Kabanata 3

Napadpad kami ni Caspian sa isang isla. The remote island was far from the many. At dahil masipag si Caspian ay nakapagtrabaho rin agad siya sa lugar kaya may pagkain at panggastos kami. The main source of income in the place was fishing. Pero ayaw din ni Caspian na ganito na lang ang ipambubuhay niya sa akin lagi. Kaya nakakita rin siya ng mura lang na state university sa bayan kung saan niya pwedeng ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral niya. Pero dahil medyo malayo iyon sa isla ay kailangang manatili ni Caspian malapit lang din doon habang nag-aaral pa siya. Pero umuuwi naman siya sa isla tuwing weekends. Which he would also spend fishing para may kita pa rin. Ako naman ay tumutulong din sa mga kababaihan dito sa lugar sa paggawa ng local products na souvenir para sa mga turista. Kaya may sariling income rin ako kahit papaano, bukod pa sa may nadala rin naman akong sariling pera ko at ilang alahas na naibenta ko na rin para makatulong din kay Caspian sa gastusin namin.

"Pasensya ka na. Kailangan muna nating magtiis hanggang sa makapagtapos lang ako. Konti na lang din naman, Rosette..." sabi ni Caspian sa akin.

I nodded in understanding. Caspian was already in his last year to finishing his course. Mabuti at natanggap din siya sa eskwelahan at dala rin niya ang papers niya. "Ayos lang, Caspian. Nag-aalala nga ako sa 'yo dahil nag-aaral ka sa bayan buong linggo at nagtatrabaho ka pa..." I didn't want him to overwork himself. But I guess we didn't have a choice right now. Kaya ituturing ko nang maliit na bagay lang ang pagtitiis ko rin sa sitwasyon namin sa ngayon.

Umiling naman sa akin si Caspian. "Ayos lang. May ipon pa naman ako. At nagpapadala rin sina Mamang ng allowance... Mukhang maayos din naman ang trabaho nila ni Papang sa nilipatang hacienda. Huwag ka nang mag-alala. At gusto nga rin sana kitang isama na sa akin sa bayan... Pero naka-dorm ako at puro kami lalaki roon." aniya pa.

I shook my head. "Ayos lang sa akin ang maiwan dito. Tumatawag ka rin naman palagi. You always take some of your time to check on me here. Ayos na iyon sa akin. At mababait din naman ang mga kapitbahay natin dito sa isla. Nageenjoy din ako sa paggawa ng mga produkto." I reassuringly said to him.

And then Caspian and I simply smiled to each other after that. Ganoon lang. Simple lang ang naging pamumuhay namin sa isla at kailangan din magtiis pero masaya na ako at napapangiti pa rin ako ni Caspian. He was like a breath of fresh air to me...

Nang magtapos si Caspian, I was able to be there at his graduation ceremony and we celebrated simply sa isang grill restaurant sa maliit lang din na bayan. Pagkatapos niyang gumraduate ay sumampa na agad ng barko si Caspian. He was friendly and was able to build good connections with people who also helped him na mapadali rin ang makahanap siya ng trabaho. And once again he would leave me for work. Which I did understand as well. Tingin ko ay ganoon lang talaga...

But I would lie if I'd say that I didn't wish for him to just stay by my side. Kasi namimiss ko rin naman siya. But I know too that we have to make this little sacrifice for our future.

"Kapag may sapat na ako na ipon, magpakasal na tayo, Rosette..." Caspian told me.

Nagulat pa ako sa pag-propose sa akin ni Caspian ng kasal. But I found myself nodding and agreeing to marry him. I smiled and he smiled happily as well. And then he hugged me tight. At yumakap din ako sa kaniya. "Salamat, Rosette." he said and kissed my forehead.

And then one time I felt so hesitant in letting him go. I knew that he had to go to work. Pero parang ayaw ko lang talaga siyang paalisin nang panahong 'yon. Little did I know that that was the last time I'd see him...

My parents were looking for me for the past months that I was gone from home and was with Caspian. And when they found me that was also the time that Caspian got involved in the ship accident at his work...

"Tell me what you know, Sancho!" I confronted him as soon as we arrived home.

"I was about to tell you about it, Rose. But I didn't know how..." He reasoned.

"What do you mean you didn't know how? Madali lang iyong sabihin sa akin, Sancho! Gaano ba kahirap na sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo na..." I gasped. "Na sabihin mo sa aking buhay naman pala si Caspian!" I shouted out of frustration. I knew that I sounded like I was blaming him. Pero gusto kong may masisi sa nangyari...

Nagkatinginan kami ni Sancho. "I swear I didn't know that he was alive until Ynes showed him to us!"

"At kailan pa? Kailan mo pa nalaman? Bakit hindi mo agad sinabi sa akin?!"

And then he went quiet. As if he can't talk anymore... I punched his chest with my fisted hands. Hinuli at hinawakan naman niya ang mga kamay ko. "I'm sorry..." he whispered and tried to hold me in his arms but I did not let him. Tinulak ko pa siya palayo sa akin.

"Why are you sorry? Magsabi ka na sa akin ng totoo! Stop lying to me! All of you! Kayo nina Mama! Pakiramdam ko pinagkaisahan n'yo lang ako at niloko!" I cried.

Sancho looked at me like he's hurt that I was hurting... "Ngayon ko lang din nalaman... We all thought that he died, Rosette..." He tried to explain still.

Umiling naman ako. "I don't know... I don't know anymore, Sancho." I didn't know who and what to believe anymore after everything...

I couldn't trust him. I can't believe everyone at this rate. Matagal akong nagluksa at nasaktan. Only to find out that he's alive... Buhay si Caspian! At gusto ko siyang makausap...

Mataman kong tiningnan si Sancho. "I want to talk to Caspian."

After a while Sancho nodded in resignation. "All right... I will talk to Ynes." he said.

I looked away. I didn't want to think about Ynes. Why was she with Caspian. Gusto ko lang na makausap ko si Caspian...

And then our meeting was set. Ayaw pa yata pumayag ni Ynes pero wala rin siyang nagawa nang pumayag din si Caspian na makipagkita sa akin. Hindi ko pa nakakausap ang Mama at Papa ko at ang mga magulang ni Sancho but they are already least of my concern right now. And I don't care about what they think anymore. Alam naman na nila ang bagay na ito noon pa at kahit iwasan pa nila ngayon.

I wasn't able to fight back back then. But I will do it now. Tama na ang pangmamanipula nila sa akin. I can't let them control me forever.

Sinamahan ako ni Sancho and Ynes was with Caspian as well. Pero hinila rin ni Sancho ang kapatid niya paalis para maiwan kaming dalawa lang ni Caspian at makapag-usap nang maayos...

"Caspian..." Hindi ko na maalis ang tingin ko sa kaniya, sa mukha niya. I really thought he was gone... That he died on that ship accident. And seeing him right now, I still can't believe it...

He was looking at me, too. We met outdoor but in a private property owned by Sancho and Ynes' family. "You're married..." was the first thing he said.

Napalunok ako at nararamdaman ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko pero hindi ko na rin maalis ang tingin ko kay Caspian. Although it was painful to look at him right now. "I thought you died in that accident..." I can only say.

"And you married him immediately after my supposed death?" He was obviously confronting me.

Umiling naman ako at pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak na talaga ako sa harapan niya. But I still tried to fight back my tears as I wanted to talk to him properly and without the tears for now. "Hindi..." But as if I didn't anymore know how to explain it to him na pinilit lang naman ako ng mga magulang ko na pakasal kay Sancho...

But then I looked at him. And thought that he must have realized my situation if he believed that I loved him. At hindi ko rin ito ginusto. But he was only mad at me...

"It's all right now... Let's just accept that you're now married, and move on... As I'll start a family with Ynessa as well..." He said it like it's nothing... Na para bang wala lang iyong sa aming dalawa noon...

Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. At hindi pa man ako muling nakakapagsalita ay narinig ko na si Ynes na kahit mukhang pinigilan ni Sancho ay hindi talaga mapakali na wala siya roon sa tabi namin ni Caspian... I looked at her.

"I'm pregnant with his child, Rosette. Magkakaanak na kami ni Caspian." And then she said to me straightforwardly.

Natuon kay Ynes ang buong atensyon ko sa narinig kong sinabi niya. Umawang ang labi ko at hindi makapaniwala... Nang muli kong tingnan si Caspian ay nakatingin na rin siya sa kay Ynes...

At napagmasdan ko rin silang dalawa...

I felt like fainting. I feel like I didn't understand this... I just knew that Caspian was alive, and he's not dead. Pagkatapos ay sunod ko ring malalaman na magkakaanak na sila ni Ynes...

How... Why...

Parang masisira ang ulo ko sa hindi ko na malaman ang iisipin ko.

I felt betrayed by everyone... And now including Caspian...