Kabanata 19

"Hindi ka ba naniwala sa inisip ng Mama mo tungkol sa akin..." I can't help it but to tell Sancho my thoughts, too.

Bumaling siya sa akin at nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Pagkatapos ay hinawakan din niya ang pisngi ko. "Do you trust me?" He asked me this instead.

Unti-unti naman akong tumango sa kaniya...

He smiled. "And I trust you, too." He said that made me smile as well after all.

"I will let my family talk to you again and to apologize to you." He said.

And I looked at him worriedly. "It's okay, Sancho..." My lips parted. "I mean, your Mama was somehow right with some of the things she said..." I said.

But Sancho did not agree. "She should apologize to you."

"I think she's just worried about you, Sancho... After all you are her son..."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Sancho. Pagkatapos ay nagbuntong-hininga na lang siya. "Let's continue talking about this tomorrow. For now we should rest. You have to rest now. Are you really all right? Have you eaten dinner?"

Tumango naman ako. "Oo, ayos lang ako. At nakakain na rin ako ng dinner sa bahay nina Mama. Ikaw? Kumain ka na ba?"

Mukhang nagdalawang-isip pa siyang umiling. I sighed. "Kumain ka na muna." I said. At nagluto naman yata ang kasambahay namin.

Kaya sinamahan ko muna si Sancho na kumain. Pagkatapos ay umakyat na rin kami sa kwarto namin para magpahinga. And while we cuddle in bed at night, nag-uusap din kami tungkol lang naman sa mga bagay-bagay.

"You know I've watched your interview before. You said that I was your first love..." I told him this when I remembered.

Tahimik si Sancho at hindi agad nakasagot. Maybe he felt a little awkward or shy. I just smiled secretly.

"Yes..." I heard him say after a while...

Gumalaw naman ako para maharap ko siya. Hinarap din ako ni Sancho habang nakahiga kami doon at tumingin pa sa mga mata ng isa't isa.

To be honest ay hindi na rin nawala sa isip ko iyong sinabi niya noon sa interview niya. I got curious to what he said that I was his first love. Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya at hindi na iyon nawala sa isipan ko. I always think about it from time to time...

"You were my first love, Rosette..." Sancho said looking into my eyes.

And now that he said it. I can also now remember and admit it to myself that when I was younger, when we were younger I actually had a crush on Sancho. But maybe because I was just not yet that aware of my feelings back then. At hindi ko lang din maamin talaga sa sarili ko. And I realized it later on but Sancho was already busy with his acting career and those were the times when I'd often see him on TV and magazines being paired with other girls...

Halos sabay kaming lumaki ni Sancho dahil magkaibigan din ang parents namin mula pa nga sa mga lolo at lola namin. Our families were already family friends. Kaya naman habang lumalaki ay palagi na kaming nagkikita noon sa mga parties ng pamilya, or we would visit their home o sila ng pamilya niya ang bibisita sa mansyon namin.

Nakalakihan kong nakikipaglaro rin ako noon kay Sancho at sa nakababata niyang kapatid na si Ynes.

I remember that we were happy back then. I also used to be close with Sancho's Mama... She used to like me because I grew up prim and proper...

I remember when Ynes would visit me in our mansion and she was alone. High school pa ako noon. And Sancho was already in Manila. I remember that I'd feel a little disappointment that Sancho couldn't visit me anymore with her sister like they used to when we were little kids...

"Where's your brother, Ynes?" I would ask Ynes who would come to our hacienda to spend some time together.

And then she would look at me and shake her head. "He's busy in Manila doing his acting workshops." she would say.

"Kailan siya babalik?" And I would ask.

"Hmm. I don't know... Maybe summer?" She would shrug her shoulders. "He already chose to study in Manila, too."

"Pumayag naman ba ang Mama at Papa ninyo?"

Ynes nodded her head. "Yes. Mama and Papa allowed it. So Kuya Sancho can do whatever he wants..." And then she will sigh and pout her small cute pink lips. "I hope I can do so like Kuya Sancho..."

"Bata ka pa kasi, Ynes..." sabi ko na lang sa kaniya. Although I can also relate to her because I too couldn't just do what I wanted...

And then sometime Ynes would bring a magazine in our house with Sancho being featured on it. I remember that I would keep those magazines...

And then we would also watch Sancho acting on TV. Manonood kami ni Ynes ng isang drama kung saan nandoon si Sancho at may pinapares pa na babae sa kaniya...

I'd feel jealous... And then I would stop watching his shows. At ipapatago ko na rin sa katulong ang magazines niya na ang iba ay binili ko pa sa lugar na hindi ko na makikita. I won't also check on him anymore. Ynes also got busy so we won't often meet.

Hanggang sa nag-college na lang ako at nakapagtapos na parang kinalimutan ko na rin si Sancho... Although kapag nand'yan siya at umuuwi sa kanila ay nagkikita pa rin naman kami. But I already became distant to him... As he's became like a stranger to me after years and our childhood days together were forgotten...

Dinikit ko na lang ang mukha ko sa dibdib ni Sancho. At niyakap niya naman ako nang marahan hanggang sa nakatulog na lang ako sa mga braso niya.

Maybe one day I can also tell Sancho the same. That he was also my first love...

It's my feelings, too. A feeling that maybe I have forgotten along the way... O pinili ko na lang na isantabi... Because of my childish reasons back then, too. I was jealous of the other girls that Sancho have worked with before. At ilang taon din kaming malayo sa isa't isa. And we've lost communication during those years.

And now we were given another chance. So we can talk about our feelings to each other...