then started again, "everything must be perfect for the king's arrival."

louis pulled out a box of pizza and smirked, "if you're trying to win my love and affection, let me just tell you, it's working."

"which is quite unnerving to hear, especially since i've been trying for five years now and still have not received any," liam suddenly interjected, walking into the kitchen and taking the pizza box from louis' hands.

"LIMA!" harry screamed, causing liam to laugh and louis to gasp.

"and you know how his voice sounds because?" louis asked, sounding offended.

"you're not the only one who texts the boy, louis," liam replied, smugly bumping his shoulder into louis'. at this act, louis gasped surprisedly and looked back and forth between liam and his phone.

"what's this?" louis demanded, "my two hoes have been making amends behind my back?"

harry chuckled, "ha, now you know how i felt when you started talking to niall!"

louis rolled his eyes, taking the box of pizza back from liam, "this is different, niall means nothing to you." liam then grabbed the pizza box back from louis and smiled sweetly at him, "aw, does this mean i actually do have your love and affection?"

louis, once again, snatched the box of pizza away and this time moved away before liam could steal it once again, "duh, you bought me burger king last night."

liam then smiled, obviously pleased and pointed at louis' phone, "alright, well then harry, go back to serving your true lover. our fling is over."

harry gasped from his spot on the floor and whined out, "but lima, no! what about what we had?!"

liam paused for a second in his spot, pretending to be in thought, and then shrugged and replied back, "niall has better memes anyways."

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME, LIMA, WHAT DO YOU MEME?"

louis laughed at harry's pun and liam walked out of the kitchen, leaving louis and harry alone once again. louis set the box of pizza down on the counter and opened it up, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite, "you don't need him, babe, i love you and all your little memes."

harry silently freaked out over the fact that louis had just called him 'babe' and stood up from his spot on the floor, grabbing his phone and staring down at the timer counting the minutes. the timer said it had already been forty three minutes, but harry felt like they'd only been talking for five seconds. he couldn't help but wonder if that's how fast his week with louis would go by and he prayed to himself that that wasn't the case.

"you're thinking about tomorrow, aren't you?" louis' voice interrupted harry's thoughts through the speaker, causing harry to smile.

"you know me so well," harry teased, sitting back on the floor with his phone in his hand.

"well, we are married, aren't we?" louis chuckled.

at this, harry let out a soft sigh and stared back down at his phone lovingly. he knew he wasn't staring at louis, but the energy he could feel radiating from his screen reflected the presence of louis and that was enough for harry. it was absurd, really. if harry weren't actually meeting louis tomorrow and he had to wait another ten months to see him face-to-face, he wouldn't mind. in fact, if for whatever reason he could never meet louis, he'd be perfectly fine with that. because in that moment, all harry needed was the small breaths that he could barely catch through the speaker to make him feel complete. all he really needed was the knowledge that louis was sitting on the other side of that receiver. and at that point in harry's thoughts, it occurred to him that if he really felt this much love and adoration for louis over a damn phone, then there was no way he could let louis leave holmes chapel without him knowing how he felt. harry knew he had to win louis over, but harry also knew that perhaps it would be difficult. and perhaps, being with harry that way wasn't what louis wanted.

"indeed we are," harry finally replied, his heart beating faster than ever at his plan for louis' visit.

and perhaps, harry was selfish enough to not care.

___________________

THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG AND I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT LONGER BUT I GIVE UP OK IM SORRY IM A QUITTER

IDK WHEN THIS IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED BC VICKY AND JEN HAVE TO GO IN AND EDIT IT BEFORE IT'S PUBLISHED BUT LET ME JUST SAY A GIRL ON TWITTER TWEETED ME ON 10/8/15 THAT IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY TOMORROW AND I TOLD HER I'D UPDATE FOR HER BIRTHDAY BUT IM SUPER LATE AND I JUST WANT TO SAY, GIRL ON TWITTER, I DIDN'T FORGET YOU OK ILY

SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SO LATE BUT HOPEFULLY THE LENGTH OF IT MAKES UP FOR IT

IM GONNA TRY AND "DOUBLE" UPDATE AND WRITE A TEXT CONVO TOMORROW SO YEAH OK

AND ALSO I PLANNED OUT THIS SUPER GREAT LARRY FIC, I TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT IT A WHILE AGO, IT'S CALLED "FOUR WORDS" BUT I JUST BARELY PLANNED IT OUT AND EVERYTHING AND IM SO EXCITED OMGOMGOMGOGMGOMGO

SO ANYWAYS SORRY GUYS FOR BEING LATE BUT I LOVE U

SEEYA L8R BROZ