Kabanata 6

Being a Manager for the actor Sancho Abellana was different than being his wife. Tingin ko ay mas nakita at nakilala ko pa ang aktor na si Sancho. And not just Santiago Llamanzares, my husband. Aside from being really professional at his work, he was also very kind to his fans. And to be honest I started to admire him...

"Miss Rosette," tawag sa akin ng isang staff sa set ng shooting nina Sancho.

Bumaling naman ako at agad na tumugon. And I was very hands on with Sancho, too. Gusto ko lang din kasi gawin nang maayos ang trabaho ko at ayaw ko naman mapahiya sa talagang Manager ni Sancho. If hindi lang maselan ang pagbubuntis niya she wouldn't leave Sancho at alam kong probably ay pinakiusapan niya lang din ang Manager niya na ako ang pansamantalang ilagay sa posisyon nito para may trabaho ako. So I didn't want to fail the people who still trusted me even without the experience of managing a star. Kaya naman I know that the least I can do was doing my job well.

Kinausap ko rin ang ilang staff sa set. At habang abala pa ako sa ibang bagay ay napansin ko na sa gilid ng mga mata ko na lumapit na sa akin si Sancho. I think we're done for today.

"Hey," Lumapit siya sa akin na binalingan ko rin naman pagkatapos umalis na rin ng mga kausap ko kanina. "We're done here for now. We can go home now." sabi niya sa akin.

Tumango naman ako sa kaniya. But I have to check everything first before leaving here.

Although to be honest hindi ko pa naman nararamdaman ang talagang bigat ng trabaho ng pagiging Manager ni Sancho. Siguro ay dahil tinutulungan niya rin talaga ako. I mean, I feel like he's really helping me a lot. And I didn't want to be a burden. Pakiramdam ko lang kasi ay halos i-manage na rin ni Sancho ang sarili niya because he carefully checks his schedules now, too...

"Why did you ask for me to become your temporary manager?" I asked him when we were already inside his car at pauwi na kami. Ako ang nag-drive dahil tinuruan na rin ako ni Sancho when I asked him to teach me driving. Medyo marunong na rin naman ako noon pero hindi talagang na-practice because Mama would always prefer for me to have drivers whenever I have to go to school before or anywhere else I went. Palaging may kasamang driver at maid din madalas kapag lumalabas ako ng hacienda namin.

I thought my mother was overprotective of me. But I realized I couldn't grow that way...

"Hmm?" Bumaling sa akin si Sancho mula sa shotgun seat. "You were looking for a job... And my manager will be away..." marahan niyang sagot habang tinitingnan ako.

While I focused my eyes on the road. Pagod na kasi si Sancho sa shooting ng movie nila kaya naman gusto ko na at least ako na lang ang mag-d-drive so that he could relax inside the car on our way home.

"Why? Did you find other job? O gusto mo ba ng ibang trabaho? Sorry if your job as my manager can be stressful and be tiresome..." sunudsunod naman niyang sinabi na mukhang nag-aalala.

Sinulyapan ko siya at bahagyang nginitian bago ako umiling. "No. Oo, medyo nakakapagod pero siguro ay nabibigla lang din ako. But don't worry kasi parang nakaka-adjust na rin naman ako sa workload." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's all right." At tinutulungan mo rin naman ako. I gave him a reassuring smile once bago ko pinasok na ang sasakyan namin sa basement parking ng condo tower. We're home.

"Are you hungry? I can cook." I said as we entered and lit up our house.

"No need. Busog pa 'ko kanina sa kinain natin sa set. Why? If you're hungry I can cook for you instead." sinabi naman niya sa akin.

Nakangiti na akong bumaling sa kaniya at umiling. "No need. Busog pa rin ako. Ikaw lang ang inisip ko..." I said and then I stopped there...

Nakita ko naman si Sancho na nanatili pa at halos magtagal na ang tingin sa akin. Ako na lang ang nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya at nagpaalam na aakyat na sa kwarto ko para makapagpahinga. I also advised him na magpahinga na rin siya. "I'll be up in my room now then. Ikaw rin, uh, magpahinga ka na. We have an early schedule tomorrow for your photoshoot..." I reminded him.

Sancho nodded and I went to the stairs to the second floor where my room was.

Hindi pa agad ako nakatulog dahil pinagmasdan ko pa ang mga night lights sa labas gamit ang malaking glass na bintana sa kwarto ko. Kita ko ang nagtatayugang buildings sa labas. I loved the greens in the province. But I also learned to appreciate the kind of life in this busy big cities. Specifically I liked the city lights at night and also the skyscrapers...

There was a time when I was also able to read one of Sancho's scripts. Kwento ito ng isang babae na mahirap at mayamang lalaki na na-in love sa kaniya... And I thought that was already the cliche of Filipino teleseryes. Pero may dahilan kung bakit iyon pa rin ang madalas na ipinapalabas kasi siguro iyon ang hinahanap mostly ng viewers. And also I think stories about love was already a cliche itself...

And then I just realized something... Based on the hardships of the main protagonists...

I realized something that I somehow hated the things that involves money and power or connection in the past. That's why I liked the simple and poor life with Caspian before...

But now I realized that I was a hypocrite. Because I enjoyed what the money and the riches can do for me and Sancho that we can live a more comfortable life...

Kasi kung iisipin ko lang talaga lahat ng ito, itong magandang condo na tinitirhan namin ngayon that I also enjoy. All the things that I could have because of money, I realized that I also want this. Especially in this big city kailangan namin ng pera para mabuhay nang ganito at hindi mahirapan...

I remember when I was living with Caspian... Nahirapan din ako noon. I couldn't sleep in that small house at naiinitan din ako lalo pa at wala pa kaming kahit electric fan noong una. At kinakagat din ako ng mga lamok. There was a time when I wanted to eat food that were usually served to me in our mansion but I couldn't have them when I went with Caspian. At kailangan ko rin talaga magtiis noon. But I just said to myself na kailangan ko lang talagang magtiis nang mga panahon na iyon...

But truth was hindi talaga ako sanay.

No matter if I hated how my parents were like focusing on our riches... I realized that I grew up with it, too...

I was young and I was so idealistic. I thought that a simple life was what I wanted. Pero siguro nga iyon ang gusto ko. But after all I wasn't ready with the poor life. Hindi ko lang masabi at ma consider noon because I chose to be with Caspian myself. Tinalikuran ko ang mga magulang ko at gusto kong panindigan iyon...

Kaya ko namang magtiis. Tiniis ko naman noong una. But I thought now until when? I'll probably mess it up and I might end up hurting Caspian kapag hindi ko na nakayanan...

Kasi may hangganan naman ang mga pagtitiis...

Kasi ayos lang siguro sa una pero paano kalaunan?

I was such a big hypocrite.

I realized that it's different when you have money and when you don't...

And I think I understand Mama... somehow... Kung bakit ayaw niya lang naman ako na mahirapan... Dahil sa naranasan ko ay hindi nga rin talaga madali na maging mahirap...

I don't know why am I having these thoughts now... Maybe it's just me having real life realizations...