I  WOKE UP to the morning sun shining through my blinds, and the birds outside singing a tune that swiftly got me out of bed, stretching out my long tired limbs with a smile across my face. I look down at the space on the bed, my lips falling into a small pout at the missing silhouette. I didn't even feel him get out of bed but knowing Bergman he probably left before the sun was even out so he could shower or something. Such a prude, I miss him.

I woke up a little later than I had planned and I had to be down at the field in an hour to meet with the team and have our little warm-up session before the game. I throw on something quick and get my practice bag before I'm about to make my way out the door, however, the minute I open the door I'm immediately met with dark braided hair and big brown eyes to match.

"Oh my God Jaylen," Karina's voice is breathy like she's been running which is odd because Karina doesn't run. I've known the girl for almost four years and I've only ever seen her run twice. Both instances were because her favorite store in the mall was about to close. "You will never believe what just happened!" Her eyes are wide, both of her hands grubbing onto my arm as she drags me back into my dorm closing the door behind herself.

I raised a brow at the girl. "Damn, you okay? You off perc or something?"

"Stop playing with me I don't do drugs," she smacks my arms before motioning us over to the couch. I take a seat and she sits beside me, slender legs folding underneath herself as she turns to me. "But anyways that's not what I came here to talk to you about. Have you seen it?"

"Seen what?" I asked her, stretching my arms out on the couch.

She makes a face at me. "The thing . . ." she says in a low voice like the word thing was supposed to automatically make me remember something of which I have no recollection in the first place.

"What thing . . ." I mimic her an eye roll from the girl and she folds her arms across her chest. "Jaylen this isn't a laughing matter. It's fucked up what happened to him."

"To who? You're not doing a good job at telling me what the hell is going on." I let out a laugh beginning to poke at how frustrated she was getting with me but it's her damn fault for not being a good explainer.

"Have you been under a rock all morning? It's literally all everyone's been talking about today."

It's my turn to make a face at her this time. "And that would be . . ."

"The blog post about Cassian," I felt the smile and any ounce of laughter leave my body at the mention of his name. My body stiffens on the couch as Karina pulls her phone out and shows me her screen. "It's messed up."

The first thing I noticed was the gigantic headline written in bold font across the screen.

"HALL OF FAMER CJ BERGMAN'S YOUNGEST SON CAUGHT KISSING ANOTHER MAN ON THE STREET"

It's not until I see the photo attached that my breath hitches in my throat and my entire body goes completely numb. My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. In the picture, there's Cassian, lips pressed against a hooded figure that's clear as day is another man — and that man is me, but it's hard to tell because of the angle and clothes I'm wearing but it's me and I know it's me. I'm too stunned to speak so Karina does it for me.

"It's so fucked up," She repeated shaking her head, placing her phone down in her lap. "like to out him like that is just so insane and inhumane like give him his privacy, but I guess when you have a famous dad that all goes out the window, huh?"

"Where is he?" I finally found my voice and my first words were to know where he was. I need to know right now. I need to see him right now.

Karina shrugs her shoulders at me. "Lourdes said she spoke to him this morning when the news first broke but she hasn't seen him since. I've even been trying to call him but he's not answering his phone. I don't blame him I probably wouldn't even want to look at my phone right now."

The room goes silent for a moment. I wanted to pull out my phone and call up Cassian and call him up, hear his voice, hear his breathing, and just feel the warmth of his words letting me know he's alright and that he's okay, but then I looked ahead at the girl sitting in front of me — the sweet girl who's so clueless in all of this and doesn't know half the story in which she's been told. I feel bad.

Karina plays with a strand of her hair, the dark braid twirling between her fingers carelessly. "Who do you think the guy in the picture is? Lo and I have been trying to figure it out all morning but you can barely see anything. I wonder how he feels about this or if he's even seen it at all."

I don't know what to say so I remain silent, eyes wondering elsewhere so I wouldn't have to see her curious eyes.

"Maybe he planned the whole thing. Maybe he knew that if he were dating Cassian he'd get a little publicity to his name so he staged the whole thing and sent the pictures to the blogs . . ." The braid falls from her fingers and she makes a face at me like she just solved one of Scooby's Doo mysteries. "that son of a bitch he better hope I don't fucking catch him because I swear to God I'll hit him in his knee caps with a bat."

"Rina, that's now what happened," I tell her.

She shakes her head at me. "But it makes sense right? Like Cassian is so sweet and gentle so someone taking advantage of him-"

"No one took advantage of him."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because it's me... ." The words erupt from my mouth without much thought but once they're out it's out and there's no taking them back. Karina makes a face at me, head tilting to the side like a lost puppy before she lets out a small chuckle. "It's me in the picture."

"Jaylen this isn't something to joke about." Karina's face falls flat, arms folding across her chest.

I shake my head at her. "I'm not joking. It's me in the picture. I can put the outfit back on if you don't believe me but it's fucking me. I'm the mystery guy."

The doubtful look on her face shifts into a softer one after a few moments of silence between us. Her Bambi brown eyes are almost earth shattering and I can see the moment when she realizes I'm not telling a lie, practically see the dismay in her irises that grow wide with disbelief. There's an uneasy feeling in my chest at the sight but like everything else in my life, I just endure and watch everything unfold in front of me.

"B-but I thought . . ." Karina stumbles over her words, eyes bouncing off the walls in panic as she thought of what to say. "I thought you too hated each other?"

"We do!" I say and immediately regret my words. "Well, at least we did."

Karina jumped off the couch and stood on her two feet I thought she was about to run out of the room but she didn't and instead paced back and forth in front of me. "I'm confused," she raises a hand and rubs her temples like she's taking a math quiz. "So you two are dating?"

"Well, sorta kinda."

"What the hell does that mean?" She scrunches her face at me.

I stand up from the couch now, my height towering over her but even still her face was still overpowering my own. "Karina, you gotta let me explain,"

"Please do because I'm not understanding what's going on right now."

I exhale a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "First, Cassian and I are dating," I tell her slowly like each word was another step on an eggshell so fragile the tiniest weight would cause it to crack under the pressure.

Karina's mouth falls slightly open, eyes turning elsewhere as she places a hand on her hip and slowly nods her head. "And how long have you two been dating?" She questions me and I'm almost too afraid to answer but I do anyway.

"We haven't been officially dating for that long," I tell her on technicality and her expression relaxes a bit. "But we've been messing around with one another for a few months."

She makes an inaudible noise from her mouth, eyes falling into another look of disbelief. "Oh that's not–"

"Karina I wanted to tell you."

"Did you really," she says to me, eyes hardening. "Did you want to tell me that you were messing around Cassian? Someone who I would consider a really good friend of mine I mean we've gone out together, and we have a fucking group chat together where we send funny videos and tweets."

"I know it's kinda fucked up and you have every right to be mad at me but—"

"You're damn right I do," she cut me off, stepping forward and looking up at me with a frowned expression like a parent scolding their child in timeout. "my feelings right now are completely valid because how would you react if you found out I was messing around with Caleb? Froy? Hell, even Mina behind your back? You would be upset right and you would feel betrayed, correct?"

She's right, completely and utterly right. "Yes," I mumbled.

Karina stared at me with cold eyes, I never knew the color brown could be chilling, she was so deathly apathetic that she didn't look like the girl I'd always known. The anger in her eyes showed another girl I wasn't so familiar with, a girl starved of the love she craved. I could see the pain beneath it and her soul drowning in this persona she'd carved to fit a world of indifference. She closes her eyes suddenly, a heavy exhale coming right after she drops her hands from her hips in defeat. When she looks up at me again the ice in her eyes is gone and replaced with a look of warmth and empathy. "I just don't understand why you felt like you couldn't just be straight up with me Jaylen." Her voice is softened.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "It took me a long time to be straight up with myself," I tell her and I realize this is my first time coming out to someone and it just so happens to be the girl I've had an on-and-off relationship with for the past three years. How ironic? If you were to tell me a few months ago that this is how our relationship would end I would laugh. I would tell you that it's impossible and it would never happen but here we are with me standing before her coming out. I searched back for any evidence of this outcome of ever being attracted to men, I found little clues. Countless memories long ago chalked up to admiration or envy. I wanted to be those guys, or maybe even compete with them. And maybe that was all it was sometimes, but maybe those tiny clues actually added up to a whole lot more, and I simply never let myself face it until now.

In the midst of me in my thoughts, fragile arms wrapping me tightly I looked down at the head pressed against my chest. Karina snuggled in, "Before any of this we were friends and friends don't keep secrets like this from one another. We never did."

I smiled down at her, "I'm sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I can. You're my friend." At that moment the arms squeezed a fraction tighter and I breathed more slowly, my body melting into Karina's, and every muscle lost its tension to the chill air of the room.

Wrapped in her arms, I rested.

••••
EXCUSE ANY MISTAKES OR ERRORS